


A Devil Like Jesus

by Thotful_writing



Category: Far Cry, Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Blood and Torture, Dom/sub Undertones, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, Multi, Murder, Oral Sex, Polyamory, Praise Kink, Rough Oral Sex, Sexual Tension, Suicide Attempt, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2019-10-15 06:55:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 50
Words: 123,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17523980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thotful_writing/pseuds/Thotful_writing
Summary: How long could you have kept it up? Running from the Seeds was proving to be harder than you thought and when they finally catch you for good you're willing to give in just for some peace.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There will be smut in this eventually, just gotta build up to it, there are implied standing relationships with Jacob and John. I hope you enjoy it! Please don't read if you have issues with depictions of torture.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr where I get into even more trouble with the Seeds: https://farcrying5.tumblr.com/

It happened, finally, not that you were happy about it, but you were kind of relieved, you’d been running for a while. You put up a good fight though, got a few shots in, almost made it out, but there were just too many of them. The first time they got you, they underestimated your abilities, you got out of those zip ties so quickly they didn’t even know you had gone until the next morning. The second and third time they caught you it was more of a challenge to yourself, to see if you could escape. You’d never seen John so mad as when you blew up his giant ‘Yes’ sign, he came at you with everything he had, you finally let him tattoo ‘wrath’ into your skin, he thought he’d won, but you slipped away again.

This time they weren’t taking any chances. Two guards sat in the back of the van with guns pointed at you, your hands were handcuffed with ropes tying your legs and feet to your hands. They put a gag in your mouth too, because last time you convinced one of the followers to let you go, in all fairness they were too blissed out to really know who you were. The van stopped, you knew you were there, your home away from home, John’s Ranch. The van doors opened and you were pulled out, obviously they hadn’t thought this through because your feet were tied together you couldn’t walk, they pretty much had to drag you.

“Ah, good to see you back home, Sweetheart. I’ve missed you.” John waited on the porch for you, a dumbass grin spreading across his face.

You tried to say something, but it only came out in a muffled sound. You were being held up by two men, John slowly strode over to you.

“Now, I’ll remove your gag, if you promise to keep that foul mouth in check. Deal?” He stood in front of you, you nodded your head. He pulled the gag out of your mouth.

“Fuck you.” You spat out, which earned you a slap across the face from John, pain radiating through your cheek.

“What did I just say?”

“Sorry, it slipped. I’ve missed our little back and forth, Johnny.” You smiled up at him, blood dripping from the new wound on your lip.

“Good, because I have your room all set up for you, I have made a few… changes.” John turned motioning for the men to bring you inside.

They carried you inside, you never could understand how Joseph signed off on John’s lavish and over the top cabin. They took you down to the basement, that familiar smell of mold and blood still in the air. You approached a big steal door with a small window in it, John unlocked it using a key code and a fingerprint scanner. He opened the door and they dragged you in.

“You two can leave now.” John said as they sat you on the bed.

“Before I untie you, I want to tell you about the upgrades to your room. I’ve added 3 cameras, they are hidden this time since last time you smashed them to bits. There will always be a guard posted at your door, which will remain locked unless I come in. There are a few other safety measures in place, but I won’t bore you with the details.”

“No, I’d love to hear all of the ‘improvements’ you’ve made. It will make escaping much easier for me and honestly I’m tired.”

John walked over to you, pulling his knife out and cutting the ropes off of you. He left your hands cuffed. He grabbed you by the collar of your shirt and picked you up off the bed, slamming you into the concrete wall.

“I have missed that smart mouth.” He pressed his lips to yours and kissed you hungrily, if there was one thing that could be said about John, he definitely knew how to kiss.

You moaned into his mouth as he deepened the kiss, his hand wrapped around your throat, holding you still, pressing you against the wall. You bit down on his bottom lip, sinking your teeth into it, your tongue lapping up the blood you had drawn.

“Bitch.” He pulled back touching his lip, seeing the blood on his finger.

“Sorry, I got a little carried away. Why don’t you uncuff me so I can show you how much I missed you?” You smiled at him coyly.

“You know, if Joseph weren’t on his way here, I’d tear into you right now. Maybe later.” His hand squeezed your throat tighter before releasing you.

“Better keep that promise, Johnny. It’s not polite to leave a lady hanging. So, what does Joseph want?”

“He still thinks your soul is worth saving. I’ve tried to tell him to cut his losses with you, but you know him, he’s determined to save as many as he can.”

“You never know, maybe I’ll let him save my soul, it’s hard work running from you guys.” You walked over and sat down in the chair against the wall.

“I’ll believe that when I see it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some things to take care of.” He turned and left, making sure to lock the door.

Every one of them would probably have heart attacks if you did let Joseph save you, if you Atoned and joined the Project. It’s not like you hadn’t considered it, you had been captured so many times the Resistance were skeptical of you and cast you out. They thought you had been turned and were spying for The Father. You’ve been running for so long it feels like you haven’t had a chance to catch your breath for a moment, maybe you’d just chill here with John until you were ready to run again. You were curious what Joseph was going to say this time, and you were hopeful he’d bring Jacob with him, you felt kind of bad with the way you left things with him last time, he really didn’t deserve that bloody nose. It didn’t take long for John to return with Joseph, no Jacob though, maybe he was still brooding.

“I hope John is taking care of you, my child.” Joseph walked in, John close behind him.

“It’s like staying in a five-star hotel. What’s the good word today, Joseph?”

“I know my brothers want me to give up on you, but I wouldn’t be a man of God if I did that. We have big plans for you this time, John has obtained your confession and branded you with your sin, you still need to Atone and just for you, we’ve added a few extra steps, just to make sure your soul is extra clean.”

“Um, ‘extra steps’ doesn’t sound very good, what does that mean?” You furrowed your brow at him confused.

“John has convinced me that maybe you need a little more work than the average person, maybe you need to suffer a little bit more before you’re truly ready to Atone.”

You were taken aback, you must have really struck a nerve with him. Joseph approached you and leaned down, inches from your face.

“You will reach Atonement this time, or you’ll die on your way there. The choice is yours.” His gaze was intense, he wasn’t playing into your game this time, he was serious.

He pulled back from you and left the room, John smirked at you before he did the same. You couldn’t help but think about the ‘extra steps’, what the hell could that mean? You stood up and went over to the bed, laying down, it had been a while since you’d slept in an actual bed. It was difficult to get comfortable with your hands still cuffed behind your back, you settled on laying on your side, closing your eyes for a moment.

“Where the fuck is she?!” You heard someone shouting, you struggled to sit up.

“She’s down here, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to see her right now.” You heard John trying to calm Jacob.

“Open the fucking door.”

John unlocked the door and opened it, Jacob quickly entered the room, his eyes fixed on you as you sat up in the bed. He walked over to you angrily, grabbing you up by your throat he slung you against the wall.

“Hey, Honey, I missed you too.” You choked out.

“Shut the fuck up. If it wasn’t for Joseph I’d shoot you in the head right now and end this.” His eyes burned into you, John standing behind him looking genuinely worried.

“I’ll have to thank Joseph then. I see your nose has healed, though it looks a little crooked.” You don’t know why you did it, but you loved pushing their buttons.

Jacob pushed you against the wall, his large hand pressing in the middle of your chest, making it hard to breath.

“Okay, okay, look I’m sorry about last time. I didn’t mean to hit you that hard, sometimes I don’t know my own strength. But you did look so peaceful passed out in that field.” You smirked, but you shouldn’t have, Jacob’s fist landed hard against your stomach knocking every bit of air from your lungs as you dropped down to the floor.

“You never know when to quit do you?” John moved closer, making sure you weren’t dead yet.

“Maybe… I’ll learn… one day.” You coughed and choked to fill your lungs again.

John leaned down and uncuffed your hands, “It’s not going to be a fair fight if you can’t use your hands. Don’t kill her, Jacob.” He stuffed the keys in his pocket as you rubbed the indentions on your wrists, shakily getting up to your feet.

“You want a rematch? Alright, but you may want to ask John to leave, don’t want little brother seeing you get beat again.” You brought your hands up in front of you making fists.

“I’m going to enjoy bringing you down a few pegs, then I’m going to enjoy fucking that smart mouth of yours.” He removed his jacket and clenched his fists.

“Promises, promises.” You grinned.

Jacob lunged at you, you dodged his attack, moving around the small room, it was going to be hard to move out of his grasp for too long, you were still tired. You evaded the next three swings, landing one in his stomach, finally evening things between you. He coughed for a moment before standing straight again. You let your guard down for a moment, looking at John as he seemed to be cheering you on silently, that’s when Jacob got you, you saw his fist coming straight for your cheek in slow motion. It landed hard, if you didn’t know better you would have swore you got hit by a brick wall. You immediately fell to the floor, consciousness fading in and out as your head pounded.

“I told you not to kill her.” John said as he rushed over to you.

“She’s not dead, just out cold. Shame, she must not be on the top of her game today.”

You woke up in the bed, your head felt like it was vibrating with pain as you sat up slowly.

“Fuck me.” You said to yourself, feeling your swollen face.

“Hungry?” You heard someone speak, but didn’t see anyone, maybe you hallucinated.

“I installed an intercom so I can bother you whenever I want. Are you hungry?” John said over the intercom.

“Yeah, just don’t speak so loudly.” You rubbed the side of your head.

John entered your room shortly with a sandwich, water, and some Tylenol for your head. You took the pills immediately. You remembered when you were taken for the first time, you were skeptical of taking anything from them, worried it would be poisoned, now you’d take whatever they gave you.

“You always take the best care of me.” You smiled up at John.

“Why should it all be torture and pain?” He pulled a chair up and sat in front of you.

“So, what are the ‘extra steps’ Joseph has implemented?” You took a bite of the sandwich.

“Nervous already?”

“No, just curious. Will it be more beatings from Jacob? Because I’m not sure if my face can take anymore.”

“You’ll see tomorrow. Try to get some rest tonight.” He stood and walked towards the door.

“Sometimes I forget you’re a sadistic asshole.” You said, he turned and smirked at you before stepping out of the room and locking the door behind him.

You decided to take his advice and get some rest; not like you didn’t need it anyways. You finished eating and laid back down. Out of all the trouble you’d caused him, John was always able to step back and make sure you were alright.

“Time to get up. Atonement waits for no one.” You heard the intercom crackle.

You stretched your muscles, waiting for whatever John was about to do to you. It didn’t take him long to come down to the basement.

“What? No breakfast? I’ll have to leave a bad review, Johnny.” You smarted off the second he walked in.

“Glad to see you’re feeling better. Stand up.” He closed the door behind him, carrying his toolbox.

You stood up shakily, your legs still kind of weak. John approached you and bound your wrists together with rope. He led you over to a hook on the cement wall, raising your arms and tying the rope to it. He stayed silent as he moved around you, he moved behind you cutting your shirt off you with scissors, and removing your pants as well, leaving you in only your bra and panties.

“I’m not so sure this is the kind of ‘extra’ Joseph meant.” You leaned against the wall.

“Keep going. Keep making your jokes, I know they bring you comfort, I know that deep down you’re really just a scared little girl hiding behind clever remarks. Get them all out now, because when I’m done with you, there will be nothing left. You will be stripped down to the bone, your greatest fears exposed, and just when you’re begging for me to show you mercy, I’ll start all over again, destroying what’s left of you.” He stood inches from you, his eyes dark, you’d not seen him like this before.

“Promises, promises.” Your voice was low and trembled slightly, you were legitimately worried.

John smirked at your tenacity, your commitment, but he knew you were about to drop all of that. He turned you around to where you were facing the wall. Your arms were already aching from being stretched out hanging on the hook. You couldn’t see what John was doing and figured that was part of it, the suspense, leaving you wondering and waiting.

That first strike really caught you off guard, it felt like someone had taken a hot iron and slowly dragged it down your back. You lurched forward, pressing yourself against the wall, screaming out in pain. Two, three more strikes and you could feel the blood streaming down your back as you sobbed.

“Hush now, we’re only getting started.” John caressed your cheek briefly before stepping back and striking you again with the bundle of wires.

This round he focused on your legs, the wires would separate on contact and wrap around your legs, leaving marks all over you. You shook and trembled as he continued his assault on your body, you cried out in pain, over and over, at one point you were sure you were going to pass out. John’s breathing was ragged, he finally stopped, dropping the wires to the floor. He reached up and removed your hands from the hook, you instantly fell back against him, pain surging through you as your back touched him. He sat you down in the chair and removed the binding from your wrists.

“You did well. I’m surprised, figured you would’ve been begging before it was over.”

You remained silent, your body was in too much pain to respond.

“What’s that? Nothing to say? No smart retorts? Maybe there’s hope for you yet, Sweetheart.”

Your gaze fell to the floor, you knew now what Joseph meant by ‘extra steps’, they were going to beat and torture you worse than they ever had to for however long it took. He said you’d die on your way to Atonement, they were willing to kill you to get you there. Everything before was just a game, you played cat and mouse with them for so long, you never stopped to think about what would happen when they got tired of playing. There was no escaping this time, you had two choices, to Atone, or die. John packed up his toolbox and decided you’d had enough for now, leaving you sitting with your blood dripping into the floor.

You stayed in the chair because you knew the second you moved you would be in too much pain to even think straight, you knew you’d have to move eventually but you wanted to put it off for as long as you could.

“Did she break?” Joseph asked John as he saw him come up from the basement.

“No, and I didn’t go easy on her. I’m sure she understands now there will be no leaving this time.”

John washed your blood from his hands and led Joseph to watch the cameras in your room. They watched as you sat in the chair, not moving, not even crying anymore.

“Did she say anything before you left?”

“Not a word. I think she’s exhausted, she couldn’t keep her own in a spar with Jacob last night.”

You decided it was time, time to get up and at least move to the bed. You took a deep breath before standing up quickly, the sudden movement pulled at your skin causing the wounds to all shoot waves of pain throughout your body, making you fall to your knees and cry out. You didn’t know where the cameras were, but you knew he was watching you.

“John… Please help me…” You hated asking for his help, but there was no way you could move again without someone.

John looked over to Joseph as if asking for permission, they were both surprised by your plea. Joseph nodded in approval, John left the room and headed down to you.

“Begging so soon?” He opened the door to your room and stood over you.

“Please, John. Just help me to the bed so I can bleed to death in comfort.” You were still on your hands and knees in the floor.

John bent down and grabbed your forearm, pulling you up to your feet as you yelled out in pain again. He helped you walk slowly over to the bed, he looked over your back and legs, the wounds he had inflicted were still bleeding and red, if he didn’t do something, they’d get infected for sure. You sat down on the bed and laid down on your side facing away from him. You wrapped your arms around yourself as your body trembled, John left the room momentarily but returned. He pulled the chair up behind you and applied medicine to your back, trying to be gentle, but each time he touched you, you winced in pain, tears streaming down your face.

“Once these heal, we’ll open them back up again. We’ll purge every sin from your body.” He said as he turned to leave.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know how people say "at least it can't get any worse" and then it gets 10x worse? Yeah, that's what happens in this chapter. Enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT alert! Obviously I couldn't refrain from adding some smut with a hint of aggression and just a dash of brotherly rival.

If anything, the Seed family was true to their word. John gave you a few days to heal, but he returned with the bundle of cables in hand. He reopened your wounds like he said and added some new ones. This time he didn’t leave you sitting in the chair, he helped you into the bed immediately. You started to wonder how long they’d do this and how much more your body could take. You wanted to try and escape, but a part of you also wanted to stay, to endure the torture as a punishment. Over the past few months you had begun to look back on your path of destruction, how many innocent people lost their lives at your hand, the people that died because you wanted to take down a religious sect. John gave you another couple days to heal before he returned.

“You’re no fun when you’re sulking.” He spoke as he entered the room.

“I’m not fucking sulking, my back looks like a Goddamn scratching post for cats.” You slowly sat up in the bed, your blood-soaked shirt stuck to your skin.

“Watch your language or I won’t give you your surprise.”

“What’s my surprise? Another beating? A boring ass sermon from Joseph?”

“A shower. You haven’t had one in days and I know you could use it.” He crossed his arms, leaning against the door.

“What’s the catch?” You narrowed your eyes at him, you knew there had to be something.

“No catch, just a nice hot shower.”

You were skeptical, but you’d already been beaten, what harm could a shower do?

“Alright, so when do I get this ‘no catch’ shower?”

“Right now. Let’s go.” He approached you, holding out his hand.

You took his hand reluctantly, but you knew if you didn’t take it you wouldn’t be able to make it very far due to your wounds. He slowly helped you out of the room and up the steps, you watched him cautiously, he had to be up to something. Once he helped you upstairs to the bathroom, he turned the shower on. You struggled to lift your arms over your head to remove your shirt, he stood there watching you.

“Are you going to help me or just stare?” You asked frustrated.

John stepped closer to you and lifted the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head and tossing it to the floor. You grabbed the waist of your sweatpants and panties, pulling them down as far as you could bend and letting them slide down the rest of the way, stepping out of them. John’s eyes roamed over your body, his eyes settling on the scar on your stomach, ‘wrath’. You decided you didn’t want to be under his gaze anymore so you stepped into the shower, the second the water hit your back you yelled out. You turned around to face the shower head when you felt John step in behind you.

“Aw, come on, you said ‘no catch’.” You sighed in exasperation.

“Don’t tell me you didn’t miss this, miss me.” His fingers lightly traced over your hips as he softly kissed across your shoulders.

“Isn’t this forbidden? Don’t want to go against The Father do we?” You tried to appease to his loyalty to Joseph, but it wasn’t working, he licked and nipped at your neck.

Your body betrayed you when a breathy moan slipped from your lips and you rolled your head to the side, allowing him better access to your neck. Suddenly he pulled you back against his chest, pain radiating through your body and you tried to move away. He held you there momentarily before turning you around to face him, he leaned forward and kissed your lips tenderly, his hands resting on your hips moved up your sides. He deepened the kiss, his tongue swirling in your mouth, your hands resting against his chest, you moved closer to him and could feel his already hard cock pressing against you. The water pulsed against your open wounds as you kissed, your fingers weaving through his beard.

Suddenly John pushed you against the shower wall, “Fuck!” You shouted as your entire body lit up in pain.

Before you could say another word, his mouth was latched to yours again and his hand travelled down between your legs, your pain being washed away by pleasure as he circled your clit. You didn’t care what John did to you in this moment, you were enjoying the shower and didn’t know when you’d get another chance, though your better judgement told you it wasn’t a good idea to fall back into old habits.

“Tell me you missed me.” John whispered against your lips as his fingers worked wonders between your thighs.

“Aw, does Johnny’s ego need to be stroked?” You smirked at him, he removed his hand from your clit and he placed both hands on the shower wall on either side of your head.

“I want to hear you say it.” His blue eyes staring intensely into yours.

Without a hitch you ran your hand slowly up his torso, moving up his chest, and wrapping your hand gently around his throat before you forcefully pushed him back against the wall. Both of you knew he was allowing you this moment of domination and you had no real control. Your hand squeezed his throat as your other wrapped around his length, moving slowly up and down causing John to sigh through gritted teeth.

“You want me to tell you how much I missed you? How I touched myself at night, wishing… praying that it was your fingers I was coming all over?” You spoke softly into John’s ear.

“How I ached to feel your cock inside me again? That I’d say ‘Yes’ just to be fucked by you one last time?”

“Yes.” He groaned as you continued to stroke him.

“Johnny… never… gonna… happen…” You smiled and pulled your hand away from him.

A sly grin spread across his face before he pushed your hand away from his throat and shoved you back against the wall, he moved swiftly and lifted you as you wrapped your legs around his waist. The tip of his cock entered you quickly and he pushed further, causing you both to gasp at the feeling. He wasted no time thrusting up into you, your hands gripped his shoulders and you dug your nails into his skin, which only made him fuck you harder into the shower wall. His hands moved from your waist up your sides, resting on your upper back, right as you were reaching the edge John dragged his fingers down your back, scraping over every wound you had. You screamed out as the pleasure mixed with the pain and pushed you over as you came hard around John. He wasn’t far behind and you knew exactly how to get him there, you nuzzled your head into the crook of his neck and bit down on his flesh as hard as you could, sure to leave a nice bruise, you felt his muscles tense, but he continued thrusting into you. There was only one other thing that would end this quickly so you could finish your shower.

“I missed you.” You whispered into his ear, he thrust into you a few more times before finding his release inside you.

He pulled out of you and placed your feet back on the floor. He placed a swift kiss on your lips before stepping out of the shower.

“Hurry up, you have 2 minutes.” He grabbed a towel and began drying himself.

You didn’t care if it was 2 seconds, at least you got to shower and had decent semi-painful sex. John was as sadistic as he was masochistic, he loved inflicting pain, but also enjoyed receiving it. You honestly thought at one point if you two ever really went at it with each other, full force, one of you would die. John always had to be in control though, he would show you softness but immediately take it back by causing you pain in some way, reasserting his dominance over you. You didn’t mind it, you knew all the Seed men were just soft boys whose egos wouldn’t let them show just how touch starved they really were. Once you were done and clothed again John escorted you back downstairs to the basement, locking you in for the night.

The next morning you woke up to a granola bar for breakfast, feeling a little short changed considering the night before. John walked downstairs to find Joseph and Jacob awaiting him.

“Don’t you two ever sleep?” He yawned, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“A full 3 hours every night.” Jacob replied.

“How is she doing? Any progress?” Joseph asked as he stood at the counter.

“John’s made plenty of progress. Look at this. Just couldn’t resist could you, little brother?” Jacob pointed to the teeth imprints on John’s neck.

“John, we talked about this. If you can’t keep your hands to yourself maybe we need to move her to Jacob’s.” Joseph crossed his arms, disappointed in his brother.

“Ha, like he’d do any better.” John scoffed.

“How many times do I have to say this, weakness of the flesh becomes weakness of the mind.” He was genuinely worried his brothers wouldn’t be able to stay away from you.

“Just take me to her.” Joseph said exasperated.

You slowly stretched your body out, careful not to open any of your wounds up again. You heard footsteps approaching and stood against the wall waiting, knowing they’d tie you up if they felt threatened in any way.

“Good morning, Seed family. I’ve never had three at one time, but I’ll try anything once.” You said as they filed into the room.

Joseph rolled his eyes at your sinful mouth, unamused. He didn’t understand how you weren’t broken yet, how you were still so stubborn. You leaned against the wall with your hands behind your back as Jacob approached you.

“Come to give me another love tap?” You grinned up at him.

“You wouldn’t survive another.”

You leaned forward and pressed your chest against him, “You sure you wouldn’t like to go a few rounds? Johnny and I had quite the time last night, made me miss our late nights alone.” You knew you were pissing John off, he hated to see you flirting with Jacob.

“Alright, that’s enough, you two out. Leave me with her.” Joseph noticed the tension you were causing, you winked at the two men as they left, it was almost too easy to get them riled up.

“Envy is a pretty big sin, Joseph.”

“I don’t envy them, I pity them. So easily manipulated by temptations of the flesh.”

“Is my flesh not tempting enough to you? That kind of hurts me, Joseph.” You feigned disappointment.

Joseph pulled a chair out and sat down, clearly annoyed with you.

“Will you Atone for your sins yet, my child?” He stared at you.

An idea popped into your head, not a great one, but you did love messing with the Seed brothers and knew that John and Jacob were watching the cameras intensely. You slid down the wall and dropped to your knees, clasping your hands together as if to pray, holding your gaze on Joseph.

“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.” You heavily emphasized ‘Father’.

“That’s Catholics.”

“Oh, but I’d still like to confess my sins to you, Father.” You slid your hands down your knees and slowly crawled towards Joseph. His eyes never left yours as you made your way to him.

You stopped at his feet and sat back on your knees, placing your hands on his knees and sliding them up his thighs, you moved up close to his face. Joseph sat staring at you, his breath hitched in his throat at your touch and his entire body tensed up. You honestly didn’t think you’d get this far, you assumed he would have pushed you away by now, but he didn’t. Your felt your pulse quicken as you inched closer, your lips almost touching now, neither of you moved and continued to stare into each other’s eyes. You decided it was now or never, you leaned in and kissed him softly, closing your eyes as your lips touched. Unexpectedly, one of his hands moved to the back of your head, pulling you deeper into the kiss as you moved your body between his legs.

“The fuck is that?!” Jacob yelled staring at the screen.

John didn’t say a word as he stared in shock at the events unfolding before him.

You pulled back from the kiss, breathless, chastising yourself for what you just did. You were already in deep with John and Jacob, now Joseph too. You literally had no words, you just sat back on your knees in front of him, not knowing what the fuck to say after that.

“Are you ready to Atone now, my child?” Joseph leaned forward, his thumb rested under your chin and pulled your gaze up to meet his.

“I-I’ll think about it.”  Your voice was small.

Joseph stood and left the room as you stayed in the floor trying to think about what the hell just happened. You felt like you were in a trance, kind of like with Jacob and that damned music box, but there were no external stimuli from what you could tell.

Joseph walked back upstairs to find his brothers waiting on him with surprised expressions on their faces.

“Flesh is a weakness, huh?” Jacob folded his arms.

“You told us to keep our hands to ourselves, but you’re allowed to do whatever you want?” John said, clearly annoyed he got scolded for doing the exact same thing.

“I cannot explain what it is about her, I know she is a temptress, I know she brings sin and destruction with her, but I cannot pull myself away from her. I need to pray on this.” Joseph turned and left his brothers standing there.

You finally gathered your thoughts and stood up, pacing the room, trying to figure out why he let you do that, and seemed to enjoy it. You had made several flirtations with Joseph before, but never followed through with anything, he always brushed you off. John and Jacob were too easy to pull into your games, Joseph was calculated in his actions and never did anything without thinking first, he must be toying with you in some way. As you continued pacing the door to your room opened and in walked two angry looking Seed brothers.

“Look, I didn’t mean-“ You tried to explain but Jacob’s hand gripped your throat, silencing any words from escaping.

John walked over and quickly tied your hands together in front of you and placed a gag around your mouth. Jacob released your throat and stepped back. You looked between the two men, unsure of what was going to happen, if this was ordered by Joseph for your advances or just because they were jealous. John grabbed you by your arm and pulled you over to the table, he bent you over it and held your head down. You couldn’t see Jacob but could hear him rummaging through the toolbox, he wasn’t usually one for physical torture. You heard him walk over to you, leaning down over your back, he grabbed your shirt and cut it open, ripping it from your body and leaving you exposed. You immediately felt that familiar pain, the one you felt when John carved ‘wrath’ into your stomach, you weren’t sure but you could guess Jacob was carving ‘lust’ into your back. You struggled and screamed as John held you down on the table. Jacob moved annoyingly slow with the knife, making sure you felt every layer of skin splitting open beneath it. Tears streamed down your cheeks and pooled on the table as you cried out.

“Shhh, shhh. Almost done now.” John whispered into your ear.

The last stroke of the knife felt the deepest, like Jacob was putting all of his anger and frustration into it. He finished and stood up as John released you. You didn’t move though, you stayed down on the table, your body trembled in pain.

“Another sin to add to your growing list.” John said as he removed the gag from your mouth.

“Might as well just add the rest of them, I’ll get to them eventually.” You smirked.

John laughed at your comment, you always tried to hide how much pain you were truly in. He grabbed your arm and pulled you upright, taking the knife and cutting your restraints.

“Done so soon, boys? That was very anti-climactic.”

“Shut up before you get yourself into more trouble.” Jacob glared down at you.

You took his advice, you knew if you continued you’d either end up with more wounds or pinned between the two of them, which wouldn’t be so bad but you were already exhausted. You walked over and sat down on your bed, carefully laying down on your side, not wanting to touch your newest sin.

“Were you serious when you told Joseph you’d consider Atoning?” John asked before he left.

“I don’t know, maybe.” You shrugged, John stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him.

You had been considering it, not like you had anything better to do, but you still hadn’t decided. If your days would continue like this you weren’t sure you’d survive long enough to make a decision, being fucked one minute, then tortured the next. You had really put yourself in a bad situation, especially kissing Joseph, none of this could end well for you.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up because this chapter is a doozy. I have been kind of obsessed with writing this and put other stuff on the back burner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut, fighting, some killing, and kidnapping. Enjoy.

Your most recent wound began to heal, though you couldn’t see the tramp stamp, you knew it said ‘lust’. It had been a few days since any of the brothers had been in to bother you. You decided to get some exercise, being down in that basement was driving you crazy. You dropped to the floor and started doing push-ups.

“What are you doing?” You heard John’s voice over the intercom.

“I’m… entering in the… Hope County… Beauty Pageant. The fuck… does it look like?” Though you couldn’t see him, you heard him sigh and could tell he was rolling his eyes at you.

“Why are you doing push-ups?”

“Because… I need… to be ready… when I… escape from you… and your… creepy ass stalker… surveillance system.” You finished and stood up.

“It’s not creepy.” You could hear a tinge of sadness in his voice.

“Did you need something or-“ You began doing jumping jacks.

The intercom went silent and you didn’t hear from him for then next few hours. You wondered how often he watched you or checked in on you, but the thought just weirded you out, so you pushed it from your mind. Over the next few days John had resorted to only speaking to you over the intercom and not having any physical contact with you, you’d never admit it to him, but you were starting to miss his dumb handsome face. He had followers bring you food and things like that, but he only spoke to you over the intercom.

“Do you think bugs dream?” John’s voice crackled over the intercom.

“I really don’t care.”

“What would they dream about?”

“John, I’m trying to sleep. Leave me the fuck alone.” You shouted and covered your head with a pillow, but he turned the volume up and continued to pester you the rest of the night.

He continued day and night, you started to wonder if he had recorded himself and was just playing it on a loop.

“What are you wearing right now?” His voice echoed through the room.

“You can see me, I literally haven’t changed clothes in two days.”

“Describe it to me.” His voice was low.

“Are you really trying to have intercom sex right now?”

“No… Maybe. Would you be into that?”

You rolled your eyes and ignored him. You continued to workout to keep your mind on something other than the room you were trapped in. You wondered what their next move would be, hopefully not just psychological torture from John, because honestly if it continued, you’d probably beg for Atonement. You were pacing the room when you heard footsteps, you backed against the wall and put your hands behind you per your usual routine now. You expected to see John coming to punish you for something, but instead it was Jacob.

“The fuck do you want?” You spat out more harshly than you meant to.

“Is that any way to talk to your new sparring partner?” He said as he entered the room.

“You? Ha, John would be a better sparring partner, you look like you’re about to keel over any minute old man. I don’t want to be blamed for your death just yet.”

“Funny. How about this, you win I’ll let you go.” He removed his jacket and draped it over the chair.

“And how would that work? John isn’t exactly going to let me walk out of here.”

“Let me worry about little Johnny. Do we have a deal?”

“Not quite, what do you get if you win?” You began stretching your arms trying to loosen your muscles.

“When I win, I’m going to fuck that smart mouth of yours. You passed out last time before I could collect my winnings.”

“Alright, deal.” You thought about it for a moment, you did need the practice, and if anything, he might actually die which would check one Seed off the list. You stepped forward, bringing your fists up in front of you.

Jacob towered over you, you knew if you were going to knock him out again it would take patience and all of your energy. Last time he was distracted, and you had run circles around him. You limited your movements, moving back and forth in front of him, he kept his eye on you as you moved around. Without warning he lunged at you, hitting you square in the stomach causing you to double over.

“Fuck.” You choked out.

“Get up.” He commanded.

You straightened up and took a deep breath, turning your pain into anger. You moved around him a bit before faking him with your left and hitting him in the jaw with your right. He staggered back a bit and held his hand up to his face.

“Hit him harder.” John’s voice rang over the intercom.

You both looked up at the intercom on the ceiling, “Seriously? She’s supposed to be the enemy, John. You can’t root for her.”

“He’s rooting for the obvious winner. Thanks, Johnny.” You said sweetly.

You both returned your focus to each other, now knowing you had an audience you didn’t want to disappoint. You cracked your neck and got back into your stance. Jacob swung at you, you moved out of the way, dodging it, bringing your foot up to land a kick on his side. You could see the rage burning through him with each hit you landed, but you got cocky and went to say something to John, that’s when Jacob punched you in the chest and then landed a hard hit to the side of your face, knocking you to the floor. You stayed down gasping for air, feeling like your chest had caved in.

“Seeds: 2, Sinner: 1” John narrated.

"Seeds: 2?" You furrowed your brow.

"Yeah, I'm counting the other day when he knocked you out." His voice cracked over the intercom.

Jacob reached down and grabbed a handful of your hair, jerking your face up to look at him.

“I’ll be collecting my winnings now.” He smirked.

“Fine. Just give me a second to catch my breath before you shove your dick in my mouth.” You were still a bit winded.

Jacob released your hair and sat down on the edge of the bed waiting on you. After a few minutes you were able to stand and breath properly and made your way over to Jacob. He grabbed the waist band of your pants and pulled you against him, you reached down and grabbed his face with your hand before forcefully kissing him. He grabbed a handful of your hair and pulled you down to your knees in front of him. You glared at him as you made short work of his belt and zipper, pulling his already hard cock free, the oldest and youngest Seed brother more alike than they knew, both got off on causing pain to others.

Even though he won fair and square, that didn’t mean you couldn’t still mess with him. His eyes watched you intensely as you leaned forward and lightly gripped his cock then pressed your lips to the tip of it ever-so softly. He groaned at the feeling, his hand relaxing it’s grip on your hair. You dragged your tongue up from the base of his cock slowly as you stroked him. You sucked and licked the tip, swirling your tongue around it, teasing him, not giving him what he wants just yet. He caught on to your little game and grabbed a handful of your hair again before standing and dragging you against the wall. He positioned himself in front of you as you stayed down on your knees.

“Open.” He commanded, holding his cock in his hand.

You knew he wasn’t in the mood for your games, you opened your mouth and he instantly shoved his cock in your mouth, hitting the back of your throat causing you to gag. He didn’t relent though, he pushed your head back against the wall and grabbed the sides of your head as he thrust into your mouth. You tried to push him back with your hands, but he stood firm, groaning each time he hit the back of your throat. He took what he wanted from you, his thrusts becoming more erratic as he reached his release. He fucked your mouth for a few more minutes before he came hard, finally releasing your head and stepping back from you. You sat down in the floor, trying to catch your breath.

“Seeds: 3, Sinner: 1” The intercom crackled, and you rolled your eyes, not surprised John watched the entire time.

Once again you were left in the aftermath of an unwarranted visit by one of the Seeds. You spent the next few days working out more, trying to get stronger, not like you had anything better to do. Of course, John continued his torturous intercom announcements, you’d smash the intercom, but you knew he’d find something more annoying to do to you, so you suffered in silence. You were stretching when you heard someone open the door at the top of the stairs, you backed against the wall and waited for whoever was there to torture you today.

“Joseph, what brings you down to the depths of Hell?” You said when you saw him.

“I came to see how you were doing, I heard John and Jacob have been persistent in their persuasion for you to join us. They said you were given another sin?” He entered the room and strode over towards you.

“Yeah, they weren’t too happy with our little kiss. I’d hate to see what they’d do if we fucked.” You turned around and lifted your shirt, showing him the scars on your lower back.

You flinched slightly when you felt his finger trace over the marks on your back. Your pulse quickened under his touch, if it had been John or Jacob it wouldn’t have been a big deal, but this was Joseph, The Father. You turned around to face him, his eyes staring at you intensely.

“I apologize for their actions, it was spiteful and not at all related to Atonement. They acted out of envy and lust.”

“Thanks, I guess. So, is that all you wanted or was there more?” You leaned back against the wall as he stared at you.

“I’ve had a vision, about you, about your place here.”

“And what place would that be? On my knees?” You cocked your head to the side slightly.

“No, I have seen you standing with us, helping us prepare for the inevitable end. I have seen you Atone and be accepted into Eden’s Gate.” He was different, he didn’t keep his distance from you, he no longer called you his child.

His hand reached up to caress your cheek causing your heart to beat faster, you didn’t move or try to recoil from his touch.

“What do you want from me?” Your voice was low as you stared into his eyes.

“I want you to help us. I want you to use the gift you’ve been given for what it was intended.” His face now inches from your own.

“If I refuse?”

“You won’t.”

Joseph closed the distance between you, his hand still caressing your cheek softly as his lips made contact with your own. You closed your eyes and leaned into him, placing your hands on his chest. His hand moved and rested on the back of your neck, pulling you closer as he kissed you. He was different from John and Jacob, everything they did, even the slightest touch, was controlling in some way, but not Joseph, he was gentle, calm. You didn’t feel like you were fighting for dominance with him like you did the other two. He pulled back from the kiss after a few minutes leaving you both breathless, you immediately missed his touch.

“I have an offer for you. Some of Jacob’s men have gone missing, we know where they were the last time they checked in, Jacob is going to attempt to rescue them. You know the area and how the Resistance works. Do this and you’ll be free of this prison.” His hand moved to caress your cheek again.

“You’re not worried I’ll just slit Jacob’s throat and run?” You thought about your options.

“No. I know you’ll choose the right path.” His thumb ran over your bottom lip briefly before he turned and left, this time, leaving the door open.

You leaned against the wall and stared at the door, you could run, you could get the fuck out of here right now, but you didn’t, your feet didn’t move. He was offering your freedom so easily, he was so sure you wouldn’t betray them, that you’d help them. You took a deep breath and pushed yourself off the wall, preparing yourself for what awaited you upstairs as you slowly made your way out of the room and ascended the steps.

“Finally. Do you always walk so slowly?” John was standing at the counter waiting for you.

“So, what now?” You looked around hesitantly.

“Your supplies are in this bag, including weapons and directions to where you’ll meet Jacob. If you do decide to murder us all, please don’t kill me in the house, blood is very hard to get out of these floors.” He motioned towards the bag on the counter.

You walked over and opened the backpack, finding a map and a walk-e talk-e in it, along with a hand gun.  You grabbed the supplies and turned to leave.

“No goodbye kiss?” John grabbed your arm before you could leave.

You rolled your eyes and turned back to him, you brought your hand up to cup his face before running your fingers through his beard and pulling his face down to yours, kissing him passionately as he groaned at the slight pain from you pulling his beard. His hands grabbed your waist and pulled you against him. You broke away from the kiss and looked up at him.

“And if I kill you, I’m going to paint this house with your blood.” You smirked at him before heading for the door.

John watched as you left, a small part of him worried you wouldn’t return, but Joseph had assured him you would join them, that this wasn’t a mistake. You exited the house and were overwhelmed momentarily, you had been locked down in that basement for weeks, it was odd seeing the vastness of everything around you.

 _“Hey, shithead, has she left yet?”_ The radio buzzed with Jacob’s voice.

 _“Yes, shithead, I’m on my way. Don’t get your panties in a bunch.”_ You squeezed the button and replied as you headed towards the meeting place.

You approached a house in the woods, you knew the Resistance had used this place before to hold Peggies. You weren’t sure where Jacob was, you kept your distance from the house and waited. You thought you heard footsteps, but decided it was probably an animal, just when you let your guard down a hand wrapped around your mouth and you felt a knife against your throat.

“Scream for me.” You heard Jacob say against your ear.

“Fucker. I could have shot you.” You said when he released you.

“You still might. Though Joseph thinks otherwise. You ready?”

“Yeah, I’ve counted three guards outside, probably two more inside. I’m assuming Joseph doesn’t want anyone killed?”

“Yep. I’ll take the right, you take the left.” He said before crouching and moving through between the trees towards the house.

You kept your gun in your hand just in case and moved slowly towards the left side of the house. You snuck up behind one of the guards and hit him in the back of the head with the butt of your gun, knocking him out. You peered into one of the windows to see three more guards and four of Jacob’s men tied and gagged against a wall. You were about to head around to the side when you heard Jacob struggling. You moved around to where he was and saw one guard knocked out on the ground, the other on top of Jacob, struggling to push a knife into his chest. You could have let the man kill him and walked away, but you ran over to help. You punched the guy in the face, knocking him off Jacob. You grabbed the knife from his hand and slit his throat, you knew if you didn’t, he would have yelled and alerted the rest of them.

“We won’t tell Joseph about this one.” You whispered to Jacob before heading into the house.

Jacob followed and you proceeded to take out the rest of the guards and untie Jacob’s men. You walked out of the house with Jacob and stopped once you were outside.

“So, that’s it? I’m free now?” You looked up at him.

“Yep. You’re free to go.” He headed towards the woods with his men leaving you there.

You stood in front of the house for a moment before heading back to the only home you had known, the only place you knew you’d be welcome, John’s Ranch. You chastised yourself the entire way back, knowing this was stupid, knowing you were an idiot to join them, but here you were doing it anyways. You wondered if there was something seriously wrong with you for you to be attracted to these men and willing to help them with their cause, no matter how sadistic they were. You opened the front door to John’s house and dropped your bag in the floor, you half expected them to be waiting on you, but you didn’t see anyone.

You walked around the house, it felt weird to have free range and go wherever you wanted without an escort. Something felt off though, you walked upstairs and knocked on John’s door, but there was no answer. You opened the door to see the room in disarray as if there was a struggle, there was a lamp in the floor, papers everywhere, and blood in the floor. You checked the rest of the house but there was nothing else. You ran downstairs and grabbed the radio you had been given.

_“Jacob? Hello? Pick up!”_

_“I’m a little busy right now, the Resistance took Joseph.”_ His voice echoed through the house, your heart sank.

_“They took John too.”_ You said as panic set in.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prepare yourselves because this chapter has it all, death? Yes. Kidnapping? Yes. Smut? Yes. Inner turmoil? Yes. Blood soaked characters? Yes. Sexy three-way daydreams? Yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has me so excited and I love writing it. Please let me know if you like it or hate it, or if you're as thirsty as I am for the Seeds.

You left John’s as quick as you could and headed for the VA Center where Jacob was, you needed to figure out where they had been taken and the best course of action from here. Your foot never let up on the pedal as you drove up to the Whitetail Mountains. You felt a pit forming in your stomach at the thought of someone harming John or Joseph, even though just a few days ago you would have killed them, but nonetheless no one touches your Seed boys. Your mind went to all of the darkest places, that they were already dead and there was no point in trying, tears pooled in your eyes but you pushed the thoughts out and decided not to think about that possibility. As soon as you pulled up at Jacob’s you were surrounded by his Hunters, weapons pointed at you. They escorted you inside where Jacob was waiting on you.

“Where are they?” He stood towering over you.

“The fuck should I know?” You furrowed your brow, you had been with him when they were taken.

Jacob wasn’t playing with you and smacked you across the face. You brought your hand up to sooth the pain radiating through your cheek.

“You seriously think I did this?! I literally just saved your fucking life! If I wanted any of you dead, you’d already be rotting in the ground.”

“If you’re behind this, you’ll never see the light of day again.”

“I came here to help find them, if you don’t want my help then I’ll leave.” You turned and headed towards the door.

 “No, where do we begin?” He was asking for your help, he didn’t know what to do.

“There are too many places the Resistance could have taken them, we need to get Region-specific information at least then we’ll know where to start. I’ll be back.” You turned and left without allowing him time for any questions.

Jacob hovered over a table with a map of Hope County, trying to figure out where they would have taken John and Joseph, suddenly you burst in with a young man blindfolded and tied up.

“Who’s this?” He looked at you confused.

“This is… um, I don’t know his name yet, but he’s going to help us.” You grabbed the man and guided him to a chair in the corner, making sure to tie him to it just in case. You pulled the blindfold from his eyes and the gag out of his mouth, he looked around panicked.

“P-Please let me go. I don’t know anything.”

“What’s your name?” You stood in front of him.

“It’s J-Justin. Plea-“

“Justin, you look like a smart kid, well maybe not smart, but you look like you have common sense.” You leaned down in front of him

“Insult the kid, he’ll definitely help us now.” Jacob scoffed as he watched you, you turned and narrowed your eyes at him before looking back at Justin.

“Justin, I know the Resistance has John and Joseph, what I need is for you to tell me where they are.”

“N-No, I-I don’t know anything. They don’t-“ He struggled against his restraints.

“Shhh… Justin, I’m not a patient woman and the more you spout lies the more impatient I become. Tell me where they are.” You placed your finger against his lips quieting him.

“How old are you, Justin?”

“I’m 22.”

“Got a girlfriend?”

“Are you applying for the position?” Jacob laughed at your interrogation.

“N-No, I don’t have a girlfriend.”

You pulled up a chair and sat directly in front of Justin.

“Your father a big part of the Resistance? Pull you into the family business of killing Peggies and taking down the cult?”

Justin nodded his head as he shifted his eyes from you to Jacob, who looked annoyed at your choice of words to describe the Project.

“Bet he’d be super proud of you if you brought in one of Jacob Seed’s Hunters. Bet you’d be a hero around here. No girl would be able to keep their hands off you.”

“Y-Yeah, I guess.”

“Tell you what, you tell me where John and Joseph are and I’ll let you take that guy there, the big one.” You motioned towards one of Jacob’s Hunters by the door.

“What?! The fuck you will.” Jacob argued, you raised your hand to silence him and to your surprise it worked.

Justin looked at the guy and back to you, he was considering your offer, it wasn’t like it would be easy for you to get to John, not with the amount of security he had around him.

“S-So, you’ll let me go with a hostage?”

“Yep. All I need is for you to tell me where John and Joseph are. Tell me that and you’re free to go.”

“Okay, J-John is in an old barn in Holland Valley, near Fall’s End. I don’t know specifically where Joseph is, b-but I heard them say they were taking him somewhere near Moonflower Trailer Park.”

You knew he was telling the truth, he was too naïve to think about withholding information until he was released. You looked back at Jacob who turned to his map on the table, marking the two areas.

“Thank you, Justin.” You smiled weakly and nodded to the man behind him and walked away from him. The man held his gun up to Justin’s head and pulled the trigger.

Jacob watched you as you leaned over the map surveying the areas he had marked.

“You had no intention of letting him go, did you?”

“Of course not. Couldn’t take the chance.” You stared at the map, you knew his fate the second you saw him, guilt pooled in your stomach and you knew he wouldn’t be the last one to die at your hand tonight.

“You go after John and I’ll head East to find Joseph.” Jacob pointed over the map.

“You still don’t trust me?” You looked up at him, he didn’t want you finding Joseph, he was still worried you’d turn on them.

“Just because you didn’t let me die last night, doesn’t mean you’re on our side just yet. I’m not as easily swayed as John and Joseph in where your loyalties lie.” He glared at you before leaving the table.

You both gathered supplies you’d need, he let you take two of his Hunters with you and you parted ways. You were fairly certain you knew which barn they had taken John to, it sat in the middle of a field, open, avoidant of any areas for sneaking in. There was a small farmhouse on the property as well. When you were knee deep in the Resistance, before the whole four-way love thing with the Seeds, you helped get this place set up for hostage interrogation, you knew the ins and outs of it well. You hoped they hadn’t made too many alterations since then. It was about 2:00am when you arrived at the area, you ditched your vehicle and went on foot with the Hunters.

“Alright, you two take out the guards around the perimeter quickly and quietly. I’m going to head in the window in the back. Once I have John we’re going to take that truck and head back to his Ranch.” You whispered and moved to leave.

The two men stayed low as they made their way across the field and you headed to the back of the barn. You jumped on some boxes and hoisted yourself up to the window, glad you had worked out while you were in John’s basement. You crouched as you entered, you could hear faint voices as you got closer. You hid behind a crate and peered down to the main floor of the barn, there sat John, strapped to a chair, slumped over. You decided to get a better look and moved closer. He was still breathing so that was good, but you could see a knife sticking out of his right thigh, just above his knee, blood soaking his pants and puddling in the floor beneath him.

“I-If you ask me a question I’ll be more than happy to answer it.” He lifted his head shakily looking at his captor.

“You think we want information from you? No… This is just for fun.” The woman reared back and punched John in the face, causing him to spit out blood.

They didn’t take him for any reason other than to torture him. He kidnapped people too but at least he tortured them for a reason, to obtain a confession and unburden their souls so they could- You stopped yourself, you were rationalizing John’s actions, you really must be insane to be protecting these cultist idiots. You didn’t see any other guards inside, but you waited to make sure, and of course you wanted to see John get a little bit of what he gave to you. She continued to hit him and twist the knife deeper into his leg, his cries of pain started to make your heart ache for him. Finally, she stopped and left the barn. You jumped down and knelt in front of him.

“T-Took you long enough.” He coughed.

“I may have been enjoying the show for a little bit.” You smiled up at him as you undid the restraints around his hands and feet.

“Did you get Joseph? I heard him earlier but nothing since.”

“Wait, he’s here?” You looked up at him confused.

“Yeah, they grabbed me and had him in the back of the van already. We came here and they took him into the house then brought me in here.”

You grabbed the radio from your backpack, _“Jacob?”_

 _“Little busy.”_ His voice cracked over the radio.

_“Jacob, Joseph isn’t there, he’s here. John said they were brought in together.”_

_“Damn it. Can you get to him?”_

_“I’m gonna try.”_ You put the radio away.

John wrapped his hand around the knife, taking a few deep breaths, trying to ready himself to pull it out.

“Wait, let me.” You pushed his hand away and held the knife.

You leaned up and kissed John, he welcomed the sudden attack and pushed his tongue into your mouth as he grabbed the back of your neck and pulled you closer. Once you knew he was distracted you pulled the knife from his leg causing him to stop kissing you immediately and growl in pain. You reached up and began undoing his belt.

“I’m all for public sex, but I don’t think this is the time or place for it, Sweetheart.” He tried to stop you.

“Shut up.” You pulled the belt from his pants and wrapped it around his leg, tightening it making a tourniquet. 

“Can you walk?” You stood up and held your hand out to him.

He grabbed your hand and stood shakily, favoring the wounded leg he tried to keep his weight off of it as you helped him. The two Hunters were outside when you exited the barn with John, you handed him off.

“Get him in the truck, I have to go find Joseph. If things get bad don’t wait for me, you leave and take him to Jacob.” You turned to leave, John was going to say something in protest, but he knew it would be pointless, so he just watched as you left.

You crouched and made your way to the house, you didn’t see anyone outside, you peered into one of the windows and saw two men sitting in the living room. You took a deep breath and entered the backdoor. You silently walked up behind the two men and pulled out your knife. You had to do this quick if you were going to get them both. You stood up and brought the knife around the first man’s throat, slitting it quickly, before the second man could react you did the same to him, they gasped for a moment as the blood poured from their necks. You put your knife away and headed upstairs where you heard someone talking.

“We have your brothers and we’ll let them go if you end this.” It was the woman’s voice from before.

“I cannot stop the Apocalypse. It is coming whether you believe it or not.” Joseph’s voice sounded weak.

You made it to the top of the stairs and moved closer to the room where the voices were coming from. You peaked into the crack of the door, Joseph was tied to a chair just as John had been, he was covered in blood, though you didn’t see any wounds on him from this angle. _Where is it coming from?_

“Do we really have to do this again? You know I can have John here in a second and his blood covering you as well.”

You moved closer, trying to see better, you could see a body in the floor, just feet, nothing else. You pulled the gun from your holster and exhaled the breath you had been holding in before you kicked the door open. The woman stared at you as did Joseph. You held your gun pointed at her as you looked in the floor, you suddenly felt sick, it wasn’t just one, there were bodies. Bodies of Joseph’s followers, their throats slit open, blood soaking into the floor.

“You? What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to take The Father.” You replied, looking over at him, he was wounded, a gash on the side of his face.

“The Father? So, you’re one of his sheep now? Pathetic.” She scoffed.

“You should fucking talk, what the fuck is this? At least he isn’t doing anything this fucked up.” You motioned to the bodies, finding it hard to look at them for long.

“You shouldn’t have come for me.” Joseph spoke weakly.

“Too late for that. Untie him.” You pointed to his restraints, she leaned over and untied the ropes around his wrists and feet.

“You won’t make it out of here before my men kill you.”

“Oh, you mean the five men around the perimeter, or the two down in the living room?” You laughed at her.

“Wh-What did you do to them?” Worry spread across her face.

“Technically, _I_ only killed two. And don’t look at me that way, Joseph. I had no choice.” You could feel his judgmental eyes on you for killing people.

“Bitch!” The woman lunged at you suddenly, knocking you to the ground.

She straddled you as tried to fight her off, she hit you in the face over and over, your consciousness fading with each punch. You reached up and wrapped your hands around her throat, squeezing as hard as you could. Joseph hesitated for a moment, he didn’t want to kill her, but you were in trouble. He picked up the gun and aimed it for the back of her head, pulling the trigger. Her blood poured over you as her lifeless body fell limp to the floor. You pushed her off you as you laid in the floor breathing heavily.

Joseph held the gun as he stood over you, you stared up at him, briefly hoping he’d end your life as well, end the destruction and pain you bring with you wherever you go, but he didn’t. He reached out his hand to you, you grabbed it and he helped you up to your feet. You gazed into his eyes, both of you completely covered in blood, suddenly he grabbed you and pulled you to him, his lips pressing into yours hungrily. You kissed him back, resting your hands on his forearms as his hands gripped your shoulders. He sighed into your open mouth at the contact, he told you not to come, but he was glad you did. He pulled away from the kiss, leaving you wanting more.

“Where is John?” He asked.

“He’s outside with Jacob’s Hunters. That reminds me.”

You pulled the radio out of your backpack and switched it on, _“Jacob?”_

 _“About damn time, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you. What the fucks going on?”_ He shouted.

_“Calm down, I have John and Joseph, we’re headed to John’s Ranch, Meet us there.”_

You made your way downstairs with Joseph, he stopped briefly looking at the two men slumped over on the couch. You followed behind him closely, glancing back at the bodies one last time, making sure to ingrain their images in your head to join the countless others.

The ride back to John’s was silent, you sat in the back with him, trying to keep pressure on his leg, the bleeding had slowed but it still needed to be cleaned and sewed up. Joseph glanced at you from time to time in the mirror, watching your compassion for his brother. You finally arrived at the Ranch, Jacob rushed outside to help with John. He helped him lay down on the couch as you went to gather medical supplies for his wound. You returned with scissors in hand, starting at the bottom of his pants you cut them apart up to his wound.

“Jacob, hold his feet.” You commanded.

You tried to find the best angle to be able to stitch his wound and decided you’d have to sit on him. You straddled his lap facing away from him. His hands immediately slid up to grope your ass as it rested on his stomach.

“John, really?” You sighed at his never-ending libido.

You leaned in close to the wound, cleaning it first you poured alcohol into the wound, next came the hard part. You steadied yourself as you punctured his skin with the needle, he tried to struggle but Jacob held his legs tight. His hands grabbed your hips, squeezing impossibly hard as he fought back screaming out. Joseph watched as you carefully mended John’s leg, softly assuring him it would be over soon. You finished and placed a bandage over it, sliding off of his lap you bent down and kissed him tenderly.

“Jacob, can you help him up to his bed while I clean up?”

Jacob nodded and grabbed John’s arm, helping him off the couch, he put his arm around his waist and headed for the stairs. You began cleaning up the bloodied supplies as Joseph approached you. His hand rested on your shoulder, turning you to face him.

“Thank you. For everything.” He gazed down at you.

“I need to clean that up as well. Sit.” You pointed to the gash on his face.

Joseph sat down on the couch, you went to the kitchen sink and washed your hands of John’s blood before returning to him. You stood in front of him and leaned down to start cleaning his wound. His eyes never left you as you worked. You would have expected it from John, or Jacob, but not Joseph, his hands moved from his lap up your thighs as he tugged you down into his lap. You shifted yourself to straddle him so you could continue tending to his wound, his hands resting on your hips.

You gently cleaned away some of the blood from his face, though his entire body was covered in it, you still needed to keep the wound clean. You placed a bandage over his wound and glanced down at both of you, the mix of dried blood covering your bodies, your mind flashed back to Justin and the two other men you had killed tonight. You felt the guilt pulling at you, beginning to unravel within you, other faces of people you had killed began to flood your mind, you fought so hard to push all of them back for so long but you couldn’t any longer. Joseph saw the tears start to roll down your cheeks, his thumb reaching up to wipe one away, his touch set something off inside you and you began to sob.

“Such turmoil within you. Why?”

“I bring death wherever I go and-“ Joseph’s hands cupped your face.

“Death goes where it will, you killed tonight to save my family. We have all made mistakes in our lives, but the choice to do better, to change, is what makes them mistakes and not who we are.”

You knew he was right, but no matter how hard you tried to change, you ended up killing again and again. You stared into his eyes as he held your face in his hands. He pulled you closer to him and kissed your forehead softly before touching his lips to your own. You leaned into the kiss, resting your hands on his shoulders you closed the distance between your bodies and pressed your chest against his. For a brief moment you were able to escape your thoughts. He released your face and placed one hand behind your head and the other on your hip. He continued to lazily kiss your lips, reveling in their softness, in the taste of you, until you heard Jacob clear his throat. You pulled away from each other and turned to look at him.

“Um, John’s passed out. I’m going to stay here tonight, just in case the Resistance decides to retaliate.”

You slid off Joseph’s lap and stood, straightening yourself and cleaning up the supplies.

“I think it would be best if we all remained here tonight.” Joseph said as he glanced over to you.

“I’m going to check on John, make sure his stitches are holding.” You smiled slightly at them and headed upstairs.

When you were out of the room Jacob approached Joseph, “Can she be trusted?”

“Why do you continue to doubt her?”

“She has caused so much havoc for us in the past, she has threatened to murder us all at one point. I know she saved you and John tonight, but what happens if she decides it was a mistake and turns on us?” Jacob argued, trying to keep his voice down.

“She won’t. I have seen it in my visions. She will remain loyal to us, she is vital to the Project now.”

You approached John’s bedroom and looked over him briefly, he looked so peaceful asleep, not at all like the sadistic idiot he is. You pulled the blanket back to check his wound causing him to wake up.

“Why did you help us tonight?” He asked as his fingers lightly touched your hand.

“Because I’m just as insane and stupid as you all are.”

“Hmm, I don’t think that’s it. I think you lo-“ You covered his mouth quickly with your hand.

“Finish that sentence and it will be your last.”

You made sure his stitches were holding and the bandage was covering it completely, leaving him to sleep. You walked downstairs to see Jacob asleep on the couch and Joseph passed out in an armchair. You were tired, but you couldn’t go to sleep now, not with the thoughts continuing to race through your head. You walked out on the front porch and watched the sun come up. You began to wonder about what would happen now, things were so confusing and messed up you didn’t know what to expect tomorrow. You stayed up for a few more hours, keeping watch.

You scratched at the dried blood on your hands and decided it was time for a shower. You walked back inside to find Jacob and Joseph where you left them. You quietly crossed the room and headed upstairs, John was still asleep in his bed, snoring softly. You walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind you. Once the shower was warm enough you stripped out of your blood covered clothes, deciding to just burn them instead of washing them. You let the water wash over you as it pooled in the shower floor it turned red. You leaned back against the wall and closed your eyes, trying to think of anything other than your fucked up situation. Your hands moved over your body as you let one slide between your thighs. At first, your mind went to John.

_He stepped into the shower behind you, his arms wrapping around your body as you rolled your head to rest against his shoulder. A moan escaped your lips as his hand travelled down between your legs. He nipped and licked at your neck softly as your breathing quickened._

It wasn’t enough though, you needed more. Your mind knew what your body needed, and Joseph entered the daydream.

_Joseph entered the shower in front of you, leaning down to place a soft kiss on your lips before moving down to your chest, his lips so gentle against your skin. His hands kneaded your breasts as he kissed over the tops of them, stopping over one of your nipples, his mouth hovered over it before he began licking and sucking on it._

Your hand moved faster between your legs, your fingers circling your clit, you were so close to the edge, soft moans of their names escaping your lips as the water continued to wash over your body. Suddenly the shower curtain swung open, stopping your daydream immediately.

“Fuck you, John!” You yelled when you saw him standing there as your heart almost beat out of your chest.

“Sounds like you were about to.” A smug grin spread across his face.

“Am I not allowed any fucking privacy? A minute to myself.”

“Not if you’re in my house. Don’t worry, as much as I’d love to help you finish, I wouldn’t exactly be up to par with my stab wound and all. Joseph wants you to join us downstairs.” He turned to leave.

“Oh, and I’d try to be a little quieter with your lustful daydreams. Don’t want all of Hope County to know just how wet you are for us Seeds.” He smirked at you before he left the room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was finally time, your Atonement, you'd avoided it for so long, but as the day approaches you become more and more disturbed by your past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick warning, this is an angsty chapter. There is smut (Joseph/Reader, finally) but it takes a turn. And the next chapter may punch you in the face, just wanted to warn you before you continue.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr where I get into even more trouble with the Seeds: https://farcrying5.tumblr.com/

You finished your shower and got dressed, you hoped John wasn’t serious and no one else in the house heard you. You walked downstairs and saw all three of them waiting in the living room, staring at you as you approached.

“What was so urgent that I couldn’t enjoy a shower for a few minutes?”

“From what we heard, you enjoyed it quite a bit.” Jacob smirked.

You looked over at John who had a big grin spreading across his face, and even Joseph seemed to have a slight smile. There was no point in denying it now.

“Well, since so many of you want to kiss me and leave me hanging, I had to fend for myself.”  Just like that you shut each of them up and their smiles faded.

You walked over and sat down on the couch, waiting for whatever they wanted you down there for.

“You have proven yourself in more ways than one that you are loyal to us, our Project. We thank you for that, but there seems to still be some doubt since you haven’t been to Atonement.” Joseph said.

“Uh-huh, let me guess who still doubts me?” You looked directly at Jacob.

“I sure do. You could still turn at any moment and slit our throats in our sleep.”

“Once you Atone there will be no more doubt. You will be welcomed at Eden’s Gate.” Joseph interjected.

“Well, since I haven’t proven myself enough, let’s go fucking Atone then.” You were annoyed, you didn’t believe in the end of the world, you thought what they were doing was harmless prepping, but didn’t think the apocalypse was coming.

Joseph sighed at your obscenity, he knew there would be no changing that. John hobbled over and sat next to you on the couch.

“You’re free to do as you please, but to commit yourself to us, to our family, we need this.”

You knew he wasn’t just talking about the Project, he was talking about them, each of them, about you being theirs. You had to be one dumb bitch to do all this for some dick, which you still hadn’t even gotten to be with Joseph yet so you weren’t even sure if it was worth it. Who were you kidding though, the way he kissed, he had to be good in bed too.

“Alright, when do we do this?” You hoped you wouldn’t regret this decision.

“Well, I think we all need to take time to rest first and in a few days we can set everything up.”

“This better be worth it.” You mumbled under your breath.

“What was that?” Joseph looked over at you.

“Um, nothing. So what are we going to do for the next few days?” You quickly changed the subject.

“I’m going to head back to the VA Center. Got some new recruitments that need training. You’re more than welcome to join me.” Jacob said looking at you.

“No thanks, I’m not real fond of eating MRE’s and sleeping in a dog kennel.”

Jacob shook his head at you and headed out the door. Once he left John went upstairs to shower and check his bandage, you planned on going with him but were too tired to even make the trek up the stairs, so you stayed on the couch. Joseph left the room and returned with some papers and his book, he said he was going to work on a sermon. He sat down on the couch next to you, you could feel your eyes getting heavier as you struggled to stay alert, you’d been awake for quite some time now. You moved closer to Joseph and rested your head in his lap, he looked down at you briefly before returning to his work. You watched him for a moment, he was so at ease, his lips moved absently as he read through what he had so far. You released all the tension you had been holding in and closed your eyes.

_“I was wrong, I was wrong, I was wrong.” Joseph stood in a field as he murmured over and over. You moved towards him, but he only got further away._

_Suddenly Jacob appeared in front of you holding a gun pointed at your chest, “Cull the herd.” He whispered before he pulled the trigger._

You inhaled sharply and immediately sat up, your heart racing, you looked down at your chest to make sure it was just a dream.

“Are you alright?” Joseph put his notes down as he looked at you.

“Um… Yeah, just a bad dream.” You nodded your head, trying to calm your racing heart.

Joseph grabbed you and pulled you into his lap, you rested your head on his shoulder as he comforted you, patting your hair gently and humming. You relaxed in his embrace but were still concerned about your dream. He wanted to ask more about your dream but decided he didn’t want to press it.

“I want to show you something.” He said softly as he shifted, moving you off his lap.

You followed him outside and got into a car, he didn’t say where you were going or why, but you were glad to just get out of the house and out of your head for a bit. He drove for a few minutes before pulling over on the side of the road. You got out and followed him down a hill that led to an open field with a single tree in it.

“Where are we?” You asked as you approached the tree, you hadn’t been here before or even knew it existed.

“I come here when I need clarity, when I need to think. It helps to get away from everything.” He grabbed your hand and pulled you to sit down with him.

He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, listening to the breeze rustling the leaves. You enjoyed the peacefulness, in this moment there were no bad dreams, no Peggies, no Resistance, only quiet. You scooted closer to him, resting your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes to enjoy this brief calmness. You both remained silent for a while, just listening to nature, you didn’t need to fill the silence with witty remarks or idle conversation, you felt comfortable. You looked up at him as he stared off into the distance, you leaned up and placed a soft kiss on the side of his neck, just underneath his beard. He smiled and turned to you, his hand cupping your face, he leaned down and kissed you tenderly. Your hand reached up and rested on the back of his neck, pulling him to you as you laid down in the grass, never breaking away from each other’s lips.

He continued to kiss you lazily as on hand brushed through your hair and the other rested on your hip. You moved your hand from his neck, over his shoulder and down his chest, grazing over his stomach and stopping at the growing bulge in his pants. He smiled against your lips as he grabbed your hands and placed them above your head, holding your wrists together with one of his hands. Joseph’s movements were soft and gentle, he took his time, not wanting to rush things. He kissed you again before moving down your neck, his lips brushing against your skin as he went. He pushed your shirt up with his other hand, his fingers brushing over your breast as he did. If it had been John or Jacob they would have fucked you against the tree, but not Joseph, he wanted to savor the moment, take in every curve, every freckle on your body and commit it to his memory.

He leaned down and trailed kisses over your breasts, stopping over one of your nipples before taking it into his mouth, you arched your back and moaned at the feeling. You were shocked at just how turned on you were by this, he hadn’t even done anything, and you were ready to combust. He released your nipple and mimicked his action with the other, your breathing had picked up as you panted for him. He released your wrists and continued trailing soft kisses down your stomach, stopping when he reached your pants.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” He looked up at you, asking your permission.

You nodded your head, you wanted this more than anything right now, you needed it. You had been thinking about this moment since you’d kissed him for the first time in the basement, you wondered how different he would be from his brothers. He turned his attention back to your pants and unbuttoned them, sitting up so he could peel them off of you. He leaned back down and his lips grazed over the area just above your panties, you were already soaked and needy for him. He hooked his thumbs in the sides of your underwear and slowly pulled them down, tossing them to the side with your pants. You suddenly felt shy being exposed to him, you had this overwhelming feeling to cover yourself up, but when you saw his face you changed your mind. His gaze moved over your body, his expression as if he was looking at a beautiful scenery.

He moved between your legs swiftly and opened you up to him, he planted kisses up one of your thighs until he reached your center, then doing the same to the other thigh. Your pulse had quickened as you waited for his touch where you wanted it most. He bent his head down between your legs and ran his tongue up from your center to your clit, you gasped at his touch. He pushed two fingers into your wet center as he continued licking and tasting you, you squirmed beneath him, moaning quite loudly.

“Shhhh…” he hushed you, placing one hand over your stomach as if to calm you down.

You closed your eyes and grabbed at the grass beneath you as he continued his torturous movements on your body. You could feel it, you were being pushed towards the edge and had no plans of holding back. Joseph knew you were close and added another finger to your center as his tongue swirled around the little bundle of nerves, eliciting a soft whimper from you. You arched your back as you came hard, your thighs squeezing together but he didn’t relent, he continued through your orgasm until your body relaxed as you breathed heavily.

You came down from your orgasm, but you needed him now more than ever, you sat up and cupped his face, kissing him hungrily. He quickly unbuttoned his pants and removed them as you guided him down into the grass. You moved to straddle his lap, gripping his length you positioned yourself over him before sinking down onto him, feeling each and every inch as he pushed into you. You placed your hands on his chest as you steadied yourself, adjusting to him. His hands rested on your hips as you started to move, you tried to move faster but he held your hips down, forcing you to go slower. He watched as you slowly moved on top of him, relishing every slow sweet moan you made. He didn’t want this to end quickly, he wanted to take his time with you, enjoying the feeling of being intertwined with you.

“J-Joseph… I…” You whined as you moved, the threat of another orgasm moving closer.

“Take what you need.” He spoke softly, but his approval sent you over, you clenched around him as you came again.

He watched you lovingly as you came apart on top of him, your expression soft as you experienced pure ecstasy. If he could he would keep you like this forever, in this moment you were at peace. Your body relaxed again as you started to move up and down, he softened his grasp on you, finally letting you move faster. He thrust up to meet you with each movement, hitting that perfect spot inside you. You were no longer making coherent sentences, only small whimpers and squeaks as you moved on top of him. He grabbed your hips and thrust into you harder, faster, his own release so close. You began to tighten around him again, slowing his movements, another orgasm slamming into you as he found his own, you moaned his name loudly, not caring anymore who heard you.

You were breathless and exhausted as you collapsed on his chest, his arms wrapped around you as you both tried to steady your breathing.

“I think I see the appeal of this place.” You smiled up at him.

“Well, it’s supposed to be for meditation…”

“It definitely helped clear my head.” The bad dream was now in the past, all worry had left your mind, for now.

You finally moved off of him after a few minutes, both of you put your clothes back on and headed back to John’s. You walked into the house, not really sure how long you’d been gone.

“Where have you two been?” John moved from the couch and approached you.

“We went for a hike to clear our minds.” Joseph pressed a kiss to the side of your head as he walked past John.

 “It was exactly what I needed.” You looked up at him.

“I’m sure it was very… satisfying.” He smirked as he pulled a piece of grass from your hair.

You blushed slightly, something about him knowing you fucked Joseph made you feel shy and flustered. You left them and went upstairs to get the rest of the grass out of various places.

The next few days went by slowly, you were getting closer to Joseph, your favorite thing to do was lie in his lap while he worked on sermons, it helped you relax, and these days you needed it. He often absently ran his fingers through your hair and hummed a hymnal, you felt like it helped him relax just as much as it did you. Dreams continued to plague you, restful sleep was now a thing of the past. You didn’t tell anyone about the dreams, you kept them to yourself, but they were becoming increasingly violent and aggressive, to the point where you were waking up frightened and sweating more often than not.

You laid your head on Jacob’s chest, trying desperately to catch your breath, though he was the oldest he definitely had the most stamina. Once your breathing steadied you sat up and looked at him.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“If you’re going to ask for round three, you’re going to have to give me a minute.”

“No, not that, but good to know you’ll be ready in a bit. I was wondering, you’ve experienced a lot of death in your life, how do you keep it from getting to you? The thoughts?”

“Some days the thoughts push their way in, but I have to be strong and detach myself from them. The weak minded are those who let their thoughts run rampant. Why do you ask?” You had never gotten this personal with him before.

“No reason, you ready for round three?” You quickly changed the topic, you didn’t want to tell him about the dreams, they were nothing, you’d just detach yourself from them.

Jacob pushed you down onto the bed and settled between your legs as he kissed you roughly.

You gave it your best effort, to ignore the thoughts and dreams of those you’d killed, of everything you’d done in the last year, but it was no use. You had resorted to sleeping alone, you didn’t want any of them to know, you gave stupid excuses like ‘I like my space’ or ‘you snore too loudly’. Luckily, they didn’t press the issue, except Joseph, he asked you a million times if you were sleeping and if you’d had anymore dreams. You hated lying to him, but you knew he would worry about it and he had enough on his plate.

“I want to ask you something.” You watched John as he moved about the kitchen.

“I’ll answer if you get off the counter top, it’s not cheap to replace marble.”

You rolled your eyes and hopped down, sitting on a stool, “How do you handle killing so many people?”

“The key is organization, my dear.” He smirked.

“Damn it John, I mean, how does it not bother you to take so many lives?”

“I see it like this, I offer salvation, to be brought into the new world, those who refuse are going to die anyways when everything is destroyed, so why not end their lives a little early?”

“I… am literally speechless… I have no words.” You stared at him.

“How do you deal with the countless lives you’ve taken?”

“I…with sex and sarcasm of course.” You smiled weakly, unable to tell him that you don’t deal with it, you are very much not dealing with it at all. You grabbed his waist and pulled him into a kiss, hoping to make him forget about the conversation.

Your Atonement was approaching, you wondered if maybe that would help, if it would relieve you of all this guilt. You were somewhat hopeful, but still pessimistic about it, determined that you would die from sleep deprivation soon.

“You look like shit.” Jacob commented as you descended the stairs one morning.

“Thanks. Why are you always here?” You narrowed your eyes at him and poured yourself some coffee.

“To keep an eye on you, and Joseph wants to scout some new locations to build more bunkers.”

“Are you sick?” John asked as he entered the room.

“Will everyone stop commenting on my appearance? I’m not sick, I’m just not sleeping well.” You snapped at them just as Joseph walked in behind you.

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to your forehead, “Get some rest today, we’ll be back later tonight. And tomorrow you will have your Atonement.” You smiled up at him and nodded your head.

After they left you went back upstairs to sleep in John’s bed, his was the biggest, and those sheets were like sleeping on a cloud.

_“Boys, time for breakfast!” You shouted, but no one answered._

_You searched the house but found no one. You stepped out on the porch and your heart sank, John, Jacob, and Joseph laid in the dirt, their throats slit, blood covering them. You stepped closer and they sat up looking at you. Tears filled your eyes as you looked at them, you glanced down to your hand to see you were holding a bloodied knife. You looked back up and they were gone, there was only darkness. The knife disappeared but your hands were dripping with blood, suddenly bodies surrounded you, piled up around you. You recognized them, the people you had killed, there were so many._

_Joseph appeared in front of you, his hand caressing your cheek gently, “You are the snake in the Garden of Eden.” He whispered._

_Before you could respond he pulled a gun out and shot himself in the head, your breath hitched in your throat as you watched him fall to the ground, turning to ash._

You woke up screaming, sweat pouring down your face as you struggled to breath. Panic spread through you as you replayed his words in your head. Joseph said you were special, but what if he was wrong? What if you were supposed to kill them and end this whole thing? You couldn’t, not now. You cared for them too much, maybe even loved them. You had to leave, to save them.

You jumped up and grabbed your bag, running out of the house. You couldn’t do it, you couldn’t kill them, and you knew if you stayed, they’d end up dying at your hand. Death follows you, these dreams were an omen, you were sure of it and if Joseph knew he’d probably say the same and have you killed right there. You turned and looked back at the Ranch, tears running down your cheeks, you didn’t want to leave, but you had to, to protect them from your destruction.

“I didn’t see anything wrong with it.” Jacob argued with John as they walked into the house.

“Of course, you wouldn’t, you like the smell of rotting flesh and garbage.”

“It wasn’t the… cleanest, but we can work with it. We’ll get some followers to begin clearing it out.” Joseph said.

They looked around the living room but didn’t see you, “You think she’s still asleep?” John asked, raising his eyebrow.

Jacob shrugged his shoulders as John headed up to your room. He returned a few minutes later, a look of worry spread over his face.

“She wasn’t up there.” He said as he walked down the stairs.

They all looked at each other as each of them began to grow concerned. They searched the rest of the house and property, calling out for you, but receiving no response.

“I told you she would turn on us the second she got a chance!” Jacob shouted.

“She wouldn’t. She joined us, she was about to Atone.” John argued as he paced the room.

“She would and she did, she’s probably with the Resistance now telling them everything she knows. I knew we should have killed her when we had the chance.”

“Maybe she left because of your constant distrust of her? I sure as hell wouldn’t stick around. Joseph, please say something.” John turned to his brother.

He stared off in the distance, his face blank, “I… was wrong.” He spoke softly.

Both men stared at him, shocked by his confession. Joseph thought you were special, that God had given you a gift that’s why he spent so much time trying to save your soul. He saw in his visions that you were with them at Eden’s Gate, but he must have been mistaken. He started to believe what Jacob had been saying, that you were only waiting for the chance to run again.

“Well, I’m not giving up on her and when I find her-“

“When you find her, John, you will kill her.” Joseph spoke monotone as he looked over to John, catching him and Jacob off guard.

“You’re joking, right?” John asked.

Joseph stood and walked over to him, placing his hand on his shoulder, “We have given her plenty of chances to join us, more than anyone else, if she returns, if you find her, she will die.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get ready because this chapter... It was hard to write some parts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished this last night and I couldn't wait to post it so here it is. Please don't hate me.

It felt like you had been walking for days, but it had only been a few hours. You had to get as far as you could from John’s Ranch, you couldn’t go to the Resistance and you couldn’t go back. You knew a small shack on the edge of Holland Valley and Henbane River, you found it when you were still running from the Seed’s, that’s where you’d go for now, until you could make a more concrete plan. You trudged through the woods, staying off main roads, the last thing you wanted was someone from the Resistance or the Project to come across you. You wondered if they had returned to the house yet, finding you had gone. You knew Jacob’s first reaction would be that you had turned on them, you could picture John defending you and getting angry, you assumed Joseph would play the peace keeper between them as they searched for you.

After a while you finally approached the shack, it was still devoid of any human contact since you’d been there. It was a one room building, with no windows and a pitiful looking door, but it would do for now. You entered the shack and placed your bag down, you knew it still had some supplies from when you went to save John and Joseph but didn’t really take the time to check it out. You rummaged through it and found some matches, a knife, various medical supplies, and the radio Jacob gave you to communicate with. You switched it on out of curiosity, to see if anyone was broadcasting, what you didn’t expect was to hear John’s voice.

 _“You know we’ll find you, just come back and you won’t be harmed.”_ His voice rang through the shack, you had only been gone a few hours, but you already missed them.

Tears spilled from your eyes as you sat back against the wall, listening to his voice, _“You know we’ll find you, just come back and you won’t be harmed.”_ You closed your eyes and tried to rest for a bit.

At first you tried to stop thinking about them, pushing them from your mind anytime they entered, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. You wondered what wisdom Joseph was passing on to his brothers when you left, how he’d calm you now, kissing your head or holding you in his lap.

“Anything?” John asked one of his Chosen.

“No, Sir.”

“Well, keep fucking looking. I want this whole fucking county searched until you find her.” He shouted.

The man turned and left promptly, wanting to avoid anymore of John’s anger. He knew it was forbidden, but he needed it, he had been searching for days for you, anyone who came across his path he asked if they’d seen or heard from you, he pulled the bottle from his desk, hesitating for a moment but turning it up and drinking as much of the Whiskey as he could. John missed you the most, he always felt close with you, even before you helped them. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to end your life as Joseph had instructed, he wanted to know why you had left.

Jacob had returned to the VA Center, focusing on recruitment, he sent his Hunters out to search for you but when they returned with nothing, he put them on other tasks. Joseph put all of his time into sermons and teaching his word, he blocked out all thoughts of you during the day, but at night when he was alone his mind would always wander back to you. He prayed and meditated, trying to find some clarity or answer as to why you had run, but he came up empty. Your absence had driven a wedge between the brothers, John was desperately searching for you while the other two had given up.

Your mind was rarely silent, you begged and pleaded with God for death, to just end it all, but you lived on. When you closed your eyes, you saw flashes of the different people you had killed, and now you saw the Seed’s, eventually you avoided closing your eyes until you would pass out from exhaustion.

John drank more and more, trying to quell the ache he felt when you left, but it wasn’t helping. A nightly ritual of yours had become to eat whatever roots or berries you could find and turn on the radio, though John stopped broadcasting after the first day you still hoped to hear his voice again. You thought of them more and more as time went on, missing each of them and their dumbass cult. You sat down to eat and switched the radio on, only hearing static.

 _“You left us. You left me.”_ The radio buzzed. John’s words were slurred, your heart lept when you heard him, but you also felt a pain knowing he was drinking, because of you.

 _“Why? Why did you leave? Please… I need to know.”_ He pleaded over the radio.

You knew it was a mistake, but you needed to do it, you held the button down, _“I had to, John.”_

 _“Is it really you?! Are you okay? Where are you?”_ He sounded so excited to hear your voice.

_“I’m fine, and you know I can’t tell you where I am. Just know I left because I had to.”_

_“Please… I need you, we need you…”_ His begging made tears pool in your eyes.

 _“I’m so sorry, John. Please don’t hate me.”_ You began to sob.

 _“Just come back to us, we’ll fix whatever was wrong. You don’t have to Atone… Just… Please…”_ His voice trembled, your chest felt heavy as you listened.

You didn’t respond anymore, you couldn’t, it was becoming harder to refuse him, you wanted to run back into his arms and comfort him. You switched the radio off and put it away.

A few days had passed since your last conversation with John, your dreams started to plague you again, sleep was something you often chased now, it had been a few days since you’d actually been able to sleep without images of the Seed’s dead bodies surrounding you. In your delirious, sleepless state, you wandered through the woods, not sure where you were going, you were beat down, broken, exhausted, wanting nothing more than death.

“Stop right there!” You heard someone shout and looked up to see a man pointing a gun at you.

Your pulse quickened, you were so happy, you walked closer and dropped to your knees in front of him, you reached up and pulled his gun against your head.

“P-Please…” You begged as tears rolled down your cheeks.

The man pulled back from you as you collapsed on the ground, unconscious.

“John? John? What have you done, brother?” Joseph leaned over John, removing the bottle from his grasp.

Joseph hadn’t checked on John in a few days, he felt at fault for his current state, he didn’t like coming to the Ranch, the last place he had seen you. He vowed to stay with him until he was back on his feet, never leaving his side. He didn’t know how hard John had taken your absence, but he knew he had become very attached to you in a short time.

You opened your eyes groggily, you moved to stand but couldn’t get very far due to a chain around your ankle connected to a wall. You rolled your eyes, wondering when John had added this to the basement, but then you remembered, you weren’t with John anymore, you weren’t in his basement. You looked around for a way out but there was only a door.

“She’s awake.” You heard someone shout from outside the door.

You sat back down in the floor when you heard someone unlocking the door. A tall, slim, man entered, wearing a bandana over his mouth.

“I only have one question, get it right, you live, get it wrong- and well, you’ll live, but you’ll wish you were dead.” He squatted down in front of you.

“Who is this?” He held up a picture.

“The Father.” You should have said ‘Joseph’, but you wanted whatever torture and punishment they were giving out to Peggies, you deserved it, you needed to suffer.

The man didn’t say another word as he stood and left the room. You hoped they could deal out better torture than John or Jacob, theirs always turned sexual somehow and eventually wasn’t even that bad, except for that damn intercom John had.

You sat in the room for a few days, most likely they were making sure you were too weak to fight back. The first time you were tortured a large man entered the room, saying nothing he grabbed you up by your shirt and stood you up on your feet before rearing back and hitting you full force in the face, your head bounced off the wall as pain radiated through your skull. When you fell to your knees he would pull you up again and hit you, over and over he did this until your face was bloodied, then he left as quietly as he came. You spit blood into the floor and sat back against the wall, sleep still evaded you.

_“Why do you do this, my child?” Joseph knelt in front of you._

“Go away. I know you’re not really here.” You closed your eyes.

_“You do not deserve this.”_

“Yes, I fucking do. Now leave me alone.” You shouted back, opening your eyes to see an empty room.

John was almost completely back to normal, Joseph had helped him through the worst of it.

“I wish we knew why she left… I just need to know. If I could-” John said as he sat on the couch.

“It doesn’t matter, John. She left and hasn’t come back. And if she does you know what must be done.” Joseph placed his hand on John’s shoulder. Joseph knew if you ever did return it would be hard for any of them to kill you, but it had to be done.

Every couple days they would give you a bottle of water and a piece of bread, just enough to keep you alive. The beatings continued, your body bruised, bones broken or fractured, dried and fresh blood covering you.

_“You punish yourself for nothing.” Joseph stood over you._

“Please, just go.”

_“You have suffered enough.”_

“Who are you talking to?” A man entered the room, staring down at you.

“The Father…” You smiled up at him.

“Stupid ass Peggy.” The man said before he spit on you.

“You should probably beat his image out of my head.” You enticed him, wanting more, you’d convinced yourself you deserved this, that you had to be punished for your crimes.

The man obliged, his fists landing hard on your body, you didn’t fight back or try to protect yourself.

It was all taking a toll on you, being alone, the darkness, the only human contact you had was if you were being beaten.

“You know, if you weren’t so fucking crazy, I bet you’d be a good fuck.” The man said as he squeezed your face, pressing you against the wall, you stared absently at him.

Your silence always made them angrier for some reason, they’d say something to try and get a reaction out of you and then get mad when you said nothing.

“You probably spread your legs for every one of those motherfuckers. Didn’t you?” His hand moved down between your legs, your face still blank of any expression.

“On second thought, I wouldn’t put my dick anywhere near you, not knowing where you’ve been.” He released you and let you fall to the floor, kicking you in the stomach before he left.

_“Come back to me, my child.” Joseph knelt in front of you again._

“I can’t.”

_“You will. I will end your suffering.” He disappeared again._

Eventually your body gave out, you no longer looked up or moved, no smart remarks or attempts to make them angry, you laid in the floor, barely breathing, waiting for death. You were vaguely aware of someone coming in and looking at you, but they said nothing. You could hear voices outside the door.

“She’s done with, drop her off with the others.”

Your body lay limp as they unchained your ankle, lifted you up and carried you out. You opened your eyes barely.

“J-Joseph…” You whispered before falling unconscious.

You opened your eyes to a sea of bodies, at first you thought you were dreaming again, but this time was different, it felt real. You panicked and tried to stand, but you were too weak. It wasn’t a dream, you didn’t recognize any of their faces, this must be what they meant by ‘others’. They were all Peggies, wearing the cultist clothing, with crosses on their foreheads. You crawled out of the pile, needing to get away from the smell, from the death. You had no idea where you were, but you kept going, pushing yourself, using every ounce of energy you had. You collapsed out of exhaustion several times, but each time you regained consciousness you’d crawl further until you passed out again. You were sure this was it, you laid on your back in the grass, certain that death would come to take you soon.

Joseph thought it would be helpful to get out of the house for a bit, he decided to take John to the tree he had showed you before. It would help them both clear their heads. John refused at first, but Joseph was persistent.

“This is it? A big tree? What’s so great about it?” John walked behind Joseph as they approached the tree.

“It’s peaceful here, away from all of the other noise.” Joseph said as he continued.

They stood a few feet from the tree, Joseph closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, John rolled his eyes at him, wondering what he thought was so special about this tree? John looked around until his eyes fell on something in the distance. He slowly walked towards it, he thought maybe it was a wounded animal, but as he got closer, he realized it was a person.

“Joseph, someone’s over here.” He shouted back at his brother, Joseph opened his eyes and walked towards John.

John stopped a few feet short, he couldn’t believe his eyes. Joseph walked over and stood next to him, looking down at your bloodied and beaten body. Neither said a word as they stared at you, John bent down and placed his fingers on your neck, trying to find a pulse.

“She’s alive, but barely. We need-“

“Good. Leave her, John. She’ll die soon enough.” Joseph’s words were harsh, he struggled to say them, but he had to.

“What? No, we can’t leave her here.” John glared at his brother, he didn’t want to leave you to die.

“I told you, she must die. If we ever saw her again, she would have to die. Nothing has changed. Unless you want to shoot her in the head, then we will leave her here.”

“I…I’ll kill her, but I want to know why she left and if she told the Resistance anything about us. She’s obviously been beaten and tortured and it wasn’t by us.”

Joseph knew it was a mistake, he knew if John nursed you back to health enough for you to speak, he wouldn’t be able to do what needed to be done, but he also knew he was right, they didn’t know what you’d said to the Resistance. He nodded his head and John scooped you up in his arms and headed towards the car. He let Joseph drive back, he held you in his lap, his heart breaking as he looked at the bruises and cuts that covered you. He wanted to squeeze you to his chest, promising never to let you go again, but he resisted.

Joseph insisted John put you back down in the basement and restrain you. He didn’t want to take any chances.

You shifted in the bed before you opened your eyes, it took a moment for you to register where you were, but when you did you started to panic, you slid off the bed to the floor, your arm cuffed to the rail.

“No… No, no, no.” You repeated as you tried to pull out of the restraint, you couldn’t be here, you shouldn’t be.

“Hey, hey, calm down. You’re okay, you’re safe.” John rushed in and walked towards you.

You recoiled from him and backed up against the wall, you held your knees up to your chest. John stopped when he saw your reaction to him, “I’m not going to hurt you.” He said reassuring.

You shook your head, “No…No…” You stared at him as his image shifted in front of you, his throat slit open and bleeding, and then back to normal. You were struggling to discern your dreams from reality. You laid your head on your knees and closed your eyes.

John decided it was best if he left you, not wanting to upset you further. He went back upstairs to find Joseph.

“Is she awake?” Joseph looked up from his book.

“Yes, but something’s wrong. The way she looked at me… It’s like she was scared of me.” John sat down running his hand through his hair.

“I’m sure she’s been through a lot. But you need to remember why she’s here, we only need to get information from her. I’m going to ask Jacob to come help.”

Joseph told Jacob they’d found you and that he needed his help to ask you about the Resistance, he explained that John was too close to you and couldn’t detach himself from wanting to save you. He agreed to help, but a part of him wondered if he’d feel the same once he saw you.

Jacob descended the stairs, he watched you for a moment as you were still curled up against the wall, he opened the door and slowly entered. He could see why John had a hard time, he saw the bruises, the wounds, knowing someone had harmed you like this made him angry.

“I see you’ve returned.” He stood by the door.

You glanced at him before averting your gaze from him.

“It’s strange…You being silent for once. Never thought I’d see the day.” He stepped closer, you mumbled something, but he couldn’t make it out.

“You’re gonna have to speak a little louder.” He said as he crouched down close to you.

“Kill me…” You looked up at him, tears pooling in your eyes.

Even during their worst days of torture, you’d never begged for mercy or for them to kill you, not once. You cried and screamed, but you’d never asked for them to stop, Jacob stared at you in disbelief, how much had you been through to break you this badly?

“What did they do to you, Darlin’?” He reached to touch your cheek, but you pulled away from him as your body trembled.

“I’m not sure about this.” Jacob said as he entered the living room.

“What is it?” Joseph asked.

“She’s… not the same. They really did a number on her, she’s scared to death of me.”

“We need to know what she told the Resistance. If they did this to her, I can only assume she gave them detailed information about us. John, I want you to go down there, you cannot see her as anything other than a traitor, treat her like you would anyone you’re trying to get a confession from.” Joseph demanded.

John stood and made his way down to the basement, he took a deep breath before entering the room, he knew this was going to be the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. You were still huddled against the wall, you peered up at him before tucking your head back down. John approached you and removed the handcuff from your wrist, he grabbed your arm and pulled you to your feet, you struggled and tried to pull away from him, but he held firm. He pushed you back against the wall and grabbed your face, forcing you to look at him.

“You’re going to tell me exactly what you told the Resistance.” He struggled to use his usual commanding voice.

“You have to kill me, John.” You stared at him.

“Oh, don’t you fucking worry, I will, but first you’re going to tell me what I want to know.” It was hard for him to keep this up, your entire demeanor had changed, you were submissive, they’d taken everything from you that he loved.

“I didn’t tell them anything…. They didn’t ask me anything.”

“You still think you can lie to me? Why would they beat you like this if they didn’t want anything from you?” His hand tightened on your face.

“B-Because… I deserved it.” Tears rolled down your cheeks.

John loosened his grip on your face, no longer holding it forcefully, his hand caressed your cheek. He stared at you with such discontent, he didn’t know why you would deserve to be treated like that, what made you think that.

“P-Please, John… kill me.” You urged him as you grabbed his hand and wrapped it around your throat.

John immediately pulled his hand back, tears now pooling in his eyes as he stared at you, you were desperate to die, you begged him for death, but he couldn’t. He left the room, unable to see you like this any longer.

“Did she tell you?” Jacob asked as John entered the room, his gaze set to the floor.

“Yeah…” He pinched the bridge of his nose, unable to look up at his brothers.

“Well? What did she say?” A sense of urgency filled his words.

“She said she didn’t tell them anything because they didn’t ask her anything. Then she proceeded to tell me she deserved what they did to her and fucking begged me to take her life. I… I can’t go back down there, I can’t hurt her.” He looked up at his brothers finally, his eyes reddened, and cheeks stained with tears.

Joseph approached his brother and rested his hand on his shoulder, touching his forehead to John’s briefly. Joseph pulled back and walked over to Jacob.

“What are you going to do?” Jacob asked.

“What needs to be done.” He grabbed the gun from Jacob’s holster and descended the stairs. Jacob and John looked at each other before following Joseph.

You slumped back down against the wall, though you weren’t restrained anymore you still sat close to the bed. You had never seen John like that, he looked genuinely hurt, but they need to get rid of you before you cause anymore destruction. You looked up when you heard someone coming down the steps, it was Joseph. He entered the room and closed the door behind him, leaving his brothers on the other side.

“Why do you think you deserved what they did to you?” He looked down at you as you averted your gaze.

“Doesn’t matter. You told me to come back, I did. Now, end my life.”

“What do you mean?” He crouched down. He hadn’t spoken to you since the day you left.

“You told me to come back… after they punished me…” You still refused to look at him.

“Why do you want to die?”

“I need to. I’m not special, I will be your downfall… I’ve seen it… I’ve seen you die at my hand… The dreams…” You glanced at him as he sat on his knees across from you, your eyes drawn to the gun he held.

“Is that why you left?” He understood now, you hadn't been sleeping, it was your dreams that had driven you away.

You nodded your head as you stared into his eyes, he knew what he had to do, what he sent John and Jacob down here to do, but now he wasn’t so sure if he could. He placed the gun on the ground in front of you. Jacob and John opened the door, but Joseph raised his hand to stop them from moving closer.

“Do you want to kill me?” He watched you as the tears streamed down your face

You looked at the gun and then to Joseph, “I don’t _want_ to, but the dreams…”

“They’re only dreams, you still have a choice in what you do.”

“I don’t trust myself… You have to kill me before I kill you… Please, Joseph…” You started to see flashes of their dead bodies again.

Joseph watched as you shut your eyes, your body trembling, suddenly you reached for the gun and held it against your head as you cried.

“I can’t kill you… I-I love you, all of you… I’m so sorry for everything…but I can't...” You closed your eyes and placed your finger on the trigger.

Before you could pull it, Joseph lunged at you, knocking the gun away from your head as you pulled the trigger, the shot echoed through the room. You fought to point the gun at yourself again, Jacob and John rushed over and grabbed the gun from your hand.

“Please! I need to die!” You cried out, reaching for the gun again. Joseph grabbed you and held your arms down, holding you in his lap.

He held you against his chest as he patted your hair gently, trying to calm you as you sobbed. The dreams tormented you with your past, and convinced you that you were going to kill them, that you’d be responsible for their demise, it tore you apart from the inside at the thought. Eventually you stopped trying to fight him and relaxed your body.

“I…can’t…” You sobbed softly against Joseph’s chest.

“Shhh… Shhh… I've got you now...” Joseph soothed you as he slowly rocked you.

Jacob took the gun and put it upstairs, along with any other weapons or sharp objects they could find in the room. They stayed down in the basement, sitting on the concrete floor, against the wall beside Joseph, determined not to leave your side. They each took turns holding you when you would begin to cycle again.

“You’re gonna be alright, Darlin’.” Jacob cooed against your ear as he held you.

“I deserved it…” You began to cry again.

“No, you didn’t.” He reassured you, but you were still convinced you did.

Jacob looked over to John, asking him silently to take you next so he could stretch his legs. John reached over and pulled you into his lap. You rested your head on his chest as the tears slowed, you closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep for a few minutes. You woke with a jolt, John’s arms tightened around you as you struggled and cried out.

“Please… John… Make it stop…” You pleaded, wanting nothing more than for the dreams to end.

“I’m so sorry, Sweetheart.” He held back his tears as he watched you suffer, kissing your head tenderly.

It broke them all to see you like this, they didn’t know how to help you or what to do. If you could just get some sleep maybe you’d have enough clarity to realize the dreams aren’t real.

“What about the Bliss? Would it help her sleep?” Jacob asked Joseph as they stood outside the room, watching John sooth you.

“I worry it will only make the hallucinations worse. Maybe a small diluted amount could sedate her?”

“We can keep her restrained, so she doesn’t hurt herself and make sure someone is with her at all times. It’s worth a try to lessen her suffering.”

“Bring Faith here. Hurry.” He watched as you finally calmed down again in John’s arms. He worried what they would have to do if it didn’t work, if they would have to end your suffering a different way.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Seed's were at a loss of how to help you, they called Faith to see if bliss would do anything for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hoping this chapter, and the next few, will heal your broken hearts after I crushed them with the last two chapters. I'm sorry for the torture.

Jacob returned with Faith shortly, you continued to fight Joseph and John as you struggled to find any kind of solace.

“Father, Jacob told me you needed Bliss?” Faith entered the living room.

“Yes, but not for confession.” He guided her downstairs to see John holding you in his arms as you cried.

“What’s wrong with her?” She looked worriedly.

“She is plagued by dreams, unable to sleep. Can we use the Bliss to sedate her?”

“I-I don’t know. It’s never been used for that. I’m not sure what the outcome would be. It’s possible-“

“We have to try at least. We can’t just let her continue like this.” Jacob spoke up.

Faith stared at you as you trembled, your face red and stained with tears, she felt for you, she really did, to be tortured like this. She stepped into the room and approached you slowly, she sat in the floor in front of John.

“Your suffering shall end soon, my sweet angel.” She reached up and tucked your hair behind your ear.

You didn’t recoil from her touch, you had never seen her before, of course you knew of her, everyone did, the junky turned savior. She looked like an angel, an aura surrounded her as she moved closer to you. Honestly, at this point you’d welcome anything if there was a chance it could end all of this. She pulled a syringe from her pocket, holding it up and flicking it to make sure there were no bubbles in it.

“This is going to help you.” She said as John held your arm out for her, she felt your arm until she found a vein and pushed the needle in, releasing the Bliss into your bloodstream.

You relaxed into John’s arms, feeling like you were melting into him, your eyes grew heavy as your limbs fell limp. Joseph and Jacob stepped into the room as they watched you. You struggled to hold your eyes open as the drugs coursed through your body, as your eyes fluttered shut you saw Joseph kneeling in front of you.

_“God forgives all sins, but you must ask for forgiveness…” Joseph’s voice echoed through your mind._

_You opened your eyes to see Joseph preaching in a field, in that field, with that tree. You moved towards him, it felt like you were floating, everything was foggy, but you didn’t feel any pain or exhaustion._

_“You are not your sins…” He spoke again to the group of people seated in the grass._

_You stood behind him now, he hadn’t acknowledged your presence at all as you watched him speak so passionately. Finally, he turned to you, placing his hands on your shoulders._

_“You can achieve salvation, peace within yourself, all you have to do is ask.”_

Your body twitched in John’s arms, you had only been out for a few minutes, but they were hopeful this would work.

“We need to restrain her, just in case.” Jacob gathered some rope and walked towards John.

“No. I’ll hold her.” John pulled you closer to him, he didn’t want you to wake up restrained and panic.

“John, she’ll be alright. We can keep a better eye on her if she’s restrained.” Joseph reached out for him to hand you over.

Reluctantly, John placed you in Joseph’s arms and they proceeded to tie your arms and feet to the bed frame. Your eyes moved quickly, and your body twitched and jerked, but you were still asleep. They circled your bed and watched you intensely as if they were waiting for something to happen.

_“I don’t deserve salvation. I’m the snake in the Garden of Eden.” You shook your head._

_“The snake is not aware they are the snake. Nor would they care.”_

_Joseph disappeared from in front of you. You looked around for him, but only saw the tree, he told you he came here for clarity. You sat down in the grass like he had done before and inhaled deeply, closing your eyes._

_“If I’m not the snake, then what am I?” You asked in your mind, but your voice rang clear through the air._

“You can’t stand around watching her all day, go find something to do. I’ll sit with her.” Faith stood behind the men as they crowded around the bed.

Jacob and Joseph turned to leave but noticed John hadn’t moved. Joseph placed his hand on his shoulder, encouraging him to follow. He waited for another moment before joining them upstairs. Faith pulled up a chair and sat next to your bed as you continued to move in your sleep.

“The bliss will carry you to the other side, let it in, let it show you the way.” Faith whispered into your ear, you sighed slightly at her words.

She sat next to you and held your hand, you’d squeeze her every now and then, she liked to think it was comforting for you to know someone was with you. She watched over you, you must be important if The Father was willing to go through all of this for you, if they all were.

“Do you think this is going to work? Will she be back to normal?” John paced the living room.

“I don’t know, John. We just have to wait and see. She may not ever be back to normal completely, she endured a lot. Probably more than what we know of.” Joseph wanted to reassure his brother, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up for a full recovery.

“She… She said she left because she dreamt about killing us?” Jacob looked at Joseph.

“I think the dreams were much more than that, but yes. She was afraid she would harm us so she left.”

“How do we fight off fucking dreams? What if she starts having them again and can’t control herself not to act on them?” Jacob stood and joined John in pacing.

“You’re worried about her killing us? What about the girl down there who’s been hallucinating and tormented for weeks? The woman who saved all of our fucking lives? Does she mean that little to you?” John glared at him.

“No, but I’m trying to think ahead, we need to be prepared to-“

“To what? Fucking kill her? Do you hear yourself?” John’s body tensed, he wouldn’t let anything happen to you, not again, even if it meant going against his brothers.

“Enough, we don’t know what’s going to happen and speculating isn’t helping. John, why don’t you go check on her and Faith?” Joseph stood between them.

John stormed off and headed downstairs, he would rather be with you anyways.

“Let’s refrain from speaking about killing her, it only upsets him.” Joseph sat down in the armchair.

“Don’t act like you weren’t going down there earlier to end her life, you told us to kill her if she returned, well here she is and she’s still alive.”

“I-I didn’t know… I didn’t know about the dreams, I thought she had run from us… How wrong I was, she was trying to protect us and, in the process, she ended up causing herself more pain and torment.” He leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees, he could never forgive himself for doubting you, for turning his back so easily, but mostly for not seeing your suffering.

“How is she doing?” John stood in the doorway.

“She’s cried out a few times and jerked around a bit, but nothing too bad. She keeps saying something about a ‘snake in the garden’.” Faith stood and approached John, her hand reaching up to caress his cheek.

“She is going to be okay, the bliss will take care of her.”

“I hope so, I- we, can’t lose her again.” His eyes never moved from you.

 “Who is she? Why does she have all of you in such an uproar?” Faith watched as John moved towards you, a gentleness she hadn’t seen in him before.

“She… She saved our lives, more than once apparently.” He crouched down and held your hand, gently running his thumb over your knuckles.

_“How do I get out of here?” Your voice echoed again, suddenly Joseph appeared, sitting in front of you._

_“You can’t leave yet, it’s not time.” His voice carried through the openness of the plain._

_“When will it be time then?”_

_“When you forgive yourself and let go of the sins that have poisoned you.” He disappeared again, leaving you alone in the field._

“Thank you for coming, Faith. When-If, she wakes up I’d like for you to meet her.” Joseph said as she entered the living room.

“When she wakes up, I’d love to meet the woman that has all of the Seed’s so enamored. She must be truly special.”

“That she is. I can have someone take you back home if you’d like?”

“There isn’t much else I can do for her, let me know how everything turns out.” She smiled as Joseph pressed his forehead to hers briefly before asking a follower to escort her home.

That night they continued to take shifts watching you, John avoided talking with Jacob directly, he was still angry at him. Joseph felt the guilt of what happened to you the most, he should have noticed your suffering, he should have been able to help you. He sat on the side of your bed next to you, his hand brushing the hair from your face. John sat in a chair at the foot of your bed.

“Please forgive me…” He whispered.

“Do you think she can hear us?” Jacob leaned against the door frame.

“Possibly.” John said as he rested his hand on your ankle.

“I wanted to apologize for earlier. I shouldn’t have been so quick to suggest- well, you know. When she left, I assumed she had run, I shutdown any thoughts of an alternative.” Jacob looked over at John.

“We all made mistakes. The choice is how we make up for them now.” Joseph turned to look at his brothers.

_“How the hell do I forgive myself?” You stood and paced in the field._

_Joseph always talked about forgiveness and cleansing your soul of sins, but he never actually told you how the fuck to do it. You paced and racked your brain for something, anything that would help, but he talked so much it was hard to remember all of it._

_“I-I forgive myself.” You looked around, but nothing changed, obviously saying it wasn’t the way._

_You inhaled deeply and released the breath, you thought about all the people you had killed, you knew the way out of this would be to embrace what had been torturing you for so long. Suddenly, those whose lives you took surrounded you. At first you felt that familiar panic set in, there were so many, their faces blank as they stared at you. You took another deep breath and released it._

_“I killed all of you…I took lives that were not mine to take. I can’t undo what I’ve done, but I can choose what path I take now.”_

_“What path do you choose, my child?” The people disappeared and Joseph stood in front of you._

_“Salvation.”_

You woke up suddenly, inhaling sharply and opening your eyes, you pulled against your restraints and looked around, you saw all three of the Seed’s staring at you like you’d come back from the dead.

“Wh-What’s going on?” You looked at your hands and feet tied to the bed and tested the restraints again.

“How are you feeling?” Joseph watched you as you pulled on the ropes.

“I feel like shit. Why am I tied to the bed?”

Joseph slid off the bed and crouched in the floor next to you, you looked at him confused for a moment before he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your lips briefly. He stood and moved aside as Jacob approached you.

“If this is some weird sex-“ You were cut off by Jacob pressing his lips to yours, forcefully.

He pulled back and stepped out of the way when you saw John walking towards you.

“Will some-“ You were stopped again by John’s lips latching onto your own, his kiss deep and passionate, his hand cupped your face. You pulled on your restraints, wanting to touch him.

He finally released you and sat on the edge of your bed, your cheeks were flush, and you felt desire uncurling in your stomach.

“Now that everyone has kissed me, will someone please tell me what’s going on? Why the fuck am I tied to this bed?”

“Do you not remember-” Joseph furrowed his brow as he looked at you.

“I remember everything just fine, the dreams, leaving… the torture, even being brought back here. What I don’t remember is why I was tied to this bed and why I still am.”

“We were afraid you’d try to hurt yourself again, and we weren’t sure how the bliss-“ Jacob said.

“Bliss?! You gave me fucking bliss? Are you all insane? Why would you give someone drugs who isn’t even fully conscious?”

“Well… it worked.” John shrugged.

“I’m surrounded by idiots. If I promise not to kill myself will you untie me?”

The men exchanged glances, unsure if it was a good idea or not. You seemed normal, but with everything you’d been through they didn’t know if you could relapse.

“I think for now, you should remain tied to the bed, just to be sure you’re okay.” Joseph finally broke the silence.

“Seriously? Fine. But someone better bring me something to eat, I’m starving.” You didn’t like it, but you had no choice in the matter.

All three men turned and left you so they could find you some food. You tested your restraints again, but it was no use, they had tied them perfectly with no chance of you escaping. They were all relieved you had woken up and beside being annoyed, you seemed fine.

“I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this, but I’m going to anyways. Just because she’s awake and coherent does not mean she’s back 100%, so… no sex.” Joseph turned to his brothers as soon as they stepped into the kitchen.

“Like, for all of us, or can one of us just-“ John asked.

“None. She has been through insurmountable trauma, no one touches her until we’re certain she’s okay. Agreed?” He looked at his brothers sternly, also knowing he would need to keep an eye on them even if they agreed.

They reluctantly nodded their heads as they made their way to the refrigerator, gathering ingredients for something quick. Joseph returned to you downstairs as they cooked for you.

“My food ready yet?” You asked as he entered the room.

“They’re working on it. I wanted to talk to you about something.” He sat on the edge of the bed.

“I can’t promise they won’t come back, the dreams, if that’s what you want to know.”

“But when I was unconscious, I saw you, I guess you’re my voice of reason, you helped me see that my fate was not tied to my past or my sins, that I could choose another path, so I did.”

“And what path is that?”

“To join the Project, to help in any way I can, except killing. I will do whatever it takes, I still want to atone, and possibly be Baptized again, don’t think the first one took.”

Joseph could see something was different, you didn’t seem to be carrying the weight of your sins anymore, though every other word was still an obscenity, your demeanor had changed, you were genuine in your words.

“I’m glad to hear that, but I wanted to ask your forgiveness, for not recognizing your struggles, for not seeing the way you suffered.”

“In all honesty, I hid it from you, from you all. I didn’t want you to worry about my problems, I assumed I could handle it myself.”

“From now on, you have to tell us everything.” John said as he entered, carrying a plate with half a sandwich on it.

Joseph stood as John sat by you on the bed, carefully feeding you, you wanted to complain, that it was a little demeaning, but he looked so happy feeding you, you decided not to say anything. You finished eating and were full already from that small amount, it had been a while since you’d really eaten anything.

“I’m curious, what did you guys do while I was gone?”

“Well, little Johnny lost it-“ Jacob laughed.

“At least I wasn’t already digging her grave.” John retorted.

“At least someone missed me.”

“We all did, you left a pretty big hole. I don’t think any of us will survive if you do that again.” Joseph still felt bad for how quickly he jumped to thinking the worst about you.

“I’m not planning on it anytime soon. Especially not with a little Seed on the way.” You looked down at your stomach.

You had never seen three men turn that pale that quickly, all of their mouth’s hung open as they stared at you.

“Oh, God, I was just joking, you guys look mortified.” A smile crept across your face.

They collectively released the breath they had each been holding in but were unaware of. None of them were at all prepared for a child, especially not after what they had just been through with you. You had to admit you’d missed them all something awful while you were gone, it was good to be back.

After a bit, Jacob and Joseph left you to get some rest, John didn’t want to leave your side, so he sat against the wall next to your bed, nodding off here and there.

“Will you just get in the bed? You look pitiful.” You could barely see him but still knew he couldn’t be comfortable.

“I’m fine.” He replied sleepily, not bothering to open his eyes.

“Stop being stubborn and just get up here.”

John stood up and climbed into the bed next to you, he rested his head on your shoulder as he wrapped his arms around you. You were finally able to get some good rest that night, your dreams were no longer plagued by death. You woke up the next morning with your feet and hands untied and the basement door open. You stretched and cracked your neck, your arms were a bit sore and you were still recovering from the torture, with bruises here and there and you were positive you had a cracked rib or two. You slowly made your way upstairs to find all three men waiting patiently for you in the kitchen.

“Good morning, how are you feeling?” Joseph greeted you as he pressed a kiss to your head.

“Little stiff, sore, but a lot better than I was doing a few days ago. What’s for breakfast?” You winced as you sat on the stool at the counter.

John placed a plate in front of you, “Eggs and toast. Don’t want you eating too much too quickly.”

You wanted to protest, but you had gotten full off the small sandwich last night, best not to push it. You weren’t used to them taking care of you like this, they all watched you as if you were going to shatter into a million pieces at any moment. You were able to finish your eggs and half of the toast. You slid off the stool and headed towards the bathroom.

“Where are you going?” Jacob stopped you.

“Um, well, I haven’t had a shower in about 2 weeks, so…”

“No shower, you’ll take a bath, and I’ll help you.” Joseph placed his hand on your back and guided you upstairs.

“I’m perfectly capable of taking a shower, been doing it for a while now.” You stood at the bathtub as he ran the water.

“You’re obviously still in pain, possibly with internal injuries. The last thing you need is to slip and fall. Arms.” He commanded, you knew there was no point in arguing, plus it would be nice not to have to do anything.

You raised your arms quickly but soon realized it was a huge mistake, pain shot across your ribs and you lowered your arms a bit until it subsided. Joseph took notice and carefully lifted your shirt over your head, allowing you to put your arms back down. He helped you undress the rest of the way and held your hand as you stepped into the tub. The water felt perfect as you sunk down into it, you were glad you took a bath instead of a shower. You looked at Joseph who’s eyes were fixed on the bruises and dried blood that covered you.

“I’m fine, they’re just surface wounds.” You tried to reassure him.

“I should have never stopped looking for you, I should have known you were suffering but I was occupied by everything else around me. All of this could have been avoided.” His face pained with his guilt.

You leaned forward and held his face in your hands, staring into his eyes for a moment before pulling him closer and softly pressing your lips to his. You wanted him to know everything was alright, that you didn’t blame him for anything. He wanted to pull back, but he couldn’t, he needed you, he moved forward deepening the kiss, he didn’t realize just how much he missed you.

“I thought you said no sex?” John’s voice heavy with envy.

Joseph pulled away from you as you looked over at John, “If you think that was sex then I have something to tell you. And what do you mean ‘no sex’?”

“Joseph said we can’t have sex with you until you’re better.”

“And who decides when I’m better?” You glanced between the two men, concerned you might actually die from lack of orgasms.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You were still recovering from everything and of course the Seed brothers were being overprotective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I broke your hearts, now I'm going to mend them with smut, smut, and more smut... But only because I plan on breaking your hearts again, and again. Enjoy this happy time while you can.

For any normal person, the last few days would have been heaven, having three grown men taking care of you, feeding you and keeping you from doing anything strenuous, but for you, it was complete Hell. The first day or two was fine, you were sore and tired anyways, but after you got a good night’s sleep in John’s oversized bed you were ready to get back at it. Of course, the ‘no sex’ rule was still in effect, John insisted you sleep in his bed, but Joseph told him he had to sleep elsewhere, he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands to himself if he woke up pressed against you. On the third day they finally agreed to let you dress yourself, but no heels and nothing too tight due to your ribs still being sore. Their constant nagging and worrying earned them several eye rolls from you on a daily basis, but they only wanted to protect you.

You carefully dressed that morning and made your way downstairs, one ritual you had become accustomed to was breakfast waiting for you, but not today. There was a box of cereal on the counter with a note that read:

            _Had to leave early, no time for breakfast. Stay out of trouble._

_XO,_

_Seed’s_

You ate a bowl of cereal and wandered around the house, it was boring around there with no one to keep you occupied, you stepped out on the porch and looked around at John’s property, it really was ridiculous, but beautiful. You walked off the porch and headed to the hangar, you were terrified of heights and refused to get into John’s plane, but you enjoyed looking at it.

“There you are.” You turned to see a woman smiling as she approached you.

“I-I’m sorry, who are you?”

“I figured you might not remember me, you were pretty out of it. I’m Faith.”

“Oh, so you’re the one who drugged me? I guess I should thank you.” You sounded harsher than you meant to, but you were still annoyed they’d given you bliss.

“You look like you’re feeling better.”

“Yeah, trying to get back to normal, but Joseph insists I stay here and do nothing.”

“Why don’t we go do something fun? There’s a lake not far from here, it’s a perfect day for a swim.”

“Is that allowed? Will Joseph mind?” You were unsure about this, although you wanted to get away from this place for a bit.

“As long as you’re with me, I’m sure The Father won’t mind.” She motioned for you to follow her.

She was right, the lake wasn’t far, you walked through some trees and were there in no time. You tested the water with your foot before stripping down and jumping in, it was cool, exactly what you needed on this hot day. You looked over at Faith who had already discarded her clothes and was in nothing but her bra and underwear, running into the water. You shrugged and figured you’d do the same. You ran into the water and dove in as soon as you were deep enough, it felt amazing.

“I’m so glad you came and rescued me today.” You said as you swam around.

“I know how restricting it can feel with the Project. It’s good to get out for a bit. How are things with-well, with the Seed brothers?”

You don’t know why but you felt a connection with Faith, you felt comfortable with her like you had known her for years.

“It’s going good I guess, Joseph still blames himself for what happened with me, John is doing his best to behave, and Jacob has been standoffish, I think he still feels ashamed for turning on me so quickly.”

“I don’t know how you handle all three of them, they’re all moody and unpredictable.” She laughed.

“It’s definitely a task.” You smiled.

You continued swimming for a while, just enjoying the sun and water. Even with all the fighting going on it was nice to be able to find a moment of peace in it all and find solace for even a moment. Your started to get tired, thinking maybe you’d over done it with the swimming, you climbed out of the water and sat on the bank, Faith joined you shortly after.

“Where have you been?!” You heard John’s voice echo across the lake, you turned to see him, Joseph, and Jacob all stalking towards you angrily.

“I-We were just swimming.” You stood to face the onslaught of lectures you knew were coming your way.

“Don’t be mad, I talked her into it. I thought since she was with me it would be alright.” Faith spoke up as she hurriedly threw her clothes back on.

“Jacob, take Faith home.” Joseph never took his eyes off you.

“But, Father-“ She tried to argue but Jacob shook his head for her not to. He walked her back to the ranch.

John grabbed your clothes, but Joseph raised his hand for him not to give them to you yet.

“Joseph, I-“

He stepped towards you and grabbed your arm, leading you back into the water.

“Wh-What are you doing?” You tried to pull away.

“Since you want to swim so badly, we’re going to do your Baptism while we’re here.”

You looked back at John, but he said nothing. Joseph guided you into the water until it was up to your waist. He placed his hand on your back and another on your head.

“God brings men into deep waters not to drown them, but to cleanse them. Through salvation our past has been forgiven, our present is given meaning, and our future is secured.” He guided you back until the water enveloped you and you were completely submerged. He held you there for a minute before bringing you back up, you gasped for air as you stood.

You didn’t really feel any different, it was nice to know your past was forgiven through being dunked under water. You knew it wasn’t the right time, that you absolutely shouldn’t, but you couldn’t help it, you threw your arms around Joseph’s neck and pulled him down to you, kissing his lips hungrily. You didn’t want him to be mad at you anymore and this was the only way you knew how to apologize. His hands rested on your hips as he moved closer to you. It had to be the first time anyone had ever made out during a Baptism, but this was _you_ after all, and you didn’t exactly follow the rules. You pressed your wet body against him and could feel his hardness growing, you moaned into his mouth in response. He stepped back from your grasp, leaving you both breathless.

“Let’s get you back home.” He placed his hand on your back and guided you out of the water.

John waited on the bank with your clothes and helped you get dressed. Joseph exited the lake and walked past the two of you, his expression stoic, seemed like your kiss did nothing.

“Is he mad at me?” You whispered to John as you walked towards the ranch.

“What do you think? We came home to you missing again, the only way we found you was one of the followers said they saw you and Faith heading towards the lake.”

“Are you mad at me, Johnny?” You batted your eyes at him, looping your arm around his, and your voice lilted slightly.

He smirked at you, “Nice try.”

You slowly walked into the house behind Joseph and John, unsure of what to expect from either of them.

“You do not leave this house unless you are accompanied by one of us. Do you understand?” Joseph stared down at you, his voice was stern and commanding, it caught you off guard, you’d never seen him like this before.  

“Yes.” You looked down at your feet, you wanted to say more but you knew he was serious.

He didn’t say another word, he turned and left you standing there. His tone and the look on his face made you feel like you were 2 ft tall, he seemed so disappointed in you. John told you to find something to do while he left to handle some business. You wanted to go with him, but he told you no.

You tried reading, flipping through the tv, and cleaning, but you couldn’t shake the nagging feeling of guilt. You decided to seek out Joseph, of course, he was sitting at the desk working on a sermon. You wanted to lay your head in his lap like you used to when he sat on the couch, so you decided that’s exactly what you’d do. You bent down in the floor and scooted next to him, resting your head on his knee. He stopped what he was doing and glanced down at you, his hand brushing the hair behind your ear.

“What are you doing down there?”

“I wanted to be close to you.” You stared up at him hugging his leg to your chest.

His hand gently stroked your cheek as he looked at you, he couldn’t stay angry, they did leave you alone with very little instruction on how not to get into trouble.

“Come up here.” He grabbed your hand and helped you up to your feet, before pulling you into his lap.

“I was worried about you today, that something had happened to you.”

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to get out of the house then Faith showed up-“ You wrapped your arms around his neck and rested your head on his shoulder, nuzzling against his neck.

“I just want to keep you safe.” He pressed his lips to your head.

You tilted your head and softly kissed his neck, nipping at his skin.

“No, you’re still too weak.” He said, knowing exactly what you were doing.

“Oh, come on, we can go slow.” You wiggled your hips in his lap as you continued kissing and nibbling on his neck.

“John would kill me if he found out _I_ didn’t follow the ‘no sex’ rule.”

“He breaks the rules all the time. Please?” You continued lightly kissing his neck.

“Alright, but if I think it’s too much for you we’ll stop.”

You turned around to straddle him, glad you had chosen to wear a dress today, as you returned to your task on his neck and ground your hips against him. He held you in his lap, his hands resting on your hips as he let you do what you wanted. You loved having complete access to him, you were worried he’d make you stop. You needed this, it had been far too long.

“Let’s go upstairs.” He tried to stand but you wouldn’t move.

“Huh-uh. I want it here, now.” You moved your hand down his body to his growing bulge in his pants, eliciting a low groan from him as you palmed over him through his pants.

“What if someone walks in?”

“Don’t care.” You kissed him as you began unbuttoning his pants.

You slipped your hand in his pants and gripped his length lightly, pulling it free, you looked at him as you stroked him between you. He ran his hands up your thighs and pushed your dress up, his lips kissing your neck down to your breasts. His hand moved between your legs as he began caressing you, feeling your wetness already soaking through your panties. In this moment he didn’t care either if someone walked in, he needed you as much as you needed him. He pushed your panties to the side and pulled you forward, you hovered over him as he aligned himself with your entrance. You slowly sunk down on him until you were completely filled, you gasped into his mouth at the feeling. You were tight around him, it had been a while for both of you, so you took a moment to adjust.

“You okay?” Joseph asked since you hadn’t moved or said anything for a few minutes.

“Y-Yes…just…feels so good…” You said in more of a whine.

Joseph grinned, his hands held onto your hips as he began to move you back and forth in his lap, you were too overwhelmed at the moment to move on your own, so he did it for you. Breathy moans escaped your lips as the friction built up, you held onto his shoulders, your eyes closed as you tried to focus. His mouth latched back onto your neck as he kissed and licked your skin, you finally gathered yourself and began circling your hips as you rode him. His hand moved slowly up your side to the top of your dress, he pulled it down enough to expose one of your breasts to him. He immediately pressed a kiss to it before sinking his teeth into your nipple. You inhaled sharply the second he added pressure to your nipple, your fingers now digging into the skin on his shoulders.

Your walls clenched around him as he continued his assault on you, his tongue lovingly lapping at the skin he had just so aggressively bitten. You could feel yourself getting close, you started moving faster, Joseph moved one hand between you and found that bundle of nerves, pressing it firmly causing you to buck your hips into his hand.

“J-Joseph…I’m close…” You panted against his ear as you hugged his body to you.

He nuzzled into the crook of your neck, kissing you sweetly before sinking his teeth into your soft skin, hard enough to leave a visible mark, the sudden pain pushed you over the edge into your release. You tightened around him, your movements erratic, his arms squeezed you against him as you coaxed his release from him. You stayed intertwined with him for a few minutes as you came down from your post-orgasm high. You released each other as he pulled out of you, but you remained in his lap, kissing him lazily.

“Can we just stay like this the rest of the day?” You asked between kisses.

“I’d love that.” He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer as he deepened the kiss, you were surprised to feel him hardening against you again so soon.

You spent the next few hours wrapped around each other, never moving from the desk where his unfinished sermon lay abandoned. You weren’t sure how many times you had sex, you’d both finish and then start up again shortly after. You loved being held so tenderly by him without any distractions. You never wanted to make him worry again, but if this was the outcome then you might have to misbehave more often.

“We…need…to stop…” He said between breaths.

“I…agree…food…then we…go again.” You panted.

He pulled out of you as you slid off the desk, grabbing your panties from the floor and sliding them back on. He stuffed himself back in his pants as he followed you out of the room and into the kitchen. You pretty much chugged 2 glasses of water and were working on your third when John returned. He took one look at your reddened faces and smirked.

“See you found something to do while I was out.”

“Just making up for lost time.” You smiled at him as Joseph’s arms encircled your waist.

“I’m glad the ‘no sex’ ban has been lifted.” His eyes grew dark as he looked at you, you knew he was planning something sinister.

 “She’s still weak, nothing too rough, John.” Joseph placed a kiss on the top of your head before releasing you.

Your heart pounded, John was the more sexual one of the three and he’d been without for a few weeks now, you could only imagine how frustrated he’s been and how he was about to take those frustrations out on your body. You weren’t sure if death by orgasm was a thing, but you were about to find out.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John was eyeing you, ready to pounce after he found out the 'no sex' rule had been broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, this chapter is just a good smutty time with John. A present from me to you before I destroy your lives.

“John, stop looking at me like that.” You backed away from him slowly.

“Like what?” He said as he sauntered towards you.

“Like I’m fucking prey and you’re about to attack. I need to eat something, I haven’t eaten since this morning.”

“Better eat quickly then. You have 5 minutes, and then-well, we’re going upstairs.”

Joseph didn’t say a word as he watched your interaction, he continued drinking his water, you hoped he’d tell John to go easy, to leave you alone for a bit so you could regain your strength, but he was no help. You hastily made yourself a pb&j, normally you would’ve cut the crust off, but you figured you could use the extra sustenance. John glanced from you to his watch as he literally counted the seconds. You shoveled the sandwich into your mouth hoping to get some extra time to eat something else, but as soon as the time hit, John stalked over to you and promptly picked you up. He threw you over his shoulder and headed for the stairs, Joseph smirked as he watched you get carried off.

John kicked his door open and threw you down onto the bed. He quickly began unbuttoning his vest and shirt.

“Clothes. Off.” He demanded.

Even though you were exhausted you were still pretty excited, you stripped out of your dress and underwear quickly. You lay on the bed, completely naked as you watched John finish removing his clothing, unsure of how your life worked out so perfectly for you to have full access to these brothers. You were already worked up and wet for him. He wasted no time in joining you on the bed, settling between your legs, and pushing you further up the bed.

“Remember, Joseph said to be easy with me, I’m fragile.” You grinned, you knew how hard John liked to go and hoped Joseph’s warning would make him pull back a little.

“Joseph isn’t here.” His head ducked down as he bit into the skin on your neck, next to Joseph’s mark. You inhaled sharply as his teeth pierced your skin. He pushed your legs open further before swiftly entering you.

“Mmm, fuck you’re so tight…” He groaned.

He gave you no time to adjust before he pulled out and thrust back into you hard, filling you to the hilt. His hands moved greedily over your body, grabbing and pulling at your skin, his fingers digging into your hips as he continued his slow, deep, thrusts into you. You wrapped your arms around his back, trying to hold on to something, you were already so close, John could always make you cum without even touching your clit, he hit that perfect spot within you every. single. time.

“John…Fuck…” You panted against his ear.

Your nails dug into his skin, making him growl in exasperation. He latched his lips to yours as he kissed you hungrily, he took your bottom lip between his teeth and bit down. The metallic taste of your blood mixed in your mouths as he released your lip, his tongue running over it soothingly. He increased his pace as he slammed into you, the bed hitting the wall, alerting anyone near exactly what you were doing, as if your moans and screams weren’t already doing that.

“Gonna cum for me like a good girl?”  He always made sure to say the filthiest stuff to you, knowing how much you loved it.

His words made you tighten around him as he moved within you, you could feel yourself approaching the edge, you had already cum so many times today, you weren’t exactly sure how many more you had in you. Your orgasm hit you hard, your body shook beneath John as you came, it didn’t take long for him to find his own release.

“God…I missed being buried inside you.” He groaned.

You assumed he’d take a break, but no, he wrapped his arms around your body and moved off the bed, still inside you as he made his way to the bathroom. He turned the shower on and waited for it to heat up before stepping in. The water washed over you as you held onto him.

“How many?” He asked, but you just looked at him, not sure what he was asking.

“How many times did you and Joseph fuck?”

“I, um- I’m not sure, I didn’t really count. Maybe 4?”

“Better go for 6 just to be sure then.” He pushed you against the wall of the shower and started kissing your neck.

“You’re kidding right? 6 what?” You pulled back and looked at him, was his ego really that fragile? The answer was yes.

“I’m going to fuck you 6 times and you’re going to cum twice as many times.” He pulled out of you and pushed back in slowly.

“John, no.” You tried to sound stern, but it came out more worried.

“John, yes.” He mimicked your tone.

“John, that’s impossible. I’ll die of exhaustion first.”

“Guess we’ll see.” He thrust into you lazily against the wall.

You didn’t know how he did it, how he had so much stamina to fuck you and hold your body weight up against the shower wall, but he did. By the time you finished you’d had two orgasms and were ready for a nap, but according to him you were going to have sex 4 more times and cum another 10. After you exited the shower, he bent you over the counter and entered you from behind.

“J-John…” Your legs began to shake as you tried to keep up with him.

“Look at you, just begging for me to fill you up again.” He wrapped your hair around his hand and pulled it as he fucked you. You couldn’t deny how much of a turn on it was to see him thrusting into you from behind in the mirror. You came three times during that session, he wouldn’t quit whispering the filthy things he was going to do to you next and it drove you over the edge. You were down to 3 more times and 7 orgasms.

You could barely walk at this point, your legs felt like jell-o as you made your way back to the bedroom. John got impatient at you moving so slowly so he grabbed your hand and pulled you. He sat down in an armchair in the corner, he grabbed your hips and spun you around to where you were facing away from him. He pulled your hips down and aligned himself with your center as you sunk down onto him. Even though you’d been impaled by him and Joseph for the better part of the day you still couldn’t get enough of them. Your body responded immediately to him as you circled your hips, his hands rested lightly on them as you moved.

You gripped the arms of the chair as you felt the familiar heat pooling, you were so weak it was hard to hold yourself up. John could tell you were getting tired, so he helped you a bit, his hands wrapped around your hips as he helped lift you up and down, you were glad to have the assistance, but it only made your impending orgasm come that much sooner. You clenched around him as your body trembled and you moaned his name for the hundredth time. He continued to fuck you in this position until you were spent, he pulled 2 more orgasms from you and you were barely coherent anymore. 2 more times and 4 more orgasms to go, but you weren’t sure if you’d make it to the end.

He lifted you off of him and helped you over to the bed, you hoped he’d let you just lie there, but that wasn’t the case. He laid on the bed and puled you down to straddle him.

“How-How are you still going?” You panted as you sat back on his thighs, you wanted a brief moment before you were stretched out again.

“First of all, I haven’t had sex in weeks and that’s a shame really. Secondly, I don’t think I could ever get enough of you.” He tucked your hair behind your ears, looking at you with such gentleness.

There it was, how he pulled you back in, you found the energy you needed, you placed your hand on his chest as you moved forward, settling back down on his length, taking him inch by inch. His moment of sweetness made your heart leap. You ran your fingers through his beard before leaning down and kissing him tenderly. Of course, he had to regain control and sunk his teeth into your lip again, softer this time, careful not to draw blood. You sat back up and began rocking your hips as you stared down at him, he looked as though he was seeing you naked for the first time, eyes full of amazement.

He knew you were trying your best to keep going, he slid his hand between your thighs and circled your clit, bringing you to your imminent release.

“J-John…” You whimpered as you came around him, your head thrown back, eyes closed.

He moved his other hand up your body to grip your throat, squeezing lightly. His fingers didn’t relent on your clit, he continued circling it, you were becoming overly sensitive and he wasn’t helping matters.

“John…I-I can’t…” You pleaded.

“Come on, I know you can do it. Give me what I want.” He loved watching you beg and come undone for him.

You stilled your movements on him, focusing on his fingers as they rubbed against the bundle of nerves. He got impatient and pulled you down against his chest, his arm held you down against him as he thrust up into you, causing you to cry out. His fingers still continued, never slowing down. You lost all words, you could only make pitiful whines and squeaks as he fucked you so thoroughly. You didn’t have time to prepare because your next orgasm hit without warning, he held you as you rode through your release.

“P-Please…That’s it…” You collapsed on his chest, breathing heavily.

“One more time, then I’ll let you sleep.” He sat up, still buried inside you.

You wrapped your legs around him and held onto his shoulders to hold yourself up, his arms wrapped around you and pulled you closer. You were so tired and sensitive, you could feel bruises forming from his constant biting and pinching at your skin. He was determined to coax 2 more orgasms from you. The first one came easily because he started whispering into your ear about how good you were being for him, you didn’t realize it until now, but you definitely had a praise kink. He thrust in and out of you as you rocked your hips against him, working on your last orgasm, you wanted to stop and just sleep forever, but he wouldn’t let you. Tears sprung to your eyes as you felt your orgasm approaching, you clawed at his back, he growled into your ear which made you tighten around him. You enjoyed when he became more animalistic.

“Just one more, such a good girl for me… I know you can do it.” His words were your undoing, you came hard, possibly harder than you had all day, you shuddered against him, bucking your hips into his hand, you felt him spasm within you, filling you again.

He eased out of you as you fell back on the bed, trying to regain control over your breathing. He laid down beside you and pulled you close, nuzzling into the crook of your neck, tenderly kissing the bite mark he had left, which was already bruising.

“That was enough sex for the next week. I don’t think I’ll be able to walk at all.”

“Good. Next time you decide you might want to run away, I’ll just have to catch you first and fuck the mobility out of you.” John smirked at you.

“I’m never running away again. I missed you too much.” You stared up into his blue eyes, truly happy in this moment.

John kissed your lips tenderly, “You better get some sleep. I’m sure Jacob will be waiting for you when you wake up.” You noticed how he avoided the conversation about you leaving, you wondered what exactly he went through after you left.

“Shit. I forgot about him, my pussy is going to be dead after this.”

John laughed at your comment before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

You slept so fucking hard after that, you didn’t notice John leave the bed, you didn’t notice Joseph come to check on you, and you didn’t even notice when Jacob came by, you were dead to the world.

“What did you do to her, John? Is she ever going to wake up?” Jacob asked as he sat on the couch.

“Don’t look at me, Joseph got to her before I could, and she was almost dead then.”

“Stop bitching, I’m up. It’s hard to sleep when three grown ass men don’t know how to keep their voices down.” You walked down the stairs rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

“Sorry, Princess, didn’t realize sleeping for 10 hours would make you so cranky.” John said as he approached you.

You turned to him quickly, putting your hand up for him to stop, “No, I am off limits for the next 24 hours, you two have destroyed me. Look at this.” You pulled the collar of your shirt to the side to reveal the bite marks John and Joseph had left.

“All I see is one missing.” Jacob had moved behind you without you realizing it. He pushed you against the counter before leaning down to leave his own mark next to the others, causing you to gasp.

“There we go, now you have the full set.” He smirked and winked at you.

You really did despise yourself and how your body reacted to these men, you grabbed his hand and led him upstairs. You were still tired but feeling his rough hands on your body was all you could think about since he sunk his teeth into you.

“Not in my bed.” John called out.

“We’ll stick to your bathtub then.” You shouted without looking back.

You walked into the bathroom and started filling the tub, you grabbed the hem of your shirt and lifted it over your head, dropping it to the floor.

“If you’re still tired, we don’t have to.” Jacob stood by the door.

You stalked over to him and leaned up, kissing him softly, as you began removing his clothing. You remained silent, pulling him over to the tub and waiting for him to sit down. You straddled his lap and sat back on his thighs.

“Now that I have you where you can’t run, we need to talk. You’ve been avoiding me.”

“No, I’ve- I’ve just been busy.” He stammered.

“Bullshit. You feel guilty for turning on me and not looking for me as long as John did. Honestly, I probably would’ve assumed the same thing. I don’t blame you and you need to stop blaming yourself and avoiding me.” You moved up and positioned yourself over him, before sinking down onto him.

“Now, fuck me like you missed me. Idiot.” You leaned down and pressed your lips to his as his large hands roamed over your body as he deepened the kiss, pulling you closer.

By the time you finished there was water everywhere in the floor, John would be pissed. You walked downstairs behind Jacob to see Joseph and John cooking dinner, you were glad because you were starving. You stood back and watched as they interacted with each other, Jacob picking on his little brothers, of course, John saying something rude back and Joseph trying to keep the peace between them. You were still amazed that you had found happiness with the Seed family, the family you had set out to kill.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Out of boredom, breeds pain and pleasure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little smut, little storyline, little violence. Makes for a good chapter.

“Johnny… Wake up.” You whispered softly into John’s ear, but he didn’t move. You had slept for like 12 hours and wanted to do something, anything.

“John…” You spoke a little louder.

“I am not in the mood. Let me sleep.” John’s voice still groggy as he rolled over away from you.

“But I’m bored.”

“Go find someone else to entertain you.” He covered his face with a pillow, hoping to drown you out.

“Fine. But I’ll leave you with these so when you wake up you see what you missed.” You sat back and removed your underwear, placing them on John’s stomach.

You climbed out of the bed and sought out Jacob, you knew he barely slept so he must be awake. You knocked on his door but there was no answer, you slowly opened the door to see him dead asleep still. You tiptoed in and closed the door behind you, climbing into the bed and leaning into his ear.

“Jacob?” You whispered but received no response.

“Jake?” You spoke louder.

“I swear if you don’t let me sleep, woman-“ He threw his arm over his face.

Now you were annoyed, you had struck out once, but you persevered. You pulled back the sheet that was covering Jacob and straddled his lap. He shifted when he felt your weight on him, but he didn’t open his eyes. You grabbed the waistband of his boxers and slid them down, gently taking him in your hand and stroking him until he hardened. You knew he had to be alert by now, but he remained in the same position. You moved back and positioned yourself over his length before sliding down onto him.

“Jacob, I’m bored.” You placed your hand on his chest and drug your nails down, eliciting a low groan from him.

“What, did John not want to play with you this morning?” He finally moved his arm and stared up at you.

“You know him, needs his beauty sleep or he’s a cranky bitch. Let’s do something.”

“Like this?” His hips thrust up into you, making you gasp.

“Well, yes, but after, let’s go hunting like we used to.” You circled your hips slowly.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” His hands slid up and down your thighs.

“Oh, come on. Take a page from John’s book and ‘say yes’.” You grinned and bounced on him once, his hands stopped.

“I don’t really want to think about John right now. Do that again though.”

You bit your lip slyly before lifting yourself up and dropping back down on him, his eyes glued to your breasts as they bounced.

“Say ‘Yes’.” You repeated the movement again and again.

“Okay, okay, just please don’t stop doing that.” His hands squeezed your hips as you continued your movements.

“Deal. Fuck me then take me hunting.” You continued to ride him, up and down, bouncing your body on top of him.

He soon learned your rhythm and lifted his hips to meet you as you came back down, hitting that spot deep inside you. His hands moved up your body as he cupped your breasts, holding them as you moved. You could feel yourself getting close, you loved the way his rough hands felt on your skin, the way he growled at every little movement you made.

“Come on, Darlin’ let go.” He groaned, his own release so close.

Your walls clenched around him as your movements slowed, you felt your orgasm roll through your body, igniting every nerve as you came. Jacob’s hands moved down to your hips, holding you as he thrust up into you a few more times before he came deep inside you. Once you regained the ability to breathe normally, you climbed off him and headed towards the door.

“What, no cuddling?”

“Now you’re acting more like John. Be ready in 5.” You smiled back at him before you left the room.

You got dressed in your camo pants and a black tank top, ready to hunt. You needed this, needed to get out of this house and do something violent. You’d vowed not to kill anymore, but there was something in you that still craved it, and what better way to satisfy it than to kill an animal or two. Jacob finally joined you downstairs and poured himself some coffee.

“Where are you two going?” John said as he walked sleepily down the stairs.

“We’re goin’ huntin’” You feigned a Southern accent the best you could.

“Before you go, you left these in the bed, why don’t we go upstairs, and I can help you put them back on.” A sly smirk spread across his face as he held your panties up with one finger.

You strode over to him and pressed your body against his, your hand moving down to grope the already hardening bulge in his sweatpants.

“No thanks. Jake already took care of me.” You spoke softly against his lips before pulling away from him.

“That was just mean.” He shouted at you as you followed Jacob out the door.

Jacob was always prepared for hunting, he kept everything he needed in the truck. You decided you wanted to use compound bows instead of guns, to be stealthier. You grabbed your supplies and headed North.

“Oh. My. God. Jake, are we there yet? We have been walking for miles.” You sluggishly walked behind him.

“We’ve only walked about two klicks.”

“Can you carry me?” You whined, the sun beating down on you.

“You’ve gotten spoiled spending so much time with John.” He continued as if the heat wasn’t bothering him at all, showing no signs of fatigue.

You couldn’t argue, you asked for this, but you thought it would just be a fun hike, not a 5k walk. You must have blocked out all the terrible parts of hunting with Jacob. The first time he took you out he only gave you a knife, you sat in a tree for 2 days before a deer even got close enough for you to attack. By the end you were covered in dirt and blood, with Jacob fucking you in the mud. Afterwards he made you skin the deer and carry it back home.

“This looks like a good spot. Let’s see your aim with that bow.”

You held the bow and lined up the arrow, you inhaled and then let it go on the exhale, it hit directly in the center of a tree.

“I’m a natural.” You beamed.

“Widen your stance, keep your elbow up.” He kicked your feet apart and raised your elbow.

“You’re just jealous that-“ Before you could finish your sentence he had lined up his bow and shot his arrow, it split yours in half.

“Show off.” You rolled your eyes.

“That’s enough practice. Up you go.” He motioned to the tree.

“The fuck am I supposed to get up there? I’m not a damn squirrel.” You looked up, the closest branch was 4 feet over your head.

“Figure it out.” He walked over to another tree and climbed it effortlessly, not even breaking a sweat or struggling in the slightest.

You tried to jump and grab the limb, but it was no use. You decided to take a running jump, you backed up and ran at the tree, your foot landed on the trunk and you propelled yourself upward, grabbing hold of the branch. You struggled for a moment, kicking your feet as you tried to find the upper body strength to pull yourself up. You finally got up into the tree and perched yourself on the branch, breathing heavily, your face reddened and sweat forming on your brow.

“I did it.” You felt proud of yourself.

“Barely.” Jacob smirked.

You sat quietly in the tree, waiting for some poor unsuspecting animal to wander across your path. You heard something rustling in the bush, you readied your bow, the second it came out you shot it, direct hit.

“Jake! I got it!” You shouted excitedly as you looked at the dead fox.

You moved to climb down, “Wait. Don’t move.” He held his hand up at you.

“What is it?” You asked, but received no answer, his attention was on the hill beside you.

Before he could say anything a pack of wolves came over the hill and headed right for where you were.

“Oh, shit, Jacob, what do we do?!” You spoke in a hushed tone.

“Nothing. They must have been tracking it.”

“But they’re going to take my kill?”

“Do you want to ask them for it politely?”

You watched as three wolves slowly approached your freshly made kill, one of them sniffed at it while the other two watched you and Jacob.

“Aren’t you like the wolf whisperer? Can’t you make them go away?”

“That-That’s not how it works. Just wait, they’ll take the kill and leave.”

As soon as he spoke one wolf picked up the fox and carried it away, the other two following behind. Jacob waited a few more minutes before he jumped down, you struggled to get in the tree and now back out of it. You hung down off the branch and Jacob’s hands grabbed your hips, helping you down to the ground.

“Well, this turned out terribly. I just wanted to kill some innocent animals.” You turned to Jacob, looking disappointed.

“Why do you want to kill something so badly?” He tucked a piece of hair behind your ear.

“I can’t shake this urge; this craving and I don’t understand it. Killing people put me into a downward spiral, but now I have this itch I can’t scratch.”

“Once you take a life it sticks with you, almost haunts you. But after that initial kill, your soul feeds on that feeling, it’s what separates the strong from the weak.” He towered over you.

“So, what do I do then? Because my soul drove me into insanity over the amount of people I killed.” You looked up at him, you really didn’t know what the fuck you were supposed to do.

“It seemed like you were more upset by the dreams about killing us, that’s what they focused around, right?”

“But what about the guilt? After I killed that kid Justin, the guilt engulfed me.”

“You only felt guilt because you’ve been ingrained to, you’ve been told killing is wrong and that you shouldn’t do it. But you must, you must weed out the weak, cull the herd.”

You considered his words carefully, the dreams did seem to revolve around you killing them, and it was at the beginning of your relationship with them. Everything had changed from you being tortured and their enemy, to loving them so quickly, maybe it caused some inner turmoil?

“I’m not telling you to go slaughter thousands of people, just try not to think about it too much. Just follow your gut.” He leaned down and kissed you swiftly.

“We should head back. I’m sure Joseph will be worried about you.”

“Not when I’m with you.” You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him into a deep kiss.

Your attention was pulled away when you heard a growling behind him, you opened your eyes and saw one of the wolves had returned. Jacob froze, he knew as soon as he turned the animal would see it as an aggressive act and attack.

“Run. I’ll hold it off.” He whispered to you.

“Fuck that. I’m not leaving you here.” You slowly grabbed your bow off the ground, holding eye contact with the wolf as it snarled and growled.

You aimed your bow, but before you could shoot it lunged at Jacob, knocking him to the ground as it clawed at his back. You grabbed the arrow and dropped the bow, you ran to Jacob and attacked the animal, shoving it off him, you held the arrow in your hand and jumped at the wolf, stabbing it in the neck, shoulder, it’s back. The animal howled in pain, but you didn’t relent, you continued to stab it over and over until its movements stilled. You breathed heavily over the animal, covered in its blood. You turned around to Jacob who was struggling to stand, he was bleeding, his jacket and shirt torn the shreds on his back.

“Shit, are you okay?” You ran to his side, helping him up.

“Y-Yeah, I’ll be fine. We should go.” He glanced at the animal that lay on the ground, your weapon still sticking out of its body.

Jacob leaned on you for support the rest of the walk home, he winced slightly every now and then but tried his best to hold up his ‘tough guy’ composure. You opened the door to John’s Ranch and helped him in.

“What the fuck happened?” John said as he rushed over as soon as he saw you, helping take some of Jacob’s weight off you.

“Jacob, are you alright?” Joseph entered the room when he heard John.

“Yeah, just had a little incident while hunting.”

“I killed some animals.” You helped guide Jacob to a chair, he sat down with his chest to the back of the kitchen chair, leaving you room to tend to his wounds.

“No, you murdered that wolf.”

“Wolf?! What wolf?” John stared at you in disbelief.

“A wolf attacked Jacob, so I stabbed it. With an arrow. Several times.”

“She completely destroyed it.” He smirked.

“John, get the first aid kit. Are you okay, you’re covered in blood?” Joseph looked you over.

“It’s not mine. Well, maybe some, it did get a good bite in right here.” You lifted the side of your shirt to reveal the bite mark on your side, skin shredded and bleeding.

“Sit down, we’ll get you both cleaned up.” Joseph pulled the chair out for you.

You sat down across from Jacob, you smiled at him, you were proud of yourself, you saved him and killed a big fucking wolf.

“You did good today. Might have to go on a real hunting trip, up in the mountains.” He winced as John began cleaning his wounds.

“Not anytime soon you won’t.” Joseph said as he knelt in the floor, cleaning your bite mark.

“You could’ve been hurt.” Joseph said as he looked up at you.

“But I wasn’t, I’m stronger than you think.”

“You’re right. You’re absolutely right.” He stared off as if he was thinking about something.

Once you were both patched up you helped Jacob into his bed to rest. You joined John downstairs as he began cooking dinner.

“Where’s Joseph?” You asked as you hopped up on the counter, tensing up as pain shot through your fresh wound.

“He said he had some business to attend to and that he’d be back later. Get down.” He moved about the kitchen.

“Business? What business?”

“He didn’t say. Get down.” He grabbed a knife and began chopping vegetables.

“We should do something together tomorrow.”

“You wanted to do something this morning and look what happened. Down.”

“Well, if a certain someone would have woken up when I asked then none of this would have happened.” You grinned.

John placed the knife down and made his way over to you, his hands resting on either side of your thighs.

“So, what you’re saying is, I should stop whatever I’m doing just so you can get a quick fuck, to avoid bad things from happening?” His tone was short, you could tell he was annoyed.

You bit your lip and nodded your head, “Down. Now.” He commanded.

You stared at him and remained on the counter. You wanted to see exactly what he’d do if you didn’t obey him.

“You’re testing my patience and I am not a patient man.” His eyes grew dark, your heart pounded.

Suddenly he grabbed your arm and pulled you off the counter, without a word he spun you around and pushed you against the hard surface. He grabbed the waistband of your shorts and underwear, pulling them down to your ankles. He pushed your feet apart with his leg as he unzipped his pants. You turned your head to look at him, but he grabbed your hair and pushed your face down onto the counter as he entered you quickly. You gasped at the sudden intrusion as he began thrusting into you, not waiting for you to adjust to him. At first it hurt a little, but as he moved within you, you could feel your wetness increasing with each thrust.

“Such a fucking brat.” He growled into your ear, he released your hair and moved his hands down to your sides, pulling at your skin.

“Ow, fuck, John not there.” You shouted as his fingers dug into your wound.

He didn’t say a word but pressed his fingers harder over the spot, causing you to shout in pain again. You didn’t want to admit it, but you loved this side of him, rough, unforgiving, and the pain mixed with pleasure was classic John.

“F-Fuck you…” You panted as you tried to grab his hand and remove it from your wound.

“Keep fighting me, it only makes me harder.” He said through gritted teeth as he fucked you against the counter.

His thrusts became deeper, harder, like he was trying to break you, you moaned in response, never wanting him to stop. You tightened around him as you got closer and closer to your release.

“This what you wanted? Me to stop what I’m doing just to fuck you? Selfish little girl.”

You bit your lip as he spoke, you loved the way he talked to you when he was angry.

“A little girl who got you to do exactly as she wanted.” You mocked him, knowing precisely how to rile him up.

A low chuckle came from his throat before one of his hands grabbed your hair and pulled it back, his other hand pressed into your wound more, breaking the stitches as blood rose to the surface. You yelled out but loved it.

You felt your orgasm getting closer, you whimpered as he fucked you. You clenched around him as you came, pleasure washing over you as your legs shook. He continued to thrust into you until he found his own release, stilling his movements and loosening his grip on you. He pulled out of you once he’d finished, shoving himself back into his pants and leaning against the counter next to you. You both breathed heavily for a few minutes before finally catching your breath.

“You’re real sensitive about these counters.” You grinned at him as you pulled your underwear and shorts back up.

“You’re bleeding again.” He said as he glanced down at your wound.

“Shit. Joseph isn’t going to be happy.” You looked down at the blood soaking your shirt.

“Neither am I if you drip blood all over these hardwood floors. Go clean yourself up.”

You rolled your eyes at his weird obsession over his house. John could be soft and gentle with you, but he could also be an asshole, and you loved both sides.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You spend the day with Joseph and become aware of a few things.

“I swear, I need to start wearing full knight armor, I’m not going to have any skin left.” You watched as Joseph sewed your bite mark back up.

“How exactly did this open up again?” He looked up at you.

You glanced at John, “Um, I hit it on the counter. Just busted it right open.”

“Just a tip, but if you’re going to lie, make sure you don’t look at the real cause first.” He cut his eyes towards John.

“Please, be more careful next time.” He smoothed a bandage over it before pulling your shirt back down and standing up.

“Tell John to keep his hands to himself then, I was just minding my own business when he attacked me.” You looked up at Joseph as innocently as possible.

“Like he believes a word of that. Keep lying and I may have to remind you what it feels like for your stitches to be torn open.” He approached you.

“I’d like to see you try, you’ll be the one who ends up with stitches this time.” You stepped closer to him.

“Alright, John, go find something to do before you actually hurt each other.” Joseph moved between you.

Like the child you are, you stuck your tongue out at John, his response was to discreetly flip you off without Joseph noticing before he left. You wondered if either of you would ever grow up enough to be serious, probably not.

You laid on the couch next to Joseph as he worked on his sermon, but something was different.

“Where have you been lately?” You looked up at him as your head rested in his lap.

“What do you mean? I was only gone for a bit earlier.”

“I didn’t mean just in a physical sense, you’re distracted by something. You haven’t written anything in the last 10 minutes, and you stopped humming about 15 minutes ago.”

His hand caressed your face as he ran his fingers through your hair, “Just trying to take care of some things, nothing you need to worry about.” A faint smile crossed his lips before he went back to his sermon.

You decided you’d help him relax and get his mind off things for a little while. You slid off the couch and settled between his legs, reaching up to unbutton his pants.

“What are you doing?” He peered over his papers.

“Gonna help. Just keep working.” You tugged his pants down a little, giving you complete access to his hardening length.

He wanted to protest, worrying about someone walking in, but he wanted this more. You wrapped your hand around him as you licked his tip lazily, you ran your tongue from the base and back up. He tried to focus on the sermon, but he couldn’t, not with you teasing him like that, staring up at him. He placed his papers down and focused on you. You shifted in the floor to get a better position, you finally slid your mouth over him, taking him down into the back of your throat and back out again. You hummed around him as your head moved up and down.

Joseph laid his head on the back of the couch, closing his eyes as you continued. His hand rested on the back of your head, giving you encouraging pats every now and then. His guttural groaning drove you crazy, it pushed you to continue, you wanted to see The Father unravel beneath you. You could tell he was close as his grip on your hair had tightened, you decided to slow down again, bringing him back from the edge. He sat up and looked down at you, you grinned as your tongue moved languidly over him. You slipped your mouth over him again, pushing him to the back of your throat and back out.

“Don’t stop…” He said through gritted teeth as he grabbed a handful of your hair.

You started moving faster, your tongue swirling around him as you felt him near the edge again, this time you’d let him finish. He pulled your hair harder as he thrust his hips up into your mouth, finally finding his release. You removed your mouth from around him as he tucked himself back into his pants. He ran his thumb across your lip as his hand caressed your cheek, you leaned into his touch. He looked more relaxed, but still as though he had something heavy on his mind. You wanted to ask him but knew he wouldn’t tell you.

“I need to go to the compound for a bit, want to join me?”

“Of course.” You smiled, this was the first time he’d asked you to the compound, not as an enemy.

You pulled up to the compound, several men wielding guns and various weapons stood at the gate, when they saw Joseph their demeanor changed immediately, they opened the gate and waved at him. Joseph walked around and opened your door, helping you out of the truck. Everyone was so happy to see him, like whatever was on their minds was now gone, his presence alone changed their moods, as did yours. While they smiled and welcomed him back, their eyes cut at you, you earned a glare from everyone you passed as you walked next to him. It didn’t go unnoticed by him though, he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pressed a kiss to your head.

“Don’t worry, they’ll learn to love you, as I have.” His words brought you brief comfort.

He stood at the doors of the church as he addressed his followers, you decided to stand off to the side, out of the way. It was in this moment you really hated how well you could hear.

“That’s her, I saw her up at the VA Center, very cozy with Jacob.” One of the men whispered to another.

“You should hear what the guards at John’s Ranch say, it’s pitiful really, how desperate for attention do you have to be to go after all three of them?” A woman said to a man.

You suddenly felt self-conscious, you crossed your arms as you tried to ignore them, but you couldn’t.

“The Father must feel really sorry for her to keep her around.” One man whispered.

You were a fucking adult woman, a badass woman who just slaughtered a wolf, you’ve saved the Seeds countless times now, gossip from a few cultists shouldn’t bother you, but it did, a lot. You watched as Joseph spoke passionately to his followers, encouraging them to continue their work. You slipped away silently as you tried to avoid any more comments about yourself.

“Excuse me?” A woman approached you from behind.

You were fully prepared for her to say something snide, “What?”

“Um, I-I saw you come in with The Father, I was just wondering if- Nevermind.” She shook her head and turned to leave.

“Wait, what is it?” You reached out to touch her shoulder.

 “I was just wondering if you’d seen or heard from Faith? She hasn’t been around in a while and no one out East has seen her. I just figured since you were with The Father, you might know.”

“I saw Faith a few days ago, she came to visit me at John’s Ranch.”

“That’s the last place any followers have reported seeing her, I don’t mean to pry, I-I’m just worried about her. I’m sorry to bother you.” She smiled weakly before leaving.

“There you are, I wondered where you had gotten off to.” Joseph walked up behind you.

“Yeah, just-just had to get away for a minute. Your followers aren’t exactly fond of our arrangement.”

“I’ll speak with them, explain that this is God’s plan. We should head back.” He guided you back towards the truck.

You rode in silence, both of you had thoughts weighing heavily on your mind. You couldn’t shake the feeling that something was up with Faith.

“How’s Faith doing? Haven’t seen her since we went swimming.” You looked over to Joseph, but he kept his eyes on the road.

“She’s fine. Just busy.”

“Maybe we could go visit her, I haven’t spent much time in the East.”

“Maybe.” He said shortly.

After your conversation with him your anxiety about Faith only grew. You arrived back at the Ranch where John had just finished cooking. You all sat at the table as Joseph said the grace. You didn’t have much of an appetite, you knew Joseph was hiding something about Faith, but you didn’t know what. You picked at your food as you watched him talking with Jacob.

“What’s wrong?” John leaned over and whispered to you, tearing you away from your thoughts.

“Nothing. Just not hungry.” You smiled weakly.

“Not hungry for food?” John grinned as he slid his hand to rest on your thigh.

“Jesus fucking Christ, is that all I am to you guys? A piece of meat to keep around to use whenever and wherever?” You stood up abruptly, all three of them stared up at you silently.

“I’m not fucking hungry, that doesn’t mean I want to fuck.” You threw your napkin on the table and headed towards the door.

“Where are you going?” John stood as if to follow you.

“Like it fucking matters.” You shouted without turning back.

You stormed off the porch, you hadn’t really thought it through of where you were going, but you couldn’t turn back now, you’d already committed to leaving. You decided to head down to the lake.

“What was that all about? What did you do, John?” Jacob asked.

“Nothing, I just touched her. Did something happen today?” He looked at Joseph.

“She’s been on edge since the compound. She mentioned something about the followers not liking her. You should go check on her, John.” Joseph urged him.

John stood and followed after you, he really didn’t mean to make you upset.

“She was asking about Faith.” Joseph said as soon as John was out the door.

“What did you tell her?” Jacob looked over at him.

“Enough to quell her interest for now.”

You sat on the bank of the lake, watching the water lap at the shoreline. You heard footsteps behind you, you were able to deduce that it was John. Jacob made heavy steps and Joseph rarely wore shoes.

“I’m not in the mood.” You continued staring at the water, he remained silent as he sat down next to you.

“I’m sorry-If I upset you, I didn’t mean to make you feel like that’s all I wanted from you.”

“And what exactly do you want from me, John?” You snapped at him, immediately regretting it when you looked into his eyes, he was genuinely apologizing to you.

“I-I don’t want anything from you, I just want you to be happy.”

You sighed, “Why would you give two shits about my happiness?” You looked back at the water.

His hand gripped your chin and turned your face to him, “Because I love you.” You searched his eyes for any hint of deception, of his old manipulative ways, but you found none.

“Well, that’s a stupid move on your part.”

“You’re absolutely right.” He moved closer and pressed his lips to yours tenderly, you relaxed under his touch.

“Guess I’m just as stupid for loving you back.” You said against his lips.

“Just two dumbasses in love.” He smiled before he continued kissing you, his hand resting on the back of your neck, pulling you closer.

“Let’s go back home.” He said against your lips.

“No, not just yet. I need some time away from that place. Stay with me?” You looked at him pleading, you didn’t want to be around Joseph anymore tonight.

“Of course.” He smiled.

You sat next to him, resting your head on his shoulder as his arm wrapped around your waist.

“Are you going to tell me what all that at dinner was about?”

“Later.” You were enjoying this moment with him and didn’t want to ruin it.

You had fallen asleep on John’s shoulder at the lake, you must have been exhausted because you didn’t wake up when he picked you up and carried you back to the Ranch. You nuzzled your face into his chest but continued sleeping.

“You get her with a bliss bullet?” Jacob asked when John walked in with you in his arms.

“No, she fell asleep.” He walked past him and Joseph heading towards his room.

He laid you in his bed and removed your shoes and pants, being careful not to jostle you too much. He stripped out of his own clothes and joined you in the bed, pulling you back against his chest as his arms wrapped around your body. You stirred, opening your eyes briefly panicking at the change of scenery.

“Shhh, it’s alright. We’re back home. Go back to sleep.” He spoke softly against your ear, you relaxed in his arms and drifted back off.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You were growing more suspicious of Joseph and the whereabouts of Faith, but you soon find out what happened to her, and what's in store for you next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry. Just prepare yourselves for this chapter.

It had been two days since the incident at dinner, John continued to pester you about your outburst, when you told him it was because of the people at the compound he refused to believe you, saying you’d never let petty rumors bother you that much. You began watching Joseph’s every move, you had become wary of him, a little paranoid too. You resorted to sleeping in John’s bed almost exclusively, but it didn’t go unnoticed.

“Come on, let’s go.” Joseph said as you sat on the couch.

“Where are we going?” It was this moment you really wished you had taken John up on his offer for flying lessons.

“We’re going for a walk.” He held his hand out to you.

“I don’t really feel-“ You wanted to keep your distance from him and especially didn’t want to be alone with him.

“I wasn’t asking.” His voice was stern and unwavering.

You stood up but didn’t take his hand. You followed him outside, trying to stay behind him just in case he tried something. You didn’t know how you felt about him anymore, he was hiding something about Faith, you still wanted to believe he was the kind and spiritual man you’d fallen for, but now you weren’t sure. You walked behind him as he began humming a hymnal, you had to admit, since you’d become skeptical of him the humming was a little creepy.

“How much further?” You asked, breaking the silence.

“Not much. In a hurry?” He peered back at you momentarily.

“No, just curious where we’re going.”

He didn’t answer you, just continued to walk at a somber pace. You finally reached your destination, a hill with a bunker door on the side.

“What’s this?” You looked over to him.

“This is our bunker. Where we will be when the end comes.”

“We?”

“Yes, you and me.”

“What about John and Jacob? And Faith?” You started to panic a little, you didn’t want to be trapped in a bunker for an eternity with a man who may have killed Faith for taking you swimming.

“John and Jacob both have their own, and as for Faith-well, her place at Eden’s Gate has not been secured yet.”

You figured it was now or never, “So, she’s alive then?”

Joseph quickly turned his head to you, “Of course, why would you think otherwise?”

“It’s just no one has seen her and anytime I bring her up you avoid the subject.”

“She is with Jacob, undergoing…  an adjustment, learning her place here and recommitting herself to the Project. Is that why you’ve been distant from me? You thought I killed Faith?”

“Maybe. Will you send me for an ‘adjustment’?” Your voice weighed heavily with suspicion on what ‘adjustment’ meant, though you could guess if it involved Jacob.

“Depends, do you need it?” He stepped closer to you, gazing down at you.

“What are the qualifications?”

“Straying from the path, from the Project that you have committed yourself to. Going against God’s plan.”

“Is it in God’s plan that I be with you in this bunker?”

“It is God’s plan that you be with me, by my side.” He tucked a piece of hair behind your ear.

“What about John and Jacob?”

“You can have your fun now, but once the end comes you will be here, with me and only me.”

You didn’t like this, you wondered if John knew anything about his plans for you. Your stomach felt sick at the thought of being forced to be with him, you thought you were free to choose, to be with them all. You loved Jacob and Joseph in their own ways, but John was different, you felt a stronger connection and pull to him.

“I’d like to go home now.”

“Of course, it’s getting late.” He placed his arm around you and guided you back.

You didn’t say a word the entire walk back, you felt worse now than before. You approached the house and saw John waiting on the porch, his face lit up when he saw you.

“I was wondering where you’d gotten off to.” His smile faded when he saw the worried look on your face.

“We need to talk.” You walked past him and went straight to his room, he glanced at Joseph before he followed you.

“What’s wrong?”

“Did you know about the bunker?” You shut the door behind him.

“What bunker?”

“The fucking bunker, the creepy honeymoon suite that Joseph has picked out for us? And not you and me and him, just me and him.”

“I mean, I knew he was prepping another bunker, I didn’t know it was for anyone specific. Did he tell you this?”

“Yeah, right after he told me Faith was with Jacob having an ‘adjustment’.” You paced the room but stopped once you saw he wasn’t fazed by what you’d said.

“You knew, you knew about Faith? Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s something that has to be done, when followers stray-“

“Oh, don’t give me that ‘straying from the path’ bullshit, I already heard it from Joseph. Do you just roll over and do whatever he says?”

“I know his methods can be…flawed, but I think you’re misunderstanding him.” He moved closer to you, trying to calm you down, but you recoiled from his touch.

“How’s this for misunderstanding, he said I can have all the fun I want with you and Jacob and whoever the Hell else, but once the end comes, I’m his, and only his.” At this point you were seething.

“Does he know you’re in love with me, John?” You chewed on your lip anxiously.

“I-I mean, I haven’t told him directly.”

“Well, let’s go give him the good news then.” You grabbed the door handle and swung the door open, John chased after you but was too late, you’d already reached the living room where Joseph sat.

“Joseph, John has something to tell you.” You turned towards John who looked completely caught off guard.

“What is it, brother?” Joseph sat up on the couch looked at John.

“Well, not that it’s a big deal or anything, but I, um… I’m in love with her.”  John struggled to hold eye contact with his brother.

“Do you feel the same?” Joseph looked at you.

“Even though he keeps things from me and is a huge idiot, yes, I love him.” You shifted your gaze to John.

“Okay.” Joseph nodded and then left without another word.

You looked at John confused, who looked at you with the same level of shock.

“What now?” You asked him.

“I don’t know.” You both stood there for a few minutes, you were a little worried about Joseph’s response and could sense John was a little hesitant as well.

It was dark outside before Joseph returned, you and John had cooked dinner and eaten already and were sitting in the living room when he walked in with Jacob and Faith in toe.

“Faith? Are you okay?” You jumped up and ran towards her but stopped when you saw her demeanor had changed.

“She’s fine. Sit.” Jacob commanded.

Faith had bruises on her face and had clearly not eaten in days. You walked back over to the couch and sat down next to John. Joseph and Jacob joined you in the living room, sitting across from you. Faith remained standing by the door.

“We’ve had a change in plans, due to certain circumstances we have to put some plans into action sooner than we had hoped.” Jacob said.

“There is a small faction of the Resistance that has set up at Henbane River. We’ve gotten information that they have military grade weapons. We need you to infiltrate their group and find the weapons.”

“Completely ignoring the elephant in the room, which is Faith, you do remember that I’ve killed members of the Resistance, right? Like, they’re not just going to welcome me with open arms.”

“This faction is small, they do not have contact with any of the others in Holland Valley or the Whitetail Mountains. They talk about you over the radio quite often, about the rebel who took back the Drubman Marina.”

“So, what I just go and ask them where they keep their military grade weapons and they give them to me willingly?”

“No, you’re going to join them. You’ll stay in a small cabin on the outskirts of the region, our lovely Faith has secured the area and assures us there hasn’t been anyone there in months.” Joseph motioned for Faith to come closer.

“Y-Yes, Father. My men cleared it out a while back, we did use it for storage.” She trembled and fidgeted with her hands.

“Wait, you want me to live there? For how long?” You furrowed your brow, he couldn’t be serious.

“For as long as it takes for you to get the information we need.” Joseph’s gaze never left yours.

“This is punishment, right? For John and I?”

“Joseph, this is-she can’t join the Resistance, there has to be another way other than sending her to the enemy?” John finally spoke.

“We’ve tried interrogation, John, doesn’t work. My men have gone after every lead we got, and they were dead ends. They keep the weapons moving and by the time we get it out of someone where it is, they’ve moved it again.” Jacob said.

“What’s in it for me?” You looked at Joseph.

“Helping the Project, of course. And if that’s not enough, then maybe you do need that ‘adjustment’ we talked about?” His tone was unsettling.

You looked at Faith, at how broken she was, no longer the energetic, happy person she used to be. You had two choices, help them or go through whatever Hell Faith went through.

“I’ll do it, but I want Faith sent back home. She’s been adjusted enough.”

“I don’t think you’re in any position to be making demands-“ Jacob was interrupted by Joseph.

“She is free to go. You’ll leave in the morning.”

Jacob stood and guided Faith outside, taking her back home. Joseph got up and stepped towards you, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Remember, do not stray from the path.” He spoke against your head before he left the room.

You sat next to John on the couch, unsure of what just fucking happened. One minute you were happy and in a four-way relationship, next you’re being blackmailed into fake joining the Resistance to help the Project. Honestly if you had any alcohol you would have been chugging it by now.

“See what love does? It just fucks everything up.” You turned to John.

“Just get what we need, and you can come back.” He looked so hopeful, you didn’t want to crush him by telling him this wouldn’t be the end, Joseph was determined that you were to be with him. You especially didn’t want your last night with him to be spent talking about Joseph’s intentions.

“I need a shower, no telling what kind of amenities my cabin in the woods will have.” You smirked and headed upstairs.

John remained on the couch, still in shock that you would be leaving, just when he was getting comfortable with his feelings for you. He had never been in love before, not even close with anyone. You irritated him and annoyed him, and you always fought for control, but he had grown to love that about you, and now you were being taken away from him, like when his foster parents took away anything that made him happy for even a second.

You turned the shower on and stripped out of your clothing, you looked in the mirror at your body, so many scars and battle wounds from fighting with the Seeds. You stepped into the shower and let the water wash over you, you closed your eyes and leaned back into the stream. You heard the door open and suddenly John was in the shower with you, his lips kissing yours fervently. His arms wrapped around your body, pulling you to his chest. Your hands moved through his hair as you kissed him back with everything you had. His lips left yours as he trailed down your neck, kissing and licking a path down your chest, between your breast, and to your stomach. He knelt in the shower in front of you, kissing your skin. He hovered over the apex of your thighs, his hands gripped your hips as he looked up at you with those blue eyes.

“Don’t go.” His voice trembled.

You caressed his cheek with your hand, before you could speak, he pushed his face between your thighs, his tongue exploring between your slick folds, your hand rested on his head as he moved.

“Please…” He begged against you between licks.

He squeezed your hips as he pressed his tongue against your clit, you leaned against the sower wall for support, your legs weak already. He inserted two fingers into your center as his tongue continued circling your clit. You could feel yourself getting close.

“Please don’t leave me…” He whispered and you felt your heart breaking for him.

His fingers and tongue continued moving in synchronicity, building up to your perfect release, you gripped his hair harder now, your legs shaking.

“J-John…” You whimpered.

He pressed his tongue firmly on your clit, sending you over the edge, your body shook as you came, your hips bucked against his fingers, he didn’t stop though, he continued moving his fingers in and out of you, his tongue remaining between your thighs licking up every drop. Your body finally relaxed as you came down, you cupped his face in your hands and pulled him back up to you, latching your lips to his immediately.  John lifted you as you wrapped your legs around his waist, he positioned himself at your entrance and slowly pushed into you, eliciting a short gasp from you. He started to move perfectly within you, his arms holding you up as you kissed, swirling your tongues together. He no longer begged you to stay, you both knew there was no way around it, and this could possibly be your last night together, at least for a while.

He thrust into you at a quicker pace, needing to feel you clench around him, he loved the sensation and hearing you moan his name while he pushed you over the edge. You held onto his shoulders as he fucked you against the shower wall. You didn’t break away from his lips, even for a second, you moaned into his mouth, short whispers of his name on your lips as you were on the brink of another orgasm. You bucked your hips, meeting him thrust for thrust, he broke the kiss for a moment to sink his teeth into your neck, marking you as his, which was what you needed to find your release. You held him tighter as you felt pleasure moving through every nerve ending you had, he came deep inside you soon after. He kissed you tenderly before releasing you, placing your feet on the floor.

You spent the rest of the night in each other’s arms, having slow, lazy sex into the night, holding onto every second for as long as you could before morning. The sun shone through the window as John’s hand caressed your cheek.

“You’ll come back, right?” His eyes searched yours for a promise, a promise that you’d return to him.

“Of course, Johnny.” You smiled weakly, trying to hide your uncertainty about the future.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph decided you were needed elsewhere, the only thing you had to do was get in with the Resistance.

You said goodbye to John, which took longer than you wanted, he didn't want to let you go. Jacob drove you to the cabin, John wanted to go but Joseph made him stay behind. You were quite determined to get this over with as soon as possible.

“Look, I know this isn’t what you wanted, but-“ Jacob looked at you and back to the road.

“But Joseph says jump, and everyone says how high?” You rolled your eyes.

“He’s just trying to save as many people as he can. I don’t know if he really hears the voice of God, but you can see this world is a shit show and it’s only a matter of time before we destroy it.”

“I see your point and I see your logic, but fuck Joseph, and fuck you. You didn’t have to spend half the night trying to convince yourself and John that you’d be back, and everything would be okay. Joseph is selfish and only looking out for what he wants.” You stared out the window as he drove.

He parked the truck a few miles from the cabin, not wanting anyone to see you two pulling up in a truck marked by the Project. You followed him through the woods until you came upon a small clearing, the cabin was small, the main room had the kitchen and living room, then a bedroom and bathroom to the side.

“I tried to get everything you might need, if there’s something I missed just write it down and I’ll bring it next time.”

“How often will you come back?”

“I’ll try every couple days, maybe weekly. Here.” Jacob handed you a radio.

“This one only has one frequency, and it is only accessible by 2 other radios. I have one and I’ll make sure John gets the other.”

“Thanks. So, how do I get in with the Resistance?” You sat the radio down on the table.

“There was chatter about liberating an outpost near here, beat them to it and maybe they’ll reach out to you?”

“Is Joseph okay with me obliterating his cultists?”

“It would be best if you tried really hard not to kill too many of them.”

Jacob moved closer to you, his knuckles caressing your cheek, “I know you’re angry, but we need this.”

Even though he’d tortured Faith and helped put you in this situation you couldn’t deny you still had feelings for him, especially since you’d recently bonded over hunting and saving his life.

“I know. I’ll do my best.” You smiled weakly.

Jacob kissed you swiftly before heading towards the door, “Keep an eye on him for me, please?” You asked before he left.

He looked back at you and nodded his head before leaving you alone. You moved through the cabin, cleaning the dust that had settled on every surface, the bed was complete trash, especially since you’d been spoiled by sleeping in John’s giant ass bed. You wondered how he was doing, the image of him in the shower on his knees begging you to stay would never leave your mind.

You took out the map of the area Jacob had given you, there was one outpost near you, only a few miles East, it looked small on the map. You decided you’d get started today and headed out, pistol in hand. You were glad Jacob had given you a compass, he tried to teach you how to tell directions by moss and the sun once, but you ended up getting lost in the woods for 6 hours until he found you.

You made it to the outpost, the Mastodon Geothermal Park, you spotted 5 cultists, easy enough. You took out two silently, knocking them out. The others weren’t as easy, you ended up in a shootout, but eventually got them. You were looting their bodies when you heard someone coming, you turned quickly and pulled your gun on them.

“Whoa, whoa, don’t shoot. Just heard the shots and came to check it out.” The man raised his hands.

“Who are you?” You didn’t lower your gun.

“Name’s Luke. I’m with the Resistance, and I’m assuming you are too with the way you took these guys out.”

Luke wore a black t-shirt and jeans, he had dark brown hair that reached his shoulders in waves, you assumed what Joseph’s would look like if he ever let his hair down. He wasn’t as fruitful in the growth of his beard as your Seed men, but he did have some facial hair.

“I’m with myself, I just really hated the music they were playing.” You held your gun on him.

“Can you please lower your gun? I’m not a threat and even if I was, I’m sure you could take me out in an instant.”

You considered his request for a moment before holstering your gun. He lowered his hands and stared at you.

“Are you from around here?”

“No. Just camping out nearby, heard this God-awful music and decided to put an end to it so I could get some sleep tonight.”

“I know some people who will be grateful for your help here, just down the road a bit.”

“Can they pay?”

“Possibly, follow me.” He turned his back to you, stupid move really, you could’ve killed him without a passing thought.

You decided he’d be your way in, he wasn’t bad to look at from behind either. He made you miss John’s smug tone though, he would have stood there all day with your guns pointed at each other until one of you caved. You followed him silently, keeping your attention split between him and anyone else who might come upon you. As you approached a yellow house a woman came running out.

“Luke! Where have you been? I have been worried sick.” She threw her arms around him as he tried to push her off, clearly embarrassed by her reaction to him.

“Mom, stop. We have a guest.” He motioned to you.

“Who’s this?” She eyed you up and down.

“She took out the outpost down the road, the Mastodon Park. She’s looking for work, thought maybe Whitehorse could use the help.”

“You with the Peggies?” She narrowed her eyes at you.

“Do I look like a fucking Peggy?” You rested your hands on your hips.

“Guess not but watch your mouth around my boy.”

“Mom, I’m 30 years old, I’ve heard worse.”

“Come with me, Sheriff Whitehorse is inside.” He said.

You walked past the woman, she continued to narrow her eyes at you, you followed Luke into the house and down to the basement, how you’d grown to hate basements.

“Sheriff Whitehorse, I brought someone who might be able to help. She cleared the outpost down the road.”

“Huh, all by yourself? Must be a hell of a shot.” He looked over at you.

“I’m not bad with a pistol, decent with a sniper rifle too.”

“You wouldn’t be that lone rebel we’ve been hearing about would you? Helped out at the Drubman Marina a few months back?”

“I don’t know about helping anyone, I needed a boat and the cult was in my way. Luke here says you could use some help and might be able to pay?”

“Can’t pay much, but we definitely need the help. What kind of work you looking for?”

“Anything that gets me enough money to get the fuck out of this county and away from those Seed’s.”

 “You’ve had a run in with the Seed’s and lived to tell about it?” Sheriff Whitehorse looked at you surprised.

“More than a run in. John Seed left me a little souvenir.” You pulled you shirt collar to the side to reveal more of the bite mark John made the night before.

“Jacob’s Judges too.” You lifted the side of your shirt to show the bite from the wolf you’d killed.

“Well, shit, we could definitely use someone like you then.”

You lowered your shirt back down; Luke’s eyes were fixed on the mark on your neck. Whitehorse agreed to pay you a little for each outpost you cleared and any other work they may need, you accepted your first payment in food, Jacob had left you a bunch of MREs and you’d rather have real food. Of course, Luke volunteered to help you carry it back to your camp, against your wishes, but he wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. He walked beside you, glancing over at you every few minutes.

“What?” you sighed and looked at him.

“It’s just, um, that mark, John Seed gave you, why would he bite you?”

“I really don’t feel like explaining the birds and the bees to you.”

“You fucked him?”

“Sometimes you have an itch and need it scratched.” You shrugged, the look on his face made you smile, he really didn’t expect that.

“This is me.” You said as you approached the cabin.

“It’s been abandoned for a while, Faith’s men used to use it as storage, then they just left it.” He said looking at the cabin.

“I’d invite you in, but I don’t want to.” You grabbed the box from him, giving him a polite smile.

“Well, if you need anything you know where to find me.” He smirked and left, glancing back at you for a moment.

You opened the door and placed the box of food on the table. You put away some of the food when you heard the radio buzz, it was Jacob.

 _“How are you getting along out there?”_ He asked over the radio.

_“Just fine. Already made contact with the Resistance and got a job.”_

_“A job?”_

_“Yeah, I realized I have been doing all this work for free when I should be getting paid. Please tell Joseph I expect to be compensated for my time from now on.”_

_“I’ll get right on that.”_ He laughed.

_“How’s John?”_

_“He’s doing alright. Joseph brought in some sinners who need to confess, it’ll be good for him to get his mind off things.”_

You sighed, you forgot about his whole say ‘Yes’ thing. You hoped he would keep busy until you could get back to him, whenever that would be. You told Jacob a little about the Resistance members you met and where they were located.

You hung out at the cabin for the next week, barely in contact with anyone, Jacob hadn’t returned yet but checked in over the radio a few times. It had been 9 days since you got there, you hadn’t heard from Jacob in 4 days and never from John. You were starting to get in your head about things, that Joseph sent you here to isolate you from them, that they didn’t want you around anymore and needed to get rid of you.

 _“John? If you’re there, please pick up.”_ You released the button, waiting for a response but you only heard static.

 _“Jacob, where the fuck are you? I’m running low on supplies.”_ You waited, but again there was nothing but silence.

You needed supplies and you needed something to do, your thoughts were driving you up the wall, you went to meet with Whitehorse to ask what they needed done.

“There’s a stash of supplies here, weapons, food, money.” He pointed on the map.

“Consider it done.” You marked it on your map and turned to leave.

“Take Luke with you, he could use the practice.”

“I really don’t want to babysit.” You shook your head, but you would like the company, a week alone with your thoughts wasn’t exactly a good thing.

“He’s good with a gun and a knife. He’s not completely useless.”

You sighed and agreed, you found Luke sitting outside and asked him to join you, he was way too eager. You drove most of the way and parked the car a few miles out from the location. You continued the rest of the way on foot. You half expected Luke to be talking your ear off, but he remained silent. When you approached the shack there were two cultists outside, you turned to tell Luke what to do but he’d already left. You looked around for him, finally you spotted him sneaking up on the two men, slitting one’s throat and stabbing the other without a hitch.

“Looks like Whitehorse was right, you’re not completely useless.” You smirked, somewhat impressed by him. At first look he seemed like a timid person, unable to hurt anyone.

You entered the shack and began rummaging through the boxes, you stopped suddenly when you heard voices.

“Wh-“ Luke tried to speak but you placed your hand over his mouth.

You waited for a few minutes until they were gone and removed your hand from his mouth. You were about to go back to the boxes when Luke shoved you against the wall, holding the knife up to your throat.

“What the fuck are you doing?” You looked at him.

“Are you with them?” He pushed the blade against your neck.

“No, why the fuck would you think that?” You tried to move but he was much stronger than he looked.

“You hid from them, just let them go and back at the Mastodon Park you knocked out 2 of them, you didn’t kill them. You said you’d help us, but for the last week you’ve done nothing but sit in your cabin.”

“Have you been watching me?” Then it hit you, Whitehorse wasn’t asking you to take him, he was telling you to, so they could keep an eye on you, they weren’t as dumb as you thought.

You quickly pulled your knife out and held it up to his throat, making things even.

“Well, now what?” He asked as he continued pressing you back against the wall.

“Contrary to your beliefs, I am not a senseless killer, if I can avoid bloodshed I will.”

“Seems like a convenient lie. I should just go ahead and end this now.” He pressed the knife into your skin.

“Do it then.” You dared him, you lowered your knife from his throat.

His forearm pressed against your chest as his other hand held the knife, he stared down at you for a moment before leaning down and kissing you forcefully. You tried to move forward but the knife was cutting into you. You knew you shouldn’t be kissing this complete stranger, but a good part of it was loneliness and there was something about him, about the way he effortlessly killed those men and threatened you with the knife, obviously you had a type. He dropped the knife and pressed his body against yours, you bit down on his lip and pushed him back from you, catching him off guard.

“Don’t ever pull a knife on me again, unless you’re prepared to kill me.” You wiped his blood from your mouth, grabbed a box of supplies and left the shack.

You dropped the supplies off with Whitehorse and took your cut, it wasn’t much but it was better than nothing. As you were leaving Luke called out after you, but you continued, ignoring him. You almost made it to your cabin when he finally caught up with you. You didn’t stop though, you kept walking.

“You walk so fucking fast.” He breathed heavily.

“Yeah, especially when I’m trying to avoid talking to someone.”

You finally reached your door, he grabbed your shoulder turning you towards him.

“I wanted to apologize for earlier.”

“For threatening me or for forcing your tongue into my mouth?”

“I don’t remember making you put your tongue in my mouth. But I did want to apologize for both. You know how it is, can’t trust anyone out here, the Seed’s are always doing weird psychological torture on people.”

“That’s true. I’ll forgive you this time, but next time only one of us will be leaving the shack.”

You opened the door and stepped in, closing it before he could say anything else. You peeked out the window as he left. You turned around to see Joseph sitting at the kitchen table.

“Jesus fuck, you can’t just sneak up on me.” You said trying to regulate your heart beat.

“Who was that?” He nodded towards the door.

“He’s a member of the Resistance, Luke. Why are you here?”

“Have you slept with him?”

“What? No.” You went to the sink and poured yourself some water.

“You know I don’t care, but John, he’d be devastated.” His words made you feel even more guilty bout kissing Luke, you missed John terribly and didn’t want to hurt him, but you hadn’t heard from him at all.

“Fuck you, and fuck John too. He hasn’t come to check on me or even call me over the radio. If he cared so much, he would’ve made some kind of effort by now. And while I’m at it, fuck Jacob, he hasn’t brought me any supplies in a week.”

“He’s been busy. There are many sinners who need to atone.” Joseph stood up and approached you.

“And Jacob? What’s his excuse?”

“Busy as well. But I made the time to come see you, to check on you, I was worried about you being out here by yourself.” His hand brushed across your cheek.

“If you’re worried then let me come home.” You placed your hand over his, looking up into his eyes.

“Soon, soon you’ll be home with us. I promise.” He closed the distance between you and kissed you softly.

You knew he was manipulating you, but you didn’t realize how much you’d come to depend on touch and intimacy with another person, and he was the only one who’d come to see you. You leaned into the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck. After a moment he grabbed your arms and pulled them from his neck, backing away from you.

“I must go now.”

“Wait, stay with me? Please?” You hated the solitude, it reminded you of when you’d left and spent that time in the shack in the woods, the silence, the thoughts.

“I’ll come back to see you soon. Continue on the path.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead and left.

You stood in the doorway as you watched him disappear into the woods. You were still angry with what he’d done, but you were conflicted by how you felt about him, about all of them. Another day passed and you still hadn’t heard anything, you decided to do a few more runs with Luke, you were curious about him and his history, he definitely intrigued you with his nice guy act.

“Where to?” You sat in the passenger’s seat.

“Whitehorse wants us to scout some supply runs, just watch their route for now.” He started the car and drove off.

“You don’t really seem to fit in with all of this, how’d you get involved?”

“I was in Colorado when my mom called and said a nice man and his brother wanted to buy our land, said they also asked her to join their church. Obviously, I couldn’t let her sell the house and join a random church, it wasn’t until I got here that I found out what was really going on. Since then I decided to stay until all this is over.”

“What did you do before this?”

“I used to be a teacher, well a Professor technically, just didn’t have tenure yet.”

“A Professor, huh? What subject?” You were surprised, especially in the way he handled a knife.

“American History, Post-Civil War era.”

“Didn’t know I was in the presence of such a scholar. Bet it kills you to be here with all of us uneducated folks.” You tried your hand at a Southern accent, which made him laugh.

“What about you? What did you do before?” He glanced at you and then back to the road.

“Well, I hadn’t really found my calling yet. I went to Police Academy for a bit, hence the skills with guns and combat, after that I drifted from place to place picking up odd jobs. Got into a little bit of trouble in Kentucky and headed up to Montana, that’s when I stumbled into this lovely county.”

“Seems like you found your calling now though, fighting religious militias and Psychopaths.”

“Yeah, well, the pay is shit.” You smiled.

He parked the car behind a few trees as you watched supply trucks coming and going out of an old mill. You assumed Whitehorse would want you to hit this place eventually, so you wrote down notes, how many alarms, how many guards, what weapons they had.

You went on a few solo runs after that, nothing huge, just small homes or farms that needed clearing of their Peggy influence. You tried really hard not to kill anyone, but as time went and you didn’t hear anything from the Seed’s, it became easier to kill their followers. At night your mind always went to John, wondering what he was doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For reference, I imagine Luke to look kind of like Kit Harrington, the way his hair is short/long with curls.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your isolation continued to take a toll on you, you still hadn't heard from any of the Seed's.

“You will say ‘Yes’, you will atone.” He wielded the knife in his hand as he sliced into the man tied to the chair, his blood polling in the floor beneath him as he struggled to hold his head up.

“John, that’s enough.” Jacob stood in the doorway.

“He hasn’t atoned yet, brother. I think he’s close though.” He grabbed the man’s hair and pulled his head up to look at him.

“Y-Yes, I’ll atone.” The man whispered.

“Aaahh, see, another soul saved in the name of The Father.” He dropped the knife to the floor and pushed past Jacob.

Jacob followed John upstairs, “That’s the fourth one this week that you’ve mutilated like this, you’ve already killed 3 others.”

“And? What’s your point? If they die, then they’re weak and not worthy of Eden’s Gate. Like you always say, ‘cull the herd’.” He washed his hands, blood polling in the sink and circling the drain.

“John, you’re torturing them for the sake of torture, not for their confessions or atonement, you’re going too far.”

“Ha, too far? Too far was when Joseph took her from me. When he threatened her and manipulated us all into doing whatever he wants.” He slammed his hands down on the counter.

“Is that really how you feel, John?” Joseph said as he leaned against the wall behind him.

John quickly turned to him, “You know what, it is. Why did you send her away? She was the only good thing in my life.”

“The only good thing? What about your family, John? Do we mean nothing to you? Everything we’ve been through?”

John remained silent, he knew Joseph was right, they had been through a lot, he had saved him from his own destructive behavior. Joseph knew exactly how to bend John to his will, reminding him of their past, that they were blood.

“We have all lost sight of our purpose. We have strayed from our path, blinded by our own desires. The end is upon us and we must prepare. She will return when it is time, until then I need you both to continue working on the Project, continue on the path.” Joseph pressed his forehead to Jacob’s and then John’s.

A few days had passed since Joseph had visited, you started to suspect he was purposefully keeping Jacob and John from you, or at least you hoped instead of the alternative. The isolation was beginning to get to you again. You had to fend for yourself for supplies, you took what cash you had and gave it to the Resistance in exchange for things you needed.

“Good to see you’re still alive.” Luke commented as you grabbed a box of food.

“Barely. Got any leads on cultists that need to be slaughtered?”

“I was heading over to check on some folks, they were staying up at a gas station, but we haven’t heard from them in a few days.”

“Let’s go then. I need the money.” You placed the box in the back of his car and got in the passenger’s seat. He started the car, you rode in silence for a few minutes.

“I have to ask, did you sleep with the other Seed’s?” Luke said as he drove.

“Getting personal, aren’t we?” You looked over at him.

“Is that a yes?” He raised his eyebrow.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but yes I did. I had to do what I had to in order to survive.” You were surprised at how good you’d gotten at lying about your time with them, how easily you could make them into the villains, but then again, they were supposed to be the enemy.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that, sounds terrible.”

“It’s not like I didn’t enjoy parts of it, sex is sex.” As the words left your mouth you thought back to your last time with John, it seemed like it had been a lifetime ago.

“You’ve had sex before, right?” You liked catching him off guard and making him nervous.

“Of course, just not recently. It’s hard to find a willing participant when everyone’s being kidnapped and tortured into joining a cult.” He joked.

“That does make the dating scene a little scarce.”

He drove for a bit more before you stopped down the road from the gas station, you could see a few cultists outside but no sign of anyone else.

“Think they killed them or sent them to your boyfriend John?” He said as he looked through the binoculars.

“First of all, he is far from being my boyfriend, and secondly, depends if they fought or not.” Honestly you weren’t 100% sure what you and John were at this point.

You both exited the car and approached the gas station on foot, you pointed to one man and motioned for him to take the second, you both moved in unison, killing them both simultaneously. You moved inside and shot two more guards while he finished the two around the back. You met outside once you were finished.

“No sign of your people, but no blood either, maybe they left.”

“Maybe. Whitehorse won’t be happy.”

You jumped when you heard thunder booming overhead, “Better get back, looks like it’s going to storm.”

“I’ll drop you at your cabin.” You both ran to the car and hopped in.

As soon as he started driving the bottom fell out, the rain poured, it was hard for him to see anything. Thunder and lightning burst through the sky, the wind trying it’s best to push the car off the road.

“Shit. The road’s washed out.” He said as he pulled up to a raging river that was flowing over your only path.

“Cabin’s not far from here, we can make a run for it.” You knew the storm wasn’t going to let up anytime soon.

You both jumped out of the car and headed for the woods, by the time you reached your door you were both completely drenched.

“I’ll get you a towel.” You said as you walked to the bathroom, he shut the door behind him.

“Thanks.” He grabbed the towel from you when you returned and began drying off.

“Think the car will be okay?” You asked as you leaned against the counter.

“Hopefully, if not I’ll find another, not like it was a prized possession or anything.”

You watched him as he dried himself, his clothes clung to his body, you hadn’t noticed how muscular he was before. You bit your lip as your eyes roamed over him, you’d been alone for so long, not like anyone was worried about you, so why should you worry about them? _Fuck it_. His eyes met yours from across the room, you dropped your towel and strode over to him, stopping a few inches away from him. You swallowed hard before grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him into a kiss. His hands rested on your hips as he moved, pushing you against the wall. Your tongue explored his mouth as his body pressed against you. You grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it off him, breaking your kiss only momentarily. You placed your hand on his chest and pushed him back towards the couch, as he sat down you straddled his lap, returning your lips to his. His hands slid under your shirt, gripping your sides. You grabbed your soaked shirt and lifted it over your head, tossing it to the floor.

“You sure you want to do this?” He asked as his eyes roamed over your body and back up to meet your gaze.

“It’s just sex.” You smiled and kissed him again. He wrapped his arms around you and stood, carrying you effortlessly to the bed.

He threw you down onto the bed, leaning down to kiss you, you nipped at his bottom lip playfully as he unbuttoned your pants. It took some effort to get them off you, wet jeans don’t make for quick removal. Your hands fumbled as you tried to unbutton his pants and continue kissing him, he helped you out and pushed his pants down to the floor once you’d gotten the button. He joined you on the bed, lying on his side as you continued kissing, his hands moved between your thighs as he rubbed you through your underwear, you were already worked up and ready for him. He moved your panties to the side and his fingers slid between your slick folds, teasing you, but you were tired of waiting. You grabbed your underwear and pulled them down, removing them, you sat up and removed his as well. You didn’t waste any time, you pushed him back flat on the bed and straddled him, grabbing his length and aligning yourself before sinking down onto him.

 

“F-Fuck…” He groaned at your tightness. He grabbed your hips as you began moving.

You wanted this, needed it, but it was hard because he wasn’t the man you wanted to be doing it with, you leaned down and kissed him, trying to pretend it was John. You moaned into his mouth as he thrust into you, you were already so close, it had been too long. You felt yourself tightening around him, your breathing erratic as you felt your orgasm pulse through your body. You bit your lip to keep from screaming John’s name, he stilled inside you and found his own release.

You rolled off him and laid down in the bed, trying to catch your breath. You felt an overwhelming sadness come over you as you laid there, you said it was just sex, and it should have been, but you felt immense guilt for what you’d done, even if you hadn’t spoken to John since you left. Luke didn’t stay in the bed, he grabbed his underwear and went to sleep on the couch, you were grateful for that. You closed your eyes and your thoughts went to John.

“Morning.” Luke said as he sat up on the couch and stretched.

“Morning. Sleep okay?” You sat at the table drinking coffee.

“Yeah, this couch actually isn’t that bad if you don’t mind all the lumps.” He smirked.

“When I decorated, I was going for the ‘I want people to visit, but not stay’ look.” Your voice heavy with sarcasm.

“You nailed it then. I’m going to head back home, I’m sure my mom has sent everyone out looking for me.” He pulled his pants up and buttoned them.

“I’m not great at this kind of thing, but last night-“

“It was just sex.” He grinned and winked at you before leaving.

You finished your coffee and took a shower, it was short lived because apparently hot water only lasts 5 minutes in this hell hole. You decided to try the radio again, to see if anyone was listening.

 _“Attempt number whatever, if anyone is listening, I need supplies. Thanks for the help.”_ You released the button and place the radio on the table.

 _“What do you need?”_ You all but choked when you heard John’s voice over the radio.

 _“Some alcohol would be great right about now.”_ You felt tension over the radio, possibly because you hadn’t spoken in weeks or that you’d fucked someone else.

_“All out, I can offer you a nice vintage apple juice?”_

_“I’ll take what I can get. Will you be making the delivery in person?”_ You held onto the radio, waiting for a response.

 _“You’ll be coming to pick it up yourself. Jacob should be there shortly.”_ Something was wrong, he sounded melancholy.

He was right, Jacob showed up a little while after. You were glad you’d showered already, you got in the truck with him and rode in silence. You felt tension with him as well, you weren’t sure what was going on. You stared out the window and for a brief moment your mind went to Luke, how ridiculous he looked trying to peel your drenched pants off you. You shook the thought from your head, none of them could know about him, they’d kill him for sure. You arrived at John’s Ranch and anxiety had set up shop in your stomach.

You entered the house, Jacob close behind, Joseph and John waited for you in the living room.

“There she is, how have you been?” Joseph greeted you with a hug and a swift kiss.

“Could be better. It’s been hard with no food, kind of thought I was supposed to be provided for while I did this dumbass mission.” You looked over to John who remained as far from you as possible.

“Yeah, sorry about that, but I’m sure your friend Luke has been more than helpful in providing for you.” You knew he was bringing him up to make John mad, there was absolutely no way he knew about last night.

“The Resistance has actually been helpful in letting me work for food.”

You moved towards John, but stopped when a woman entered the room, you’d seen her before at the compound.

“I’m done, John, did you need anything else?” She stood close to him, closer than any follower should be.

“No, that’s it. You can leave.” He didn’t look at her, he held his gaze on you.

She walked past you and you glanced at her, seeing a familiar mark on her neck, one that you’d had many times.

“You fucker. I’m out there starving to death and putting myself in danger for your stupid ass family and you’re fucking the followers?” You glared at John.

Jacob and Joseph looked at each other but stayed out of it. You were pissed, you felt guilty for what you’d done, but he didn’t seem to show any remorse, if that’s how he wanted it then you’d play his game.

“It was just to let off steam, nothing more.” He said.

You moved closer to him, “Oh, that’s it? Just to let off steam? Well, you’ll be glad to hear I’ve been able to let off some steam too.”

“Yeah, I fucked my little Resistance buddy, Luke, and let me tell you, I had never cum so hard in my life.” You stood a few feet from him, you could tell he was seething, he was clenching his jaw as he glared at you.

“Stop.” John said.

You wanted to hurt him, like you’d been hurt, “I’m surprised Jacob didn’t see him leaving this morning, I spent all night and morning riding his cock.”

That did it, he grabbed your throat and pushed you back against the counter, squeezing your airways, you grabbed at his arm, but he didn’t stop.

“Fucking bitch! This what you want? Make me mad?” He said through gritted teeth.

 You pulled your knife from your pocket and pushed the blade against his throat, cutting the first layer of skin, blood coming to the surface.

“K-Kill me… Coward…” You choked out.

“John, release her.” Joseph commanded, but he didn’t listen.

You choked for air, your face turning red as he held your throat. You weren’t going to die without leaving a mark, you pushed the blade into his skin, cutting deeper. Suddenly, Jacob grabbed you and pulled you away from him, John released you and you dropped the knife. You gasped for air as you began breathing again.

“Looks like you got what you wanted, Joseph.” You stared at John still.

“I didn’t want this, for you to literally be at each other’s throats.”

“Can I just go back to my cabin to die now? I’m over all of this back and forth bullshit.” You sat down at the table.

“No, I brought you here so we can go over the information you’ve gotten so far and to have dinner as a family.”

“Fine, but only because I’m half starved as it is.” You crossed your arms, glaring at John who was already cleaning the wound you’d made on his neck.

Joseph helped John cook dinner while you sulked at the table with Jacob. You peered over to John every once in a while, to find him doing the same to you.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been able to bring you any supplies, I’ve been-“

“Busy, yeah I know. Joseph told me when he came by a few days ago.” You snapped.

Jacob looked surprised, he didn’t know Joseph had come to visit you, why didn’t he tell him?

“I have a few boxes in the truck for you, should be everything you need. How have you been getting along down there?”

“It’s been like a vacation really, relaxing in the woods, getting paid, taking out cultists, and of course having amazing sex.” You watched as Joseph and John placed the food on the table.

“You didn’t really sleep with that guy, did you?”

“I sure did, and I did it for two reasons. One, I was horny, and needed to fuck. Two, I was lonely, I didn’t realize human interaction was going to be something I needed desperately.” You glanced over to John whose gaze was held on you.

Joseph said the grace and you proceeded to eat, you weren’t worried about manners at this point, you shoveled in as much food as you could, not sure when you’d get another chance at a full meal.

“What have you found out so far for us?” Joseph looked up at you.

“They have a relatively small operation, not much has been mentioned about any weapons, though there are several spots marked on their maps that aren’t outposts. Could be where they’re moving the weapons to each time.”

“Good work. A little more information and you should be able to come home soon.”

“Great, then I can see John’s whore every day.”

“Envy is a sin. Might need to add that one to you as well.” John smirked at you.

“You know what, fuck you. You preach to me about envy? Joseph sent me away because he was envious of my love for you. And the look on your face when you found out I fucked Luke was the picture definition of envy. You can all fuck off in your bunkers. I’d rather die out here.”

A silence fell over the room, no one said a word, they knew you were right, they’d all been envious of one another. You wanted to go back, when everything was fine, before the stuff with Faith, when you were stupidly happy with them all.

“It seems we are all guilty of sinning, things have gotten out of hand…” Joseph finally broke the silence.

“Jacob, take her back to the cabin. Finish gathering information, I have much to think about.” He stood and left the table.

You wanted to say more to John, to talk to him, but there was no point. You looked at him one last time before you followed Jacob out to the truck. You wondered if things would ever go back to the way they were, if you’d ever be as happy as you were.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You accused all the Seed's (except for Jacob) of being envious, Joseph sent you back to the cabin so he could figure out how to proceed now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I 100% believe John would react this way, especially with his mood swings. Enjoy!

“He hates me, doesn’t he?” You looked over at Jacob as he drove.

“Nah, he’s just mad that you did the same thing he did.”

“Do you hate me?”

“Couldn’t hate you for doing what’s human nature. That means you can’t hate John either.” He glanced at you and back to the road.

“I guess you’re right. We are the two most sexual people in Hope County, can’t really expect us not to follow our urges. Do you think he’ll see it that way?”

“Maybe. Might take him a bit longer, John does not like to share.”

“What do you think Joseph’s going to do?”

“Not sure. Just finish the job, try not to piss anyone off, and we’ll see.” He parked the truck near the edge of the woods.

“Thanks.” You leaned over and kissed him before getting out of the truck.

You grabbed the supplies from the back and walked down to the cabin, you knew it wasn’t a good idea for any of the Seed’s to be seen walking in and out of there. Jacob was the only one who hadn’t fought over you, he didn’t get involved in the pissing contest between John and Joseph, he was just happy having you. You could tell it was hard for him to leave you here, maybe that was why he didn’t come by, he would’ve wanted to take you back with him.

You got back home and began putting some of your things away when you heard John’s voice crackle over the radio.

 _“I know you’re there, pick up.”_ You hesitated for a few minutes, not sure what he wanted.

 _“I really don’t feel like hearing your shit right now.”_ You pressed the button and snapped.

 _“Aahh, there you are, I thought maybe your boyfriend was around.”_ He was as smug as ever.

_“Honestly he’s closer to being your boyfriend than mine. We just fucked, that’s it.”_

_“Was he good?”_

_“Seriously? I’m not even going to answer that.”_ You rolled your eyes even though you knew he couldn’t see you.

 _“Maybe I should come meet the man that took you from me so easily.”_ He spoke as if he truly believed Luke had taken what was his.

 _“Are you fucking stupid? I didn’t leave you for another man, John. I left to help out your crazy ass family. Please just leave him alone.”_ You waited but heard nothing for a few minutes.

 _“John? Don’t you dare hurt him, he did nothing to you. Your problem is with me. John?”_ You waited again but there was nothing.

You wanted to believe he had more sense than to come harass Luke while you were trying to get information from him, but this was John you were talking about. It wasn’t that you loved Luke or anything, but you felt protective over him, especially from John’s insanity, you knew if he got a hold of him, he’d probably kill him.

John put the radio down as he sat at his desk, thinking about you, about how much he wanted to have you back in his arms. He thought back about your face when you saw that woman, how much pain he’d caused you. He wanted to forget that night with her, to pretend it didn’t happen, but he couldn’t, he replayed the memory in his mind.

_“John?” She tapped lightly on his office door._

_“Enter.” He said annoyed that he was being bothered at such a late hour._

_“S-Sorry to interrupt, but I was told to bring these land acquisition forms to you.” She hesitantly approached the desk, placing the papers on it._

_John normally wouldn’t have even paid her any mind, but he saw how frightened she seemed to be, the very opposite of you. You never cowered in front of him, not even when he put you through the worst. He stood up and approached the woman, whose gaze was held to the ground._

_“Why are you shaking?” He looked at her as if she was a strange creature._

_“Y-You intimidate me.” She slowly looked up at him._

_John thrived on that sentence alone, that he intimidated her, his ego definitely needed that after feeling so lost without you. He grabbed the back of her hair and pulled her to him, instantly kissing her. She struggled under his grasp, she wasn’t you, so she wasn’t used to his roughness.  He pulled back and looked down at her, she was breathing heavily already. His eyes looked at the soft skin of her neck, remembering the several times he’d marked you and the way you wore it proudly for everyone to see, for everyone to know that you were his. He leaned down and kissed over the skin on her neck before taking it between his teeth and biting down._

_“Ah, John! Stop!” She shouted as she tried to push him away._

_He pulled back from her instantly, realizing what he was trying to do, that he could never replace you, that he only wanted you._

_“You may leave.” He said before walking back around to his desk and sitting down, running his hand through his hair in exasperation._

_The woman didn’t leave though, she slowly moved towards John and immediately dropped to her knees in front of him, unbuttoning his pants._

You stress slept for the next day, worrying about what John was going to do. It’s not like you could tell Luke either, ‘hey John Seed has it out for you since we had sex that one time’ isn’t the best conversation starter. Luke approached you that morning and asked for your help with an outpost, you agreed, if anything you could keep an eye out for John. It was a small bar that the cult had taken a few months back. You went in guns blazing, stealth wasn’t really something you were interested in right now, you wanted to do something violent to get your mind off everything. You went in one door while he entered another, by the time you were done there were 6 bodies in the floor. You were so pumped up with adrenaline you asked Luke to come back to your cabin. You could barely keep your hands off him the entire ride back. You didn’t feel guilty about it, as far as you were concerned you and John were seeing other people temporarily while you were away.

You opened your door and immediately latched your lips to his, kissing him hungrily. He closed the door behind him and pushed you against it, his hands roaming over your body. He slipped his hand inside your pants and started rubbing your clit, you moaned into his mouth as you pushed your hips into his hand. You ran your fingers through his hair, pushing your tongue into his mouth as his fingers skillfully pushed you towards the edge. You grabbed his shirt and pulled it off him, then kissing him forcefully. You grabbed his hand pulled him towards the bedroom and pushed him onto the bed, you straddled his lap and returned your lips to his.

You were caught off guard by a knock on your door, you sat up and looked at Luke, no one else knew you were here except the Seed’s and maybe Whitehorse. You climbed off him and went to the door, opening it hesitantly.

“Is he here?” John stood at the door, trying to peer inside.

 “W-Why are you here, John?” You finally found the words to speak.

“Wanted to get a good look at your boyfriend.” He wasn’t his usual perfectly upkept self, strands of hair were out of place, his clothes looked like he’d been sleeping in them.

“John, please leave.” You were starting to worry about his intentions.

“So, he is here then?” He pushed past you and entered the cabin, looking around until he saw Luke standing in the doorway to your room, putting his shirt back on.

John looked at you and then Luke, his expression was identical to the one he had when he was obtaining confessions.

“W-What’s going on?” Luke looked at you confused.

You stepped between him and John, trying to think of anything to explain this situation.

“John, likes to hunt me down and ask me to atone for my sins in person, that’s why he’s here.” Not the best excuse, but hopefully he’d buy it.

“No, it’s not. I’m here for one thing… Him.” John’s gaze was held on Luke.

Before you could react, John pushed you aside and lunged at Luke, punching him square in the face. He caught Luke off guard, and he fell to the ground, but he didn’t stay down for long, he got back up and tackled John onto the dining table, causing the legs to buckle and collapse in the floor.

“Shit!” You shouted as you watched the events unfolding before you.

Luke hovered over John hitting him in the face, as he reared back to land another punch John hit him in the stomach, causing him to double over. John had the upper hand now, he grabbed Luke by the hair and punched him in the face again, and again. You only knew one way to get them to stop, you grabbed your gun and shot into the ceiling. John immediately released Luke and looked over to you.

“Get the fuck out. Now.” You pointed the gun at John, you knew you wouldn’t shoot him, but he was so sure you’d left him for Luke maybe he would believe you’d shoot him too.

John took a step towards you, he licked the blood from his lip and grinned. Your hand shook as you held the gun up, he moved closer until he was almost flush against your body.

“This won’t be over until I’ve peeled his flesh from his body.” He whispered into your ear, making sure only you could hear it.

He walked past you and left, closing the door behind him. You dropped the gun and rushed over to Luke who was lying on the broken remnants of your table. You helped him over to the couch and got a rag to clean him up. You sat next to him on the couch and began wiping the blood from his eye.

“So, can you explain to me what just happened?” He winced as you touched his wound.

“John has a weird obsession with me, well, they all do actually. They think I belong to them.”

“Why would they think that?”

“I’m not even sure why, best I can guess is they associate sex with love?”

“No offense, but your sex game is not that great.” He smirked.

You looked at him appalled, “I’ll have you know my sex game is top fucking notch.”

“If you say so, I just wasn’t that impressed. You don’t have to prove it to me or anything.” His smile spread across his face as he shrugged.

“You just got your ass kicked and you still want to fuck?” You really did have a type.

You dropped the rag and straddled his lap, he winced when you kissed his lips, you had forgotten it was busted and kissed him a bit more tenderly. His hands slid over your thighs and cupped your ass as he pulled you closer.

You woke up the next morning with Luke draped over you, you looked at his face and stomach, John really did a number on him. You wondered where he’d gone after that, hopefully back home to sulk and not do something stupid. Luke woke up shortly after and was getting dressed to leave.

“I know I have no right to ask this of you, but could you not tell Whitehorse about what happened yesterday? I know he would want to press about why John was here and what exactly our ‘relationship’ was.”

“Sure, I’ll tell him I got beat up by a crazy ass cultist, which isn’t that far off from the truth.” He looked down at you as you moved closer.

“Thanks. I really am sorry about everything.” Your thumb moved over the cut on his lip.

“It’s alright, I think I understand his motives now, your sex game really is top fucking notch.” He grinned.

A small laugh left your lips as you leaned up and kissed him gently, making sure not to put too much pressure on his wound. He finished getting dressed and left. You looked at the mess in your floor and decided you’d get rid of the table, it was no use to you now. You picked up the pieces and tossed them outside. You were curious about John and decided to radio him.

  _“You could have blown my cover.”_ You pressed the button and waited for a response. A few minutes later you finally got one.

_“Sorry about that.”_

_“Are you sorry about it or sorry you didn’t just kill him?”_

_“Does it matter?”_ You knew he wasn’t actually sorry about what he’d done.

 _“Were you serious, about killing him?”_ You really didn’t want him to hurt Luke, you were fond of him now.

 _“Oh, Darling, I never said I was going to kill him.”_ His tone was unwavering, he fully intended to skin Luke while he was alive.

_“John, please…”_

He didn’t say another word, neither did you. You were getting genuinely worried about Luke’s safety, but how could you warn him without disclosing the nature of your relationship with John? Without telling him that John was in love with you and you were still very much in love with him.

It had been two days since the brawl in your kitchen, you decided to take a break from Luke for a bit, distance seemed like a good idea right now. You were reading a book when someone knocked on your door, a pit of anxiety formed in your stomach because the last time this happened it was John there to fight Luke. You cautiously opened the door to see John standing there again. This time he looked more like himself, clean cut and as cocky as ever in the way he stood.

“I don’t have another table for you to break.” You said sarcastically.

“May I come in? Please?” He asked politely, you were skeptical of any manners from John Seed, he didn’t use them often.

You stepped aside and let him enter, closing the door behind him. He moved around your kitchen, looking at the empty space where the table was.

“Why are you here, John?” You crossed your arms and leaned back against the door.

“I’m here for two reasons. Joseph told me to come make amends with you.” He paced around.

“Does he know what you did?”

“He saw my busted lip and asked, of course I told him and he wasn’t pleased at all. Accused me of indulging my wrath.” He stopped and looked at you.

“So, he told you to come here?”

“Not in so many words, he may have said to use the radio, but I find house calls to be more… intimate and I wanted to see you, to see how you were doing.” He paused for a moment as if he was searching for the right words.

“Well, you came, and you saw, now leave.” You didn’t want anyone else to see him there and honestly you were still angry with him.

“I still have amends to make.” He inhaled deeply, “I forgive you for your…transgression. And I apologize for my own callousness. I did not handle your departure well.” He stepped closer, a dark look in his eyes as he moved.

“How grown up of you, doesn’t sound rehearsed at all. I guess I’m sorry too. I acted on impulse. I really didn’t mean to hurt you.”

John continued to get closer until he was only a few inches from you, he twirled your hair around his fingers, you felt your pulse quicken at his closeness. You couldn’t deny the pull you felt to him, even his presence made you weak.

“You said you came here for two things, what’s the other?”

John let go of your hair and wrapped his hand around your throat lightly, “To reclaim what’s mine.” In an instant he closed the space between you, pressing his body against yours, his lips on yours.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, your nails dragging across his skin, his kiss was possessive, his tongue explored your mouth and you willingly let him. You missed him, missed his kiss, how you melted into his arms the second he touched you. His hand was firm on your throat, his other moved down your body, rubbing between your thighs over your pants. His lips left yours, he moved your head to the side, giving him better access to your neck.

“You’re mine.” He said against your skin before sinking his teeth into you, marking you once more, his tongue lapping at the fresh wound.

He didn’t stop there, he nipped and bit at the skin across your collar bone, making sure everyone knew who you belonged to. He ripped your shirt open, buttons flying across the room as he continued his journey down to your breasts. He gently licked over your breast before biting down on the soft flesh.

“Ow, fuck John, that hurt.” You grabbed his hair and pulled his head back from you.

“Good.” He smirked before returning to his task, leaving more marks as he went. He knelt in the floor, face to face with the apex of your thighs.

He undid the button on your pants and slowly pulled them down your legs, you stepped out of them and looked down at him, he wasn’t pleading or begging you like he was the last time you saw him like this, he was demanding, possessive. He leaned forward and kiss you through your panties, his tongue licking at the wetness that was already there. His hands travelled up your legs, resting on your hips. He continued to torture you, pressing his tongue to your clit through your underwear, it wasn’t enough to make you cum, but enough to keep you on edge. You needed more, needed to feel his mouth on you, but you knew he was teasing you.

“John, please…” You weren’t above begging him for what you wanted.

“Show me how bad you want it.” His breath was hot against you.

You thought for a moment about how you could prove how badly you wanted him. He stared up at you as you slipped your hand into your underwear briefly before pulling your fingers out to show how soaked you’d become for him. You held your fingers to his lips, he looked at you for a moment before taking your fingers into his mouth, licking them clean. You let out a breathy moan at the feeling of his mouth and tongue on your fingers. You pulled your hand from him as he slowly stood up.

“Show me how sorry you are.” His thumb traced over your bottom lip.

You immediately dropped down to your knees, mimicking his actions in taking your time removing his pants. You teased him the same way he teased you, you licked at the bulge in his underwear, already completely hard. You looked up at him innocently, never breaking eye contact. His hand caressed the side of your face as you finally pulled him free of his boxers. You hovered your mouth over him before pushing him to the back of your throat and pulling him back out again, he groaned as he leaned his head back against the wall. You felt the tension leave his body as you moved your mouth over him.

 Suddenly, he grabbed your hair and pulled your head back, signaling for you to stop before this ended too quickly. You stood and guided him to the bedroom. John discarded his shirt on the way to the room, he pushed you down on the bed and flipped you over onto your stomach, grabbing your hips and pulling you up on your hands and knees. He said he was going to claim you as his and that’s exactly what he was going to do. Without warning he shoved himself inside you, causing you to lurch forward and cry out, he didn’t give you time to adjust before pounding into you. His fingers dug into your hips impossibly hard, you knew your body would be covered in bruises after this, but you didn’t care. He thrust into you hard, it hurt slightly but you wanted him more than anything right now. You came quickly, shuddering under his grasp.

He pulled out of you and turned you over onto your back. There was no way he was letting you control things by being on top, he wanted you writhing beneath him and screaming his name, loud enough for everyone in the surrounding area to hear, to hear that you were his.

You cupped his face and kissed him deeply as he slowly eased back into you, you both stopped for a moment to revel in the feeling of being joined once more. He pulled out of you almost completely before pushing back in, filling you to the hilt. You wrapped your legs around him, pulling him closer, you needed to feel his skin against yours, you moved together, your hips reaching up to meet his thrusts. Your hands held onto the back of his neck, your nails digging into his skin. You were already so close to the edge again, you moaned and moved beneath him. John stopped his movements and looked into your eyes.

“Tell me you’re mine.” His eyes searched yours for confirmation.

“I’m yours, John. Always.” You pulled him down and kissed him sweetly, making sure he knew you were his, completely, that you still loved him.

He began moving again, his thrusts more erratic, he wanted to feel you unravel around him, he needed it. You continued kissing him as you panted and moaned, nearing your release. He started thrusting harder and deeper, your bed shaking and hitting the wall. You held onto him as you came, shouting his name, you trembled beneath him as your orgasm pulsed through your body. As you tightened around him, he found his own release, groaning as he came. He eased out of you and laid down facing you.

“I should go soon.” He breathed heavily.

“Don’t you fucking leave me, John. I-I can’t…” Tears pooled in your eyes at the thought of being left here again, abandoned by the people who were supposed to be in love with you.

“Hey, don’t cry, I’ll stay, I’ll stay.” He kissed your forehead and pulled you to his chest.

“I’m going to talk to Joseph about bringing you home where you belong.” He held you in his arms and you relaxed in his embrace, once again feeling loved, however brief.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An old friend comes to visit and stirs up some unsettling feelings within you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little softness for you.

“She’s suffering out there, Jacob, you’ve seen her, it’s not right.” John said as he paced back and forth in front of Jacob.

Jacob leaned against the desk in the VA Center, arms crossed, “Well, what do you want me to do about it?”

“Can’t we make an executive decision to pull her out?” He stopped and looked to his older brother for some kind of guidance.

“You know that’s not how it works.” He sighed, wishing there was something he could do.

You were making a sandwich when you heard a soft knock on your door, you knew it couldn’t be John, he would’ve just busted in at this point. You opened the door and were completely surprised to see Faith.

“Can I come in?” She asked.

You nodded and let her in, closing the door behind her. You weren’t sure what to say, last time you’d seen her she was starved and beaten.

“I won’t waste your time, have you spoken to The Father?” She leaned against the counter and looked at you.

“No, and I hope I don’t. He’s been kind of an ass lately.” You said bluntly.

“I was afraid of that.” Her gaze dropped to the ground.

“What’s wrong?” You sat down on the couch.

“The Father hasn’t been seen at the compound. He’s gone into isolation for some reason and people are lost without him, the followers don’t have anyone to guide them.”

You didn’t understand what she meant, the followers knew their duties and Joseph’s absence shouldn’t be that big of a problem. Plus, why did she even give a fuck?

“Why do you care so much about Joseph? Didn’t he have you punished for fucking swimming?”

“He saved me, I would have died with a needle sticking out of my arm. The punishment was his way of reminding me of that, that things were a lot worse before him. He reminded me of his compassion. He was very worried about you when he returned to John’s and you weren’t there that day. He cares for you deeply.”

She spoke about him like she truly believed he was her savior, with no questions or doubts about it.

“I guess I just don’t have that kind of blind faith in him, he hasn’t saved me from anything.”

“Hasn’t he though?” She held her gaze to yours.

You knew what she was implying, that by bringing you into his family he saved you from your own destruction, but just because you love them doesn’t mean he saved you, does it? If half of the followers were as distraught as her over this then you could imagine the kind of trouble they’d cause. You felt for her, you really did, she seemed so lost without his guidance, you wondered if you would have been the same had you given him a chance.

“I haven’t seen him since dinner the other day. I’ll let you know if I do though.”

“I appreciate your help, I hope he comes back soon.” She smiled weakly and left just as quickly as she came.

You sat in the cabin, you knew he was a complete ass, and that you shouldn’t worry about him, but here you were, worried about Joseph fucking Seed. Now to find John and Jacob fucking Seed and find out what’s going on.

 _“Idiot, pick up.”_ You didn’t care who answered as long as someone did.

 _“What’s wrong?”_ You heard John’s voice over the radio as well as Jacob laugh in the background.

 _“Why is Joseph in isolation?”_ You got right to the point.

_“How do you know that?”_

_“I have…sources.”_ You didn’t want to get Faith into any more trouble.

_“He went to his bunker the other day, after I got in that fight with your-with Luke.”_

_“Ha, you fought that guy?”_ Jacob could be heard in the background.

_“When is he coming back?”_

_“We never know, usually he’s out in a few hours.”_ You heard a struggle and John cursing.

 _“Is everything okay?”_ Jacob’s voice, he must have taken the radio from John.

_“Yeah, just…concerned. Tell him I want, I need to talk with him.”_

You placed the radio down and waited, hoping to hear something soon. The day came and went, still nothing. You checked in with Jacob and John again the next morning, but they still hadn’t seen him. You couldn’t shake the nervous feeling in your stomach about Joseph and this whole situation. You went out for a walk to try and clear your head, it didn’t work, nature is bullshit. You returned to your cabin, when you walked in you immediately stopped, there was a new table in your kitchen, you looked around but didn’t see anyone.

“Jesus motherfucking Christ! You can’t do that to me!” You screamed when Jacob grabbed you from behind.

“John was right, it’s fun scaring you.” Jacob laughed as he released you.

“Don’t any of you know how to make an entrance instead of scaring someone half to death?”

You walked into the cabin with Jacob close behind, “Where is he?” You turned to him, crossing your arms.

“Who?”

“John, I know you’re here.” You called out, tapping your foot impatiently, you heard the bathroom door open and John come stalking out.

“You’re no fun.” He pouted, leaning against the door frame.

“I take it by your presence Joseph still hasn’t returned?” You sat down at the table.

“Why do you say that?” Jacob asked.

“Because when he was around, I never saw either of you, and now that he isn’t there making commands, you’re running wild, just like the followers.”

“No one’s running wild, everything is under control.” Jacob tried his best to sound convincing, but the truth was everything was not under control and he didn’t know how to fix it without Joseph.

“I totally believe that, that’s why I’ve been seeing drunken Peggies and an increase in random fires around town.”

“Maybe there are a few people running wild, nothing we can’t handle.”

“You haven’t even said anything about your new table.” John said as he sat next to you.

“I wouldn’t need a new table if someone hadn’t come in here all ego-driven and smashed it to bits. But thank you for replacing it. Did you put it together yourself?” You looked at John, knowing he was the one to pick out such an expensive looking wood.

“Jacob helped.” John averted his gaze from you.

“Helped? He didn’t know the difference between a flathead screwdriver and a phillips-head, he got mad and threw one of the legs into the woods.”

You looked under the table, one of the legs was mismatched, it was a piece of random plywood. You looked back up at John and started laughing, he really wasn’t the handiest person.

“If you don’t like the table, I’d be more than happy to destroy it again, maybe Luke could be of service?”

“Such a spoil sport, Johnny. Did you just come by to bring me a table?” You smiled.

“Nope. We came fully prepared to distract you from your worries.” Jacob pulled a deck of cards from his pocket and placed them on the table.

“You know any card games?” Jacob sat down across from you.

“Like go-fish?” You smiled innocently.

“I was thinking more like poker? If not, we can teach you.”

“Hmmm, sounds boring, can we at least make it interesting? How about strip poker?”

Jacob looked at John, both knew you’d end up completely naked in 10 minutes and totally at their disposal.

“Alright, Sweetheart.” Jacob grinned.

You grabbed the cards from the package and began shuffling them quickly between your fingers, spreading them across the table and piling them back together, both men watched in amazement as you worked with the cards.

“Okay, boys, Aces are high, best hand wins and gets to choose what item of clothing the loser takes off.” You began dealing the cards.

John glanced over at Jacob, they may have made a mistake in underestimating you. You knew how to play poker, you’d been gambling and running scams on men like them for years, who saw an innocent woman thinking she wouldn’t know her way around a deck of cards. You knew you’d have both men naked and shivering in a matter of minutes.

“That’s a Royal Flush, Johnny boy. Lose the jacket.” You smiled proudly.

You were already adorned in John’s Aviators and Jacob’s pants, which hung very loosely off your hips. John huffed as he removed his jacket, handing it over. You put the coat on and slicked your hair back.

“Just say ‘Yes’, John.” You mocked him, Jacob laughed a full belly laugh as you mimicked John’s mannerisms as well.

“Laugh it up, your lucky streak will run out.” He stared at you, he couldn’t say he hated seeing you in his jacket though.

You were certain you had this hand in the bag, but were thrown off when John presented a Straight Flush.

“Shirt.” John said as he placed his cards on the table.

You shrugged his jacket off and pulled your shirt over your head, dropping it to the floor. Your nipples hardened as soon as the cold air hit them. John never said anything about the jacket though, so you pulled it back on. You were starting to rethink this idea, you were now topless in front of two Seed men who had nothing else to do and their eyes revealed their intentions fully. You had to win the next hand, to get some control back.

“Pants.” A grin spread across Jacob’s face as he revealed his cards.

You stood up and his pants fell off you and pooled in the floor beneath your feet. You were still wearing your underwear and John’s jacket. You sat back down, determined to take some of their clothing next, but John was right, your lucky streak had worn off.

“Panties.” John smirked, showing that he had a Straight.

You rolled your eyes and stood up, shimmying out of your panties slowly, giving them a good show before you sat back down, now only wearing John’s coat.

“You’re almost out of clothing, Darlin’.” Jacob said as he grinned.

“Last hand, you against John, winner gets to take the rest of my clothes off.” You smiled deviously and sat back in your chair. You knew it would be too great of a task to take on both men at the same time, narrowing it down to one was your best option.

“Shuffle the cards.” John said as he glared at Jacob.

They played through, both concentrating like this was the most important game of cards either of them had ever or would ever play. You were growing impatient and wanted to hurry this along. You scooted down in your chair and reached your foot over between Jacob’s legs, his eyes shot up at you the second you touched him. You smiled and bit your lip, hoping to distract him so he would finish the game quickly. You slid your hand over to grope John through his pants, he immediately looked at you and stifled a groan. You toyed with them both until they were practically ready to explode. Finally, John threw his cards down.

“I don’t even care anymore, show me your cards.” He had a Two Pair.

Jacob smirked but was glad he’d done it, he was tired of waiting too. Jacob placed his cards on the table revealing Three of a Kind. You swallowed hard as you saw his face change from one of frustration to one of pure lust.

“You may want to leave, little brother.” He stood up and placed his hands on the table, grinning from ear to ear as he stared at you.

“Fine, give me my jacket though before you ruin it.”

You stood up, but before you could remove the jacket, he grabbed it from your shoulders and slowly slid it off you, his hand lightly grazing your spine as he did, sending shivers through your body.

“I would have loved to fuck you in this. Maybe next time.” He spoke closely to your ear, heating your body up already. John took his jacket and left the cabin without another word.

Jacob moved slowly around the table as you stood completely nude, his eyes never left yours. You could feel your pulse quicken as he looked at you. He finally reached you, grabbing your waist and pulling you against him. His hand caressed your face gently, you could feel the results of your teasing as you were held against his body. He leaned down and kissed you softly, your hands moved up his body, wrapping around the back of his neck as you pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. You pulled away and placed your hand on his chest, pushing him back to the couch until he sat down. You straddled his lap and kissed him again as you grinded your hips down on him, feeling him through his boxers. He grabbed your hips and pulled you down further, showing you just how much he wanted you.

You moved back and pulled him free of his boxers, stroking him gently, during your time teasing them you had become so worked up yourself you didn’t want to wait any longer. You moved forward and positioned yourself over his length, sinking down onto him slowly, your mouth forming a perfect ‘O’ as he filled you completely. He groaned at how wet you were already, he slid into you with little resistance. You placed your hands on his shoulders and started to move, up and down, going oh-so slowly. You adjusted to him quickly and were able to start moving a little faster, but Jacob wanted more. He grabbed your arms and put them behind your back, holding your wrists together with one of his hands, which made you push your breasts out, he loved watching them bounce. This made it hard for you to move on your own, so he began thrusting up into you as he held your arms. His thrusts were fast and hard, hitting that perfect spot deep within you. Short whimpers and moans escaped your lips as you rode him, you couldn’t believe how close you were already.

“Let go for me, Darlin’…” Jacob said through gritted teeth, which pushed you over the edge. You loved the way he spoke so sweetly while fucking you so roughly. Your body shook on top of him as you rode out your orgasm, tightening around him and pulling him to his release as well.

You panted as you pressed your forehead to his, “We should play poker more often.”

You climbed off him and found your shirt and panties, throwing them back on as he did the same with his pants.

“Thanks for the table and the distraction.” You smiled weakly as the anxiety about Joseph returned.

“I know you’re worried about him, but he’s fine. Just stay out of trouble.” He kissed you swiftly before leaving.

Once again you were alone in your cabin, worrying about the man who had put you in this Hell hole. You rolled your eyes at the thought; a shrink could have a field day with you and the dynamic between these men.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Jacob sought out Joseph, he had been in isolation long enough and they were worried about you.

“Just knock.” Jacob whispered to John as they stood at the door inside Joseph’s bunker.

“You do it. He was pretty pissed the last time I saw him.”

Jacob took a deep breath before tapping on the door twice. They waited for a moment, he was about to knock again when Joseph opened the door. He looked like he hadn’t eaten or slept in days.

“Took you longer than I thought it would.” He said as he invited them in.

“Well, we didn’t want to bother you unless it was necessary.” John looked at Jacob as they entered the bunker.

“And is it?” He turned to John.

“It’s the followers, they’ve lost their way without you and they aren’t really responding to me or Jacob.” John looked around the main room at the scribblings on the walls and papers in the floor.

“I’ll speak with them when I return to the compound. What’s the real reason you came?” Joseph already knew why his brothers were there, it didn’t take a prophet to see that.

“She’s not doing well, every time we see her, she’s worse off than the last time.” Jacob said.

“You’ve been visiting her?”

“Well, yes, I know you told us to keep our distance from her while she was gone, but-“ John wasn’t sure how Joseph would feel about them going against him.

“I’m glad, I’ve had to time to reflect on things and understand God’s plan better. Bring her home and we can discuss everything.”

John’s excitement was painfully obvious, Jacob was better at hiding his, they didn’t know what he meant about God’s plan, but they didn’t care, it was time for you to come home.

“I’m going to the compound to sort things out with the followers, then I’ll meet you back at John’s later tonight.” He started shuffling through some papers and gathering his things to leave.

“I’ll go get her then.” Jacob said.

“Wait, why do you get to go get her?” John stopped him before he could leave.

“No, no more fighting over her, brothers. Jacob will bring her home, John if you will please prepare dinner for all of us? We have much to discuss and it will be better if we have something in our stomachs.” Joseph placed his hands on bother of their shoulders.

He was being more vague than usual, it worried Jacob and John but they had followed him up to this point, might as well continue. Jacob left and headed to pick you up while John drove Joseph to the compound before heading back to the ranch. He was still annoyed that Jacob got to pick you up, but he didn’t complain, he was glad you were coming back home.

You finished straightening things up at the cabin, doing anything to keep yourself busy. You thought it was weird you hadn’t seen or heard from Luke in a few days and decided to seek him out, not like you had anything better to do. You walked through the woods towards his house. He was outside working on his car, you could hear him mumbling curse words as you got closer.

“Need a hand?”

“No.” He responded without looking up at you.

“Want some company?”

“No.” His tone was short.

“What the fuck’s your problem?” You were pissed now, you hadn’t done anything to him that you knew of.

He put his tools down and stepped towards you, grabbing your arm and walking you away from the house to the road. You tried to pull out of his grasp, but he tightened his grip. He finally stopped when you were a good distance from the house.

“My problem is that I woke up a few days ago with a dead bird nailed to my door, and when I took it down two more showed up in its place the next day. You wouldn’t know anything about that would you?”

“Shit, it has to be John.”

“Yeah, that was the same conclusion I came to after I found this stabbed into the hood of my car.” Luke pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket.

You read over the note which was short and to the point.

            _For each finger you lay on her I will break the same amount on your mother’s hand._

“I’m sorry, I don’t-“

“Don’t tell me you don’t know why he’d do this. There is obviously more going on between you and him than you let on. I’m going to go out on a limb and say those marks on your neck and chest are from more than just rough sex, he’s marked you as his and I don’t want any part of it.” He snatched the note from your hands and put it back in his pocket and turned to leave.

You wanted to say more but were distracted by a truck coming up the road, you knew it was a cult vehicle, but they shouldn’t be up this way. It didn’t register with you that you were in Resistance territory and that not all the followers knew who you were. You remained on the side of the road as they got closer. Luke heard the truck and someone yelling out of one of the windows, he turned back to see you standing still, not moving. Everything was moving in slow motion for you as you watched the events unfold.

“Run!” He shouted at you. Neither of you were armed and had no way of defending yourselves.

The truck swerved on the road, the passenger hung out of his window shooting his gun in the air, until they spotted the two of you. As luck would have it you just happened to be on the side of the road that was closer to the passenger, an easy target.

“For The Father!” He shouted out his window as he fired his gun in your direction.

You snapped out of whatever daze you were in and turned to run, but it was too late. The first bullet hit your upper thigh, the second hit you in the stomach. You screamed and fell to the ground immediately. The truck continued down the road as they fired their guns in the air and honked their horn. Luke ran to you and rolled you over on your back.

“You’re gonna be okay, just… just hold on.” His voice was panicked as he tried to stop the bleeding on your leg.

You stared up at the sky, thinking this is a fitting death for you, killed by Peggies while you were working undercover for Joseph, who had abandoned you here because you were in love with John. If anyone’s life ever needed to be made into a movie, it was yours.

“Shit, shit…” Luke said as he struggled to stop the bleeding from your wounds as your blood spread on the ground.

You heard the sound of a truck coming down the road, assuming it was the Peggies coming back to finish the job. The truck slammed on it’s breaks as it approached.

“What happened?!” You heard a familiar voice, but you’d not heard him sound this fearful before. He looked at Luke who was covered in your blood already as you lay on the ground.

Jacob knelt beside you as he looked at your wounds, he knew he had to act quick and at least slow the bleeding from one of the wounds, he removed your belt quickly and tore fabric from your shirt as he placed them around the wound on your leg.

“Alright, let’s go.” He grabbed you up in his arms and looked at Luke.

“What? I’m not going with you?” He stepped back from Jacob.

“You will if you want her to live. I can’t keep pressure on her abdomen and drive at the same time. Get in the fucking truck.” He shouted.

Luke hesitated for a moment before jumping in the truck, Jacob placed you in his lap and ran to the driver’s side. John’s was too far to drive; the closest place was the VA Center and he had medical supplies there as well. He put the truck in drive and stepped on the gas pedal as hard as he could. You were shifting in and out of consciousness as he drove. You looked at Jacob, he looked pale, more so than usual. You were exhausted and wanted to close your eyes for just a second.

“Hey, hey… Stay awake…” Luke said as he tapped your cheek.

You opened your eyes and panicked for a moment at the scene before you, Luke holding you in his lap and Jacob driving. Two people that should absolutely not be together.

“You’re alright, we’re going to get you fixed up.” Luke tried to sooth you, you wanted to say something but didn’t have the strength.

“Can’t you drive faster? She’s losing a lot of blood.” He asked Jacob.

“I’m already pushing 80 mph, press your hand over her stomach, try to slow the bleeding.”

“Mother fucker!” The second his hands pressed into your wound you screamed and tried to jump out of his lap.

“I’m sorry, I have to keep pressure on it.” He tried to explain but you had passed out from the pain.

Jacob’s guards were on immediate alert when they saw the truck coming up the way going faster than normal. He hit the breaks and the truck skidded across the road. Luke jumped out, carrying you in his arms, the guards pointed their guns at him, but lowered them when they saw Jacob get out of the truck as well. Luke followed close behind Jacob, he must have been insane to come here, right to the enemy’s territory, but he couldn’t let you die in the road. Jacob slung papers and books off a metal table for Luke to lay you on. He left for a moment before returning with some medical supplies.

“We have to get the bullet out of her, looks like the one in her leg went clean through but there’s no exit wound on the one in her abdomen.”

Jacob took his knife out and cut your pants and shirt of your body, both completely soaked in your blood, it would have taken too much time to remove them otherwise. The wound on your side was right near your ribs, he had to cut your bra off as well.

“No… That’s my good bra…” You mumbled as you tried to push his hand away.

“I’m sure John will buy you a new one.” Jacob reassured you before he placed the knife under the middle of it and cut through it.

“Shhhh. Not around Luke…” You put your finger over your lips.

“I-I think he knows now, Darlin’.” Jacob glanced at Luke as he stood on the other side of you.

John glanced at his watch, Jacob should have been back with you by now, unless you two had stopped to fuck in the woods. He rolled his eyes at the thought, deciding to radio Jacob.

 _“What’s the hold up over there?”_ Jacob looked over to the radio on the table when he heard John’s voice, but ignored it.

“We have no anesthetic, you have to hold her down.” Jacob looked at Luke as he grabbed the scalpel and placed it over your wound.

Luke grabbed your arms and held them down, nodding to Jacob for him to start. He slowly cut into your skin and you immediately opened your eyes screaming out in pain. You struggled underneath Luke as he held you. Jacob finished opening the wound more and took a deep breath, knowing this wasn’t going to be easy.

“Fucking fuckers!” You yelled as his fingers moved underneath your skin, searching for the bullet.

 _“Hello?!”_ John spoke again over the radio.

“You’re gonna have to answer that. Tell him where we are and what happened.” Jacob looked at Luke, as his hands were deep inside your gut at the moment.

Luke really didn’t want to speak with John, especially after the threats, but he walked over and grabbed the radio, hesitantly pressing the button.

_“Um, there…there was an accident. She was shot, we’re at the VA Center.”_

_“I’m on my way.”_ A million questions ran through John’s mind, why was Luke there, were you okay, who shot you, why the fuck was Luke there, but he decided to ask those questions in person and not waste any time in getting to you. He jumped in his car and headed towards the compound to get Joseph. John was full of trepidation as he thought about you being hurt, that you could possibly die. He didn’t know what he’d do without you, the only person he’d ever truly loved.

Tears streamed down your cheeks as you continued to struggle. Luke held you down with all of his body weight, he knew he couldn’t let you move at all. You screamed and continued to cry until eventually you passed out from the pain.

“I understand you worry when I am away, but you must continue our work for the Project, my children. My absence does not mean it is any less important.” Joseph stood in the church as he addressed his followers.

“We must save as many souls as we can, I cannot always be there to guide you, but you must know that this is the path and we cannot stray from God’s plan.”

Joseph reassured his people of the importance of their work, he began praying with them when he heard a car horn honking. He walked towards the door, but it was slung open by John.

“We have to go, she was shot.” He said hurriedly as he motioned for his brother to go with him. Joseph didn’t say anything to the followers in the church as he followed John and got into his car.

An hour had passed as Luke continued to hold you down as Jacob pulled pieces of the bullet from inside of you, he had found almost all of them except for a small piece. He knew he couldn’t keep you opened up like this much longer though. You were pale, you had lost a lot of blood, too much blood. Suddenly the door to the room opened, John and Joseph rushed in, staring at the sight before them. You lay motionless on the metal table, your blood covering the floor and everything in the area. Luke’s arms and clothes stained with your blood as well as he held you down. Jacob’s distressed expression as his hands were deep inside your abdomen, searching for the last piece to the bullet, trying desperately to save your life.

Neither John nor Joseph moved or said a word, they were both in complete shock and had too many questions going through their minds at the moment to form any semblance of a sentence. Jacob finally found the last piece to the bullet and pulled it from your wound. He grabbed the supplies to sew you up. Your body began to shake and convulse abruptly as Luke held you down.

“Shit, she’s seizing. Put her on her side.” Jacob said panicked, your stomach was still open, but he couldn’t take the chance of you asphyxiating on vomit. He pressed gauze to your open wound to keep you from losing more blood as your body shook.

John and Joseph moved closer, they wanted to help, to do something, you couldn’t die, not now, not after everything you’d been through with them. Jacob looked up at his brothers, completely helpless, as he and Luke held you on the table. Your body finally relaxed after a few minutes, you were still unconscious, they rolled you back onto your back and Jacob quickly sewed your wounds the best he could.

“Is-Is she going to be okay?” John touched your cheek, your skin cold and pale.

“I-I don’t know… She’s lost too much blood.” Jacob shook his head.

The four men surrounded you as you laid on the table, no longer the lively, foul mouthed, woman they loved, even Luke had grown to care deeply for you. None of them spoke a word as they stared at you, unsure if you’d make it through the next hour. Each of them silently chastising themselves for not being the one in your place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For reference, the first gunshot wound is on the left inner thigh and the other is on the right side of the abdomen.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You continued to lay motionless, you were stable, for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for some sad Seed boys (and Luke too)

“She needs blood.” Jacob said as they continued to stand around you. Your breaths were shallow, your heart beat barely there.

“Take mine.” John rolled his sleeve up.

“We don’t know what her blood type is, we can’t just give her random blood.” Jacob stopped him.

“Here. I’m O negative.” Luke held his arm out, earning him a death glare from John.

Jacob did his best in finding a vein on you, it took him a few tries, not too bad for someone who’d never done it before. He had to try both of Luke’s arms, he may have gotten a little too cocky after his attempts on you. Once he had you connected Luke stood over you, keeping his arm raised so gravity could do the work.

“Why is he even here?” John asked bluntly as he sulked, still remaining by your side.

“He was there when I found her. I couldn’t drive and tend to her, so I brought him with me.”

“You should be thanking me.” Luke stared at John.

“I’ll make sure to send a gift basket.”

“Oh, like the ‘gifts’ you’ve been nailing to my door?”

“John, what’s he talking about?” Joseph raised his eyebrow as he looked at his brother.

“Nothing.”

“I’d say three dead birds and a threat on my mother isn’t ‘nothing’.” Even though he cared for you he was still pissed about the whole situation. He had more questions about what the fuck was going on here, but he figured he’d save those for another time.

“You did the dead bird thing again?” Jacob asked. He wanted to ask how John managed to catch all those birds in the first place, but refrained.

“I’m not going to confirm or deny anything, I’ll just say that it conveys a message very well.”

“Okay, we’ll discuss this later. We have other things to focus on, like the woman currently dying because of… the Resistance or the Project?” Joseph still hadn’t heard what happened.

“It was definitely the Peggies. They even called out ‘For The Father’ before they fired their guns.” Luke placed his hand on the table, feeling a little light headed.

Jacob pushed a stool towards Luke, he didn’t like the guy being here either, but he wasn’t going out of his way to be a dick to the person who was literally saving your life right now. Joseph looked at his brothers, he knew they had to find who was responsible, but he wasn’t sure how to deal with them. John and Jacob would most likely want to gut them and hang them up for all to see, but Joseph was more inclined to be forgiving. Joseph noticed Luke getting pale and dizzy sitting next to you.

“That’s enough for now.” He motioned for Jacob to stop the transfer. Jacob hesitated, he didn’t care whether Luke lived or died, he’d drain every drop of blood in his body to save you, but he knew they might need him again.

He clicked the button on the tube, closing it off between you two. He didn’t want to remove the needles from your arms, worried he may not be able to get them back in.

“Jacob, can you find something for Luke to eat? He needs to keep his strength up.” Joseph asked him, Jacob huffed before leaving the room.

“What happens now?” Luke looked at Joseph, he would rather not talk to John right now.

“We wait.” He answered simply.

“What about me? What are you going to do with me?”

“We wait.” He replied again, that was as far as he thought and wanted to think. He didn’t want to make plans about Luke or the followers, he wanted to wait for you to return, for you to be okay before anything else was handled.

Jacob returned shortly with a granola bar and some water. He had better food but didn’t want to waste it on Luke. He’d be civil but wouldn’t go above and beyond for him. As they sat there, they all thought about various memories they had with you.

John thought about the first time he tortured you, you were completely different from anyone else, you intrigued him from day one.

_“If I confess my sins, can I get a beer? It’s super-hot in here and I’m so thirsty.” You loved toying with John already and you’d only met him twice, the first time being when he tried to baptize/drown you._

_“There’s no alcohol in the Project.”_

_“Damn, that sucks.”_

_John stalked towards you slowly, he leaned over your chair, inches from your face. He grabbed the collar of your shirt and ripped it, exposing your chest, the spot he was determined to put your sin._

_“Confess your sins and-“ His eyes drifted down to your breasts._

_“My eyes are up here, Johnny boy.” From then on you continued to call him that, an attempt at belittling him._

_You evaded every threat from him, refusing to back down, you were nothing but pure stubbornness and he loved it. Even when he cut your shirt completely off of you and carved ‘wrath’ into your stomach, he couldn’t trust himself to put it on your chest due to the temptation to let his hands explore more of you. You did scream while he was making the mark, but what you said when he was done was not expected._

_“It’s perfect, what do I owe you, Johnny?” You smirked even as your blood dripped down your stomach._

_John moved closer to your face, “First one’s free, my dear, the next one will cost you.”_

_You leaned forward as much as you could and licked his bottom lip, “Can we work out a payment plan?” A low groan escaped John’s throat._

_John grinned at your boldness, he wrapped his hand around your throat and squeezed it firmly, cutting off your airways. You tried to say something, but he couldn’t understand it._

_“Sorry, what was that, my dear?” He loosened his grip._

_“I said…harder.” You smiled._

_It was at that point John became more obsessed with you, no matter what he threw at you, you could always disarm him._

Now, as he stared at your limp body he wondered if he would ever get to hear any of your sarcastic remarks again, if he’d get to hold you in his arms once more.

Jacob was wrapped in thought about the time you’d knocked him out and broken his nose, you proved your strength that day. His Hunters had captured you and brought you to him.

_“You’re such a fucking fuck.” You yelled at him as you shook the bars to your cell._

_“Don’t let Joseph hear you talking like that, little lady.”_

_“Fuck Joseph, and fuck you.” You spit in his face, he wiped it from his face and licked it from his fingers. You stared at him a little disgusted and a little turned on._

_“You know what my favorite thing is? I love seeing all that rage disappear over time, all that fight you have in you now, will be gone in a few days and you’ll be nothing but a gentle bitch.” He laughed._

_“Wanna bet?” You challenged him, which he liked._

_“You have nothing I want.”_

_“Fight me, one on one, I win, I leave. You win, I join your cult.”_

_He considered the options, even if you won, he’d just have his Hunters find you and bring you back._

_“Okay. I’ll accept your deal.” He unlocked your cell and pulled you outside, there would be more room to move._

_You hadn’t eaten in a few days, so he fully expected you to be weak, but once you got outside you were as energetic as ever. Moving around him quickly, he swung at you a few times and missed, you jabbed him in the ribs with short quick hits. Suddenly you stopped moving and stood in front of him, you reached up and grabbed his face, pulling him down into a kiss. You pushed your tongue into his mouth, his hands rested on your hips as he moved closer. After a few seconds you pulled back and hit him squared in the face, you heard the cartilage in his nose crack as he fell to the ground in slow motion. You looked down at him as he seemed to be out cold._

_“Sorry about that, Jake. I’ll make it up to you, promise.” You placed a kiss on his cheek before running off into the woods._

After that Jacob respected you, you saw his desire for you as a weakness and played it against him, but that didn’t mean he still didn’t want to kill you sometimes.

Joseph had a hard time looking directly at your face, he felt bad for the way he had handled things, now that he was clearer on God’s plan, he realized he had acted out of anger and envy. He remembered one of the purest memories of love he felt with you, it was storming pretty badly, you were the only one’s at the ranch. The thunder boomed and the lightning cracked, causing the power to flicker and then go out.

_“Where are you?” He called out for you._

_“Um, I’m in the kitchen.” You yelled._

_“Come to the office, I have some candles in here.”_

_“Could you-could you come get me?”_

_He wasn’t sure what you were asking, “Why?”_

_“I-I’m not real fond of the dark. Please?” You sat in the floor against the counter._

_Joseph didn’t say another word, he grabbed a candle and came to search for you. When he found you, you were sitting in the floor with your knees to your chest. He reached his hand out for you and helped you up. He held your hand and guided you to the couch in the office. He sat down and pulled you into his lap, you nuzzled your head into the crook of his neck._

_“Please don’t tell John and Jacob about this.” You wrapped your arms around his neck._

_“Never.” He said as he pressed a kiss to your head._

You genuinely needed him in this moment, you were always so independent and unwavering, but you had become truly vulnerable in this instance, you needed him, and he always sought out that feeling again.

Luke hadn’t known you as long, but he still had a favorite memory of you. It was after his fight with John, you laid on his chest in your bed.

_“No, you’re going to laugh, and I really don’t want to be made fun of.”_

_“Just tell me, I won’t laugh, I promise.” You asked again._

_“Betty White.”_

_You tried, you really did, but you couldn’t hold back, you busted out laughing._

_“She was your celebrity crush?” You laughed so hard, he turned away from you._

_“Aw, Luke, don’t leave me. I’m sorry, please don’t pout.”_

_He rolled back towards you, “You have to tell me something embarrassing so we’re even.”_

_“Okay, but you can’t tell a soul... I accidently peed on someone.”_

_“First, how? Second, that seems more embarrassing for them.”_

_“I was about 21, I was fucking this guy in his car, we were going pretty hard, I had to pee so badly but didn’t want to ruin the mood and stop. I let him keep going but he started fucking me harder and I just couldn’t hold it in.”_

_“Was he mad?” He laughed._

_“He would have been if he’d known. I told him he fucked me so well that he made me cum that hard.”_

_You both spent the next few hours telling each other embarrassing stories, trying to outdo one another._

He hadn’t felt that relaxed or at ease with someone in a long time, since all this had started with the Peggies.

Jacob periodically checked your pulse, he held his fingers up to your jugular veins in your neck, but he didn’t feel anything. He placed his head on your chest but didn’t hear a heartbeat.

“Shit…” He said before he began doing CPR, he pressed on your chest in a rhythm, stopping after so many and blowing into your mouth.

The others watched on as he did this, none of them knowing what to do, fear and anxiety had become permanent residents in each of their stomachs. Luke held your wrist, searching for a pulse as Jacob continued.

“Wait… She has a pulse.” He said, stopping Jacob from pressing on your chest anymore.

After that one of them was constantly checking your pulse, making sure you were still breathing. They didn’t want to lose you, they couldn’t. Throughout the hours John would get pissed off and walk outside, it was hard for him to see you like this, to watch you dying in front of his eyes. But he would return after a bit, not wanting to leave you for too long.

No matter how long each of them had known you, you had come into their lives and made an impact. Every one of them would give their life for you, even Luke.

“We can’t just sit here and wait, isn’t there something we can do?” John said impatiently.

“We’ve done everything we can, all we can do now is wait for her to regain consciousness.” Joseph tried to calm his brother.

The truth is that they were all worried they hadn’t done enough, that you wouldn’t wake up or make it through the night, but no one said anything out loud. A few hours had passed, and you still hadn’t woken up or moved. They had done a few more transfusions with Luke but had taken too much from him as it was. It wasn’t looking well.

“I don’t know how to say this so I’m just going to say it, I think we should come to terms with the possibility that she may not wake up. And we need to have a moment with her, each of us, alone, to say our goodbyes.” Joseph spoke up, he half expected John to argue, or Jacob to cuss him out, but they remained silent.

“We’ll let Luke have a moment with her first.” He motioned for his brothers to follow him.

Luke stood next to you as he held your hand, “I-I know we haven’t known each other very long, but you’ve become part of my life. You helped me feel happiness again when I thought there was none left in this world. Thank you.” He placed a kiss on the back of your hand and left the room.

Jacob entered next, he thought it was stupid to talk to someone who couldn’t respond or might not even hear him, but he did it anyways.

“You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met, and you got a damn good right hook. I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you can, please don’t stop fighting, come back to us, Darlin’.” He kissed your forehead, he didn’t return to John and Joseph, not wanting them to see his tears, he went outside instead.

John was next, he had already prepared to say something completely inappropriate and sexual, but once he was standing next to you, all of that left his mind.

“I never thought I’d love someone as much as I love you, I doubt I ever will again. You have changed me, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to go through this life without you by my side. I just-“ Tears streamed down his face as he held your hand.

“Just don’t die, please… I need you here with me, more than you know. Please…” He sobbed, feeling an ache in his heart as you remained still and silent.

John left the room and Joseph entered behind him, he tried to stop his brother to console him, but he walked past him. Joseph knew they blamed him for your current situation.

“I won’t beg you to stay, I know if it is your time to go then you must, but you have become part of my family and losing you is going to destroy whatever remnants we have left. I’m so sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen, you are truly and honestly loved by us all and I fear what will become of us if we lose you.” He pressed a kiss to your head and held your hand as tears pooled in his eyes, knowing he caused this, that he broke his family.

They all returned after taking a moment to clear their minds, they remained silent still, there was nothing more to say, like Joseph said, they would wait.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the shooting and an impromptu surgery, you finally pull yourself back into consciousness, only to find a new problem has arisen.

Your eyes were heavy, you could hear people talking around you, you tried to open your eyes, but nothing happened. You put all your focus into this one task, just opening your eyes, but you couldn’t. You drifted back off into unconsciousness.

 _“You have to wake up… Please…”_ You could hear John’s trembling voice echoing throughout your mind.

 _I’m trying John…_ You thought be fore you were swept back into darkness.

You could hear voices, but they were muffled, you were determined to open your eyes this time, you focused hard on such a simple task, your eyelids slowly lifted, and your surroundings came into focus. First you saw John, he was holding your bloodied hand, you wanted to squeeze his hand but moving your fingers was a more difficult task than you thought. You glanced next to John and saw Jacob, he was standing with his arms crossed, looking as pensive as ever. To your right you saw Joseph, you hadn’t seen him since dinner that day. And finally, you saw Luke, which surprised you, you coughed, and all eyes were on you in an instant.

“Shit, she’s awake!” John squeezed your hand slightly, jumping up from his chair to be closer to you.

“I knew you’d pull through, you’re a fighter.” Jacob added as an expression of relief washed over his face.

Joseph remained silent, he knew the last interaction you had with him was not pleasant, but he smiled slightly.

“So, we definitely need to talk when you’re better.” Luke said as he tucked your hair behind your ear.

“W-Water?” Was all you could manage; your mouth was impossibly dry.

“I can give you some ice to suck on, we don’t want to put too much on your stomach just yet.” Jacob said before he left to get some ice.

Your whole body ached, even if you didn’t move there was pain, your head hurt and felt like there was a ton of bricks sitting on it. Jacob returned with the ice and placed one in your mouth. You let it melt on your tongue as you glanced between the men surrounding you. It made you feel weird with all of them just staring at you.

“W-Where am I?” It was still hard to talk, your voice hoarse.

“You’re at the VA Center. We brought you here after-well, when you got shot.” Jacob said as he gave you another ice cube.

“Shit, that’s why I feel like garbage.” You had temporarily forgotten about being gunned down in the road.

You tried to sit up, but John placed his hand over your chest, pushing you back down.

“Don’t move too much. You’ve been unconscious for about 15 hours now. Luke gave you a few transfusions but you’re still too weak to get up right now.”

“Transfusion?” You looked over at Luke confused, a little weirded out to hear John say his name with zero undertones of anger.

“You lost a lot of blood and I’m a universal donor. I would have given you more, but you know, I kind of need some too.” He smirked at you.

“Thank you, you didn’t have to do that.” You thought it was odd that he would give you blood, considering he was angry at you just before the incident.

“As weird and fucked up as this whole situation is, I couldn’t bare the thought of you dying.”

You looked over at Joseph who hadn’t said anything yet, you wondered if he was mad at you.

“Joseph, I’m sorry I didn’t-“ Before you could finish your sentence Joseph had moved closer to you, Luke backed away giving him room.

“No, you have nothing to be sorry about. I’m at fault for this, I should be the one apologizing to you. I’m so glad you’re okay.” His hand held yours and stroked your knuckles.

 “Me too.” You smiled softly at him as his hand caressed your cheek.

 “I’m going to spend the rest of my life making this up to you.” He leaned down and pressed his forehead to yours.

“You’ll have plenty of time to do that in your bunker.” You joked and yawned, your eyes growing heavy again.

“We’ll talk about that later, just get some rest.” He kissed you softly and held your hand as you drifted off to sleep.

You weren’t sure how long you’d been out but when you woke up you had all four men surrounding you again. You glanced around the room, they looked as though they were thinking about something.

“What’s going on?” You said sleepily.

“We’re going to move you to an actual bed but trying to figure out how to do it in the least painful way possible.” Luke said.

“We should carry the table to the bed.” John said.

“And if she slides off the table?” Jacob replied.

They stood around for a little longer, bickering back and forth about the best way to move you, the loudness was making your head hurt.

“Just fucking do it, it’s going to hurt like a motherfucker, but this table is soaked in blood and uncomfortable.”

They all looked at you for a moment, caught off guard by your bluntness.

“You heard the lady, let’s do it.” Jacob placed his arms underneath your torso, Luke did the same as John and Joseph held your lower body.

They slowly lifted you off the table, pain shot through both of your wounds at once.

“Fucking shit!” You yelled. They all froze, not wanting to cause any more pain. After a moment they started to walk with you in their arms.

They tried to limit the amount of jostling around, but it was difficult with four people trying to move in unison. They carried you down the hall to Jacob’s room, his bed was the biggest and it wasn’t like he used it often. If it were any other circumstance, you’d quite enjoy being carried by all four men, but you couldn’t enjoy it right now with the amount of pain you were in. You braced yourself as they lowered you onto the bed, the slightest movement pulled at your stitches causing you to scream even more profanities at them.

“I was right, that hurt like a motherfucker.” You breathed heavily as the pain began to subside a little.

“I’m going to get you some clothes from the house, do you need anything else?” John knelt next to you. Luke watched your interactions with them, piecing everything together about your relationship with them.

“Besides some painkillers? A shower would be nice.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” He pressed a kiss to your lips before leaving.

“I’ll find you something light to eat, nothing too heavy.” Jacob said as he left the room.

“If it’s alright I’m going to rest for a bit, all the blood loss has made me tired.” Luke went to find a couch to sleep on and figure everything out.

Joseph had left with the others and returned to you with a bowl and a few rags.

“You can’t really stand up for a shower right now, but I can clean you up a bit.” He pulled up a chair next to the bed. He pulled the sheet down that was covering you.

He soaked the rag in the warm water before bringing it up to wipe some of the dried blood from your chest and neck. You had lost a lot of blood and most of it was stuck to your skin right now, as well as all over Luke and Jacob. Within a few minutes the water in the bowl was now red, the only places left to clean were your back and around the wounds.

“Just do it.” You could see Joseph’s hesitation.

“I don’t want to cause you any more pain.”

“It needs to be done, please?” You both knew you couldn’t stay like this, your wounds had to be cleaned.

He wet the rag again, you closed your eyes in preparation, he started further from the wound and worked his way inward, wiping as gently as he could to remove the blood from your skin. The closer he got to the wounds the more you tensed up, your breathing had quickened as he worked. You bit your lip trying not to curse, you didn’t want to make him anymore nervous than he already was.

“Do you want me to stop?” Your unease was apparent to him.

“No, please keep going.” You said as you finally opened your eyes looking at him. His expression softened as you watched him, but you could tell that he still blamed himself completely for what happened to you.

He made short work of cleaning over both wounds, not wanting to prolong your discomfort any more.

“Thank you. That should do until I can get an actual bath.” You reached up and stroked the side of his face.

“I’m so sorry for-“

“Stop apologizing. It was only a matter of time before I got shot, I’ve had every other kind of wound up to this point, just another to add to my list.”

“You wouldn’t have even been out there if it wasn’t for me. For my own envy and pride.”

“That’s true, but I could have been somewhere else and been shot, somewhere without Luke or Jacob to get to me as quickly as they did.” You continued to softly caress his face, hoping to quell some of his guilt, but his expression told you otherwise. He would hold onto that guilt and nothing you said could change it.

After a bit Jacob returned with some chicken broth and more ice. He didn’t want to put anything too heavy on your stomach at the moment. He slowly fed you spoonsful of the broth, giving you small breaks in between.

“I didn’t get the chance to thank you for saving my life.”

“Was only repaying you for saving mine twice now.” You remembered when you saved him during that rescue mission and from the wolf attack a few weeks back.

“We’ll call it even for you not murdering Luke the second you saw him.” You smiled weakly at him.

“Can’t say how much longer he’ll live with John around.”

“What about me?” John asked as he entered the room.

“Nothing, just wondering when you were going to be back.” You said sweetly.

“I brought you some clothes, and I found these. They’re not real strong but they should help.” John handed you a bottle of pills. You’d had them before, they were like a mild pain reliever, a step above Tylenol.

“So, how are we doing this?” You looked at the clothes he had in his hand.

“It’s not going to be pleasant, I figured a button up would be easier to put on than a t-shirt though.”

Jacob helped sit you up, the flow of curse words from your mouth were never ending as you sat up. John quickly helped you put the shirt on, and they laid you back down. John gave you a wicked grin as he pulled your underwear off you, replacing them with a clean pair. You knew he was always thinking about sex, even now in front of his brothers, when it was the furthest thing from your mind. Jacob rolled his eyes as he watched his younger brother.

“Better?” He asked.

“Definitely.” You said as you yawned. You didn’t think you’d be this exhausted since you hadn’t actually done anything, but you were.

“I think we need to leave her to get some rest.” Joseph urged his brothers. John placed a swift kiss on your lips before leaving, Jacob did the same.

“Joseph?” You asked before he left.

“Yes?” He turned back towards you.

“Please don’t kill Luke.” You weren’t sure if you needed to say it or not, but you’d better just in case.

“Get some sleep.” He turned the light off and left.

You couldn’t help but worry about Luke’s fate, he would never join the Project, if it were up to John or Jacob he’d already be dead since you were awake now.

Joseph joined his brothers in the main room where Luke had been resting in a chair. Now that they weren’t worrying about you there was an awkward tension in the room.

“If you don’t need me anymore, can I get a ride back home?” Luke asked.

Joseph looked at his brothers, they hadn’t discussed what to do with him, though you didn’t want him killed he had seen a great deal more than he should have.

“We still haven’t decided what to do with you yet.” John spoke up.

“I’m sure she wouldn’t be too happy to find out you’ve killed me.”

“She’d never know because after this she won’t be seeing you anymore.” Jacob stepped towards Luke.

“I think she’s an adult and can make her own decisions on who she has a relationship with.” Luke stood up.

“You’re right, but it’d be pretty hard to have a relationship with a dead man.” Jacob got closer to Luke.

“Let’s just calm down, no one said anything about killing anyone. We just haven’t decided on the best course of action here. We’re all tired and agitated, I say we table the discussion until tomorrow.” Joseph tried to make peace between everyone.

Jacob was not a fan of having so many people around, he showed John and Joseph where they could shower and sleep, he put Luke in one of the smaller rooms near his so he could keep an eye on him. The thought crossed his mind about taking him outside in the night and ending all this, but he knew there would be more questions than he wanted to deal with.

“You’re not really just going to let him go, are you?” John asked Joseph as he changed.

“Honestly, I don’t see what choice we have. She asked me not to kill him, if she ever found out-“

“He knows too much about us, about her.”

“I know, I know.” Joseph sat on the edge of the bed, still unsure about what needed to be done.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being shot twice was no picnic, the Seed men continued to care for you and decide on Luke's fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really really appreciate all the positive feedback on this story! It keeps me updating it regularly, and of course my thirst for these Seed brothers drives me as well. Thank you all for your comments and kudos!

You woke up suddenly in what you could assume was the middle of the night, a very strong urge to pee. They hadn’t left you with a bucket or anything and you didn’t exactly want to yell for anyone. You took a deep breath before forcing yourself to sit up, you bit the inside of your cheek to keep from screaming. You sat on the edge of the bed for a few minutes before bracing yourself to stand, the second you put weight on your wounded leg it buckled, and you fell to your knees. Tears sprung to your eyes as you remained in the floor, the pain was unbearable.

“What are you doing out of bed?” John ran to your side, grabbing your arm and helping you up.

“I…had to piss…” You said while wincing in pain.

“You should have called out for someone to help you. Lay back, let me look at your stitches.”

You laid back on your pillow, glad he had come in to help you, you probably would’ve passed out due to the pain if you stayed in that position. He unbuttoned your shirt and opened it to look at the wound on your abdomen. His fingers lightly traced over your skin making you shudder under his touch.

“Doesn’t look like you tore it open or anything. You have to be more careful.”

You raised your hand to run your fingers through his hair, you loved the way he was being so cautious and worrying about you. Never in a million years would you have thought John Seed could be gentle and caring.

“I know. Just had to pee.” He leaned into your touch as he buttoned your shirt back up.

“Hold on.” He said as he quickly stood up and left the room.

“Not like I’m going anywhere.” You called out.

He returned shortly with a wheelchair and Joseph. You weren’t sure which one was supposed to help you pee.

“You ready?” John asked as they stood on the side of your bed. You nodded as they each grabbed one of your arms and pulled you up into a sitting position. You felt the pain radiating through your wounds again with each movement.

They pulled the wheelchair close and helped you into it. It hurt to just sit upright, but you endured the pain. They pushed you to the bathroom and tried to help you up onto the toilet.

“No.” You shook your head, you couldn’t let them watch you pee, that was crossing a line you weren’t ready for with either of them.

“What if you fall again?” John asked.

“Watching me pee is a totally new level in our relationship.” You argued.

“We’ll help you onto the toilet then we’ll leave.” Joseph offered a compromise.

“Okay, but you have to leave the room completely. I don’t want you to even hear it.” They grabbed your arms and helped you onto the toilet, you pulled your underwear down and waited for them to leave.

They helped you back into the bed afterwards, you felt better with an empty bladder. Joseph took the most care in tucking you into the bed and making sure you were comfortable.

“Where’s Luke?” You were growing concerned about him.

“He’s still alive if that’s what you’re wondering.” John said.

“Please just let him go. He doesn’t really know anything except that I’m involved with you guys.” You looked up at Joseph, knowing he would be the one to make the decision.

“He has been helpful up to this point and hasn’t tried to run. But how do we know we can trust him?”

“You don’t. I’m sorry but I don’t think we can just let him go and hope he’ll keep his mouth shut.” John looked at you, he didn’t trust anything about Luke.

“He doesn’t deserve to die just because he fucked me, John.” You said bluntly, a little annoyed at John’s pettiness.

“We can discuss this later. You need to rest.” Joseph interrupted you and John glaring at each other.

You wanted to say more but knew he was right, you were tired from this very little activity. You fell asleep fairly quickly as the two men left.

“We can just take him out to the woods and slit his throat, no one will be the wiser.” Jacob whispered to his brothers.

“If she ever found out-“ Joseph didn’t want to betray you, he wanted you to trust him again.

“She won’t. We can’t let him go, he’s seen too much. I vote we go with Jacob’s plan.” John added, keeping his voice low.

Luke stayed silent as he listened on the other side of the wall, they were planning on what to do with him. He knew he couldn’t stick around to find out what they decided on. Luke walked down the hall to your room. He stopped when he saw your sleeping form, he still didn’t know what the nature of your relationship was with them, he considered taking you with him, but there was no way you’d get very far with your injuries.

“Hey…” You said sleepily when you saw him in the doorway.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” He said quietly as he entered the room.

“Pretty sore, but I’ll be okay. I wanted to thank you again, for helping me and getting pulled into all this.”

“Yeah, it’s kind of crazy. I still don’t really understand-“

“It’s best not to. If I tried to explain everything, you’d end up even more confused. All you need to know is that they really do care about me.” You didn’t want him to worry about you being here with them, but you also didn’t want to go into extreme detail about everything.

“Do you care about them?”

“I-I mean, it’s more-“ You had zero words in your mind right now.

“It’s alright, I get it now. I’ll leave you to get some more sleep. See you later.” He turned and left your room.

Luke slipped down the hallway and out the main door, luckily the Seed’s were still preoccupied with planning his demise. Once he got outside, he took off into the woods, glad there wasn’t any security at the door.

After a bit, Joseph returned to your room and sat next to your bed as he watched you sleep. He was still burdened with guilt over your current condition, he never should have sent you there. He rested his head beside you for a moment, still exhausted from the events from the past day.

You shifted in your sleep, immediately regretting it because you pulled on your stitches. You opened your eyes to see Joseph sleeping next to you, his expression soft as he slept soundly. You ran your fingers through his hair, wondering where you go from here with him. You told him not to blame himself, but in all honesty, he was to blame. You wanted to forgive him and just start over with him, but you weren’t sure if that was possible. You still didn’t want to be forced to spend an eternity in the bunker with him, you wanted a choice in the matter. Your fingers continued to lightly stroke his face until you saw his eyes open slowly.

“Good morning.” You smiled slightly.

“Morning. Are you okay? Do you need anything?” He sat up instantly.

“No, I’m fine. I wanted to talk to you about some stuff. About the whole bunker thing.”

“We can discuss it later.” He tried to push it off again, not wanting to put too much on you right now.

“No, I want to discuss it now.” You were tired of being brushed off, you wanted to get this taken care of.

“I wanted to apologize-“  You started, you felt bad for the way you reacted to his surprise bunker, you thought maybe that’s why he was so angry.

“No, you have nothing to apologize for. I tried to force you, to bend you to my will, but I was wrong. I let my own envy get in the way of God’s plan. In my visions I saw you by my side, with my family. I assumed that meant you were to be with me and only me, and when I tried to force that is when things changed for the worse. In doing that I was going against God’s plan and straying from the path, I caused the chaos and everything that ensued.” He reached for your hand, gently strumming his thumb over your knuckles.

“I know things will never be like they were before, but I want to try, try to fix things between us.” He looked at you, his eyes soft and hopeful.

“I’d like that. I missed when we were happy, and I had less bullet holes.” You smiled, you really did want things to just go back before the dreams, before all the drama.

“Joseph, Luke’s gone.” John stood in the doorway.

“What do you mean he’s ‘gone’?” You looked at him confused, you had just seen him a few hours before.

“He isn’t in his quarters or the main room. Jacob is searching the perimeter now.”

Jacob returned a little while later with nothing, no trace of him at all. He was actually gone, you trusted Luke wouldn’t say anything, he knew the consequences if he did. You hoped he’d make it back home safely. You asked Jacob not to send his Judges or Hunters after him, the same for John’s Chosen. Of course, they cursed and argued, but eventually they agreed to leave him alone.

The next two weeks was nothing but sleeping on and off and being escorted to the bathroom, they finally let you shower, but one of them had to be with you at all times, which was annoying. They all stayed there, waiting on you hand and foot, not that you took advantage of them, but it was nice. John constantly complained about the Center and wanted to move you back home, but Joseph didn’t want to risk a trip that long and they had more medical supplies here if they needed them.

One morning you woke up with no one in your room, you finally had a moment to yourself and were determined to take a bath all alone. You pulled the wheelchair to your bed and moved yourself over into it, your wounds still hurt like a bitch, but you breathed through the pain. You rolled into the hall and looked around, it was completely empty and silent. You headed straight for the bathroom. You ran the water in the bathtub and slowly lifted yourself down into the tub. The water felt perfect on your skin as you leaned back against the tub. You looked down at your legs, jesus they were hairy, you hadn’t shaved in a while and they were out of control. The more you looked the more it bothered you, you grabbed a razor and whatever soap was handy, of course Jacob wouldn’t have shaving cream anywhere, look at his thick ass beard.

You leaned forward to shave your left leg, but pain shot through the wound on your abdomen as you strained your stomach muscles. You sat back immediately until the pain subsided, you tried again, same problem. You tried the other leg, nothing different. You sat back in frustration.

“Whatcha doing there?” John leaned against the doorway and spoke in that condescending tone.

“What’s it look like? I’m trying to shave my legs like a grown ass woman, but I can’t.”

“Come on.” He approached you and held his hands out for you to grab.

“No, I need this done.” You refused him.

“Alright, I’ll help you, but not in here.” You looked at him confused but figured you weren’t getting anything done anyways, might as well let him do whatever he had planned.

He helped you out of the bath and wrapped a towel around you, putting you back in your wheelchair and rolling you back to your room. He helped you back into the bed and laid you down, leaving briefly before returning with a few supplies.

“Have you ever shaved a leg before?” You sat up on your elbows and looked down at him.

“I’ve shaved other more important parts; how much different could it be?” He smiled up at you as he knelt in the floor at the end of your bed.

He placed a small bowl of water on the bed next to you, with the razor, and somehow, he managed to find some shaving cream, which is good because that soap would have just made things worse for you. You watched him as he put all of his focus into shaving your left leg. He went slowly and gently, moving over every curve with the utmost of care. He shaved both legs and then moved forward between them, focusing on your thighs. It had been some time since anyone had been between your thighs like this, you watched intensely as his hand gripped your skin and the razor slowly dragged up your leg. You could feel that familiar heat pooling between your thighs as you watched him.

“All done.” He placed the razor in the bowl and looked up at you, still between your legs.

“Unless… You’d like me to do more?” He cocked one eyebrow and grinned deviously, his gaze shifting from you to the apex of your thighs.

“John, no. A leg is one thing, but you are not shaving me there.” You shook your head, but it was no use, he already spread your legs apart and grabbed the razor again.

Once you were prepped and ready, he moved forward, you couldn’t watch him anymore, this was too much, too far. You laid back on the bed and covered your eyes with your arms, you felt the razor gliding across your skin, his breath hot on your thigh as he worked. You fought the urge to instinctively close your thighs. A few more minutes and he was done.

“Aah, perfect.” He hummed so close to your skin, using the towel you were wrapped in to wipe away any excess hair, cleaning you off.

You moved your arms and sat back up on your elbows, looking down at him once more. You expected him to move, to leave now that he was finished, but he remained, his gaze fixed on you. He placed his hands on your thighs as he pulled you closer to the edge of the bed.

“John? What are you doing?”

“Just a taste.” John looked up at you, licking his lips for a moment before ducking his between your legs, kissing over your soft skin. Your breath hitched in your throat at the feeling, your skin was so sensitive every touch was like heaven. He kissed you a few more times before slipping his tongue between your slick folds.

As he licked and teased you, your stomach muscles tensed, causing them to pull on your stitches. You bit your lip to keep from crying out in pain, you knew he’d stop immediately, and you wanted this, needed it. John’s grasp on your thighs tightened, pulling on your other wound on your leg, but you didn’t care. You panted beneath him as his tongue continued moving between your legs. Your hands grabbed at the sheet beneath you as you writhed.

“John?!” Joseph stood in the doorway shocked at what he was seeing, you should be resting, not having sex.

You looked at him immediately and John quickly turned to his brother, leaving you wanting.

“No, please…I’m so close…” You sat up on your elbows and whined.

John glanced from Joseph to you and decided to suffer the consequences later, he returned to his task full force, pushing two fingers inside you and swirling his tongue around your clit. You threw your head back and moaned as he continued, the pain of your injuries mixing with the pleasure John was giving you was perfect. He pushed his fingers further inside you, moving faster, bringing you over the edge, your body tensed as you came into his mouth, he lapped up every drop until you finally started to relax on the bed.

“I can’t leave you two alone for five minutes. Back to bed.” Joseph brought you a clean shirt and some underwear, helping you put them on as John cleaned everything up, a sly grin spread across his face as you looked at him.

John left the room with everything as Joseph helped you move up in the bed. He looked at your stitches and gave you a stern look.

“You need to be more careful. You could’ve torn these open.”

“I’m sorry, forgive me?” You looked up at him innocently.

He rolled his eyes and leaned down to kiss you swiftly, but you had other ideas, you held his face and pulled him into a deeper kiss, pushing your tongue into his mouth. His hands rested on either side of your body as he continued to kiss you. You grabbed one of his hands and slid it down between your legs, you weren’t sure what came over you, but you wanted more, you hadn’t had sex in weeks. You were surprised when he indulged you and circled his thumb around your clit, causing you to tilt your hips into his hand, which also made you inhale sharply at the pain that pulsed through your wounds as you strained your muscles.

“See? No more until you’re healed.” He pulled his hand from you and pressed a kiss to your forehead before leaving.

You knew he was right, but you couldn’t help it, you wanted what you wanted. You’d just have to get better at hiding your pain.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You still struggled to heal, every movement made your injuries ache, Jacob has an idea of how to get you walking again though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter, sorry. But it is sweet and smutty. A gift to my faithful readers.

“Up.” Jacob’s voice echoed through the room as he flipped the light on.

“Fuck off.” You grumbled and pulled the blanket over your head. Which he swiftly grabbed and pulled away from you.

“Get up.” His tone sterner now.

“What time is it?” You squinted as the bright light beamed into your eyes.

“Time to get up.” He grabbed your arm and pulled you into a sitting position, your hand immediately went to the wound on your stomach as it ached.

“Maybe you forgot, but I was shot a few weeks back and I’m in pain.”

“Oh, I didn’t forget. I’m just choosing to ignore it. Now, up.” He stood in front of you.

If he wanted to see you fall in the floor and get hurt, then you’d indulge him. You braced yourself and pushed off of the bed, your legs wobbling under the pressure of holding your body up. You reached out to grab him to keep from falling but he stepped back, you landed swiftly on your hands and knees.

“See? There is no ‘up’ right now.”

“All I see is someone who’s been coddled for the last few weeks and now depends on others to get around.”

“Coddled? You’re serious?” You pushed yourself back onto your knees, using the bed to help pull yourself back up.

“John and Joseph have made you weak.” He stepped back from you again.

“I’ll show you weak you big fuck.” You struggled to stand upright, trying to keep most of your weight on your good leg as you moved towards him slowly.

He moved back again as you made your way to him, just as you reached him you felt your legs give out again, this time he didn’t let you fall, he caught you in his arms and pulled you against his chest.

“Maybe you’re not as weak as I thought.” He smiled before pressing his lips to yours and kissing you. You gripped his arms as you tried to hold yourself up. You pushed your tongue into his mouth, trying to deepen the kiss but he pulled back. You visibly pouted at his actions.

“You want more?” He looked down at you, you nodded your head. He released you from his arms and stepped back. He grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head.

“Come get it then.” You knew exactly what game he was playing, but you didn’t care when he was looking at you like that.

You stepped towards him again, the pain in your leg getting easier to handle. He moved backwards again, this time he unbuttoned his pants. You grabbed your shirt and pulled it over your head, evening things between you, although you were already in your panties. You shuffled your feet across the floor towards him.

“Uh-uh, you have to pick your feet up.” He buttoned his pants.

You rolled your eyes and shifted your weight to your good leg, picking your foot up and placing it on the floor towards him. He unbuttoned his pants again and unzipped them. You made a few more steps and he let his pants fall to the floor. You could see the bulge in his underwear already leaking precum. He saw where your gaze was set and began to stroke himself through the fabric, groaning at his own touch, making you that much more determined to reach him.

You moved your feet at a quicker pace, still slow, but faster than before. You stumbled towards him and finally reached him as he stood back against the wall. You placed your hands on his broad chest and reached up to kiss him. His arms encircled your waist as he pulled you to him, pressing his body against yours. He turned your bodies to press you against the wall, pushing his leg between yours. He released your lips as you breathed heavily, the short walking had already taken your breath, not including his kiss.

“Need to stop?” He looked down at you as your legs trembled.

“Just fuck me already.” You said bluntly, tired of waiting.

He smirked and grabbed your waist, lifting you up so you could wrap your legs around him. The wound in your leg ached as you pulled on the stitches, but at this point you didn’t care if they busted open or not. You wrapped your arms around his neck to help hold yourself up, though he did most of the work, he pulled himself free from his boxers and moved your panties to the side before slowly entering you. His hands gripped the back of your thighs as he held most of your body weight up himself.

He began to lazily fuck you against the wall, his lips latched back onto yours as you moaned into his mouth. He filled you so completely and perfectly as his hips thrust up into you. You were certain this was the best way to motivate you to do anything, either sex or anger, both worked well. His pace increased as the sound of skin hitting skin echoed through the room, along with your moans and his grunting. You felt yourself getting close, your fingers dug into the skin on his shoulders as your moans became higher pitched. You tightened around him as your orgasm hit you full force, you came around him as he continued to thrust into you a few more times before spilling into you. He eased out of you and placed your feet back on the ground, which felt more like Jell-O now than they had before. You braced yourself back against the wall. He grabbed his clothes and started to get dressed again.

“Hand me my shirt?” You pointed to it in the floor across the room.

“Get it yourself.” He pulled his pants back up and walked past your shirt to get his own.

“Ass.” You pushed yourself off the wall and stiffly moved your legs towards your shirt. You tried to bend down but pain shot through both of your wounds at once causing you to wince. Luckily Joseph entered the room just in time to see you standing there looking down at your shirt.

“What’s going on here?” He looked at both of you.

“Jacob took my shirt and threw it in the floor. I asked him to help me get it, but he said no.” You thought quickly and threw him under the bus for waking you up early and not helping you.

Joseph glared at Jacob before bending down to pick up your shirt, helping you put it back on. You stuck your tongue out at Jacob as he narrowed his eyes at you. You were fully aware that you’d pay for that later and looked forward to it.

“You’re just as bad as John. Can’t either of you keep your hands to yourselves?” Joseph was more perceptive than you gave him credit, he saw Jacob’s cum dripping down your leg.

“I was helping her walk.” He argued.

“Last I checked, walking doesn’t require nudity or cum.” Joseph’s sarcasm threw you off and you snorted.

“And you, you should be more careful. What if your stitches had ripped open?”

“Yeah, but they didn’t. And as much as I hate to admit it, Jake’s right, I need to get up more.” Though your balance was still not perfect you hadn’t actually stood on your own in a while.

“You’re right. You won’t be able to get your strength back if you don’t work on it. But you’ve done enough for now, get back in bed and I’ll bring you some breakfast. Now.” He pointed to the bed, you liked the new assertive Joseph, you hobbled back to your bed and sat down. Jacob left you alone while you waited for breakfast.

The rest of the morning and into the afternoon you practiced stretching your wounds, seeing how much mobility you had and how far you could stretch without the pain being unbearable. You stopped for a moment when you heard music playing from the other room, it was a slow tune, you’d heard it before but couldn’t place it. You decided to investigate. You stood up slowly, getting your balance before making your way out of your room. You used the wall for support, just in case you fell, as you walked down the hall the music got louder. You made your way to the main room where all three men were waiting for you. Jacob grabbed your hand and pulled you to him, he placed one hand on your waist as he slowly moved back and forth, dancing with you.

“What is this?” You swayed to the music.

“Training.” He replied as he continued to move. You’d never danced with any of them before, this was odd, but you enjoyed it.

The song ended and another began, the tune was slightly faster, Jacob released you and John grabbed you. He pulled you close against his body as he led you around the room. You were impressed, he was actually a really good dancer, no doubt he’d had lessons.

“How are you feeling?” He asked as he spun you around slowly.

“Better, you’re really good at this.” You struggled to keep up with his steps but did your best.

“You should know by now that I’m really good at most things I do, my dear. If not amazing.” He spoke close to your ear; his insinuation was not lost on you.

The song came to an end and John dipped you back easily, being careful with you, he kissed you briefly before Joseph held his hand out for you to take.

You grabbed his hand and were immediately pulled into his arms. It was getting easier to move, the wound on your leg still ached but it didn’t debilitate you anymore. You wrapped your arms around his neck as he placed his hands on your hips. The next song started, and he began moving with you. You gazed into his eyes, his guilt still apparent. He didn’t want to push you, he wanted you to come to him at your own pace. John and Jacob left you as you slow danced in the room, barely moving from one place, just staring into each other’s eyes.

“Do you need a break?” He finally spoke.

“No, I like this, it’s nice.” You rested your head on his shoulder as you continued to sway to the next few songs.

Eventually you’d stopped dancing and just stood in each other’s embrace. You lifted your head from his shoulder and stared at him.

“I’ll forgive you, it’s just going to take some time.”

“Like I said, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

You pulled him closer and kissed his lips gently, this was how you wanted things, peaceful between everyone. You were truly happy again with your Seed’s. You continued to kiss Joseph slowly, he didn’t try to deepen the kiss, he let you have full control. You pulled back from the kiss, needing to catch your breath.

“You’ll be leaving soon, going back home, if that’s what you want?”

“Definitely. No offense to Jake, but I miss the over the top lavishness I’ve become accustomed to at John’s. It’ll be nice to have everyone back home.” You grinned.

“For a bit, it might be best if it’s just you and John.”

“What about you and Jacob?” You looked at him confused. You assumed you’d all be going back together.

“You two need time together, after everything I put you through.” He was sincere.

“Thank you.” You smiled before leaning up to kiss him again, his arms tightened around you. You could see that he was trying, he wanted to make it up to you. He was right, you needed time with John, you still hadn’t properly fixed things since the whole sleeping with other people thing and it would be helpful to spend time just the two of you.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was finally time to go home, you still had some healing to do before you were back 100%, but you were excited to get back into a somewhat normal routine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Absolutely love the comments on this story, I really enjoy writing it. Please enjoy this little fluff/smut chapter with John.

“Keep an eye on her, she’s still healing.” Joseph said to John as Jacob helped you into the truck.

“I know, I know.” John was ready to go home, he’d spent too much time at the Center.

“We aren’t children, we can take care of ourselves. You hung your head out the window.

“I’m not so sure about that.” Jacob smirked.

John joined you in the truck, Joseph and Jacob were still not convinced you two could fend for yourselves without getting hurt in some way, but you had to go home eventually. The drive home was alright, you weren’t in any pain unless you hit a really deep pothole, even then it wasn’t too bad. Your injuries had begun to heal, but they were still a little tender. You were glad to be going back home with John, you missed the Ranch. You glanced over at John as he drove, he kept his focus on the road, he looked as though he was deep in thought about something. He’d been silent for the past few days, but giving nothing away as to what was bothering him.

“What are we going to do when we get home?” You broke the silence.

“Well, you’re going to go upstairs and rest. I have some work to do.”

“Fuck that, I’ve had plenty of rest. Let’s do something fun.”

“You heard Joseph, you’re still healing.”

“Since when did you become all responsible? We used to fuck with shrapnel still imbedded in our bodies.”

“That was before.”

“Before what?” You looked at him confused.

“Just before.” He answered shortly with no further explanation. You were convinced now that something was wrong.

Once you got home, John took the utmost care in helping you out of the truck, you liked that he was being so nurturing, but you missed your rough John. As you entered the house you felt relief wash over you, you never thought you’d be happy to come to John’s Ranch, especially after all the time you spent in the basement.

“Go lie down for a bit, I’ll be in my office if you need anything.” John headed towards the stairs, but you grabbed his hand, pulling him back to you.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed your body against his, his hands rested on your hips.

“You finally have me all to yourself and you want to work?” You stared up at him, he let out a sigh as if he’d been holding it in all day.

“There’s nothing that I want more than to spend the rest of the day buried deep inside you, but I promised Joseph I would take it slow with you. I don’t want to hurt you, you’ve been through too much pain already.” He was genuinely concerned about hurting you, it was sweet, but you were tired of being treated like you were going to break. A nagging thought in the back of your head continued though, that he wasn’t worried about hurting you, that he was avoiding you for some reason.

You leaned up and kissed his lips softly, you tried to deepen the kiss by pulling him closer, but he was in control and kept it light. He grabbed your arms and pulled them from his neck.

“Get some rest.” He kissed your forehead and left.

Not once, in the entire time that you’ve known John Seed has he ever backed away from sex, let alone a kiss. You knew it had been weeks since he’s had sex, the last time was in the cabin with you, even when he shaved you the other day, he didn’t get any kind of relief. All you seemed to accomplish with the kiss was get yourself all worked up. At least now you had a goal to work towards, making John so desperate he has no choice but to fuck you. You had a few ideas that would push him in the right direction.

“John?” You looked into his office, he sat at the desk looking over some papers.

“Need something?” He looked up at you as you slowly strode towards him.

“Actually, yes, I was going to take a shower, but I need some help getting undressed. My injuries still hurt and it’s hard for me to do it myself. Will you help me, please?” You stood in front of him as he remained sitting in his chair.

He inhaled deeply, knowing this had to be a trick of some kind, but he didn’t want to refuse you in case you really did need his help. He grabbed the hem of your shirt and lifted it over your head, dropping it to the floor. He watched as your nipples hardened when the cool air hit them. He restrained himself from warming them up with his mouth. He unbuttoned your pants and pulled the zipper down, pushing your pants and panties down your legs, his finger tips lightly touching your skin as he went. You placed your hand on his shoulder to keep your balance as you stepped out of your pants.

He was so close to your skin, his hands skimmed up your legs as he sat back up. He looked up at you, his need apparent in his eyes, he closed his eyes and leaned forward, lightly kissing your stomach. His hand moved up your leg, between your thighs, resting right where you wanted it most. He slid his fingers between your slick folds, you moaned at his touch, he continued kissing and nipping at your stomach, over to your hip bone. He opened his eyes briefly and caught sight of the wound on your side, he pulled back immediately and removed his hands from you. He turned back to his desk and his tasks. You stood there in disbelief for a moment, he didn’t glance at you or offer any explanation.

You bent down and grabbed your clothes before stalking out of the room. A lot of good that did, now you had to take a shower. You showered quickly and dried yourself off, deciding to wear something with easy access for later. You grabbed a short dress with thin straps, easy to remove or just hike up, whichever Johnny boy wanted. You made several passes by his office, hoping he’d look up and see you, but to your knowledge he didn’t budge.

Feeling defeated that he hadn’t even noticed you, you decided to make something to eat. You fixed yourself a sandwich and thought about what other sexy things you could do, he’d already seen you completely naked and barely touched you. You finished your sandwich and decided to eat some fruit, you’d need your strength if you were going to continue teasing John. You grabbed a banana a peeled it, just as you were about to take a bite, John walked down the stairs, his eyes immediately settled on you.

You looked at him, then the banana, you knew exactly what to do. You parted your lips and licked the end of the banana lightly, keeping your eyes fixed on John, you opened your mouth more and pushed the banana into your mouth, as far as you could without choking. John stared at you, his need growing even more.

“Stop.” He commanded, breaking the spell you had over him and walked to the fridge.

“What? I was just eating my fruit before you came down here and stared at me.” You took a bite of the banana.

“I’m trying, really trying not to- Just stop teasing me, please?” He turned to you, his eyes pleading with you. You felt a tightness in your chest at his request.

“I’m not fucking teasing you for nothing, John. I need to know we’re okay, that you don’t hate me for what I did. Sex is the only way I know that, and you’ve been avoiding me like I have the plague which makes me think you changed your mind about me, about being with me.” Tears swelled in your eyes as you stared at him.

“I know we fucked in the cabin and you said I was yours, but since then… You’ve been different.” You stood up and moved towards him, you placed your hand on his chest and he took a step back.

“Please stop pushing me away, if you love me, John…” Tears were streaming down your face now, your heart ached and anxiety settled in your stomach as you searched his face for anything, for a glimmer of hope.

“Say something for fuck’s sake.” You shouted, his silence was bringing you nothing but pain.

“I don’t- I was so angry, with you, with myself about what happened. We bring the worst out in each other, but also the best and that scares me. I’ve seen our destruction when we’re at each other’s throats.” He ran his hand through his hair as he turned his gaze from you.

“Look what happened to you, what happens when we love each other.” The only reason you’d been sent away was because of your love and Joseph’s envy. John was convinced loving you would kill him, or you.

Your anxiety turned to anger, you moved towards him again, “Tell me then, tell me you don’t love me. Tell me it’s over.” You were seething now. He remained silent, not knowing what to say.

“Fucking say it.” You pushed him back. He didn’t speak, you pushed him again, your hand hitting his chest harder than you wanted, but you were upset. You raised your hand to push him again, but he grabbed it, spinning you around and slamming you into the wall.

You remained like this for a while, the tension building, your tears had stopped but they were on the brink of starting again as the silence lingered. His refusal to say it only made it worse, you felt like your heart was literally breaking into a million pieces.

“I can’t, I can’t fucking do it.” He finally spoke.

“I’ll do it for you then, it’s ov-“ John pressed his lips to your before you could finish your sentence, he kissed you with a forcefulness, pouring everything he had into it.

“No…” He whispered against your lips before kissing you again, his hand wrapped around your throat.

“I fucking love you so much it hurts. I don’t care if we kill each other, I’m never letting you go again.” He kissed you harder, you felt like he was going to bruise your lips with the amount of pressure he was placing on them. Now you knew what had been bothering him, he saw your relationship as toxic, only bad things had come of it so far.

“John-“ You pulled back briefly, trying to stop him.

“No, I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.” He said as he continued to kiss your lips, moving down to your neck. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him closer, you needed him closer. His hands squeezed you and held you tightly as his lips moved over your skin. He wanted to take you here and now, but also wanted to go slow. He broke away from you, both of you panting and breathless.

Neither of you liked the distance between you, he abruptly lunged at you and picked you up, carrying you bridal style up the stairs to the bedroom. He didn’t let your feet touch the floor, he placed you on the bed carefully before he stripped out of his clothes quickly, not wanting to prolong the separation of your bodies any longer. You pulled your dress over your head and threw it to the floor, you didn’t want any barriers to feeling his heated skin on yours. He joined you on the bed quickly, his body covering yours. He hesitated for a moment as he stared lovingly into your eyes, you ran your fingers through his hair lightly and pulled him down into a softer kiss than before. John’s hands no longer pawed at you with an urgency but with a loving and tender touch.

His lips grazed over your jaw, his beard rubbing roughly against your skin. You let your hand roam over his body, down his stomach, until you wrapped your hand around his cock, gripping it lightly. You shifted your body to align him with your entrance, you wanted nothing more than to be filled completely by him. He moved your hand away before pressing the tip of his cock against you, pushing himself ever so slowly into you. You fit around him perfectly once he was inside of you fully. You both remained still, lazily kissing each other, just enjoying the feeling of being joined. Your fingers threaded through his beard, lightly tugging him down to deepen the kiss.

You finally started to rock your hips against his, needing some kind of friction, he groaned as you moved, letting you control the pace briefly as his attention remained on kissing your lips softly. His tongue invaded your mouth, tangling with your own. He began meeting your hips with thrusts of his own, keeping a deliberately relaxed pace. You felt ever inch as he heaved in and out of you, your mouths no longer connected as he kissed the place just below your ear., whispering gentle praises to you as you moaned.

“You’re perfect… So perfect…” His voice was low against your ear.

You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him closer, deeper within you. He moved a bit faster, knowing you were getting close, he loved how your body responded to his.

“John…” You moaned as you arched your back, you felt your orgasm pulse through your body as you clenched around him. He watched you come undone beneath him before he found his own release inside you. Your body relaxed under him, but he remained inside you.

“I love you, I’m sorry.” His eyes begging for forgiveness for his brief uncertainty.

“I love you too. So much.” You leaned up and kissed him tenderly.

After a bit you finally untangled yourselves from each other, you spent the rest of the day in each other’s embrace, never apart for more than a few minutes. You rested your head in his lap as he sat on the couch, fingers mindlessly stroking your hair as you watched a movie. You couldn’t get rid of the doubt in your mind, that maybe he couldn’t tell you it was over because he didn’t want to hurt you. You grabbed his hand and stopped it from moving, bringing his attention to you.

“Are you sure you still love me?” Your voice trembled, you’d never been one to be so insecure, but you loved him too much to continue without certainty.

“More than anything. I’ve never loved anyone with the intensity that I love you, it scared me. I promise to prove my love for you each day for the rest of our lives.” He bent down and kissed you, you knew in that moment he meant it, he would never doubt his feelings for you ever again.

You fell asleep in each other’s arms on the couch after you had sex again, this time just as sweet and soft. You stretched out and looked up to see John’s head resting back against the couch, he was so peaceful. You sat up carefully, not wanting to wake him. You let your fingers lightly trace over his jaw. You turned your head quickly to the window, you thought you heard something, but you didn’t see anything.

“Sorry, must’ve dozed off.” John spoke groggily as he yawned.

“You okay?” He stared at you as your gaze was still held to the window.

“Yeah, just thought I heard something. What’s for dinner?” You turned your attention to him.

“Hmmm… You?” He grinned deviously before pouncing on you, pushing you back down onto the couch and enveloping your body with his, placing light kisses all over your face and chest.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You continued to heal from your wounds as you spent time with John, little did you know the boys were planning something for you.

“What’s on the agenda for today?” You asked as you sat at the counter, finishing your breakfast. John had been so attentive for the past few days and really over doing it.

“It’s a surprise.” He answered quickly as he took your plate.

“Surprise? I’m not sure I like surprises. Can you give me a hint?”

“You’re going to be very busy today.” He leaned back against the counter.

“Well now I definitely don’t like it. That’s way too vague.”

“You’ll love it, I promise.” He walked over to you and kissed you swiftly.

“Go get dressed.”

You looked at him wearily, you weren’t a fan of surprises, never had been. A friend threw you a surprise party once, when you got there and saw all the cars, you left. Not your finest moment, but when people tried to surprise you, you weren’t sure of what reaction to give, if you weren’t ecstatic enough, they’d feel unappreciated and you’d be left feeling like a jackass. You made your way upstairs, settling on jeans and a t-shirt. John never said how to dress for the surprise so you hoped this would be good enough. You hopped downstairs, a mix of excitement and nervousness taking over you. When you got downstairs, you saw all three of the Seed men waiting for you.

“What’s going on?” You looked at them confused.

“Pick a number between four and six.” John said as they all stared at you.

“Um, four?” You said hesitantly, not entirely sure what significance the number held. You saw a look of disappointment on John and Joseph’s faces, but Jacob looked smug as ever.

“Was I not supposed to say ‘four’?” You were starting to regret your answer, you didn’t want them to be upset with you and whatever fucking game they were playing wasn’t fair.

“No, no, it’s not that. We realized that none of us had actually taken you out on a proper date, so we wanted to surprise you. But we couldn’t agree on any one thing to do, so we split it up. One date with each of us.” John said as he still looked somewhat disappointed.

“We couldn’t decide on who got to take you out first, so we assigned numbers to ourselves and let you choose, completely unbiased. It was supposed to keep anyone from getting upset.” Joseph cut his eyes toward John as he sulked, though he couldn’t be too mad, he was doing the same.

“A lot of good that did. I take it Jacob is my first date of the evening?” Your nervousness had subsided, you weren’t entirely sure what to expect in a date from any of them, but it would definitely be interesting.

“Yep, ready?” He stood and offered you his hand. You beamed up at him and gladly took it, following him out of the house. You glanced back briefly to still see the sulking faces of John and Joseph.

As you approached the truck, Jacob stopped you, “Hold on.” He pulled a piece of fabric from his pocket and stepped behind you.

“What-“

“It’s a surprise, no peaking.” He placed the fabric over your eyes and tied it in the back, completely blindfolding you.

“Well, now you’re going to have to lead the blind because I can’t see shit.” You heard him scoff before you felt his hands on you, picking you up off the ground. You shouted as he carried you to the truck and put you inside.

You had to rely on sounds alone, he closed your door, you could hear his footsteps as he walked around the truck and climbed in next to you.

“You don’t get car sick, do you?” He asked as he started the engine.

“I-I don’t think so. Why?” You turned your head towards his voice.

“No reason.” He reached over you and buckled your seatbelt. Now you were getting worried, Jacob was never one for safety. You jerked back into the seat as he pressed into the gas pedal.

As he drove, he sped up over the hills and bumps in the road, you bounced in your seat, holding onto anything and everything. You knew now why he asked about car sickness, the truck flew over a small hill and you felt your stomach drop. All you could hear was him laughing as you fought to find balance as he drove recklessly. You knew if Joseph could see you now, he’d be a bundle of nerves, worried about your safety. You were glad Jacob wasn’t as finicky about that, John had been a little too reserved and gentle with you lately as well, you needed this. You screamed as you felt the truck fly over another hill, this was turning out to be a good surprise date. You lurched forward when the truck came to a complete stop suddenly. You heard Jacob get out of the truck before coming to help you out. He stood behind you, his hands on your shoulders as he guided you forward. He stopped you and removed your blindfold. You were pretty sure you’d felt your heart literally jump with excitement.

“Really?!” You turned to him.

“Yep.”

You turned back to the various assortment of weapons that were on display before you as well as different targets and things for you to absolutely obliterate. Jacob definitely knew you well enough to know this would be the perfect date for you.

“I can’t choose what to shoot first.”

“Try this one. It’s got a bit of a kick so make sure to ground yourself.” He handed you an AK-47. You mainly had experience with handguns and shotguns. You held the gun, it was heavy, you held it up as you toyed with the perfect balance and stance. Jacob stood behind you as he watched you. You aimed the weapon down to one of the targets, not putting your finger on the trigger until you were ready to fire. Jacob was right, it had a hell of a kickback. The butt of the gun hit your shoulder, sure to leave a nice bruise. You looked up to see you’d missed the target completely, Jacob laughed behind you.

“Why don’t we start with something smaller?” He handed you a small handgun.

“Really? A child could use this.” You rolled your eyes as you took the gun in your hand.

You held the gun up, lining the sight with the target, you fired, hitting it perfectly, you then shot in rapid succession a few other targets before lowering the gun and turning to give Jacob the smuggest look you could muster.

“Try it again.” He said as he moved closer. You looked at him confused for a moment, but figured if he wanted an encore, you’d be more than happy to oblige.

You held the gun up, aiming it again, as you were trying to line up your sights you felt Jacob’s hands on your hips as he had moved closer. He slipped one hand into the front of your pants, toying with you over your panties. You moaned and pushed your ass back into him.

“I don’t see you shooting.” He said in a low voice.

“Because I’m… a little distracted.” You panted.

“Come on now, show me those skills you’re so proud of.”

You tried to straighten yourself up, focusing on anything but the pleasure you felt between your legs. You held the gun up and lined up the sights, as you placed your finger on the trigger Jacob moved your panties to the side and firmly pressed over your clit, causing you to buck your hips. You looked up and had missed the target completely.

“You can do better than that.” He chided. You leaned back into him again, reveling in his touch as you felt yourself getting closer to the edge.

“You don’t get to cum until you hit every one of those targets.” He spoke low against your ear.

“But-“ You wanted to protest but his fingers circled your clit.

You knew he was serious and not to be tried, you composed yourself and raised the gun again. Your hands shook as he increased the pressure on you, pushing you further. You lined up the sights and fired the gun, it hit one target, you sighed in relief, only 3 more to go. You lined up the sight again, Jacob pulled his hand from your pants abruptly. You tried to lower the gun and look at him but his hand came up and pushed your arms back up. He silently moved around you and knelt in front of you. He effortlessly tugged your pants and panties down, helping you step out of them. Your gaze was no longer on the targets but on him. He stared up at you waiting.

“Keep shooting.” He wasn’t going to budge until you returned to your task.

You turned your attention back to the targets, you felt odd being out in the middle of nowhere without pants and Jacob kneeling in front of you. You placed your finger over the trigger and gasped when you felt Jacob’s face pressed between your thighs. You fired the gun and missed, you fired again and again, finally hitting it. Jacob gave you a congratulatory hum of approval as his tongue worked over your clit. Your legs felt weak as he continued his torture. You were determined to get this done quickly so you could cum, you raised the gun and fired at the remaining two targets, you fired in rapid succession, hitting one target. You moaned at his touch, his beard rubbing roughly against your thighs, his tongue working over your clit. You held the gun back up and fired one last shot, hitting the target.

You dropped the gun, Jacob grabbed your waist and pulled you down into his lap, he pulled his cock out and pushed into you quickly. You straddled him and wrapped your arms around his neck as you rode him on the ground. His hands gripped your hips, pulling you down further, your orgasm nearing closer and closer.

“J-Jake… Please…” You begged, you needed release.

He wrapped his arms around you and held you still as he thrust up into you, hitting that perfect spot. You came loudly around him, pleasure washed over you as you shook on top of him. He held you close until he came inside you.

“Fuck…” You breathed heavily as you relaxed against him.

“This a good first date?”

“Definitely. Just so you know, I don’t usually fuck on the first date.”

“Well, I’m glad you made an exception for me.” He smiled as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your lips. After you untangled yourselves from each other he grabbed some beef jerky from the truck and you ate together.

“You’re filthy.” He commented. You furrowed your brow, looking down at your clothes, they had some dirt on them but it wasn’t too bad.

“You’re not exactly spotless.”

“You’re right. Guess we should fix that.” He dropped his food and stood up, abruptly grabbing you and hoisting you over his shoulder.

“Jake, what the fuck?” You squirmed as he tightened his grip on you.

“Gonna get you cleaned up.”

“What the fuck does that mean? Put me down!” You shouted as he walked. You turned your head, struggling to see where he was headed, you finally saw it, a small pond.

“Don’t you fucking dare, Jacob!” You yelled, trying to get out of his grasp.

He continued walking, giving no sign of stopping, he trudged through the water until it lapped at his waist, he grabbed you and threw you into the water. You came back up and gasped for air, stringing together curse words as Jacob laughed. You stood up as the water reached your chest and you splashed him.

“Fucker.” Before you could say anything else he lunged at you, both of you falling back into the water.

You both came back up to the surface, Jacob grinning from ear to ear.

“You’re an ass. Now I’m all wet.”

“You’re clean though.” He smiled. After a bit of swimming around and splashing each other you finally made your way back to the truck.

“Bet you $50 John says something about us dripping water on his hardwood floors.” You smirked at Jacob as he started the truck.

“I bet he’ll say something about taking you upstairs and helping you dry off.” He replied.

“You’re on.”

The ride back home was not as rough as the one on the way there, he took it a bit slower and didn’t purposefully hit bumps and hills. You finally got back to the ranch and walked in, both of you still completely soaked.

“Looks like you two had fun.” Joseph commented as he looked up at you.

“Watch the floors!” John shouted as he scrambled towards you.

“Ha! Pay up!” You jumped up and down.

“Come on, let’s get you out of those wet clothes and dried off.” He held out his hand.

You stopped smiling and looked at Jacob, “Well, shit.” Neither of you won the bet but you figured out that you both knew John better than you thought.

Luke stood outside the door of the mill, waiting. One man stood behind him with a gun pointed at his head. The door opened suddenly, and a man stepped out.

“Who are you?” He asked, looking Luke over.

“I’m with the Resistance.”

“And why are you here?” He crossed his arms.

“I have some information about the Seed’s that could prove helpful.” The man motioned for Luke to follow him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I split the date up into three parts, so the next two chapters will be with Joseph and John.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finished your date with Jacob and had to choose another number to figure out who your next date would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter, but I wanted to give each Seed their own date chapter.

Once you had showered and changed, locking the door of course to avoid any distractions from John, you walked back downstairs to pick your next number.

“Alright, five or six?” John waited impatiently.

“I don’t want to choose, you make the worst disappointed face.”

“John, will control his expressions. It’s not like he doesn’t get his turn.” Joseph gave John a stern look.

“Okay, I pick number… five.” Of course, John absolutely, 100% did not control his expression or the sigh he let out when you said the number. You couldn’t help but feel a tinge of sadness at hurting John for the second time today, but you were ready for your date with Joseph, uncertain of what it would be like.

“Where are we going for our date?” You turned to Joseph, ignoring John’s sulking.

“For a walk.” He said simply. John scoffed, his date was way better than a walk outside.

You hooked your arm around Joseph’s and left the house.

“Did you have a good time with Jacob?”

“Definitely, he let me shoot a bunch of stuff.” You smiled, Joseph had a concerned look on his face, but he kept his worry to himself, he was glad you had fun with his brother.

As you walked you began to recognize the area, but you couldn’t place it.

“You think John’s still upset?” You asked.

“Probably. He’s never had much discipline when it comes to patience.”

You walked a little further when you finally realized where you were, you approached the bunker door. Your heart dropped, surely he wasn’t bringing you here to remind you of how you were going to spend your life with him.

“Don’t worry, I just wanted to show you something inside.” He unlocked the door and motioned for you to enter.

You walked down the steps and into the bunker, Joseph entered behind you and led you to a room. It was nicely decorated, a beautiful four-post bed, private bathroom, and a small kitchen.

“This, is your room.” He said as you looked around.

“My room? Thought this whole bunker was ours?”

“In a sense it is. Down the hall are three more rooms, one for Jacob, John, and me. John and Jacob have agreed to let the followers stay in their bunkers, and we will stay here, as a family, together. If that’s what you want that is?” He watched as you moved around the room, considering his words. _Family._ _Together._

You no longer had to choose who you wanted to be with, and you weren’t being forced one way or the other. You slowly approached Joseph.

“You’re serious?”

“Of course. I was foolish before, trying to force you. I realize now that you are meant to love all of us, to be a part of our family on your own terms. You decide how this works.” Since Joseph started hearing the Voice he had made all the decisions, all the demands, but now he was handing it over to you in this matter. Putting your happiness above all else.

“I don’t know what to say. I am literally speechless right now.” You stood in front of him. He reached up to cup your face in his hands.

“I will do whatever it takes to make up for my mistake, all you have to do is tell me what you want.” He had the same hopeful, puppy dog eyes John had when he was searching for confirmation of your love and affection. They had all been so deprived in their lives it was the one thing they sought out the most. He dropped his hands after a moment, you wrapped your arms around his neck and brought your body closer to his.

“I want you, all of you.” You leaned forward and kissed him softly. He was caught off guard by your sudden affection, but he soon relaxed into you, his arms wrapping around you and pulling you closer. You tried to deepen the kiss, but he pulled back.

“I want to take things slow. I hurt you and caused you and John both a lot of pain.”

“I thought you said it was whatever I wanted?” You beamed up at him.

“I- You’re not wrong, but I have more planned for our date and don’t want to end it so quickly here.”

“Okay, but that better mean you put out later.” You smiled. Joseph took your hand in his and placed a soft kiss on your knuckles before leading you out of the bunker.

You held his hand as you followed him, this was turning out to be a perfect date even though you hadn’t done much yet. He proved how much you meant to him with this gesture, that he wanted to be with you and accepted your choices. He had a lighter expression on his face now, he must have been nervous about showing you the bunker again. He led you up a small hill, once you reached the top you saw a beautiful picnic laid out for you.

There was a small plaid blanket on the ground, a wicker picnic basket, and candles surrounding the whole thing. From the hill you could see a lot of Holland Valley, it looked peaceful from here, no gunfire or explosions going off. You sat down with him as he pulled various fruits from the basket.

“Who set all this up?” You grabbed a handful of grapes.

“I did, while you were out with Jacob. I had a follower bring the food here once you’d gotten back.”

“Do you like it?”

“Yes, it’s perfect. Much more peaceful than my date with Jake.” You enjoyed your time with Jacob, but it was nice to relax and just enjoy the quietness of everything. You rested your head on his shoulder, briefly taking in the scenery.

“Take your shirt off.” Joseph spoke low.

“Thought you wanted to take things slow?” You glanced up at him.

“Not for that. Take it off and lie down.”

You lifted the shirt over your head and did as he instructed, you rested on your stomach and waited for whatever it was he wanted to do. You were caught off guard when you felt his hands gently move across your back, his fingers pressing into the right places to ease some of the knots. You released the tension in your body as he continued to massage you, his hands were firm but also soft at the same time. You could do nothing but lie there while he worked over your muscles, easing any pain you’d had, you relaxed under his touch. He had been so caring and tender with you today, wanting nothing in return except your time and company. You felt the warmth from the sun across your skin, you wondered if anyone could see you up here? As his hands moved you slowly rolled over onto your back, looking up at him. He hesitated for a moment, no longer touching you, but after a bit he placed his hands on your side and began kneading your soft skin. His hands glided up to the sides of your breasts, he looked at you before moving further, waiting for your approval. You pushed your chest up urging him to continue.

He took your signal and slid his hands over your breasts, his thumbs teasing your nipples until they hardened under his touch. You closed your eyes and moaned softly as his hands roamed over your body. You were surprised when you felt his mouth around one of your nipples, his tongue flicking over it gently. You rested your hand on his shoulder, you needed to touch him as much as he needed to touch you. His hands moved lower, unbuttoning your pants and pulling the zipper down. He sat up momentarily to peel the rest of your clothes off you, leaving you completely exposed.

He moved back over you, his body covering you as he pressed a tender kiss to your lips before trailing down your neck and chest, kissing your skin ever so softly. You squirmed beneath him, wanting him to do more. Joseph wasn’t taking any liberties with you, he wanted your full consent before he did anything, making sure everything was of your own will. He moved down between your legs, his mouth hovering over where you needed his touch the most. He looked up at you again, waiting for approval.

“Please, Joseph?” You begged as your gaze held to his.

Without a word he placed a kiss at the apex of your thighs before pulling your legs apart, opening you to him. You gasped as his tongue made contact with your clit, his beard rubbing between your thighs. Your hands grabbed at the blanket beneath you, clawing for something to ground you. He saw your struggle and reached up to hold your hands with his, lacing your fingers together as he continued to kiss and lick your center. His tongue alternated between firm and soft, moving at the perfect rhythm as you grew closer to your climax. Your hands squeezed his as you moaned and panted for him, trying your hardest not to move too much. His tongue circled your clit faster, you could feel your orgasm coming, your body tensed up as it moved through you, you shuddered, your legs shook, but his mouth stayed on you as you came.

Once you came back down from your orgasm you sat up instantly, wrapping yourself around him and kissing him hungrily. You had missed this with him, gentle, loving sex, the intimacy. He held you against him, kissing you lazily. You reached for his pants, but he grabbed your hands and stopped you.

“We should get back.”

“What about you?” He hadn’t gotten any release, you felt kind of bad.

“Slow, remember?” He leaned in and kissed you again before releasing you. He helped you get dressed and you walked back to the ranch, fingers interlaced again.

“And how the fuck do you know all of this?” The man sat across the table from Luke.

“I spent some time with them, there was a woman-“

“I see, the Seed’s stole some bitch from you and now you want revenge? Must’ve been some good pussy.” The man laughed.

“No, she manipulated me, lied to me. She was working with them the entire time. She used me to gain information about the Resistance. I know how to take them down and it starts with the youngest brother.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your date with Joseph was informative and calming, now it was John's turn and you could only guess at what depraved and kinky shit he had planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would anyone be interested in a Deputy/Seed four-way? Considering writing it, it would just be a smut chapter with no plot, but it could be fun. Let me know!

You made your way back to the ranch and stood on the porch with Joseph.

“I should leave you here, I’m sure John is climbing the walls waiting for you to return.”

“Another minute won’t kill him.” You leaned forward and placed your hands on his chest before kissing him tenderly.

“Thank you, it was a perfect date.” You looked up at him.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it. I like seeing you like this, happy.” His hand caressed your cheek.

“I like being happy, it’s a lot better than being depressed and shot at all the time.”

“I’ll do my best to keep you like this then. I’ll let you get to your date. Good night.” He kissed your forehead and left.

You turned to the door and opened it, not sure what to expect in a date from John.

“Finally, come sit down.” He rushed around the kitchen, motioning for you to sit at the table.

You sat down and looked at all the food, it seemed like he’d been cooking for a while now and he was obviously excited. He sat down next to you and fixed your plate for you.

“So, this is our first date, what do you usually do on a first date?”

“Depends on the woman, but if it was someone I’ve had my eye on for a while I would use only my best lines.” He smirked.

“Let me hear one, please? It might help your chances in getting lucky tonight.”

“Oh, I know I’m getting lucky tonight, Darling. But I’ll indulge you.” John grabbed your chair and pulled you closer to him.

He grabbed your hand and lightly ran his thumb over your knuckles. At first you laughed inwardly, if this was all it took for him to get a woman to sleep with him then they must have been really desperate. He moved in closer to your ear, you could feel his breath on your neck.

“I toyed with the thought of telling you just how desperately I want to take you to my bed tonight, how depressing the thought of waking up in the morning without you beside me is, but I worry you’d think it was just a line, a ploy.” He spoke close to your ear, sending shivers up your spine as his hand continued to caress yours.

“It is a line isn’t it?” You turned to him, biting your lip.

“Honestly, it would be with anyone else, but with you it’s the absolute truth.” He moved closer to you, your lips almost touching. You kicked yourself for it, but his bullshit was actually working on you. You tried to close the distance between you, but he moved back. You looked at him confused.

“I think we should wait, there’s something about you-I can’t quite place it, but I want to get to know you better before we go further.”

“You’re good, you’re really fucking good. I’m actually impressed.” You laughed as he sat back in his chair, a smug expression across his face.

“Does it always work that well?”

“Normally it works a little better than that, they’re usually in my lap by now.”                                                                                         

“I have been on two other dates today, it might take more than that to get me into your lap. What else do you have planned?”

“I had quite a bit planned, but I’m not sure if I can wait until the end of the night to have you writhing in my bed.”

“Another cheesy line?”

“No, actually. I’ve had to watch you trapes around here all day with my brothers, I’ve been gentle and caring with you for a while now and I’m not sure if I can restrain myself anymore.” His grip on your hand tightened as his eyes grew dark.

“You’re hurting me.” You lied, trying to pull your hand from him, but he didn’t release you.

“No, I’m not. In fact, I think you’ve missed me being rough with you, I think you crave it just as much as I do.” He moved closer to you, his hand moving to grip your thigh. You decided to play hard to get.

“John, let me go.” You scooted your chair back, his hand no longer touching you. He narrowed his eyes at you, catching on to what you were doing.

“Are you refusing me?”

You took a deep breath, “Yes.” You bit your lip and stared at him. He moved to pull you back to him, but you stood up and backed away. He got out of his chair and stepped towards you in a prowling manner, as if he was about to pounce on you at any second.

“Stay back, John.” You pretended to warn him, which did nothing, he continued to stalk towards you.

You turned and ran towards the stairs, just as you reached them, he grabbed your arm and pulled you down, trapping you against the steps with his body. His hand gripped your throat as he bit and nipped at your bottom lip. You tried to move out from under him, but he loomed over you, his body weight keeping you in place.

“John…” You begged.

“Keep begging and squirming, it’ll only draw this out.” He growled against your lips.

John grabbed the hem of your shirt and lifted it over your head, his hand made quick work of the button and zipper on your pants. He tugged them down, scattering them across the stairs with your shirt. You were panting for him already, he was right, you had missed his roughness. His hand slipped between your thighs, rubbing over you through your panties.

“Already soaked for me.” He spoke low as his lips trailed down your chest, his teeth sinking into your nipple. You cried out and arched your back, he didn’t relent though, his teeth remained around your nipple as he tugged at it, his hand continuing to tease you.

Without warning he grabbed the waistband of your panties and pulled, you heard the fabric stretching until it ripped apart in his hand. He slid his fingers along your slickness, his mouth still hovering over your breast.

“Lick.” He held two fingers up to your lips. You hesitated for a moment before licking the tips of his fingers, teasing him. He smirked at you before pushing his fingers further into your mouth, groaning as you swirled your tongue around them.

“Good girl.” He hummed with approval. He abruptly pulled his fingers from your mouth and unbuttoned his pants, pulling his already hardened cock free. You knew this was your chance to get away while his guard was down. You quickly moved back from him, turning around and climbing up the stairs. You could hear him growl in frustration as he chased after you. You headed towards the bedroom, but he caught you before you made it, he grabbed your hair and pressed you flat against the wall with your back to him.

“Here I thought you were going to behave for me.” He said against your ear, pulling your hair harder.

“Guess you’ll have to punish me.” You grinned.

“Oh, I plan on it.” His teeth sunk down into your shoulder, marking you like he always did. His hand landed hard on your ass, you yelped at the stinging pain.

You heard the familiar sound of him removing his belt, he grabbed your wrists and bound them together.

“This should keep you from getting too far.” He stepped back and grabbed your arm, pulling you into the bedroom. He pushed you down onto the bed, you had no choice but to land hard, you couldn’t move your arms or hands.

You watched as he stripped himself out of his clothing, his eyes never leaving yours. He climbed onto the bed and sat on his knees between your legs. Instinctively you opened your legs, waiting for him to take your invitation. He smirked at you, his hand moving down to grip his cock, he slowly stroked himself up and down as you watched.

“John?” You stared at him.

He didn’t respond, his hand continued to work over his length as you shifted on the bed, scooting down closer to him.

“John, stop playing.” You pouted. Your body aching to feel him inside you.

“I’m not sure you deserve it, you’ve been a brat since you returned. Didn’t even thank me for dinner, then you ran from me, twice.” He continued his actions, his other hand moved up between your thighs, softly rubbing over your clit, making your body jerk.

“Thank you for dinner, it was- fuck… it was great.” You moaned as he pressed firmly on your clit.

“And?” His fingers circled your clit faster, pushing you towards the edge.

“A-And I’m s-sorry for running from you. Please, J-John… Please fuck me…” You whined loudly, begging him.

He continued rubbing over the bundle of nerves until you found your release, he quickly shoved his cock deep inside you, feeling you clench around him unbelievably tight. You bucked your hips up as you came, his fingers still circling your clit. He waited until you relaxed again before he started to thrust into you. He went slow at first, pulling completely out of you and easing back into you, drawing out a string of curse words and moans from your lips. You struggled in your restraints, you wanted to hold onto him, to force him to move faster, but you couldn’t and that’s exactly how he wanted you, completely at his disposal. He moved so slowly, in and out of you, you begged and pleaded with him, staring up at him. Without a word he pulled out of you completely and got off the bed.

“I don’t think you deserve to look at me anymore. Come here.” He grabbed your leg and pulled you to the edge of the bed, helping you stand. He guided you over to the chair as he sat down, he turned you facing away from him as he grabbed your hips and positioned himself at your entrance.

He held your hips and pulled you down into his lap, you gasped at the sudden feeling and tried to move but he held you down. You felt so full in this position, you couldn’t use your hands to push yourself off him at all, you were at his mercy, which he had none of at this moment. His hands squeezed and pulled at the skin on your sides as he started to lift you up and down, tilting his hips up to meet you as you came down.

“Fuck…” Was all you could mutter, your eyes closed as he fucked you thoroughly. His fingers digging into your skin, you knew you’d have bruises but didn’t care. You loved the way John marked you as his, for everyone to see. You felt your impending orgasm getting closer.

He thrust into you harder now, making sure to reach that perfect spot within you. You whimpered and moaned as he filled you completely, riding him relentlessly. You came hard around him without warning, your walls tightening, he stilled his movements as you felt him spasm inside you, finding his own release. He undid the belt around your wrists and released you, you stood up, your legs shaking. John grabbed your arm and stood beside you before you stumbled, holding you there until you were stable.

“Legs weak?” He smirked, thriving on your current state.

“A little.” You smiled.

“Get dressed.” He bent over and grabbed his clothes, putting them back on.

“What for?”

“Our date isn’t over just because we fucked. I told you I had other plans, I just couldn’t wait any longer.”

You left the room and grabbed your clothes from the stairs, deciding to forego the underwear, seeing as he’d probably just rip them off you again sometime tonight. You were stuffing your face with the cold remnants of dinner when he joined you downstairs. You had eaten very little that day with Jacob and Joseph.

“I want to take you up in the plane. I know you’re not fond of flying but-“ He spoke nervously, hoping you’d agree.

“Okay. Let’s go.” You nodded.

“Really? I thought I’d have to fight a little harder than that.”

“It’s part of the date and I trust you not to crash and kill us both in a fiery death.”

“Oddly specific, but alright.” He held out his hand for you to grab.

He pulled you closely behind as he headed towards the hangar. Once inside your heart began to pound, you absolutely despised flying, you weren’t fond of heights and the whole thing freaked you out. But John loved flying and you wanted to share in his interests. You climbed up and he helped strap you in.

“You’re completely safe, but if anything goes wrong, pull this chord.” He pointed to a red rope. You were glad you knew the escape plan and that your life depended on the inner workings of a piece of string.

He opened the hangar door and climbed into the plane in front of you. Once the hatch was closed he started it, the rumble of the engines made your nerves worse, knowing you’d be taking off soon. He released the break and the plane started to roll forward, he pulled out of the hangar and started down the runway.

“You okay?”

“Yep, just perfect.” You closed your eyes and focused on your breathing.

The plane began lifting off the ground, you opened your eyes just in time to see the wheels no longer touching the Earth and the plane ascending into the night sky.

“Shit. Shit. Shit.” You mumbled as you looked down at the ground getting further away.

“Try to relax, breathe.” He tried to calm you. You took his advice and inhaled deeply, holding it for a moment and then releasing it. You did this a few times until you were feeling better.

John looked so happy as he flew, you could see the appeal, it was peaceful up here away from everything. But you were still anxious as fuck. John knew you weren’t the biggest fan of flying so he didn’t stay up there too long, he turned around and headed back home after a bit. You pretty much lept out of the plane once the wheels touched the ground, you were so glad to be back on solid ground.

“Thank you for agreeing to go.” He said as he pulled you into an embrace.

“It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.”

“Maybe I could teach you how to fly?”

“Um, maybe, just not anytime soon. I’m not in a hurry to jump back in.” You smiled up at him, he leaned down and pressed his lips to yours, kissing you tenderly.

“What’s on the agenda for the rest of the night?” You asked after he pulled back from the kiss.

“Oh, you know, a little of this and a little of that. I do hope your stamina can hold out for what I have planned.” He smiled slyly.

The man stared at Luke for a moment, “So, you want to do what exactly? Break into John Seed’s ranch, kidnap the guy and then what?”

“I know you have been altering the affects of Bliss, that you’ve changed it to do more than just make zoned out zombies. We use John against his brothers, they wouldn’t fight him for the risk of hurting him.” The man sat back, as if he was considering Luke’s proposal.

“Alright, so how do you want to do this?” He said, finally agreeing.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a smut filled foursome chapter, enjoy!

Life had returned to normalcy, well, as much as it could in Hope County. You sat on the bench in the window sill, watching the rain pouring outside. You were supposed to go hunting with Jacob today, but obviously that was cancelled.

“Watching the rain won’t make it stop anytime soon.” Joseph called out from the couch.

“It’s done nothing but rain for five fucking days. When is it going to stop?”

“I have Visions about the end of the world, I’m not a psychic.” His sarcasm made you smile.

He had started staying at the ranch more often since your date, you liked having him around, he had a calming presence compared to John’s energetic and dominating one. John was going just as stir crazy as you were, he was finding anything and everything he could to keep him busy. You watched as he buzzed around the house, straightening things or making phone calls.

“It’s really coming down out there.” Jacob said as he walked through the door, completely soaked.

“Jake!” You shouted and ran to him, jumping into his arms and wrapping your arms and legs around him.

“Woah, someone’s happy to see me.” His hands moved down to your ass, helping to hold you up.

“It’s been days since I’ve seen you and these two are doing nothing to entertain me.” You kissed along his jaw.

“Let’s find something to keep you busy then.” He grinned and carried you through the living room. Joseph glanced up from his book for a moment, glad that Jacob had come to distract you, your constant complaining about the weather was becoming irritating.

Jacob made his way upstairs to one of the guest bedrooms, he would’ve taken you to John’s giant bed, but he would never hear the end of it. He tossed you onto the bed as he kicked off his shoes, staring at you wildly.

“My brothers not up to caring for all your needs, Darling?”

“Not like you do, Jake.” You bit your lip as you watched him shrug off his wet jacket.

“Well, what’s going on in here?” John leaned against the doorway.

“Nothing that concerns you, get lost.” Jacob turned to his brother.

“This is _my_ house, so anything that happens in it is _my_ business.”

“Stick around then, you might learn how to satisfy a woman.” Jacob grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head.

“Don’t fight boys, there’s plenty of me to go around.” You smiled up at them. John sauntered over to you on the bed.

“You’re absolutely right, we can share.” He leaned down and kissed you briefly before standing back up. You were a little concerned about what he meant, your eyes shifted from Jacob to John. Jacob seemed to know exactly what John meant as a grin spread across his face.

Before you could speak or even move, both men had pounced on you, John grabbed at your shirt and lifted it over your head, Jacob made quick work of removing your pants and underwear, in seconds you were completely bare to both of them. John left briefly but returned with a rope.

“I imagine we’ll need this.” He held it up. He knew how you liked to get bratty.

“She’ll stay still, won’t you, Darling?” Jacob’s hand caressed your cheek, as his thumb brushed across your lips you sunk your teeth into it, eliciting a shocked groan from him.

“You’re right John, better restrain her.” He pulled his hand from you as John moved above you, looping the rope through the bars on the headboard, then securing it around your wrists, bringing them together above your head.

You tested the restraints, tugging on them to see if you could slip out easily, John knew how to tie a damn good knot because you had no room to move. John’s hands trailed down your arms, he hummed with approval at the sight of you naked and tied up.

“What’s all this?” Joseph stood in the doorway. His brothers immediately looked up at him as if they’d been caught doing something wrong. You were hopeful that Joseph wouldn’t let this level of depravity continue.

“Can you untie me, Joseph?” You pulled on the restraints again, trying your best to look helpless.

“Why exactly are you tied up?” He stepped into the room.

“She was misbehaving, she bit me.” Jacob said.

“Sounds like you’re tied up for a good reason then.” He nodded silently towards his brothers, you were in shock he was going along with this, letting them do this to you. You couldn’t deny that the thought of having them all at once hadn’t crossed your mind before and that it made you unbelievably turned on at the thought, but you weren’t sure if you’d survive it.

You squirmed on the bed as they all held their gaze on you, their eyes roaming over your naked body. John stood up and made his way to the end of the bed, he removed his shoes and his shirt before he climbed up between your legs. Joseph and Jacob took their places on the bed beside you. John grabbed your ankles and pulled them apart, opening you to him. His eyes flicked to your center, already seeing how wet you were he licked his lips. You were too preoccupied by him to even look at the other two men. Jacob’s hand gently moved across your side, stroking your skin as he watched. Joseph stroked your hair, a little concerned about the ropes being tied too tight to your wrists, but he left them alone.

John reached your center, he grabbed your thighs and placed them over his shoulders as he brought his face closer to you, he placed a few soft kisses against your slick folds, watching you panting already. His tongue slid up from your center to your clit slowly, you laid your head back and closed your eyes, moaning softly at the feeling. You pulled on the restraints again, arching your back as he focused his tongue on your clit. His hands gripped your hips and pinned you down to the bed, keep you still. You opened your eyes to see Jacob moving closer to you, his lips brushing over your neck, his teeth nipping at your skin. Joseph leaned down and pressed a kiss to your lips tenderly as his hand continued to stroke your hair. You were getting overwhelmed already, each of them moving at different paces. John pushed two fingers inside you, causing you to gasp into Joseph’s mouth. Jacob had zeroed in on one of your nipples, taking it between his teeth and biting it harshly. You knew you wouldn’t last much longer, you writhed and moaned.

“Not yet, John.” Joseph saw that you were getting close. John pulled back from you, stilling his fingers inside you. You huffed as your body relaxed on the bed, your orgasm no longer on the brink.

He waited for a moment before returning his mouth to your center. His beard rubbed roughly between your legs, you squirmed beneath him, his hands adding pressure to your hips to hold you still again. Joseph continued to kiss you, his hand moving down to your breast, gently kneading it and rolling your nipple between his fingers. Jacob continued his rough assault on your other breast, his teeth marks covering it now. John moved his fingers within you once more, curling them to hit that perfect spot.

“J-John… Please…” You moaned loudly, needing your release. You could feel him smirk against you as his tongue swirled around your clit. You could feel the rope biting into the skin on your wrists as you twisted and pulled on them, you wanted to be able to touch them.

“Not yet.” Joseph spoke again, your heart dropped but John didn’t stop. He continued, he wanted to make you cum as badly as you wanted to cum. Jacob had removed himself from you, no longer touching you at all.

“John.” Joseph’s voice was sterner, this time John stopped and sat up between your legs. You glanced down at him and could see your wetness covering his mouth and beard as he used the back of his hand to wipe it off. You looked up at Joseph as if to ask why he kept stopping John.

“Promise to behave and I’ll let Jacob remove your restraints.” Joseph spoke close to your ear. You nodded your head, desperate to touch them, for him to let John continue.

Joseph nodded to John and he dove right back in, you bucked your hips as his tongue ran over your sensitive clit, his fingers pushing into you again. Jacob looked at the rope around your wrists, deciding it would be easier to just cut it he pulled out his pocket knife and freed you. The ropes still remained around your wrists, but you were able to move your hands freely. You immediately grabbed Jacob and pulled him down to kiss you, your lips moving over his hungrily. Your other hand slid up Joseph’s thigh, finding the hardening bulge and rubbing your hand over it. His mouth returned to your skin, kissing and licking down your neck and chest. Jacob pulled back from the kiss and unbuttoned his pants. You pushed his hand away as you shoved your hand into his pants, gripping his cock and stroking him. You turned your head to Joseph as his lips found yours, kissing you passionately. John picked up his pace as his tongue worked magic over your clit and his fingers moved in and out of you. You whimpered and moaned into Joseph’s mouth as your hands stilled their movements, you squeezed your thighs together around John’s head as you finally came, loudly. Your body shook on the bed as the waves of pleasure moved through you. Your muscles finally relaxed as you lay limp on the bed, John sat up between your legs and moved off the bed. Jacob replaced him as he settled between your legs, he grabbed your hips and pulled you down towards him, pressing the tip of his cock at your entrance, causing you to gasp as he pushed into you.

John sat next to you and leaned down to kiss you softly, you could taste yourself on his lips, your hand threading through his beard. Joseph grabbed your free hand and untied the knot around it, seeing the indentions it had already made. Jacob thrust into you causing you to gasp, John took advantage of your opened mouth and pushed his tongue inside, mixing his saliva with yours, muffling your moans. You felt Joseph bring your wrist up to his lips, kissing over your marks gently. Jacob’s hands gripped your thighs as he moved within you, squeezing and pulling at your skin.

You were lost in a haze of sensation overload, so many things going on it was hard to think straight. Your hand moved to caress John’s cock, straining against his pants. You wanted to provide him some relief, you unbuttoned his pants and pulled him free. He groaned into your mouth as your hand wrapped around him, stroking him slowly. Joseph’s mouth moved down to your severely marked breast, where Jacob’s teeth imprints could be seen clearly, he wasn’t overly fond with their callous treatment of your body, but as long as you didn’t mind it, he wouldn’t say anything. He gently kissed and licked over the marks, his hand travelled down between your legs, his fingers finding your clit and circling it lightly. Your hand squeezed and stroked John as he continued to kiss you, Jacob’s thrusts had become less rhythmic and more erratic, signaling he was close. You tilted your hips up to meet him thrust for thrust as Joseph pressed firmly on your clit.

“Fuck… Jake…” You shouted.

Without warning you came loudly around Jacob, he stilled inside you as he too found his release. John and Joseph both ceased their movements, letting you ride out your orgasm before they continued. Jacob eased out of you, breathless, he switched places with Joseph. John grabbed your hand and pulled it from his length, you were vaguely aware of Joseph standing at the end of the bed. He grabbed your hips and turned you over, pulling you up to rest on your hands and knees. You sighed, exhaustion already settling into your overworked muscles.

“Come on, just one more, Sweetheart.” He spoke softly as his fingers traced your spine. John moved to kneel in front of you.

You leaned forward as he guided himself into your mouth, his hand gripping your hair to help set the pace. Joseph unzipped his pants and lined himself up with your center, slowly easing into you. You moaned around John as you felt Joseph filling you completely. Jacob sat beside you still, his hand moving down between your legs and brushing over your sensitive clit. You tightened around Joseph briefly at his touch. Your body was tired, you’d been so overstimulated, three men was a lot to take on. Your hands gripped at the sheets beneath you as Joseph pulled out of you almost completely and oh-so slowly eased back in, you could feel every single inch of him. John held your head still as he moved his hips, making sure not to give you more than you could handle. You felt yourself getting closer to the edge again, that familiar heat pooling between your legs as they continued to work your body. John’s grip on your hair tightened as he moved faster, you felt him spasm before spilling into your mouth, a low groan escaping his lips as he pulled out.

You were finally able to speak again, “Joseph, please go faster…” You begged.

He smiled at your urgency and obliged, he grabbed your hips and thrust into you faster, hitting that spot deep within you. Jacob’s fingers continued their assault on your overworked clit, you whimpered and squeaked as the men pushed you towards another orgasm. You clenched around Joseph as you came, muttering curse words and broken remnants of his name, he pushed into you a few more times before he came as well. Jacob removed his hand from you, and you slumped down onto the bed as Joseph eased himself out of you. Your limbs felt like jell-o, every muscle was worn out completely, you couldn’t even raise your head to look at them. Jacob left to run the bath as well as clean himself off.

“You did such a great job, but now we need to get you cleaned up.” John spoke close to your ear. You felt Joseph lifting you off the bed, you rested your head against him as he carried you to the bathroom.

He placed you in the bath as John helped wash you, making sure to be gentle with the places they’d left marks. Jacob grabbed you a towel and some clothes, bringing them into the bathroom. You remained silent for the most part, too tired to even speak, holding your eyes open was a challenge as well. John helped you out of the tub and Jacob dried you off. They each took part in helping you get dressed and carrying you down the hall to John’s bed. You laid in the middle of the bed, John laid to your left, nuzzling into your neck and Joseph laid to your right, resting his head on your shoulder. Jacob slid himself between your legs and rested his head on your stomach. Each of them finding a place to hold you as you all drifted off to sleep.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place a few weeks after the foursome.

_“You know you’re not supposed to be doing that.” Joseph said as you stood on the foot stool._

_“Are you trying to give us heart attacks?” Jacob added._

_You stepped down off the stool and looked at them all as their gazes were held to you._

_“You know you shouldn’t be up there, not while you’re carrying our little Seed.” John’s hand rested on your stomach._

You woke up instantly, sweat pouring from your body, your breathing erratic. You looked over at John who was sleeping peacefully without a care in the world, you glanced down at your stomach, realizing then that it had been a while since you’d had your period. You always had an irregular cycle though, it didn’t mean you were pregnant. You started counting back the days of when you got your last period and when you had last gotten the shot. You quickly got up and ran to look at your calendar, your heart sank. You missed getting another shot in time and you’d definitely had sex since then. You mentally kicked yourself, trying not to panic just yet, not until you got a pregnancy test.

“Good morning.” Joseph said as he sat at the counter.

“Morning.” You immediately poured yourself a cup of coffee. You didn’t go back to sleep after that nightmare, so you needed some energy. You held the coffee in your hand, you knew caffeine wasn’t good for a baby, but you weren’t even sure if you were pregnant or not. You stood there for a moment trying to decide whether to drink it or not.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, just tired. Didn’t sleep real well.” You smiled slightly, sipping your coffee.

“What are your plans today?” Joseph looked at you wearily, he was concerned about you not sleeping. John stalked down the stairs sleepily, not muttering a word to anyone before he had his coffee.

“I need to go into town actually.”

“I’ll go with you.” Joseph said.

“No. I won’t be long, and it’ll be nice to have some time alone.” You almost shouted at him, the last thing you wanted was for any of them to know it was possible you were pregnant.

“You don’t like spending time with us?” John pouted as he wrapped his arms around your waist, nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck and kissing you softly.

“Do you only think about sex?” You pushed him off you as you went upstairs to get dressed.

John looked at Joseph confused, “What’s with her?”

“She said she didn’t sleep well.” He shrugged, deciding not to share his concerns about you with John.

You got dressed and left before anyone else could talk to you, you were too on edge and didn’t want to snap at them for nothing. You drove down to a local gas station, hoping they had what you needed. You searched the shelves and finally found it.

“Do you have a bathroom?” You asked the clerk as you paid for the test.

“Round back.” He mumbled.

You sat in the bathroom, a freshly peed on stick sitting on the sink, the minutes felt like hours as you sat there. You didn’t even know how you’d tell the guys, who’s child would it even be? It would have three different father/uncles. You sighed, how could you have been this dumb? Your watch alarm went off, your heart pounded. You grabbed the test and looked at it, two pink lines, your hand trembled as you held it, anxiety forming in your stomach. _Shit._ After taking 4 more tests it was confirmed, you were pregnant with a Seed baby in the middle of a fucking war. You grabbed one of the positive tests and took it with you, knowing they’d want proof when you told them.

“Everything go okay?” Joseph asked as you entered the house.

You remained silent as you walked past him, who do you even tell first? Should you tell them all at once? Will they be happy or mad?

“Where’s John and Jacob?” You sat your purse on the counter.

“Jacob said he’d be by here later and John said he had some business to attend to in Fall’s End. Are you okay?” He looked up at you.

You walked over and sat on the couch across from him, “I’m fine. In your visions, with me and all of you at Eden’s Gate, is there anyone else there?”

“What do you mean? Like followers?”

“No, um… Like anyone you know or who looks familiar?” You were trying to explain it without outright asking him if you had children.

“I’m not sure what you’re getting at. Are you asking about anyone specific?” He furrowed his brow as he watched you fidgeting in your seat.

“Forget I asked. It was just a curiosity.” You decided this wasn’t the best way to tell him he’s going to be a father or an uncle.

You passed the time by pacing around outside, you couldn’t stay in the house with Joseph, he would see something was wrong and press you for information. You had chewed each one of your fingernails down to nothing. Nightfall came and Jacob arrived at the ranch.

“What’re you doing out here?” He walked up on the porch.

“Just hanging out, enjoying the outdoors. Normal stuff. Where’s John?”

“He isn’t back yet? He radioed a few hours ago saying he was on his way home and told me to be here by sundown.”

As if you didn’t have enough to worry about, now John was missing. You followed Jacob back into the house.

“Maybe he got a flat tire and doesn’t know what to do?” You were trying to give any explanation you could other than something bad had happened to him.

 _“John? Pick up.”_ Jacob pressed the button on his radio, you all circled around it and waited for an answer. You briefly forgot about your situation as you waited.

 _“I was wondering how long it would take you to call after your little brother. I assume everyone is there?”_ Luke’s voice echoed over the speaker, your heart sank in your chest, he had John. You grabbed the radio from Jacob’s hand.

 _“Where’s John you son of a bitch?”_ You shouted into the radio.

_“Temper, temper. He’s fine, mostly.”_

_“Release him now or I will skin you alive when I find you.”_ Jacob seethed.

 _“All in good time. Although, next time you see your dear John, he may be a little… different.”_ The radio went silent.

“We have to find him, Luke wouldn’t be stupid enough to take him back to his house.” You looked at Jacob.

“We don’t even know where to start looking.” He ran his hand through his hair.

“Well we aren’t going to find him standing around here.”

“You’re right. I’ll ask around see if any followers saw which way Luke went when he left the VA Center, it’s a place to start at least.” Jacob turned and left.

“Where are you going?” Joseph called out as you headed towards the door as well. He walked over towards you.

“I’m going to find out where he was last seen and talk with his Chosen.” Worry had formed a pit in your stomach. Now the possible father of your unborn child was missing.

“We’ll find him.” Joseph cupped your face, you weren’t sure if he was trying to convince you or himself.

“I know.” You smiled slightly, trying to convince both of you.

Luke placed the radio down on the table as he looked over at John, slumped over in the chair.

“Bet they’re heading out now to start searching for you. You know it wasn’t luck that I ran into you, right? I’ve been watching you for a while now, you really should have more security on that ranch of yours.”

John slowly brought his gaze up to meet Luke’s, blood pouring from his lip, his vision blurred as his eye began to swell.

“How long do you think they’ll search before they give up? It’s not like you’re very integral to their operations. Jacob is the muscle, Joseph is the leader, and our girl, well she can torture people in your place I’m sure.”

“You underestimate them.” John’s stomach turned when Luke mentioned you.

“You may be right, maybe they will find you, but by then it’ll be too late.” He smirked.

“Settle in, John. We’ll get started in the morning.” Luke left the room and closed the door behind him.

“One of you fucks has to have seen him, I know John was here looking into acquiring this farm. He was seen leaving here a few hours ago, now tell me which way he went, and I won’t slit both your throats.” You held the knife to the man’s neck, his wife trembling with fear next to him.

“H-He went th-that way.” The woman pointed down the road, her hand shaking.

“Thank you.” You had considered killing them both for wasting your time, but you thought about the life growing inside you, if caffeine was bad for a baby you were sure murder was too. You removed your knife from his throat and left.

“You’re already making me soft.” You looked down at your stomach, your hand caressing over it.

You followed up on every lead you could, every person you came across you questioned or intimidated into telling you anything, by the time the sun came up you were still just as lost as when you started and headed back to the ranch, hoping Jacob had some luck.

“Please tell me you had better luck than I did?” You asked Jacob as you walked in the front door.

“Yeah, I had my Hunters do some digging, they said Luke headed South towards his house, but he didn’t stop there. He kept going and was last seen heading down this road.” He pointed on the map.

“There isn’t anything out there except an old lumber mill.”

“Great, let’s go.” You turned to leave.

“Hold on, you’ve just been out all night without sleep or food, you need to rest before you go barging into whatever obvious trap he has.” Jacob grabbed your arm.

“We can’t wait any longer, what if he’s already-“ You stopped talking, the thought of John being dead was too much for your emotions to handle right now. Tears were already threatening to break free.

“Luke has John for a reason, he would’ve killed him already if he was going to. Go get some rest, we need to make a plan instead of running in there with nothing.” Joseph gripped your shoulders as he stared at you.  You nodded your head and went upstairs, knowing there was no reason in arguing.

You curled up on John’s bed, pulling his pillow to your chest, his scent lingered on it. You inhaled deeply, trying to calm your thoughts.

“Don’t worry, we’re going to save your daddy, or uncle, whatever.” You spoke to your stomach again, smirking at the thought of John being a dad. He’d be so protective and exaggerating every little move the baby makes.

You regretted not telling him about your dream before you left today, maybe then he wouldn’t have gotten taken. Maybe he would’ve gone with you to the gas station, maybe he’d be talking to your stomach now.

You had the worst sleep of your life, you’d fall asleep and then images of John would flood your mind. You finally got up after a few hours, it was almost dusk. You walked downstairs to find Joseph and Jacob asleep in the living room, at least someone was able to sleep. You stood at the counter, looking over the map and where Jacob had it marked. It wasn’t too far and if it was just you, you could slip in, take out Luke and save John without any issues. The mill wasn’t huge, there had to be only a limited number of places he could hold John. You quietly rolled the map up and snuck out the door.

“Don’t judge me. I’m doing this for you.” You placed your hand over your stomach as you got in your car.

“Time for breakfast.” Luke said as he entered the room, John didn’t look up, he was too tired. Luke approached him and grabbed him by his hair, pulling his head up to look at him.

“Not a morning person? That’s okay, I have something that will wake you right up.” Luke pulled out a syringe from his pocket.

“This is something I’m very proud of. We took a little bit of that Bliss you love drugging people with, and we altered it.”

“Hate to break it to you but I’ve done drugs before.” John smirked.

“Well, this isn’t just a drug, once it’s in your blood stream it will start to change you. After a few injections, uncontrollable rage will course your body, you’ll be unable to stop yourself from hurting those closest to you.” Luke held the syringe to John’s arm, pushing the needle in and injecting the drug. Faith’s Angels could at least be controlled in some way, but with this alteration there would be no one who could stop John, short of killing him.

“Enough of this and you’ll kill your family for us.”

John screamed as the liquid burned through his veins, it set his entire body on fire, he strained and pulled against his restraints. Luke watched for a moment before leaving the room.

“I told you it hasn’t been tested yet, it could kill him.” A man approached him in the hall.

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take. Let me know when he’s calmed back down.” He left without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I can say is that I'm sorry.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You left without a word to Jacob or Joseph, determined to save John from whatever torture Luke was inflicting.

Luke made his way down the corridor until he was back in the main room.

“Having fun?” The man waited for him as he entered.

“Not going to lie, I am enjoying watching him suffer.”

“Good, you’ll have even more fun ending his life.”

“What do you mean?” Luke looked at him confused.

“The longer we keep this asshole, the more risk we are taking in his brothers finding out we have him and then it’s only a matter of time before they come to take him back.”

“I thought-“

“You thought I’d let you call the shots here? I only went along with your little plan so we could capture John Seed. Our goal has been and always will be ending their hold over this County, and we’ll do it by taking them out one by one.” The man took out a gun and placed it on the table, sliding it to Luke.

“I’ll even give you the pleasure of ending his life yourself.” He smirked.

Luke didn’t want to kill John, not like this anyways. He wanted to watch as you and his brothers pleaded with him, tried to save him as he wreaked uncontrollable havoc on you all. Luke grabbed the gun and promptly pointed it at the man, not even giving it a second thought as he pulled the trigger. A few people came running out to see what had happened.

“Clean this up.” Luke motioned towards the man bleeding on the floor. He placed the gun in the waistband of his pants and walked back to the room where John was being held.

John was slumped over in the chair, his body covered in sweat.

“How are we feeling?” Luke pulled up a chair and sat in front of him.

“Perfect.” John mumbled. All the time he spent torturing you had given him enough sarcastic responses to last a lifetime.

“You know what I can’t quite figure out, why she came back to you, she had no reason to stay.”

“She loves me.” John lifted his head to meet Luke’s gaze.

“Oh, is that what she told you? And you believed her?” Luke laughed.

“I’ll let you in on a little secret, she doesn’t love you, never did. A woman like her plays the part she has to in order to survive. Did you never question why she was able to manipulate me so well? How she got so damn good at lying?”

“And why would I believe you?”

“She got quite chatty after sex. She told me you were desperate, touch starved, and the second anyone showed you affection or the slightest bit of attention you were head over heels for them. She said you mistook her pity for love.”

John remained silent, his eyes burned into Luke, he knew he was trying to push him, but there was a part of him that believed what he was saying, it was too on point, too specific for Luke to come up with on his own.

“Don’t feel bad though, she’s a very talented actress when she has to be.”

John’s gaze fell to the floor again has he thought about everything Luke was saying. He wanted to believe you loved him, but how could you after all the torture and pain he put you through? How could anyone?

“Fuck.” Jacob shouted from John’s room when he found you had gone. He stalked angrily down the stairs.

“How long?” Joseph already knew. He grabbed your bag, looking for the radio, but what he found was much more important.

“At least an hour. What’s that?”

Joseph held the stick in his hand, his heart beat quickened. Jacob finally realized what it was and sat down, they were both completely silent. In shock.

“Get her back here. Now.” Joseph finally spoke.

Jacob searched for the radio, the quickest way to find out where you were.

 _“Where the fuck are you?”_ He gripped the radio tightly.

 _“It’s too early for you to be this angry already.”_ You responded quickly.

_“Turn the fuck around right now.”_

_“You and I both know it’s easier for one person to slip in and back out than a whole army. I’ll be quick.”_

_“You’re not just putting your life at risk. I’m coming to get you.”_

_“John will be fine, they won’t even have a chance to hurt him by the time they know I’m there. And I’ll make it there and back before you even get close.”_

_“When were you going to tell us?”_ Joseph’s voice carried over the speaker. Your heart dropped, he must have found the test.

 _“Yesterday, but then John was kidnapped so it didn’t seem like a good time.”_ It dawned on you that Jacob meant you were risking the baby’s life as well.

_“You can’t do this, come back home and we’ll send Jacob’s Hunters.”_

You considered his request, it was stupid of you to go, but you wanted to save John, you would never forgive yourself if you let anything happen to him.

 _“Please don’t do this.”_ Joseph’s voice trembled.

 _“We’ll be fine. Our little Seed is stronger than you think.”_ Your hand rested over your stomach as you drove.

“We should’ve kept her restrained at all times. When she gets back, she’s never leaving our sight.” Jacob stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

Joseph sat down on the couch, pregnancy test in hand. He never thought he’d have another chance at being a father, a real father, nor did he think he was deserving of it. He knew now why you were asking about his visions, you wanted to know if he saw a child. Panic set in as he recalled his vision, there was no child with you at Eden’s Gate. After a few moments he realized you wouldn’t be coming back with a child, that this child would not survive. He let out a choked sob as he thought about the events that were about to unfold and how he could do nothing to prevent it.

John endured two more injections of the altered Bliss. He could feel the rage rising within him more and more, he wasn’t sure if it was entirely the drug though, he had become paranoid about you, about your true feelings for him. He questioned everything about you now.

“Go in, grab John, and that piss ant Luke. Simple. And for the love of God, if you see that damned woman tie her up and bring her to me.” Jacob paced in front of his men.

“No guns. Bliss arrows only, do not shoot her.” He commanded, not knowing how Bliss would affect a baby.

He grabbed his hunting knife and headed out with them. He wanted Luke alive so he could skin him alive as he had promised. He should’ve killed him a long time ago. Jacob pushed his concern for you and the baby aside, he couldn’t let it cloud his mind right now. He never thought about being a father or having kids, it wasn’t something he thought he’d be good at. He didn’t exactly have the best example of a father growing up.

“She never loved you, John. It was all a game to her.”

“You’re lying!” John felt the drugs coursing through his veins again, burning him from the inside out.

“I’m not and you know that. You know, deep down that she could never love someone like you, a sadistic monster like you. How could she truly love you after all the pain you inflicted on her? She played nice so she could survive, that’s it.” Luke fed into John’s paranoid thoughts.

“Fuck!” John screamed, pulling his restraints as they cut into his skin, sweat began pouring off him as the drugs moved through his bloodstream. All he could think of was you, how you manipulated him and his brothers into thinking you cared for them.

You parked your car down from the mill, going the rest of the way on foot. You trudged through the woods trying to think about the best way to enter the mill and where they might be holding John. “The fuck?” You said out loud as you felt something sharp hit you in the back of the neck. You placed your hand where the pain was to find a small dart had hit you, you didn’t have a moment to think before you fainted.

You rubbed your eyes as you came to, your muscles ached. You hated Bliss, you always felt hungover after taking it. You looked around at the room you were in, your heart lept when you saw John tied to a chair. You stood to make your way to him, but you were stopped by the chain around your ankle. It was then that you realized you’d been here before. When you left because of the dreams, you were captured and held here, they had chained your ankle just like this.

“John?” You moved as close as your restraint would allow. He slowly lifted his head and looked at you.

You assumed he would be happy, but his expression was far from that. He stared at you with such disdain, as if he hated you.

“John, it’s me.” You thought maybe he was in shock by you being there.

“You shouldn’t have come here.” He mumbled.

“I came to save you.”

“Save me? Why?”

“Because I love you, that’s why you idiot.” You were growing annoyed with his sullen tone.

John’s hands gripped the arms of the chair, his fingers digging into the wood as his breathing became shallow and fast.

“I’d calm down with the love stuff if I were you. He’s been… rethinking your relationship.” Luke said as he entered the room.

“Let us go you son of a bitch!” You shouted and tried to lunge at him but were stopped short by the chain.

“Gladly.” He smiled, tossing you the key to your restraints. You scrambled to get the key, unlocking the lock on the chain. You stood up and approached John, he stared at you angrily, clenching his jaw.

“What did you do to him?” You stopped a few feet short of him.

“Nothing. We just… talked.”

You stepped closer to John, bringing your hand up to caress his cheek, the second your hand made contact with his skin he pulled on his restraints, his body jolted at your touch. You pulled back immediately and stared at him. His eyes were dark and full of anger towards you. Luke walked across the room an took out his knife. He cut one of the ropes around John’s wrist and placed the knife in his hand. He moved away from him and stood next to the door, a quick escape once John was done with you.

John cut the other rope and leaned down to cut the ones around his ankles as well. He held the knife in his hand as he stood and turned to you. You had never seen him like this, even when he tortured you, he never looked like this.

“John, please, let’s just get out of here.” You stepped back from him. He remained silent as he stared at you.

“J-John…” You were starting to get worried about his intentions.

“Kill her already. She used you, John. She tricked you, manipulated you, just like she did with me.” Luke was growing impatient.

“He’s lying, John. I love you. Please just put the knife down.” You backed up again. John became visibly irritated at your words. You had one other thing that might be able to pull him out of this.

“I’m pregnant, John.” You trembled, hoping he’d back off.

“What?!” Luke over at you panicked. He didn’t know you were pregnant, he would’ve never- but it was too late.

“Liar!” John shouted as he lunged at you. You inhaled sharply as he pushed the knife into your stomach. He pulled it out immediately as you leaned back against the wall and slowly slid down to the floor. He turned to Luke and stalked towards him.

“Wait-“ Luke held his hand up to stop him but he stabbed him too, but not just once. He pulled the knife from him and stabbed him over and over, until blood spilled from him to the floor. John was seething with anger, his entire body tense. He dropped the knife and left the room.

You were slumped against the wall, your hands clinging to your wound, trying to keep some of the blood in. Luke laid in the floor across the room, blood pooling around him.

“Who’s… is it?” He mumbled.

“Don’t know. Could be… any one of them.” You turned your head to the door as you heard gun shots and screaming.

“I’m… sorry.” He struggled to keep his eyes open.

“No… you’re not.” You smirked. You watched as the life drained from him, his body now lifeless across from you.

“Your daddy isn’t a bad man… He’s just confused.” You decided to refer to all of them as the baby’s father since you had no clue who the real father was. You took a deep breath and struggled to get to your feet, you were damned if you were going to die here.

You peaked out the door, making sure John was nowhere to be seen before stepping out into the hallway. One hand clung to your stomach as you leaned against the wall. Your shirt stuck to you as the blood soaked your clothes, your legs were weak as you moved. You heard more commotion towards the end of the hall, you knew John must be down there, you turned down another hall and headed for an exit. You opened the door and stepped out into the rain, of course it was raining, anything to make things worse. In a few seconds you were already drenched as you made your way through the woods, trying to remember where you’d parked so you could get to the radio.

“John?” Jacob approached his brother slowly.

He turned around to look at Jacob, he dropped the gun he was holding and stood silently. Jacob looked over John, he was covered in blood, but didn’t appear to have any wounds. John moved towards Jacob but was immediately hit with a Bliss arrow, which did nothing to stop him. He was hit with two more before he fell to his knees.

“Restrain him and get him back to the truck.” Jacob commanded as he stepped over a body. He approached a man cowering in the corner.

“Where’s Luke?”

The man pointed his hand shakily towards the hallway, not muttering a word. Jacob headed towards the hall, but stopped and turned back to the man.

“Has there been a woman here? About this tall?” He held his hand up measuring about your height.

The man nodded his head and pointed down the hall again. Jacob motioned for one of his men to take the man as well. Jacob walked quickly down the hall, he noticed blood smeared on the wall leading from a small room.

“Fuck.” He said exasperated as he saw Luke’s dead body lying in the floor, he saw another puddle of blood on the opposite side of the room, he knew it had to be yours. He left the room and followed the blood trail to another hallway, leading to an exit. He kicked the door open and looked around, he couldn’t see shit for the rain pouring down. He called out for you but received no answer. He stormed back inside and found two of his men waiting for him.

“She’s been here, there’s a blood trail. Follow it, find her. Bring her to John’s immediately.”

“We’re gonna… be fine. Your other… daddy, the big one, will find us.” You leaned against a tree and sat down on the ground, just needing to rest for a minute.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You were still missing, but first Jacob needed to get John to safety and figure out how to fix whatever Luke did to him.

“We’re fine… we’re fine…” You murmured as you rested against the tree, your consciousness waning.

“John…” You whispered as you felt someone lifting you up, you tried to open your eyes, but they were too heavy.

“Give me one good reason not to pull your heart out through your goddamn mouth right now.” Jacob shouted at the man from the mill. The man trembled with fear at the sight of a furious Jacob.

“P-Please, I-I-“ He stuttered as his heart raced.

“Better tell me something useful right fucking now.” Jacob held the man against the truck by his throat.

“Y-Your brother, I-I c-can help.”

“Go on.” Jacob urged.

“G-Give me your w-word you won’t k-kill me.” He bargained.

“You got some balls that’s for sure. Alright, you got my word I’ll let you go. Now, how do we fix John?”

“You’ll need to dilute some Bliss, 1 to 4 ratio should do it. I’d keep him somewhere secluded from others for a few days until he’s feeling more stable.”

“How do I know I can trust you?” Jacob questioned him. He wasn’t sure if this would work, but did he really have a choice?

“Because you scare the shit out of me and I very much like being alive.” Jacob released the man.

“Just know this, if anything happens to him, even if he gets shot and dies, I’m blaming you. I will find you, no matter how far you run. Got it?”

The man nodded and stepped out of the way for Jacob to enter his truck. He drove back to the Ranch as fast as he could, he didn’t want to waste any time in finding you. Joseph helped him get John into the room in the basement, deciding it was the safest place for him right now. They contact Faith to bring the Bliss and help Joseph with John while Jacob set out to track you down.

“Shut up, she’s waking up.” You heard a woman’s voice as you slowly opened your eyes.

“W-Where am I?” You said in a hoarse voice. You we on a small cot in a small room.

“You’re safe, dear. My name is Judy, this is my husband Frank. We found you out in the woods in an awful state.” She was an older woman, probably about 50, they seemed harmless, but you couldn’t be too careful.

“So, which side are you fighting for?”

“Oh, neither. We have done our best to stay out of all this.” She replied.

You tried to sit up but a sharp pain shot through your stomach, you remembered John had stabbed you, you lifted your shirt to look at the wound. It was bandaged up but still bleeding.

“Yeah, I don’t have a lot of experience in the medical field, we called the doctor though and he should be here shortly. Can I ask what happened?”

“John Seed is what happened. Well, it wasn’t all his fault, but-“ Your heart sank when you remembered the baby.

“We’ll let you get some rest before the doctor gets here.” She noticed the tears in your eyes and ushered her husband out of the room. You looked down at your stomach, your hand tracing over the bandage.

“How do I know if you’re still in there?” You spoke softly. You didn’t get any sleep as you remained in a constant state of worry about the baby and about John.

“I’m not a surgeon, but I should be able to patch you up alright. I do have to ask though, is this a gunshot wound?” The doctor looked at the scarring on your side.

“Oh, yeah. That happened a while back. A gift from a couple Peggies.”

“And your most recent injury?”

“From John Seed, but he wasn’t in his right mind.”

“I’d say none of the Seed family is in their right mind most of the time. Here, take this.” The doctor handed you a few pills.

“What is it?”

“It’s something to help you sleep, I don’t have any morphine, so you’ll need to be knocked out for this.” He grabbed a few tools from his bag.

“Um, is it safe for a baby?”

“Were you-Are you pregnant?” He looked down at your stomach.

“I-I think I am, I took a few tests but I’m not sure now with the gaping hole in my stomach.”

“We need to get this injury taken care of first, then we can worry about the baby.”

You took the pills and laid down, closing your eyes and trying to steady your breathing.

“Is he going to be alright?” Faith looked at Joseph as they watched John still sleeping.

“Jacob says he should be in a few days. Keep an eye on him for a bit.” Joseph placed his hand on Faith’s shoulder before turning to leave. He was worried about his brother, but he couldn’t help but worry about you more, especially with the baby.

Jacob walked in the front door as Joseph was leaving the basement. Their eyes met and Joseph didn’t have to ask, he knew he hadn’t had any luck in finding you.

“We’ll find her, brother. Don’t worry. “ Joseph placed his hand on Jacob’s shoulder, trying to give him some kind of comfort.

“I know, it’s just- The way things look is that John killed Luke and he may have injured her in some way. There was a lot of blood and a trail leading from where we found Luke. If she’s out there, bleeding-“ He stopped himself, they finally had you, you were all happy and together, now you could be dead out there somewhere with their child inside you.

“She’ll be fine, Jacob. Keep your Hunters out there searching and get some rest.” He purposefully avoided the topic of the child. Jacob inhaled deeply, knowing Joseph was right, he needed to rest before going back out there. He commanded his Hunters to keep searching while he showered and got some sleep.

The pills the doctor gave you helped you sleep for about 5 minutes until he had his hands inside you, sewing you up from the inside out. Judy and her husband helped hold you still, she gave you a belt to bite down on as you screamed out in pain. You passed out from the intense pain after a few minutes. The doctor finished and bandaged the wound again. You woke up groggily, your head pounding and your stomach on fire.

“Don’t move too much.” The doctor said as he sat across the room.

“How long?” You wanted to sit up but knew the pain would be too much.

“Until what?”

“Until I can move, I need to get back.”

“Back to the Project?” The doctor looked at you with concern.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but yes.”

“You’re right it’s none of my business, but if I were in your shoes, I’d take an account of my current situation before I ran back into that insanity. You have one gunshot wound and you were just stabbed, you may have lost your baby as well. I’d start worrying about my own safety.”

You remained silent, not wanting to mention the other gunshot wound in your thigh and the scars on your back from John’s torture. He had a point, you always ran back to them and every time you did you ended up getting hurt in some way. But you loved them, you couldn’t just leave.

“let me out of here!” John shouted and banged his fists against the door.

Joseph and Faith stood upstairs watching the monitors, they figured if he saw them it would only make him more upset. Jacob stood in the doorway as they watched.

“We need to discuss something.” Jacob finally spoke.

“What is it?” Joseph turned to him.

“John doesn’t know about the baby. If he hurt her and- it would only make matters worse. He’d never forgive himself.”

“For now, we’ll keep it between us, we’ll tell him once he’s stable again.” Joseph was still worried about how John would react knowing he had caused you harm, let alone the baby.

You remained with Judy and her husband for a few more days, the pain began to lessen but it was still hard to move around.

“How are you feeling today, dear?” Judy sat next to you.

“Better, still a slow process.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Um, I hate to do this, but with your… affiliation with the Project we feel it might be best for you to stay somewhere else.”

You couldn’t say you were surprised, you being here was putting them in danger and they’d been kind enough to help you up to this point. She agreed to let you stay for another week. You started to think about where you would go, not like you had a plethora of options. You still didn’t know if you were pregnant or not, the doctor said to give it a few weeks before taking another pregnancy test.

John sat up on the bed, he stretched and waited for someone to bring him breakfast. He was slowly getting back to his normal self and was ready to get out of there.

“Morning, John.” Joseph said as he entered the room.

“Morning. When can I leave this place? I’ve been without any outbursts for a few days now.”

“You’ve been doing well, we just want to make sure you’re completely clean of whatever they injected you with. I wanted to ask you, do you remember anything about the night Jacob rescued you?” he sat down in a chair across from John.

“Bits and pieces. It comes back to me in waves, I remember seeing Jacob and his men, and- where is she?” He said panicked as he remembered seeing you there as well.

“We still haven’t found her yet, do you remember anything else?”

“No, not-“ John thought hard, then it hit him, images of him stabbing you came into his mind, he saw your face when the knife went in.

“Fuck, Joseph, what did I do?!” He started to breath heavily. Joseph moved closer to his brother, not wanting to press any further.

“It’s a good thing we haven’t found her yet, that means she must still be alive out there somewhere. Jacob and his men have been searching day and night.” His words would have brought John comfort had he not thought about his last moments with you, about what you said.

 _“I’m pregnant, John.”_ Your voice rang clear through his head, his heart pounded as tears sprung to his eyes.

“The baby…” He whispered as he looked up in horror at Joseph. He didn’t know you’d told John, most likely in a last effort for him to spare you.

John’s hands shook as his body trembled, tears now streaming down his face as he thought about what he had done. Joseph wanted to comfort his brother, but he didn’t exactly know what to say in this moment. He resolved to just sit with him for the time being.

The day had come, you had to leave. Judy and her husband gave you some supplies and sent you out, they couldn’t put their own safety at risk and you wouldn’t want to put them in that position. You had time to think about where you were going, you decided you wouldn’t go back to the Ranch just yet, you needed some more time to think about yourself for a while. You set out for the only place you knew was safe and empty, the bunker.

John stopped eating, he remained in the basement regardless of Joseph leaving the door open and encouraging him to go upstairs. His mind was flooded with guilt and shame for what he’d done. He hated himself and begged for death. Joseph and Jacob took turns sitting with him, trying their best to get him to leave the basement, but nothing worked.

“He can’t stay down there.” Jacob looked at Joseph. He continued to search for you when he wasn’t helping with John, his Hunters followed your trail to a small house, they were camped out there now, waiting to see any sign of you.

“I know, but he refuses to come up, the immense guilt he feels is weighing on him.”

“I know what he did is different, but we’ve all done things we aren’t proud of, doesn’t mean we can just give up.” Jacob argued, he didn’t agree with Joseph letting John stay down there, he wanted to grab him and pull him up there, forcing him to do something.

You knew you had to sneak into the bunker quickly without anyone noticing, then you’d be set for a while until you could figure out a contingency plan. You made sure the coast was clear and headed for the door, you were glad Joseph told you where the keys were. You unlocked the door and rushed in. You went down the hall and found the room that was yours, this would be home for a bit, at least until you were healed enough for a longer journey.

You kicked your shoes off and climbed into the large bed, it was similar in size to John’s, you wondered how he was doing, if he was okay. You placed a hand over your stomach, still talking to the baby that may or not be there.

“I’ll do my best to put you first, over everyone else.”


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You had settled into the bunker as the Seed brothers adjusted to life without you.

You settled into the bunker fairly quickly, but your injury was starting to look infected, it was hot to the touch and a redness had started to surround it. You tried your best to keep it clean, but it must have been all the moving around. It had been long enough now that you could take another pregnancy test, you were growing tired of talking to your stomach not really sure if anything was even in there anymore. You peed on the stick and waited, this time it wasn’t a panic that settled over you, it was more concern. You continued to wait until the alarm on your watch went off, you took a deep breath and looked at the test. Two pink lines, just as before. It made you happy to know your baby was still safe, you were right, this baby was strong, like it’s father, whoever that was.

“Now we really are in a mess, I know we should go back, but we could have a good life here. Just you and me.” You talked out loud as you slowly made your way back to the bed, an ache settling on your injury.

“One shower and you can go back to your pit of despair.” Jacob pushed John into the bathroom.

“What’s the point?” John argued as he watched his brother turn the water on for him.

“You smell worse than my Judges. And Joseph wants you at his sermon tonight.”

“Do I need to stay and make sure you actually get clean like I did when we were kids, or can you handle this on your own?” Jacob crossed his arms, looking at John’s slumped composure.

“I think I can manage.” John removed his shoes and started to unbutton his shirt.

Jacob left the room and headed downstairs to see Joseph and Faith waiting.

“How is he?” Joseph asked.

“He’s getting there. He wasn’t overly thrilled about taking a shower.”

John leaned back against the shower wall, letting the water wash over him. He continued to replay the images of him stabbing you in his head, he couldn’t stop. He was certain he had killed the baby and possibly you. Since they hadn’t found you yet he wasn’t holding out hope like his brothers were. He chastised himself daily for what he did, Joseph tried to offer solace in the fact that he was drugged, but it didn’t matter to him. He should have been able to control himself, especially when it came to harming you and the baby. There was a small part of him that knew it wasn’t just the drugs, Luke had gotten into his head about you, about your true feelings for him and he believed him. He fell right into his manipulation, when he saw you brought into the room with him, he was furious, he didn’t want to be near you. Tears streamed down John’s face as he replayed the events, when Luke handed him the knife he had all intentions of slitting his throat and taking you out of there, but something in him pushed him towards you first, convinced him that every word you spoke was a lie, he wanted to hurt you, so he did. He couldn’t tell his brothers this, they would see him as a monster, and rightfully so, that’s what he was now, and he didn’t deserve to live.

“Canned peas or corn?” You looked at the selection of food you had, deciding on the corn, it was the option that made you the least nauseous. You opened the can and sat down on the bed.

“How do we figure out who your daddy is, little Seed?”

“Guess if you come out with red hair and an affinity towards guns we’ll know you’re Jake’s. A little man bun and quoting Bible verses you’re definitely Joseph’s. If either of your first words are ‘Gucci’ or ‘Yes’ then you’re without a doubt John’s.” You smirked at the thought as you took another bite of the corn.

“I sure do miss your daddy’s, they’d all throw a fit if they saw me eating a can of cold ass corn right now. Their baby deserves the absolute best, and you do, but this is what we got.” You sat the can down and slunk down in the bed, tears filling your eyes as you felt a sense of loneliness creep over you. You wanted to run back to the Ranch, nestled between them all, but you had to decide what was best for the baby right now and being with them only got you injured.

John threw on some clothes, not really caring what he wore anymore, and made his way downstairs.

“Just in time, Faith’s made us all dinner before church tonight.” Joseph greeted him. John took his seat at the table as Joseph began to say grace. John didn’t bother to close his eyes or join in the prayer.

“Amen.” Joseph said, Faith and Jacob joining in as well, their attention turned to John when he remained silent, but no one said anything.

“So, Jacob have your men had any luck in finding her?” Joseph looked up at his brother.

“We tracked her to a small house, but as far as we can tell it’s just and old married couple living there.”

“She’s dead.” John mumbled.

“John, we don’t know that yet.” Joseph said.

“Jacob you know better than anyone, how long can someone survive with a knife wound to the stomach? Even if she wasn’t bleeding out and managed to bandage it, she would still have to fight off infection.”

“John, that’s-“ Joseph tried to stop him but he continued.

 “Now add on top of that the baby, it’s taking nutrients from her, her immune system is working double already to cover them both. If she isn’t dead now, she will be soon, and your men will find nothing but her rotting corpse.” John spoke with disgust in his voice, not for you but for himself and how his brothers are trying to act like your blood isn’t on his hands.

“That’s enough!” Joseph slammed his fist on the table, causing Faith to jump.

“We are not giving up hope for her, she is much stronger than any of us combined and we will find her and bring her home.”

“You hold on to that delusion, I won’t.” John pushed his chair back and stalked off, heading up to his office now instead of the basement. Jacob moved to go after him.

“Let him go.” Joseph motioned for Jacob to sit back down. He knew John was blaming himself still.

“Ah, fuck.” You shouted as you tried to sit up, pain radiating through your stomach. You lifted your shirt to see the redness had spread, pus now swelling just under the stitches.

“We might be in trouble here, little Seed.” You stared at the wound.

“Thank you for cooking, Faith, it was amazing.” Joseph said as he cleared the plates from the table.

“You’re welcome, Father.” She smiled slightly.

She had decided to remain silent for the most part, not wanting to pry too much into what was going on, but she was concerned for you. Only Joseph knew about the details of her past, but she was pregnant before she joined the Project, she had lost the baby due to her drug use and that’s when Joseph found her. He gave her hope to one day make up for her decisions and mistakes, to have another chance at a family. She knew too well how fragile growing a life could be.

“Before service tonight, do you think you could do me a favor?”

“Of course, Father. What is it?”

“I need you to drop some supplies at my bunker, just a few things I haven’t had a chance to take.” He pointed to a box of books he had gathered.

“I’d be more than happy to.”

You laid in the bed, doubled over, your stomach on fire now, sweat pouring off you. The pain was becoming unbearable. You were unable to move from your position, unable to get help. You closed your eyes and wished John was there with you.

“Meet us at the church when you’re done.” Joseph placed his hand on Faith’s shoulder as he and his brothers got into the car.

She placed the box in her car and made her way to the bunker, she was glad Joseph was able to trust her again and give her more to do. She thrived on his praise. She reached the bunker and unlocked the door, grabbing the boxes and headed inside.

Your ears perked when you heard the door open, you did and you didn’t want it to be Joseph, you needed help but you weren’t ready to go back yet. Faith placed the boxes down and paused for a moment, she saw a light glowing from one of the rooms, it shouldn’t be on. She slowly made her way down the hallway, you could hear footsteps getting closer. She stood in the doorway when you looked up at her.

“Faith?” You said relieved.

“Oh my God, what-How did you get here?” She rushed over to you, stopping next to the bed when she saw your current situation.

“Are you okay?” She touched your arm, you were pale and hot to the touch.

“No, I need medicine.” You rolled onto your back and lifted your shirt, showing her the infected injury.

“I’ll go get Joseph.” She turned to leave but you grabbed her hand.

“No, none of them can know I’m here. Please?” You begged her.

“Okay, I’ll get the First Aid Kit.” She placed her hand on yours for a brief moment before leaving the room.

John filed into the churched behind Joseph and Jacob, he didn’t want to come and tried to refuse but Joseph demanded he be there. He sat in the front with Jacob and waited for it to be over. He had no interest in being there or hearing what Joseph had to say.

“I found some antibiotics.” She sat on the bed next to you, pouring some pills into her hand and giving them to you. You took them immediately with some water and laid back on the bed.

“Are you sure I can’t just tell Jacob? He could come help.”

“No, I need time to think. That environment isn’t the best place for me right now.”

“Because of the baby?” She asked, you looked up at her confused.

“Joseph told me, he’s been worried about you, so has Jacob. He’s been searching day and night mostly. John is doing well, but he thinks he killed you and the baby.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I love them, I really do and I know this is their baby too, but every time I go back I’m the one who ends up getting hurt.”

“You don’t have to justify yourself to me, when you have a life growing inside you, it changes things. You’re supposed to put them above everything else in your life. I won’t tell them you’re here, I have to get going but I’ll come back to check on you tomorrow.” She smiled slightly, placing her hand on your shoulder before leaving.

You settled into the bed and tried to rest, the pain was still pulsing through your wound. You felt bad about worrying them, and about John thinking he’d killed you, he must be racked with guilt.

“We have all made decisions in our lives that were less than pure, less than holy, but we must be able to forgive ourselves and learn from those mistakes.” Joseph neared then end of his sermon. John rolled his eyes, he knew why Joseph wanted him there, to try and preach to him about his guilt.

Joseph dismissed the followers just as Faith entered the church.

“You missed the sermon, everything go okay?” He addressed her.

“Yeah, just had some trouble with getting the bunker unlocked. The key got stuck.” She hated lying to The Father, but she knew if she told him you were there, he’d rush to you and demand you go back.

“Can we go now?” John interrupted, not wanting to be in the church any longer. Joseph would have reprimanded his brother for being rude, but he knew this was not the time.

They all piled into the car and rode in silence as Jacob drove. Faith was distracted in thought about you, she wanted to say something to them, to ease their suffering but she made a promise to you. Jacob pulled up to the Ranch and John all but jumped out of the car the second it stopped.

“John, may I speak with you?” Joseph got out of the car and called out to his brother.

“You know what, I’m not really in the mood for a pep talk right now, maybe later.” He snapped.

“Hey, that was uncalled for.” Jacob slammed his door and walked towards John.

“No one fucking asked you.” John stepped towards Jacob.

“You’re not the only one who loves her, you don’t see us pouting and moping around, at least we’re actually trying to find her.”

“It’s a waste of fucking time. She’s dead and so is the baby. Why don’t you just give up?”

“Brothers, please-“ Joseph tried to calm them.

“You know what, fuck you both. You have no idea what I’m going through!” John shouted, pushing Jacob.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” Jacob warned.

“Or what? You’ll hit me? Fucking try it.” John challenged him moving closer.

John lifted his hands to push Jacob again, but Jacob pushed his hands away and lunged at him, tackling him to the ground. John struggled under the weight of his older brother, Jacob’s fists landed hard against his stomach, John hit and punched Jacob, trying to get him off of him.

“Stop!” Faith shouted, she knew what would end this fighting, but she held her tongue.

Joseph ran to his brothers and grabbed Jacob’s shoulders, pulling him off John.

“This is ridiculous, we should not be fighting each other!” He shouted. John stood up and dusted himself off, touching his finger to his lip to see blood.

“There’s no point in either of you staying here anymore.” John looked at Joseph before turning and heading into his house.

Jacob tossed the car keys to Joseph and stormed off without a word. Faith placed her hand on Joseph’s shoulder, he shrugged her off and got in the car, driving back to the compound.

You tossed and turned in the bed, you were able to fall asleep briefly, but your stomach was still on fire as your body waged a war on the infection. You weren’t sure how much more you could take, you cried out for Joseph, Jacob, and John, wishing you had just gone back home.

Faith headed back to the bunker, as promised she remained silent about you, it had been a full day since everything happened and she hadn’t heard from anyone else. Jacob had returned to the VA Center, he still worked with his Hunters in looking for you. Joseph threw himself into his sermons and working at the compound. As for John, he turned to destroying things to let out some of the emotions he was having. He threw things across the house and put a few holes in the walls.

“I’m back, how are you feeling?” Faith called out as she made her way to your room. You didn’t answer.

“Are you- Oh God.” She approached the bed to see you passed out, blood covering you and the bed, but it wasn’t coming from your stomach.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faith continued to pace the bunker, unsure of what to do.

Faith looked at you panicked, you were unresponsive as she tried to call your name.

“Shit. Please wake up, please.” She felt your pulse, it was weak but still present. She ran out of the room and returned quickly with a radio.

 _“Please, Joseph, I need help.”_ She waited for a response but there was only static.

Jacob paced his office, staring at a map of the region, his men watched the small house for days, but there was no sign of you. He didn’t know where else to look, they’d hit a dead end.

“I want you to look in every goddamn inch of this fucking county until you find her, do you understand?” He slammed his fists on the table and looked up at one of his Hunters.

“Yes, Sir, but we-“ The man was immediately cut off by Jacob’s hand wrapping around his throat and tightening around it.

“Maybe I didn’t make myself clear, I asked if you understood. I did not ask for anything other than a ‘Yes, Sir’ or a ‘No, Sir.’. Let’s try this again, you will search the entirety of this fucking county, is that understood?” He released the man’s throat.

“Y-Yes, Sir…” The man choked and coughed.

“Next time you want to question me-“

 _“Please, Joseph, I need help.”_ Jacob heard Faith’s voice over the radio.

Joseph sat in the church, his arms rested on his knees as he sat forward. His thoughts had been focused on you and his brothers. He was worried about John and what your death might do to him. What your death would do to them all. He wondered if maybe his visions were wrong, if there was a chance you weren’t with them at Eden’s Gate. He thought you’d return to the Ranch by now, that someone would have found you, but you must not want to come back, he assumed you changed your mind about him. He had put you through so much, and now, with the baby, why would you want to bring a baby into this world with him, with his brothers?

 _“Please, Joseph, I need help.”_ Joseph heard Faith over the radio next to him, stopping all thoughts immediately.

John held the phone to his ear, trying his best to refrain from throwing it across the room.

“You have disappointed me greatly today. I don’t give a fuck what it costs, just get it done or I’ll make sure you never see the light of day.” John hung up the phone and slammed it down on his desk. He sat down and ran his hand through his hair.

 He wanted nothing more than to see you and the baby safe, even if that meant leaving Hope County. He assumed you hadn’t returned because of him, because of what he did. He didn’t blame you, he doesn’t deserve you or to be a father.

 _“Please, Joseph, I need help.”_ John froze as he heard Faith over the radio.

Faith waited, but there was no answer, she paced the room, looking over at you, she could see your stomach rising and falling slowly, at least you were still breathing.

 _“Someone, anyone! I’m in the main bunker, I found her, but there’s- there’s too much blood, it’s the baby, please someone answer!”_ Her hands trembled as she shouted into the radio, waiting for someone to answer.

Jacob’s heart raced, he dropped everything immediately and ran outside, jumping into his truck and speeding towards you.

 _“Faith, I’m on my way.”_ Joseph’s voice trembled over the radio as he ran to his car.

John’s breath hitched in his throat, he hesitated, he wanted to run to you, knowing he could be there sooner than anyone else, but he didn’t know if you’d even want to see him. He grabbed his phone and made a quick call before he decided to come to you anyways, he couldn’t leave you to die.

Faith sat down on the bed next to you, taking your hand in hers. Her fingers lightly brushed over your knuckles as she whispered a prayer. She jumped up when she heard the bunker door open, she ran to the hallway to see John rushing towards her.

“Where is she?” He said panicked.

“In here, she’s unconscious.” She led him to your room.

John stopped in the doorway when he saw you laying in the bed, blood stained sheets surrounding you.

“Get me some water and washcloths.” John rolled his sleeves up and walked over to you. His hand caressed your face, brushing your hair to the side.

“I’m so sorry.” His gaze fell to your stomach, his heart ached when he saw the wound he had given you and the thought that he had wounded the baby as well. Faith returned shortly with the supplies.

“Wait outside for Joseph and Jacob, I’m sure they’re on their way.” John commanded, she was hesitant at first but did as he said.

John took his place next to you on the bed and began washing some of the blood off you, gently grazing your injury, trying to clean it the best he could. His hands trembled, which was off for him, he was usually steady and precise, but he didn’t want to hurt you anymore than he already had.

You gasped suddenly and grabbed his wrist as his hand rested on your stomach. You looked at him in disbelief, the last person you remembered seeing was Faith.

“Wh-Why are you here?” Your voice was shaky.

“Faith called, she didn’t know what to do. I can leave if you want-“

“No, stay. Please?” You released his wrist.

“The baby…” You tried to sit up to look at your stomach, but John pushed you back down, not wanting you to see the blood, he knew it would only make you panic.

“The baby’s fine. You just got a little infection in your wound, I’m trying to clean it up a bit.” You relaxed on the bed and let him continue.

“Where is she?” You heard Jacob’s voice carrying through the bunker hallway.

He entered the room in a blur of red hair and camo, he rushed to your side and looked down at your body.

“Wh-“

“She has an infection in the wound, I’m trying to clean it up. The baby’s fine.” John stared at Jacob, conveying that you didn’t know about the blood and to keep it that way.

“Why didn’t you come back to us, Darling?” His expression softened.

“Don’t bombard her with questions, Jacob. She needs to rest.” Joseph entered, trying not to express his concern for all the blood.

“How are you feeling, my dear?” His hand caressed your cheek.

“Little tired. And my stomach feels like it’s on fire.” You leaned into his touch.

“Um, John, did you order a doctor?” Faith interrupted from the door with an older woman behind her.

Jacob and Joseph looked at John confused, “I made a call before I got here. Figured it would be better than having Jacob play surgeon again.” John stood up and motioned for the doctor to enter.

“How long has she been like this?” The doctor grabbed your wrist and placed the stethoscope on your pulse point.

“We aren’t sure, maybe a few hours?” Faith answered.

“Her wound is obviously infected, and she’s lost a lot of blood. How far along is she?”

“Blood?” You said weakly.

“We think she’s about 7 weeks?” Joseph spoke up.

“You the father?”

“Um, well, I-Not exactly.” He wasn’t really sure what to say.

“If there’s any chance of saving her and the baby then she needs medical attention now. We need to get her to the hospital.”

“Is there nothing you can do here? Wouldn’t it be dangerous to move her like this?” John asked.

“It is possible that moving her could cause more stress, but I doubt you have the medical supplies I would need here.”

John pulled out his phone and made a call. He handed the phone to the doctor, “Tell them exactly what you need, everything.” She took the phone hesitantly and recited a list of medical supplies before handing it back to John.

“Yes. Everything. Within the hour.” He hung up the phone and placed it back in his pocket.

“We should give the doctor some room. We’ll be out in the hallway if you need anything.” Joseph ushered everyone out of the room, John was reluctant but left the room.

The doctor placed her stethoscope over your chest and listened to your breathing.

“How’d you get the stab wound?”

“A knife fight.” You said bluntly, Jacob’s laugh could be heard from the hallway, followed by Joseph telling him to be quiet.

“Are you safe here?” She whispered closer to you.

This was it, this could be your way out if you wanted it, your chance to get away from here and all of this insanity. You and your baby could be safe from everything. But you’d be leaving them behind, leaving the men you loved, your baby’s fathers.

“Of course, I just got into a fight and didn’t realize the other person had a knife.” You smiled weakly.

She continued to check your heart rate and blood pressure intermittently until the supplies were delivered. She helped set up and IV with fluids and gave you something to help you relax. She couldn’t believe John had been able to secure such high-tech equipment and medical supplies. The ultrasound was wheeled in and hooked up.

“Let’s get a look at this baby.” She lifted your shirt and prepped your stomach. She tried to avoid the injury the best she could.

All the Seed men were circled around the monitor, each one anxious and fidgeting nervously as they waited. Your heart pounded as you watched.

“Okay, here’s the little one, and… there’s the heartbeat.” She pointed to a small spec on the screen.

Your eyes weren’t fixed on the screen but on the baby’s fathers. Their expressions softened all at once and they had all leaned in closer to the screen.

“It’s heartbeat is weak, but still there. This is good, but we’re still not out of the woods yet.”

“What can we do?” John asked eagerly.

“Nothing. The infection needs to clear out and her body should work to fight it off on it’s own as well as protect the baby. All we can do now is wait.”

Faith walked the doctor out and John had secured her payment for her time and a helicopter back. She explained to them how to change your bandages and how often your IV needed to be changed. Joseph sat by your side as John and Jacob left to get you a change of clothes and better food, bunker food wasn’t fit for their baby apparently.

“Why didn’t you come back?” Joseph asked as he stroked your hair.

“I-I don’t know, I planned on it at first, when I was better. But then I thought about everything, all the dangerous situations I’ve been in over the past year. It didn’t seem like a good environment for the baby.”

“I’m not sure how to say this without sounding crass, but you put yourself in those situations. You went after John on your own instead of waiting for help. You put yourself in danger every chance you get.” He held your hand and stroked his thumb over your knuckles.

“I didn’t really think about that.”

“It’s not your fault, Dear. You enjoy a good fight, but you have to think about the baby’s safety now, not only your own.” He pulled your hand up to his lips and kissed your fingers softly.

“How is John doing, after everything?”

“He blames himself, he’s been… withdrawn and a little aggressive lately.”

“So, he’s Jacob?”

Joseph smiled at you and placed your hand back on the bed.

“Get some rest, I’ll be right here if you need me.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead and moved to sit in a chair next to the bed as you closed your eyes and tried to get some sleep.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the most part you were healing well and the baby was still stable, but when you make a suggestion you cause unrest with Jacob and John.

“I won’t hear another word about it. It’s not happening, not in your lifetime or mine. Or the baby’s.”

“I just thought-“ You sat in the bed trying to explain yourself.

“I know what you thought, and the answer is no.” Jacob stormed out of the room without another word.

“What’s his problem?” John said entering the room as he moved out of his way.

“He’s being an ass!” You shouted, making sure he heard you.

“That’s nothing new. Why were you arguing?”

“I calmly brought up the possibility that maybe, for a little while, I leave Hope County.” You looked up at John anxiously.

He ran his hand through his hair, looking like he was considering your request. He sat down on the end of the bed.

“You want to leave me? Leave us?” A panicked expression fell over his face.

“Oh God, no, not like that John. It’s just with the baby and this being the hub for all things warfare right now, I just thought it would be safer for me to leave.” You crawled down the bed towards him.

“Is it because of what I did?” There was a sadness behind his tone, the guilt that continued to chip away at him.

You grabbed his face and turned him towards you, “John, I don’t blame you in any way. I’ve talked with Joseph and had a lot of time to think about this. You weren’t in your right mind, I know without a doubt you would never harm me or our child, no matter what.”

John stared up at you, but you could tell he was still filled with concern and guilt. You shuffled off the bed and stood in front of him. You pulled your shirt up to expose your stomach to him. You grabbed his hand and held it over your stomach.

“I’m fine. Our baby is fine.” You placed your hand over his.

His gaze was set on your stomach, he dropped his hand and gripped your hips pulling you closer, he pressed a kiss to your stomach, you heard him inhale sharply before you saw a tear roll down his cheek.

“John, I’m sorry, I won’t leave, I’ll stay. I’ll stay right here with you.” You held his face in your hands, trying to soothe him.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to-“ More tears started to flow as he leaned his forehead against your stomach.

Your heart ached for him, he was so riddled with guilt he assumed you were running away from him. He wrapped his arms around you and held you, lightly kissing every inch of your stomach.

After a bit you climbed back into the bed and leaned against the headboard, John insisted on laying his head near your stomach so he could talk to the baby, you tried to explain it didn’t even have ears yet, but he didn’t listen. You stroked his hair as he spoke softly, his hand splayed over your stomach.

“I’m going to teach you all kinds of things, how to argue your way out of any problem, how to fly a plane-“

“Woah, back up there, first, do not teach our baby how to lie or be deceitful, second, I think it needs to walk before we put it in that deathtrap or a plane.”

“Don’t listen to your mommy, using logic and wit is not lying and my plane is 100% up to code. In any case, you’ll have your own plane.”

You smiled as you listened to him talk so excitedly about the baby and the plans he was making for it already. You wondered if any of them would care if they knew for sure who’s baby it was. Of course, you could get a paternity test done, but you didn’t really want to. Eventually he talked himself out and you both fell asleep.

“Wake up.” Jacob’s voice echoed through the bunker.

“Can’t you wake someone up in a nice way?” You yawned and blinked up at him.

“No. Get up.”

“Ask nicely.” You crossed your arms as John sat up next to you.

“Get up or I’ll pick you up. Your choice.” He stood at the end of the bed waiting.

“Fine, but only because I’m already nauseous.” You scooted to the edge of the bed and stood up.

“Where are we going?”

“Back to John’s.”

“You’re being quite short. Surely you’re not still mad at me?” You approached him with a smirk on your face.

“I’ll tell you like I told John, I’ve decided to stay.”

“It’s funny that you think you leaving was ever an option.” He grinned.

“Don’t be a bitch.” You leaned up and kissed him on the lips before strolling past him.

“A car? Really? It’s like a mile walk.” You looked back at them both once they were outside.

“Not taking any chances with you and the baby. You’ll be lucky if you get to walk 100 steps per day. Get in.” He held the door open.

If you had the strength or energy, you would’ve taken off running, but you climbed into the car deciding to think about the baby’s safety and not your own pride. When they pulled up to the Ranch, you relaxed, glad to be home again. You got out of the car and was immediately pulled into an embrace by Faith.

“I’m so glad you’re okay, I was seriously worried.” She squeezed you.

“Easy, Faith.” Joseph’s calming voice could be heard from the porch as he approached you. Faith released you immediately and stepped back.

“Thank you for saving me, I’m not sure I’d be here if it wasn’t for you.”

“Yes, Faith. We are indebted to you for saving our family.” Joseph spread his hand across your belly.

“Let’s not stand here all day, she doesn’t need to be on her feet.” Jacob said as he walked past you and headed into the house. You looked at Joseph and John who shrugged their shoulders.

Once you entered the house you went to seek out Jacob, he had been cross with you since this morning and even after you told him you wouldn’t leave, he was still being an ass. You found him out on the back deck.

“Can I talk to you?”

“I don’t know, can you?” He replied without looking at you.

“Alright, what’s with the attitude? I said I wasn’t leaving, and I didn’t mean it as I was leaving you, just going somewhere safe.”

“That’s the problem. I’m supposed to keep you safe, I’m supposed to keep anything from happening to this family and I can’t even do that. Look at you, you get hurt every other fucking day and where the fuck am I?”

“Who said it was your job to keep me safe? You’re right, I do get hurt all the time, but that’s my own dumbass fault. I run into danger full force without the slightest concern for my own safety.” You placed your hand on his arm.

“I just-since I found out about the baby, I was unsure about being a father. I’d never actually given it any thought, and with the role model I had for a father I wasn’t sure if I’d make a good one. Especially after seeing how poorly I provide for you and protect you.”

You grabbed his jacket and turned him towards you, “Hey, your ability to corral my bullshit does not reflect in any way the kind of father you’re going to be. And I’d say you’re already doing a great job by caring for this baby and actually trying.”

“But what if-“

“No, the what ifs can literally drive you crazy, trust me. Come on.” You grabbed his hand and pulled him back into the house.

“Okay Seed’s, we need to have a conversation so sit.” You commanded. At first they looked at each other wondering if they should take you seriously.

“When the woman with the baby speaks, you listen. Sit.”

They all sat down in the living room without hesitation the second time. They patiently waited for you to say something.

“So, it has come to my attention that there are some concerns about me and the baby and I feel like I need to set some things straight. First, I am not leaving, I never wanted to leave any of you, I just thought it might be safer elsewhere. Second, my own selfish acts are what get me hurt and wounded, so I promise to be more careful from now on. I understand I’m not only putting myself in danger but also the baby.”

“Thirdly, I have decided that I don’t want to know who the baby’s father is. I love you all and want to be with you, I feel like knowing who the baby’s real father is might cause some issues.” Their eyes were all glued to you, listening to every word you were saying.

“Comments, questions?” You took a seat next to John on the couch.

“I think we’re all glad to have you back and we’ll do whatever it takes to keep you and our baby happy.” Joseph said.

“That being said, there are a few ground rules.” He added.

“Ground rules? What am I a child?”

John opened his mouth to say something, but you shot him a death glare and he stopped himself.

“Just some guidelines to keep you safe and healthy. You will not be alone, ever. One of us will be here with you at all times, you are not to go outside of this house unless accompanied by someone. Also, you will be off of your feet for the majority of the day, short walks are fine but nothing that gets your heart rate up.”

“Speaking of increased heart rates-“

“I know where you’re going. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be celibate for the next nine months, as well as thinking any of us could keep our hands off you for that long. Sex is fine, but nothing too rough.” He shot a glance at John.

“And no more than one of us at a time, it’s far too taxing on your body.”

“Since there are rules on sex, it’s like, what’s the point then?” You pouted outwardly.

“Just because there are rules doesn’t mean we can’t find…creative ways around them, my dear.” John spoke close to your ear, causing a shiver to travel up your body.

Joseph closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose at his brother, knowing John would be the one to cause problems.

“At least give her a few days to fully recover before you pounce on her, John.” Jacob scolded him. You grinned at John, poor guy just likes to fuck. You yawned and stretched, leaning against John.

“I think it’s time for some rest.” Joseph stood and offered you his hand. You took it and followed him upstairs.

“I am more than capable of napping by myself.” You watched as he pulled the blanket back on the bed. Joseph sighed but waited for you to climb in.

Once you were settled, he got in next to you, pulling you back against his chest.

“How are you feeling?” He spoke softly against your ear.

“Fine, a little nauseous.” You relaxed in his arms.

“Can I ask you something, Joseph?”

“Of course, anything.”

“You said before that your visions didn’t show anyone else, no children or anything, is our baby still in danger?”

Joseph hesitated, he wasn’t sure how to respond. He didn’t want to lie to you, but he also didn’t want to add any stress to you.

“The baby will be fine, my dear. Don’t worry.” He tightened his arms around you, hoping that would calm your mind. It worked for the moment, you were so tired your mind didn’t have the energy to form an more questions.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pregnancy is in full swing, but something's off.

“Okay, look, we need to make a deal. If it’s between the hours of 12:00AM and 7:00AM, hold off on the nausea.” You spoke to the baby as you huddled around the toilet. You heaved into the toilet again, not sure what’s even left to throw up. You heard a soft tapping at the door, and weakly invited them in.

“I brought you some water.” Joseph stood in the doorway with a glass.

“Thanks.” You took a sip and placed it on the floor.

You assumed he would leave but he walked in and sat down against the tub, brushing your hair behind your ear.

“The morning sickness should pass soon.” He reassured you.

“How do you know?”

“I’ve had a child before.”

“With who?” You looked at him confused, he had never mentioned this before.

“I was married once, she died during childbirth. And the baby- she didn’t make it either.” His confession made your heart ache, if you weren’t such an awkward idiot you would have held him and tried to comfort him, but you sat there looking at the vomit filled toilet.

“I’m sorry, I had no idea.” You finally said after an eternity of silence.

“I don’t like to talk about it often, for obvious reasons.”

“Is that why you’ve been less than ecstatic about this whole thing?” You fidgeted with your fingers. You had noticed he wasn’t as excited as John or as worried as Jacob, honestly, he hadn’t really said much about it.

Joseph moved closer to you, grabbing your hands and holding them in his.

“I’m sorry if I gave you the impression that I wasn’t happy about this baby. I may have been letting my past cloud my view of what an amazing miracle this is. For that, I am sorry.” He brought your hands up to his mouth and kissed your knuckles.

“I’d kiss your lips, but I’m not accustomed to the taste of vomit.”

“You’re stupid if you think I don’t have vomit on literally every inch of my body right now. I haven’t thrown up this much since I got drunk and drove my car through John’s ‘Yes’ sign.” Joseph smiled slightly, he had forgotten how much trouble you used to cause them.

“Seems it’s stopped for now. Let’s get you cleaned up.” He smiled and stood, turning on the water in the bath for you.

He helped you stand and removed your clothing, taking his time, trying not to get the vomit on your shirt in your hair. He tried to help you into the tub, but you stopped him. You grabbed his belt and undid it, as well as his pants. Once you were both naked, he stepped into the tub and helped you in. You settled into Joseph’s embrace, his arms wrapped around you. You grabbed his hands and slid the down to rest over your stomach.

“Does it feel like a girl or a boy?” You asked.

“Hmmm…” He adjusted his hands and pressed down slightly.

“Boy. Definitely a boy.” He grinned as he rested his head on your shoulder. You relaxed against Joseph, finally letting all your stress and worried be washed away, things seemed to be looking up for all of you. He placed a kiss on your shoulder and suddenly your entire body lit up with desire.

You grabbed his hand from your stomach and guided it down between your legs. You could feel him smirk against your shoulder.

“Feeling better?” He brushed his thumb over your clit causing you to let out a small moan.

“Any pain or anything?” His fingers continued to lightly touch you.

“No, none at all.”

“Good.” He removed his hand and grabbed your shoulders, turning you around to face him. He slid his arms under your ass and pulled you into his lap.

You steadied yourself on his shoulders as you slowly sunk down on him. You both closed your eyes and groaned in unison as he stretched and filled you. He held your hips, keeping you from moving.

“Joseph, please, I need to move.”

“No, just stay like this.” He cupped your face and pulled you into a deep kiss, his lips claiming yours softly. Your hands rested on his shoulders as you started to rock your hips.

“No. Still.” He grabbed your hips and stopped your movements. Your walls clenched around him as you sat, desperate to move, you needed friction.

“Please, Joseph.” You begged again. He smiled, his hands gripped your hips as he thrust up into you sharply, water sloshing in the tub.

“F-Fuck…” You gasped.

Joseph slowly started to move, in and out, dragging against your walls with each movement. You leaned forward and pressed your forehead to his as he continued to fuck you gently. You realized this was the first time in a while that you and Joseph had fucked, so much has happened in such a short time. For once you were able to relax and be hopeful about the future with him and his brothers. You could feel yourself teetering on the edge as his cock reached deep inside you, hitting those blissful bundles of nerves. Your mouth hung open as sweet moans and gasps escaped your lips. His arms wrapped around your body, pulling you closer to his chest, keeping you still while he did all the work.

“Joseph, I’m close…” You whispered against his lips.

He brought one hand between your legs and circled your clit with his fingers, sending a spike of pleasure through your body, pushing you over the edge quickly. You shook on top of him, your walls clenching around him, drawing his own release from him. He let out a low groan as he came inside you. His grip on your loosened, but you weren’t ready to let him go just yet. You threw your arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, nestling your face into the crook of his neck. All at once you felt a rush of emotions hit you and you began to sob.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He held you against him, his hand splayed across your back.

“This is all just so fucked. I don’t know how to be a mother and don’t even get me started on who the baby’s father is.” Tears streamed down your cheeks and into his neck.

“Shhh, it’s going to be alright. You’ll learn how to be a mother, and as for the baby’s father, who cares? It’s going to have three fathers to teach it anything and everything under the sun, which is a lot better than just having one dad.”

Your tears had slowed as you sat back, your hands caressing Joseph’s jawline. You stared into his eyes, he was finally starting to be himself again, he was so ashamed about when you had gotten shot. You leaned in and pressed your lips to his tenderly.

“I love you.” You whispered against his lips.

“And I love you. Both of you.” He placed his hand over your stomach and kissed you again.

Joseph helped you out of the tub and dried you off. He gathered you some spare clothes and brought them to you as well.

“I want you to come to church tomorrow. I’d like for all of my family to be there.”

“I don’t know, your followers aren’t exactly fond of me.”

“Please? It would mean a great deal to me.” He grabbed your hands.

“Alright, but I’m not singing.” He smiled at you and pressed a kiss to your forehead before leaving you to finish getting dressed.

As soon as he was out of the room you doubled over, your hand holding your stomach as pain shot through you. You fell to your knees as the pain increased, wave after wave, finally it began to subside.

“The fuck was that?” You said as you sat on the toilet seat trying to catch your breath.

“Good morning.” John chirped as he buzzed around the kitchen.

“Morning.” You took a seat at the counter as you watched him fixing breakfast.

“What’s the plan for today?” You couldn’t help but wonder what had him in such a good mood.

“After breakfast I have something special to show you.”

“John, we’ve been over this, surprises are not my thing.”

“Good thing it isn’t for you then.” He placed a plate of eggs and toast in front of you.

You picked at the food, taking a small bite of the toast, your stomach still felt uneasy and the pain from earlier was fresh on your mind.

“You need to eat.” Joseph walked by you, kissing your forehead softly.

“Still a little nauseous.” You placed your hand on your stomach.

“You can save it for later, but you have to eat it.” He was firmer on the subject than you thought he’d be.

“Yes, Father.” You smirked at him, shooting him a playful look.

“Good girl.” He placed a hand on your knee.

“Alright, John, let’s see this thing that’s a surprise but not for me.” You hopped down off the stool, that same sharp pain shooting through your stomach, causing you to hold your stomach and fall to the floor.

“Shit.” You said through gritted teeth.

 

Joseph and John both ran to your side as you struggled through the pain. It was more intense this time, the pain ran from your stomach through to your back.

 “What’s wrong?” John’s voice was panicked.

“J-Just a- fuck- a pain in my stomach.” Finally, the pain began to subside, still pulsing through you every couple seconds. You moved to stand, both men grabbing your arms and helping you up.

“Do we need to get you to a doctor?” John asked, still worried.

“No, no. I’m fine. It’ll pass. Just stood up too quickly.”

“You’re sure?” Joseph placed his hand on your shoulder.

“Yep. I think I’m gonna go lie down for a bit.” You headed towards the bedroom, but John grabbed your arm to help you.

“I’m fine, really, I don’t need help.” You smiled at him slightly and made your way up the stairs.

You went to the bathroom and sat on the toilet, you felt an overwhelming urge to pee. When you went to wipe you looked in the toilet and saw blood, your heart pounded in your chest. It wasn’t a lot of blood, but any amount of blood probably wasn’t good.

“Probably just over did it with the sex with daddy this morning.” You spoke to your stomach. You walked to the bed and laid down, deciding a nap would probably help.

You woke up a few hours later to find John standing over you.

“The fuck are you doing?” You looked at him sleepily.

“I was waiting for you to wake up. I still want to show you something.” His excitement apparent, he really didn’t want to wait any longer.

“Okay, let’s go.” You sat up slowly, stretching your limbs as you stood. You followed him down the hall to one of the spare bedrooms, he looked back at you before he opened the door.

You slowly stepped in, looking around in amazement and wondering when he had the time to do all this. There was a crib, a changing table, all the toys and stuffed animals a kid could want, a rocking chair in the corner with a bookshelf next to it.

“John, I-I don’t know what to say. When?”

“Over the past few days. I’ve had a lot of help from the followers. Do you like it?”

“I love it, it’s amazing. The baby’s going to be so happy here.” You placed your hand on his face, caressing him softly.

“If you don’t like the color or-“

“John, it’s perfect.” You pulled him close and pressed your lips to his. His arms wrapped around you as he pressed his body flush against yours. You felt a blush creep across your cheeks as he pressed himself against you.

“We shouldn’t, not in here.” You whispered against his lips.

“Let’s go back to bed then.” He grabbed your hand and pulled you behind him.

He was gentle in removing your clothes, he laid you down on the bed, removing his own clothes before joining you. He laid behind you and pulled you close. He pressed the tip of his cock to your entrance from behind, easing into you slowly. You gasped as he filled you, wanting desperately to rock your hips, but he snaked his arms around you and held you still. Once he was certain you’d adjusted to him, he started to move slowly within you.

“John please move faster.” You begged him, needing more.

“Have to be careful of the baby.” He pulled almost all the way out of you, then pushed back in just as slowly.

He trailed kisses across your shoulder and neck as he moved within you, his hand splayed across your stomach. You were close already, you just needed a little more, you grabbed his hand and guided it down between your legs, you could feel him smirk against your skin. He took the hint and started circling your clit with his fingers. You moaned softly, pleasure spiking throughout your body.

“John…” You came undone around him, your body shaking against him as he held you. He thrust into you a few more times before spilling inside you, groaning as he did. He pulled out of you easily and laid his head on your shoulder.

“Feel okay?”

“Yeah, I’ve just been exhausted today.” You yawned. You didn’t think being pregnant would be this tiring.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day had come for you to go to the church, though you were reluctant you went anyways, for Joseph.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!! Possible trigger warning, mention of miscarriage ahead! Please don't read if you aren't comfortable with it.

Today was the day, Joseph asked you to come to the service at the church, you honestly didn’t want to but he looked so happy when you agreed. Your shower was short, the pain in your stomach returned on and off that morning but you pushed through it and didn’t tell anyone, they’d only worry, and the bleeding had stopped, mostly. You decided on a simple white summer dress, much less restricting than pants. You dressed and straightened yourself in the mirror before heading downstairs.

“Where’s Joseph?” You asked John as he placed your plate on the counter.

“He went to the church already, said he had to get some things set up. Eat.”

“If you keep forcing me to eat I’m never going to lose this weight after the baby’s born. Do you want an elephant for a, um-“

“For a?” John leaned back against the counter waiting for you to finish your sentence.

“I guess for a fucking girlfriend. God, why’d you make me say it?” You grabbed a piece of toast and took a bite. John had the smuggest grin spread across his face.

“Maybe we like you with a little meat on your bones.” Jacob placed his arms around you.

“Ugh, please don’t say ‘meat’.” Just the word made you nauseous. You put the toast down and pushed the plate away.

“You have to eat more than that.” John pushed the plate back.

“I’ll eat a big lunch. I’m just not hungry.”

“Nervous?” Jacob looked down at you.

“No. Maybe. I just- I’ve never been one for religion or church and I don’t want to disappoint Joseph.”

“He could never be disappointed in you. He just wants us to be a family and support each other. He doesn’t expect you to pray every day or read the Bible.” John caressed your cheek.

“I guess. Should we get going?” You slid off the stool.

Jacob drove as you sat up front, you couldn’t handle the back due to the nausea. You pulled up to the gates of the compound, guards waited outside with guns, you hadn’t been here in such a long time. Your nausea got worse when you arrived, you were so anxious about this. As Jacob drove in, people approached the car, staring at you.

“I don’t know about this.” You said as you shifted in your seat.

“Don’t worry.” John’s hand rested on your shoulder.

The car came to a halt and she remained seated, she wanted to go back home, to just turn around, but she knew Joseph wanted her here and she wanted to make an effort. John jumped out, he was greeted by several people at once, to which he smiled and shared pleasantries as he opened your door, helping you out of the car. You stood nervously beside John, looping your arm around his, which earned you a few scowls. You walked around to the front of the car where Jake waited for you, putting his hand on your back as you all walked in together. Your heart pounded as you walked, the stares were making you uneasy. Once you were inside the church, Joseph smiled as he approached you.

“Good morning, my love.” He pulled you into an embrace, you relaxed in his arms, nuzzling your face into his neck.

“I don’t think your followers are too fond of me.” You whispered to him.

“They’ll learn to love you, as I have.” He pressed a kiss to your head and released you.

You took your seat in the front pew between John and Jacob. You fidgeted with the hem of your dress, hoping this would be over soon. _Fuck. Not now._ You thought as the pain in your stomach started. The last thing you wanted was to draw more attention to yourself. You grabbed Jacob’s and John’s hands, squeezing them both. They immediately looked at you.

“What’s wrong?” John leaned close.

“My stomach.”

“Do we need to go?” Jacob asked.

“N-No. Just give me a minute.” You tried to breathe through the pain, not wanting to disappoint Joseph.

“Let’s go.” John urged you.

“No, I’m-I’m fine. It passed.” You released their hands as the pain subsided. You smiled slightly, reassuring them you were alright. John was still tense and kept his eye on you.

“Good morning, my children.” Joseph addressed the congregation, a choir of voices greeted him back.

“I want to do things a little different today. As some of you may have noticed we have a new face with us today. My love?” Joseph turned to you and motioned for you to join him.

At first you were hesitant, this was the last fucking things you wanted, everyone looking at you. Jacob nudged you forward, and you decided you had no choice. You stood up and approached him timidly. He grabbed your hand and pulled you close.

“This woman has made me happier than I ever thought possible, my children. Not only has she brought happiness to me, but also my brothers. And we recently discovered she is with child.” His hand splayed across your stomach. If there was ever a time you wanted to disappear, it was now. A lull of gasps and whispers fell across the church as the followers stared at you.

“To commemorate this wonderous event, I am going to baptize my dearest, here today.” Your eyes shot up to Joseph and then to John and Jacob. This was not discussed with you at all. You wanted to argue, but not in front of everyone.

“Since you are with child, I do not want to do this in the lake, so I will perform the baptism as we do on babies. If you would kneel.” You stared daggers at him, you wanted to refuse, to cuss him out, but you remained silent and knelt down in front of him. John and Jacob watched, knowing you were pissed. They weren’t aware of this either, Joseph should have asked you first before springing it on you.

 _Fuck, not again._ You said to yourself as the pain pulsed through your stomach. Joseph said a prayer as he bent down to you, touching your forehead with the holy water, then your chest and across your shoulders. As he stood up the pain intensified and you doubled over, crying out.

“Shit.” You hugged your stomach as the pain increased. Joseph knelt in front of you, placing his hand on your shoulder. John and Jacob huddled around you.

“What’s wrong?”

“F-Fuck, it’s the baby.” Your whole body felt like it was on fire, pain pulsing through you as if you’d been stabbed.

Murmurs and whispers filled the church as you sat in the floor. The pain radiated down, between your legs. Your breathing had become erratic. You looked down to see red, soaking the hem of your dress.

“The baby…” You whispered as you stared. Joseph, John, and Jacob all looked down, panic setting in as they saw a puddle of blood on the floor.

“She killed The Father’s baby!” A woman stood and shouted.

“She is not worthy!” Another added.

“Only a whore would lay with three men!”

The followers began shouting more obscene things as you sat in the floor.

“Please, everyone, calm down.” Joseph tried to talk over them, but they weren’t listening.

“The baby died when she was baptized! She’s evil!”

Jacob knelt down and picked you up in his arms effortlessly. He really wanted to tell everyone in there to piss off, but he was more concerned about you and the baby at the moment. John followed close behind as he carried you out, you tucked your face into the crook of his neck, releasing full sobs. Jacob placed you in the back of the car and John climbed in next to you, pulling you into his lap as Joseph sat up front with Jake.

“I’m sorry.” You cried against his chest.

“Shhh, you have nothing to apologize for.” His hand caressed your back as he tried to calm you. He pulled his phone out and made a call to get a doctor to the Ranch as soon as possible.

Once you were home, Jacob carried you inside and placed you in John’s bed, John brought you some water and sat next to you, holding your hand. No one spoke a word as you laid there, still in pain. The doctor was there within the hour, the men left the room to give you some space.

“How long have you been having the pains?” She asked as she put the stethoscope on your chest.

“For about a day and a half now. They weren’t terrible, but they got worse today.” Your body tensed as she listened to your heart.

“And the bleeding?”

“It started out as just spotting but got heavier. Is the baby okay?”

“I’m not going to lie, it sounds like you’re having a miscarriage. Your heart rate is low and with the amount of blood- I can do an ultrasound to try and find a heartbeat.” Her words pierced you, your mind went fuzzy as you tried to register what she was saying.

“Please, I need to know if the baby’s okay.” You finally spoke, panicking. She stood to leave but you grabbed her hand.

“Wait, don’t say a word to them. I don’t want them to know yet. Please.” She nodded and left the room.

“Well, what’s going on? Is she okay? The baby?” John asked the second he saw her.

“She’s alright and as far as I know the baby’s fine, I need to do an ultrasound.”

They had the machine brought to the bedroom and set up, John checked on you again and you reassured him you were okay. You asked them if you could have some privacy again with the doctor, they reluctantly agreed.

A little while later and the doctor left. You laid in the bed and waited for them to bombard you with questions, you asked her not to say anything to them, that you would. Your heart pounded as you fidgeted with your fingers. All at once they entered the room, rushing to the bedside, their eyes searching yours for an answer.

“Well? Is everything okay?” John looked at you and then to your stomach.

“Um, I-I lost the baby.” You couldn’t look at them, you kept your eyes on your hands. Their expressions dropped, a lull came over the room and no one spoke for a few minutes.

“Are you okay?” Joseph brushed your hair behind your ear.

“I’m alright, I think. I’m sorry, I know-“

“Stop. You have nothing to apologize for, this wasn’t your fault in any way.” John said as he sat next to you on the bed.

“I just-I know you were all looking forward to-“

“We were looking forward to having a family with you, we can still have that without a baby.” Jacob sat at the edge of the bed, his hand resting on your leg.

“You’re our family, darling.” Joseph’s hand rested on your shoulder.

You looked at each of them as tears swelled in your eyes, you still felt responsible somehow, that it was your fault and of course what the followers said at the church didn’t help.

“Thank you. I’m gonna take a shower and get cleaned up.” You shuffled out of the bed.

“Need some help?” John asked.

“No, I-I just want to be alone for a bit.” You smiled slightly and headed into the bathroom, closing the door behind you. You turned the shower on and sunk down to the floor, hugging your knees to your chest as you cried.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The loss of the baby was devastating, you stopped eating, sleeping, and showering. The three men only wanted to help you, but they didn't know how.

The days dragged on, you barely spoke to anyone, barely slept, barely ate. You asked them to leave you alone and they did as you wished, even though it killed them. They wanted nothing more than to comfort you, to hold you, but you refused any contact. Depression had set in and bathing was a thing of the past. You spent most days in bed, not sleeping, but just lying there. Your thoughts occupied by your life so far and what could have been with the baby. _Would anything really change? Would you have stopped risking your life and become a mother?_ The questions continued, day after day.

“You have to eat something.” John sat on the edge of the bed with a tray of food.

“Not hungry.” You responded monotoned.

“Please? Just one bite.” His hand outstretched to you, offering you half of a sandwich. You glanced up at him, he looked almost as bad as you did. You decided to take the sandwich and make him happy, if only for a moment.

His eyes lit up when you took a bite, he had been so worried about you. He wanted nothing more than for things to go back to normal, they all did, but John most of all. You had been the only good in his life for a long time and he felt as though he was losing you, that you were slipping away with each day, and he was right.

Not only had you been thinking about the baby, but also your relationship with the Seed’s. How toxic it was for you, how many scars and wounds you’d gotten either from them personally, or from being with them. You finished the sandwich and took a sip of the water he gave you before slinking back down into the bed

“Do you want to take a shower?

“No.” You replied simply.

“I wish you’d let me help you.” His hand reached for yours, but you pulled away. John was shocked at the action and decided it was best to leave you alone.

You watched as he left, slouched over like he was at an utter loss with what to do or how to make things better. You pulled the blanket over your head and began to cry, again.

“I just-I don’t know what to do, Joseph. She barely eats, she won’t shower or leave the bedroom, she can’t keep going like this.” John placed the plate on the counter.

“We just need to give her time, John. She’ll come around.” Joseph placed his hand on John’s shoulder, trying to comfort him.

“I feel like we’re losing her too. She won’t even let me touch her.” He placed his hands on the counter and lowered his head, he wanted nothing more than for you to come running down the stairs and jump into his arms.

“I’ll talk to her, see if I can help.” He patted John’s shoulder before heading up stairs.

A knock came at the door, but at this point you expected them to just come in, not like you were busy. The door creaked open and somehow you could sense it was Joseph. You pulled the blanket down revealing your face as you looked at him. He closed the door behind him and moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

“John’s worried about you.”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you?” He placed his hand on the bed next to yours.

“I don’t know anymore. It’s more than just the baby. I wasn’t even sure about the whole thing anyways.” You averted your gaze from him.

“What else is bothering you?” He furrowed his brow.

“I- This has never been an easy situation, all of us, trying to make this work somehow. I’ve never been in serious, deep love with anyone before and now I have three men who I would risk my life for, and have. It’s just been a lot, and then the baby came into the picture and I think it made me realize that-“ You looked up at him, he was hanging on your every word.

“It made me realize that I’m not entirely sure if I’m ready for all of this.”

His faltered, it was as if you had stabbed him in the chest. You could see his body tense and his breathing shift, he moved his hand away from yours and placed it on his lap.

“I’m not saying I don’t love you, I love you all so much, but things have just gotten so crazy and I feel like I haven’t had time to breathe.” You watched as he stared off, considering everything you’d said.

“Do you want time away from us? To think?” He turned back to you.

“I don’t know, maybe? I just- I know John and Jacob aren’t going to understand if I leave. They think my absence means I don’t love them.”

“Let me worry about them. In the meantime, you need to eat and bathe. Give me some time to think about this.” He placed his hand on yours and squeezed it lightly.

“Thank you, for being so understanding.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want you to leave either, and it does hurt. But I want to help you in any way I can.” He stood and walked over to you, bending down and pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Promise me you’ll take a shower and eat more than a half of a sandwich?”

“I’ll try.” You smiled slightly as he turned to leave. You took a deep breath and exhaled, you felt a little better now. Hopefully he would be able to talk to John and Jacob.

Joseph stood outside your door and leaned back against the wall. His heart sank in his chest at the thought of losing you, you were right, John and Jacob wouldn’t understand, they’d assume you were leaving for good. And in all honesty, he wasn’t positive that you weren’t. But he wanted to help you.

The next day you forced yourself out of the bed and started the shower. You removed your clothes and stood in front of the mirror. So many scars covered your body now, gunshot wounds, stab wounds, the ‘wrath’ scar on your stomach, and of course your back was covered in light scarring from John’s torture. And the ‘lust’ scar on your lower back which was added after you kissed Joseph. You had been through so much with them, you sighed as you looked at yourself. You looked older, tired, life had really taken a toll on you. You stepped into the shower and let the warmth wash over you, you closed your eyes and tried to relax under the stream.

“John, Jacob, there is something we need to discuss, and I need you to stay calm, and open minded.” Joseph had called them both to the church, thinking it would be better to talk to them away from you.

“What’s this about?” Jacob said impatiently.

“You know what it’s about, it’s about her.” John added.

“It is. I spoke with her yesterday about some things, some possible changes. I told her I would discuss it with the two of you.”

“Stop beating around the bush. What is it?” Jacob was getting annoyed.

“I have decided it might be best for things to go back to normal for us with our duties to the Project and it would be good for her to take a break from all of the craziness.” He refused to tell them you wanted to leave, knowing it would only hurt them.

“Okay, what does I that mean exactly?” John sat forward in the pew.

“I think it would be better for everyone if she moved out of the Ranch.”

“And just why the fuck do you think that?” Jacob tensed.

“Where would she even go?” John furrowed his brow, anxious at the thought of you going anywhere.

“We can all agree that she has been through the worst of it lately, and we have all had our hands in that. The loss of the baby has taken a great toll on her, things are starting to catch up to her about what she’s been through. She needs time, a break. All I ask is that you both try to see that, to recognize everything she has been through for this family.”

John and Jacob both visibly relaxed, taking into account everything Joseph was saying. He was right, you had been dragged through the dirt lately and they were no help. Most of what you’d been through was in some way their fault.

“What’s the plan then? Move her to the bunker?” John finally spoke.

“No, I was hoping we could help her start new, have a home of her own. But close by so we can keep an eye on her.” They seemed to be taking it better than he had thought, but he was still worried about what they might say to you.

You finished your shower and got dressed, settling on sweatpants and a t-shirt. You opened the bedroom door and left the room, it had been a week since you stepped foot outside it. You hadn’t heard anyone and assumed they had all left, which you were glad for, you needed the peace. You made your way to the kitchen and started some coffee, grabbing a bowl and poured yourself some cereal. You perched yourself at the counter and started to eat, you didn’t realize how hungry you were. You finished that bowl and made another, and then another. You were well into your third bowl when all three men walked in, stopping in their tracks when they saw you.

“It’s nice to see you up and about.” Joseph said as he approached you.

“And eating.” John added, making his way towards you as well. Jacob remained silent as he followed suit.

“Did you shower as well?” Joseph asked as he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Yep and I’m working on my third bowl of cereal.”

John grabbed a cup of coffee and sat next to you. He stared at you briefly, seeing just how exhausted you looked made him upset. He hadn’t realized how much you’d endured.

“Where have you all been?”

“We’ve been talking. About you.” Jacob said sternly as he stood next to you. Joseph felt a nervousness slip in, he wasn’t sure what Jacob would say.

“About me?” You glanced nervously at Joseph.

“Yeah. We decided it’s time for you to move out of John’s Ranch.”

“Wh-Where exactly will I go?”

“Once it’s finished, you’ll move into a small cabin down by the lake. The plans are already drawn up and everything is in full swing.”

“And how do you feel about that?” You stared up at him. He brought his hand up to caress your cheek lightly.

“Doesn’t matter, darlin’. We just want you to be happy again.”

You relaxed at his words, you were so worried they’d be mad, but you were curious as to what exactly Joseph had told them.

Over the next few days Joseph had some of his followers working overtime on getting your cabin ready. They went the easy route and had one delivered that was already pre-made. But John insisted on making a few adjustments to better fit your needs. You argued and tried to tell him you just wanted something simple, but he wouldn’t listen. You assumed he was trying to make up for everything and do something nice, so you finally gave in. Jacob decided to give you your space, he’d come around every now and then to check up on you, but he was a little awkward and didn’t exactly know what to say.

“I don’t understand the blindfold. Like, I know where we’re going.” You stepped slowly as John led you by hand.

“It’s part of the unveiling. You haven’t seen it since we made alterations.” John squeezed your hand, you could tell he was excited. You assumed he put so much work into it to avoid thinking about you actually leaving and living there.

“Okay, but don’t run me into anything.” You hated surprises, but they wanted this to be special.

Joseph and Jacob followed behind you as you stepped lightly. John finally stopped and placed his hands on your shoulders, moving you forward a few steps.

“Ready?”

“Just let me look already.” You were a bit nervous.

John lifted the blindfold from your eyes and you were shocked by how amazing it looked. It was a small cabin with a porch, adorned with rocking chairs and hanging flowers. It say right near the lake, so close you could fish from the porch.

“John, I- It’s-“ You had no words.

“This isn’t even it. Let’s go inside.” You followed him in, it was even more beautiful inside.

He kept it simple to farmhouse décor, which you were glad about. It had a small kitchen and dining table, along with a living room equipped with a wood fireplace. You walked over to the bedroom to see a large, four-post bed, big enough for 4 people. You entered the bathroom to see that it was as big as John’s at the Ranch. It had a shower in the corner as well as a big porcelain bathtub. You walked back out to the living room to where they were, with tears in your eyes.

“Do-Do you not like it? Is something wrong, because I can-“ John looked panicked, you rushed over to him and threw your arms around him. This was the first contact you’d had with him in a while, he was caught off guard for a moment before he embraced you and pulled you tight against him. His face nuzzled into your hair as he hugged you.

“It’s perfect, John. I don’t want a single thing changed. Thank you.” You kissed his cheek and released him.

“We stocked the kitchen with everything you should need.” Joseph said, opening the cabinets.

You walked over to Joseph and did the same with him, throwing your arms around him and hugging him tight. You pressed a kiss to his cheek as well.

“Thank you, for everything.” You stepped back from him.

“There’s one more thing. Jacob?” Joseph turned to him as he stood by the door.

“I can’t offer much, but I wanted you to be safe. I brought you this.” He opened the door and stepped out, returning with a white wolf.

“He’s trained to your scent, I’ll show you his commands. He’s one of my top Judges.”

You stared at the wolf as it stood in the doorway, you’d never even had a dog let alone a wolf.

“Does it have a name?” You knelt down and let it sniff your hand before you patted it’s head.

“Uh, no. I mainly just call him boy.”

You stood back up and hugged Jacob, placing a kiss on his cheek. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close.

“Thank you, I love it.” Jacob let you go and moved back. He showed you the commands and how to do them, making sure the Judge followed your orders.

“We should get going. Let you get settled in.” Joseph said as they stood on the porch with you.

“So soon?” You glanced up at him.

“We’ll be back to visit you, you’re only a short walk from the Ranch after all.” He bent down and placed a kiss on your head.

You felt a sadness wash over you as you watched him and his brothers leave the porch, they tried hard not to let you see any hint of disappointment, but they failed. Joseph walked between his brothers, placing a hand on each of their shoulders to offer them some kind of comfort. You sat in the rocking chair as you watched them walk, the Judge laid his head in your lap as your tears began to flow. You started to wonder if this was the right choice, if you had done the right thing, only time would tell, and hopefully a break would help.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your time in the cabin passed, you were getting adjusted, but none of the Seed's had come to visit. You needed to change that.

“I know Jacob had you only eating raw meat, but I promise you’re going to love Cheetos.” You held the Cheeto out to the Judge, who only stared at you.

“I won’t tell him.” You moved it closer. He sniffed it and licked it once before gently taking it into his mouth and chewing it quickly.

“Good?” You looked at him, he moved forward and nudged your hand for another.

“I think we’re going to get along fine, boy.” You smiled and patted him, tossing him another.

You had settled into your cabin by the lake, you often spent the mornings on the porch, staring out at the water with the Judge sitting next to you. He followed you around wherever you went and you were actually glad for the companionship. The men had given you some time to adjust, letting you have time on your own for a bit.

John returned to obtaining confessions and offering atonement to those who needed it. Jacob returned to the VA Center to train soldiers. Joseph remained at John’s, he worked on sermons and different things for the Project. You were sitting on the couch reading when you heard a knock at your door. You walked over and opened it, surprised by who was there.

“Faith?” You stood in the doorway, the Judge at your side. Faith looked down at him hesitantly.

“He won’t hurt you, he’s just a big fluffy baby.” You patted his head and he gave you a lick.

“Okay, well, Joseph told me about the new place and asked if I’d bring you a few things. And of course, I wanted to see your home.” She held up a box with some food in it. You stepped aside and invited her in.

“So how is Joseph?” You asked, curious about all of them.

“He’s been busy.” She sat the box on the table.

“Yeah, I imagine running a whole church and cult is busy work.”

“Oh, you don’t know?” She looked at you quizzically as she sat down.

“Know what?”

“Since, um, the incident, Joseph hasn’t been back to the church. He hasn’t held any services or baptisms.” The information was a shock to you, you assumed they’d all returned to normalcy when you left.

“Did he say why?” You sat at the table.

“Not to me specifically, but there are rumors that he thinks he caused the miscarriage.”

“How would he have caused it?” Your heart sank in your chest at the thought of him carrying this burden.

“I assume he thinks the stress of the whole baptism in front of everyone did it. Have you not spoken to him?”

“No, in fact, I haven’t spoken to any of them in a few days. I’ve just been trying to get settled here.” You wondered why none of them had even come by to check on you.

“Do you think you could do me a favor?”

“Of course, anything.” She smiled.

You explained to Faith what you wanted, and she happily agreed, she pulled you into a hug and told you how happy she was that you were okay, she then left to complete your request. You busied yourself around the cabin and started dinner. The Judge laid on the couch as he watched you move about the cabin. If you left the room for more than a few seconds he would sit up, listening intensely, when you returned, he would lay back down. You jumped when you heard a knock at the door, you still weren’t used to visitors. You opened the door and smiled when you saw Jake.

“You’re the first one here.” You stepped aside and let him in.

“And just what the fuck is that?” He stopped and stared at the Judge.

“What?”

“Why is he on the couch? He’s supposed to be guarding you. What if I had been a killer?”

“Well, technically you are. And he’s comfy up there, leave him alone.” You stepped in front of him, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“I missed you.” You said as you stood up on your tip toes to kiss him. Your lips brushed against his before you pressed further, deepening the kiss. His hands rested on your waist as he pulled you closer.

You were engulfed in one another when another knock came to the door. You reluctantly pulled away from Jacob and opened the door. Before you could say a word you were pulled into a tight hug by John. His arms held you against his body as he reveled in the feeling of you again. His lips found yours quickly as he kissed you passionately, his hand tangling in your hair as he held you. You wrapped your arms around him, you had certainly missed his touch. You were lost in John’s kiss when you heard Joseph clear his throat from behind him. You broke away from his lips reluctantly.

John entered the house as you approached Joseph, preparing yourself for another onslaught of kissing. But Joseph placed one hand on the back of your head and pulled you close, placing a kiss on your forehead before joining his brothers inside. You stood there for a moment, a little confused before you headed in as well.

“What’s for dinner?” Jacob asked as he peered into the oven.

“I made roast chicken and vegetables.”

“It smells delicious.” John added as he wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you close. You had forgotten how touch starved he was and how much you loved his neediness.

Joseph was uncommonly quiet during dinner, he nodded in agreement about how good the food was and made idle chit chat, but there was something off. You had planned on asking them all to stay the night but you thought maybe you needed some time alone with Joseph, to talk about things. He had been so willing to let you go, let you leave the Ranch, you wondered if he was trying to punish himself for what happened.

“Wait, don’t throw the scraps out. I’ll feed the to the Judge.” You said as Jacob went to scrape his plate.

“You’ll what? He doesn’t get table scraps.” He looked at you and then the Judge who was waiting expectantly.

“Well, he does now.” You smiled.

“You’re gonna turn a perfectly good hunting machine into a lap dog.”

“He’s mine to do with as I please. And he’s a good boy, he’s scared off any coyotes or other wolves in the area. He deserves special food.”

Jacobs exhaled sharply and narrowed his eyes at you. But you were right, he was yours now and if you wanted to ruin him then it was your choice. John helped you wash up kissing you every so often, reveling in your taste once more. Joseph and Jacob talked about plans for the church, they had thought about expanding it. You glanced at Joseph intermittently, he still looked so weighed down.

“It’s late, we should go.” Joseph stood and urged his brothers.

“Actually, Joseph, do you think you could stay?”

John and Jacob looked at one another, obviously a little upset you didn’t ask one of them to stay.

“I’m not sure about that, I’m-“

“Please?” You looked up at him, chewing on your lip nervously.

“Of course.” He smiled slightly.

You kissed Jacob and John before they left, explaining that you wanted a night with each of them soon. They were still annoyed that you chose Joseph, but they understood and left.

“It’s been a long day, I’m going to turn in.” Joseph headed towards the bedroom.

“Wait, we need to talk.” You grabbed his arm and stopped him.

“Why haven’t you been back to the church?” You cut to the chase, you wanted to know.

“I see Faith has been sharing a little more than she should have.”

“She meant no harm. I asked about you and she told me.” You touched his arm lightly, hoping to pull his attention from Faith, you didn’t want her getting in trouble.

“Please talk to me.” You grabbed his hand and tugged him gently towards the couch, urging him to sit with you.

“What do you want to know?” He sat next to you, taking your hand in his.

“Why haven’t you been doing your sermons or baptisms?”

“I haven’t been back since- well you know. The whole thing was just a disaster and I’m worried it was my fault.”

“Your fault? Joseph it couldn’t have been your fault. I had been having those pains before the service and even the doctor said with all that’s happened it was a risky pregnancy. My body had been under far too much stress.” You held his hand tighter as you moved close.

“I shouldn’t have done what I did. I forced you in front of the flock, I put more stress on you than I should have. I just-“ He averted his gaze from you.

You grabbed his chin and turned him to look at you, tears were already pooling in his eyes.

“Joseph, none of this was your fault. Your intentions were pure, and yes your methods were flawed. All that aside, this baby was doomed from the beginning and you know that. I would have never been able to keep myself out of danger long enough to have the baby. I don’t have a motherly bone in my body. And you said yourself, there was no child with us at Eden’s Gate.”

“I’m so sorry, my love.” He caressed your cheek as his tears began to flow. You closed the distance between you two and kissed his lips hungrily, cupping his face and wiping away his tears.

He grabbed you a pulled you into his lap, straddling him. He wanted you close, as close as possible. He had missed this intimacy with you, missed your lips on his. His hands ran up your back as he held you against him, his tongue moving between your parted lips. You wrapped your arms around his neck as you pressed your body flush against his. His lips moved to your jaw, down your neck as he sucked and licked at your skin. Your body heated under his touch, wanting more, needing more.

He wrapped his arms around you and stood up, carrying you towards the bedroom. You kept your legs around his waist as you kiss his neck softly. He bent down and placed you on the bed gently. You moved to discard your clothes but he stopped you.

“Let me.” He grabbed the hem of your dress and lifted it over your head, his eyes roamed over your body, taking in each of the scars you had now, from them. You leaned up and kissed him again, pulling his attention back to you. His hands traveled down as he slipped your panties down your legs, tossing them aside.

You moved up further on the bed, letting him join you once he had removed his clothes as well. He sat between your legs as his hands ran up and down your sides, his thumbs grazing over your scars.

“I’m sorry we did this to you.” He traced over the gunshot wound on your stomach.

“Not all of them are on you guys. I made a few dumb mistakes.”

“I would take each of them away if I could.” He leaned down and pressed his lips to the scar, then moving to the next one and doing the same.

You squirmed beneath him as he took his time, making sure to kiss and soothe each wound. He moved up your body, his hands kneading your breasts, his thumbs grazing over your nipples as he kissed his way up between your breasts. You opened your legs for him, eager for him. He reached between you and positioned his cock with your opening, gently pushing into you. You arched your back and moaned at the feeling of him stretching you. His lips claimed yours as he filled you completely, swallowing your soft moans. You titled your hips up to meet his as he moved slowly within you.

“Joseph, please.” You begged, wanting him to move faster. You were already so close, it had been so long for both of you.

“No, my love. Slow.” He spoke low against your ear sending shivers through your body. He moved so slowly, pulling out of you and easing back in, setting an agonizingly slow rhythm.

Your hands gripped his shoulders as he moved, his lips brushing against your skin as his hand reached between you, rubbing circles around your clit.

“I need you to cum for me, please.” He breathed heavily against you as his hand moved faster, coaxing your orgasm out of you. Your body shook beneath him as he ground his hips against you. You panted and grabbed at him, moaning his name.

He waited for you to come back down before he grabbed you and rolled you over so you were on top of him.

“I want to see you.” His hands traveled up and down your thighs. You slowly started to move, circling your hips as you felt the pressure building again.

He watched you as you moved, committing each bliss filled expression to his memory, reveling in being joined with you once more. His hands traveled up your body, cupping your breasts as you moved, he groaned when you moved faster, he knew he wouldn’t be able to last much longer. You panted and moaned as another orgasm was on the brink. He pulled you down to him, capturing your lips with his again, kissing you hungrily but softly at the same time. He thrust sharply into you causing you to gasp and cry out. He held you down against him as he began thrusting his cock in and out of you faster, pushing you towards your release.

“J-Joseph, fuck…” You whined as you came loudly around him, your walls clenching as your body shuddered.

Joseph lifted you up and pulled out of you before he found his release, spilling onto the bed beneath you. You rested on his chest for a moment as you both caught your breath. You slid off of him and laid down beside him, laying your head on his chest.

“I need you to promise me something.” You said as your fingers threaded through his beard.

“Anything, my love.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Promise me you won’t blame yourself anymore and you’ll return to the church. You can’t give up on your visions and the Project. That’s the whole reason for all of this.” You weren’t sure if you bought into his whole thing, but he was depressed and the church gave him purpose, a goal.

“I promise. I’ll return to the church, in time. I still haven’t decided on how to deal with the followers.”

“The followers?” You furrowed your brow.

“They responded to the whole situation with anger and wrath. They respond that way to you, and I cannot have my flock disrespecting the woman I love, the woman my brothers love.” He placed his arm around you and pulled you closer.

“I’m not mad, it’s fine.” Their words did hurt, but you didn’t plan on spending much time around them.

“It’s not fine, they must be dealt with. Their actions will not go unpunished.” He began to slowly stroke your hair as he slipped into thought about what to do.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph thought about the best way to deal with the congregation, finally settling on a fitting punishment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the updates have been sparing, I've had a bit of writer's block lately. Also, this chapter is a little short but the next one is longer. Thank you all so much for bearing with me and reading my crazy ass stories!! I have also been working on something new so when this one ends, there will be a fic to help quench your thirst after.
> 
> One more thing, if there is anything specific you guys want me to write or have any requests, just ask!!!

Joseph often took comfort in knowing his flock was there for him, that they would follow him anywhere, but right now he felt as though he was at odds with them. Since the incident in the church he blamed himself for what happened but was also disgusted with the way his followers spoke. He asked John and Jacob to come to the church while he addressed them, just in case.

“Father, you’re back!” One woman exclaimed when she saw him. He smiled and nodded. Normally he would have greeted her and hugged her, but he was not pleased with them.

They continued to file in, greeting Joseph as they entered and took their seats. He walked to the front of the church and waited for them to be silent.

“Morning, my flock. I’m sure you’ve noticed my absence and I can assume some of you may have been speculating as to why I have not been here.” He clenched his jaw as he spoke to them, trying to keep his anger at bay.

“I have always been open and honest with you and that will not change. I have been absent because I was disappointed, disappointed in you all. When I brought the mother of our child, the love of our life, into this church I expected you all to accept her as you have me and my family. But you didn’t, you made her feel unwelcome, you judged her harshly, and when-“ Joseph’s voice cracked.

“When she was losing the baby, our child, you all reacted horrifically. The things you shouted, the hatred in your hearts.” Joseph paced the front of the church, anger seething through him.

Jacob and John stood in the back of the church, watching their brother. They had not seen him this infuriated in a long time. They understood his reaction though; they too felt the same way.

“I thought long and hard about this, about how to proceed with these feelings of utter disappointment, I toyed with the thought of leaving the church for good, I spoke with my brothers about starting anew somewhere else, but God would not want me to abandon my flock in their time of need.” He ran his hand through his hair.

“I prayed on this and asked for guidance in how to help you all purge yourselves of these hateful thoughts, these wrathful sins and I have come to a decision. Each and every one of you will go through the atonement once more, you will confess your sins to John and obtain another mark of the sin. You will also be baptized once more.”

A buzz of conversation erupted, the followers looking at each other panicked. They had already endured the atonement once.

“Anyone who refuses will be dealt with.” Joseph raised his voice over the conversations and silenced them.

“The atonements will begin tomorrow. You may return to your work.” He walked down the aisle and exited the church, John and Jacob close behind, leaving the congregation in awe.

“John, you will be thorough tomorrow, I want each and every one of them to atone for their sin of wrath.”

“Of course, Joseph, but I may need some help, that’s a lot of people.” John followed his brother as he walked quickly.

“Not up to the task, Johnny?” Jacob scoffed.

“I’d like to see you obtain 70 something confessions and cut sins into that many people within a day without needing a fucking hand.” He glared at his brother.

Joseph stopped suddenly and turned to them both.

“It will be done. Jacob you will assist. Once they have atoned I will perform their baptisms.” He touched his forehead to theirs and left.

You were midway through your laundry day when you heard a knock on your door. You figured it was either Faith or one of the Seed’s so no point in putting on pants. The second you opened the door John’s hands were on your hips, pushing you back into the house.

“Do you always answer the door so scantily clad?” He looked down at your bare legs.

“Only when I’m waiting on my sex slave.” You smiled.

“Oh, is that what I am now?” His eyes burned into yours.

“Who said I was talking about you?” You bit your lip and flashed him a devious grin.

He pushed you back to the couch, you sat down when your legs hit the cushions. John immediately knelt between your legs and forced your knees apart.

“You like to tease me?” He stared up at you as his hands ran up and down your thighs.

“Maybe I do. What are you gonna do about it?”

John remained silent, he grabbed your hips and pulled you down the couch. His thumbs hooked in the sides of your panties, you lifted your hips instinctively for him to remove your panties but he didn’t. He leaned forward between your thighs and peppered them with light kisses. You squirmed beneath him, wanting him to take your panties off already. He moved closer, his breath hot against your skin as his mouth hovered over your clothed center. He dragged his tongue over the fabric, mixing your own wetness with his saliva, you moaned at the contact. He kissed and licked over your center through the fabric of your panties, giving you enough contact to make you wet but not enough to push you over the edge.

“John, please?” You begged.

“I’m sorry, do you not like to be teased?” He spoke against you before running his tongue over you again.

“I’m sorry, please, I need you.” You whined, although you were frustrated it was insanely hot watching him do this.

“Your sweet begging only makes me harder, my dear.” He pressed his lips against you again, his tongue pressing against your clit making you moan. His fingers dug into your hips as he held you still. He continued his torture, your panties were soaked from his torture.

“John please just fuck me.” You cried out, it was too much, you needed him.

“As you wish.” He pulled your panties down your legs and tossed them aside.

You heard him undoing his belt and zipper as he pulled you off the couch and down onto his hard cock. He slid into you with ease and groaned at your tightness. He gripped your hips as you started to move, wrapping your arms around his neck, already so close. His lips found yours and kissed you deeply, his tongue swirling within your mouth. You moaned into his mouth as he slowly fucked you.

“Fuck… John… I love you.” You moaned against his lips.

John’s hand moved up your body and entangled in your hair, tugging your head back firmly. His lips moved to your neck, kissing and nipping at your skin.

“I fucking love you.” He growled against your throat.

You rode him faster as you neared the edge, your orgasm building with each thrust. He held you close against his body as you moved. Your orgasm rolled through your body, electrifying every nerve ending as you trembled in his embrace. Your walls clenched around him as you pulled his release from him as well. He trailed soft kisses up your neck to your jaw, his beard rubbing roughly against your skin.

“How long until you’re ready for round two?” You looked down at him.

“You know I’m always up for more, but I have to prepare for tomorrow.” You eased off of him and sat on the couch.

“Tomorrow?”

“Yeah, Joseph is punishing his followers for the way they acted at the church, he wants them all to atone for their sins of wrath and after he is going to baptize them again.” He stuffed himself back into his pants.

“What? Are you serious?” You looked at him confused.

“I know you don’t agree with the way we do things, but this is how it’s done.”

“So you’re going to do all these atonements by yourself?”

“Jacob’s going to help.”

You chewed on your cheek for a moment, considering what he was saying. Joseph seemed to be Hell bent on punishing the followers, you couldn’t say you blamed him, they were quite rude to you.

“Let me help.” You stared up at him, your words shocked him, he never thought he’d hear that from you.

“You want to help?” He cocked his head to the side.

“Look, they were complete assholes to me. I’d love to get a little revenge on them. An eye for an eye, right?”

“I-I don’t know about that. The whole point is to rid them of wrath, not fill you with it.”

“Who do you think you’re talking to? I’m always filled with wrath, John. Come on, let me play too.” You stood up and hooked your fingers into the front of his pants.

“I don’t know.” He was still hesitant.

“Johnny…” You leaned up and kissed him, taking his bottom lip between your teeth and tugging gently.

“Alright, but you only get to watch.” He kissed you back, running his fingers through your hair.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updates! I've been moving and started a new job so it's been kind of crazy.

“You told her she could do what?” Joseph glared at John.

“She wanted to help so I told her she could watch the atonements.”

“Joseph, it’s not a big deal. You want me to be a part of your church, I need to see how things work.” You stepped between them.

“I know when you’re lying. You want to watch because you want to see these people punished.” He paced the living room.

“They are having the atonements to rid themselves of the wrath they obviously still hold within. It is not some torture party for you and John to enjoy.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just wanted to watch.” You stared up at him, waiting for him to say you couldn’t go.

“If you’re going to watch the atonements then you’re also going to help with the baptisms afterwards. You’ll meet me at the lake tomorrow to help.”

“But-“

“Both or neither. Choose.” He remained stern.

“Fine. I’ll help with the baptisms too.” You rolled your eyes.

“Good.” Joseph leaned down and placed a kiss on your cheek.

“She doesn’t touch anyone and Jacob will be there as well to keep an eye on the two of you. And please try to be respectful and don’t cause any problems.”

“I’ll be on my best behavior.” You smiled slightly.

You rode in the truck beside John, excited to be on the other side of the atonements for once. You’d been through more than one with John and were ready to watch someone else go through it.

“You’re way too happy about this. You need to be more stoic, less joyful.” John commented as a grin was plastered on your face.

“Like this?” You dropped the smile and crossed your arms.

“I said less joyful, not more like Jacob.” John laughed when you scowled.

“Is it hard to do? The atonements?”

“It was the first few times. Joseph guided me and explained that it’s necessary. We must suffer in order to truly atone for our sins.”

“Seems like justification for torturing a bunch of people.” You were anything but shy about how you felt towards their rituals.

John rolled his eyes and continued driving. He knew no matter what he said there would be no winning this argument. You had your beliefs and he had his. When you arrived at the bunker there were already followers lined up and waiting. When you stepped out of the truck you felt their eyes on you, glaring. Your heart pounded as you walked, John placed his arm around you and pulled you close when he saw your unease.

Once inside you stood next to the table John placed his tools on. Jacob was already there when you arrived and was in charge of shuffling the followers in for their atonements. The first person walked in, a decent looking man with a large scar across his face. He sat down in the chair without a saying a word. John did his whole spiel about atoning and getting rid of sins. You watched as the man’s eyes were fixed on you, you looked away but when you looked back at him he was still staring.

Even as John started to open the scar of ‘wrath’ across the man’s chest, his still stared at you. You wondered if John or Jacob noticed this, they didn’t seem phased by it and pretty much ignored him. Once John finished the man stood and smirked at you before leaving.

The next few people were the same, they stared at you, their gazes full of hatred, you were starting to feel uncomfortable. As John was cutting into a woman he asked her if she felt her sins leaving her body.

“I have no sins, what about you?” She looked directly at you.

“Don’t talk to her. He asked you a question.” Jacob stepped forward, his body tense.

“Defending the sinner, you’ll see soon enough that was a mistake.” She grinned at him.

You couldn’t take it anymore, you left the room quickly, needing to get out of there as soon as possible.

“Go check on her.” John looked to Jacob.

You leaned against the wall in the hallway, trying not to cry. Jacob’s expression softened when he finally found you.

“What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong? What do you think is wrong? They hate me, absolutely fucking despise me. I know I shouldn’t give two shits about them but I do because fucking Joseph. He makes you care, he makes you want to believe all of this bullshit.” You began to pace the corridor.

“They don’t matter, what they think doesn’t matter.”

“Haven’t you been watching? It does matter. They were loyal to Joseph, but when I came into the picture their faith in him started to waver. You can see that can’t you? They’re no longer obedient followers. She’s right, protecting me is a mistake.” You shook your head, Jacob was speechless, he didn’t know what to say.

You stalked down the hallway looking for an exit, you needed some air. Jacob knew not to follow you, this was out of his range. You finally made your way outside when you were confronted with the line of followers, they were still awaiting their atonement.

“You’re the last person who should be skipping the atonement.” A man shouted out at you.

“Fuck off.” You chided as you headed towards the truck.

“I’d be running too if I was the whore of Hope County.” He stepped out of the line and walked towards you. That was the last straw, you turned and faced him.

“You want to repeat that, asshole?”

“I think you heard me just fine. You spread your legs and suddenly everything has gone to shit.”

“This place was a shithole before I stepped foot here, nothing but meth heads and trailer trash.” You stood face to face with the man.

“Your sins have corrupted The Father, he’s been blind to what you’re doing.”

“I haven’t done shit to him.”

“He’ll see soon enough, he’ll see you for what you are. I have no doubt he’ll cast you aside once your evil ways have been shown to him.”

His words struck a nerve within you, Joseph loved you, but would he turn his back on his flock if they continued to reject you and push you out? Surely he could find a more obedient and faithful person to love and be by his side. Before you knew what was happening you punched the guy in the face, knocking him down to the ground. Your hand ached as blood poured from his nose. The followers watched as you headed towards the truck without a word. You were growing tired of this shit, these idiots.

“She did what?” Joseph stared at the followers before him.

“She hit Hank right in the face. He was worried about the atonement and asked her if she’d pray with him, she told him to- well, I don’t wanna say it, but it was rude. Then when he asked her again she punched him square in the nose.” A small woman spoke as the others nodded in agreement with her story.

“I just- You all saw this?” He was confused, you did have some rough edges, but this was different.

“Yes, Father. We tried to accept her as our Mother, as you asked, but she doesn’t believe. She has no faith.”

“Thank you for letting me know, please tell Hank I am sorry about this. I will get to the bottom of what happened.” Joseph hugged them each and left. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say to you, or do, but he couldn’t let this slide.

You drove back to your cabin and paced inside before heading back out, the Judge on your heel as you walked down the edge of the lake. You wanted to punch someone else, to fight every one of those dumbasses, but you knew what Joseph would say, ‘we must love them’. You wondered what the man meant about showing Joseph your ‘evil ways’. You chewed on your lip as you stared out at the lake, until you heard a car approaching.

You turned to see Joseph, no doubt he was coming to check on you. You walked towards him but before you could say anything you saw the look on his face, a look of anger and disappointment.

“Joseph, I-“

“Why would you do this? I am trying my best to get them to accept you and then you do this? Do you even care about all of the time and hard work I have put into this Project? Does your pride and wrath know no bounds?” He stopped just a few feet short of you, anger seething through him.

“Why are you mad at me? That fucker is the one who-.” You were utterly confused.

“I don’t care, I really don’t. I ask one thing of you, be respectful and don’t cause problems. Now I have a hoard of followers coming to me saying you assaulted one of them.”

“Fuck you if you believe they’re innocent. You saw how they turned on me at the church.” You were appalled that he was angry at you.

“I’ve seen fault on both sides. You do not lack the ability to walk away, instead you chose to fight them. You’ve done nothing but cause more trouble for me and I’m left picking up your mess. Just stay away from the followers until I can figure out how to fix this.” He turned and left without giving you a chance to say anything else.

You went back in the cabin, slamming the door behind you. How dare he come and accuse you, that man was the one who started it. Joseph was right though, you could have walked away, you chose to turn and fight, but that was how you were, how you’d always been. Maybe he had a point. You didn’t like feeling this way, that you’d disappointed Joseph, normally you wouldn’t have cared, but you loved him and you wanted him to be happy with you.

“Love is such bullshit, boy.” You looked down at the Judge by your feet. You exhaled in exasperation; you knew what you had to do to fix this mess. The baptisms.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For my absence recently, I gift to you all a wonderful smut filled chapter. Enjoy!

“It’s too fucking early, boy.” You yawned and stretched as you lazily moved about the cabin. You knew Joseph liked to do the baptisms early in the morning, so you had to be up even earlier to beat him there.

You didn’t want to do this, but you decided it would be up to you to make things right because those dumbass followers were obviously trying to drive a wedge between you and Joseph. They had something planned and you were determined to throw a wrench in it. You dressed in your most innocent looking dress and fixed your hair just right before heading out. You decided to bring the Judge with you, it wouldn’t hurt to have some extra protection around those idiots. You made your way down to the lake behind the compound, there was no sight of Joseph but there were a few followers on the shore already. You took a deep breath before approaching them, the Judge on her heels as you walked. Their eyes were on you but you refrained from looking directly at them, you were determine to hold your tongue and not say a word.

“Where is The Father?” One of the followers spoke as you walked to the shoreline.

“He should be here soon. He is very devoted to the Project.”

“Seems he’s been more devoted to you lately.”

“I can see how you feel that way. I apologize if I’ve taken up more of his time, I never intended to take him away from you.” You struggled not to tell the woman off. You stood up straight and waited, hand on the Judge’s head.

You were nervously chewing on your lip when a small, frail woman approached you. You glanced at her as she stared.

“C-Can I help you?” You finally spoke, she was kind of weirding you out.

“I cannot speak for everyone, but I am sorry for how I acted in the church that day. I have lost many babies in my lifetime and I understand the pain you feel. I am not proud of myself and I hope you can forgive me.” She grabbed your hands and clasped them tightly in her own.

“That’s, um, th-thank you.” You smiled slightly not knowing what to say.

“That is very kind of you, Paula.” Joseph placed his hand on her shoulder and gave you an approving nod. You could tell he was surprised to see you there, especially talking so calmly with his followers.

She squeezed your hands again and left you alone.

“I’m glad you’re here. I wanted to apologize for the way I spoke to you yesterday. It was uncalled for.” He brushed your hair behind your ear, his touch alone sent shivers through your body.

“I’m not great at this, but you were right. I could take a softer approach with them and actually try. But I still don’t buy into all this end of the world shit.”

“I- At least you’re supportive, I guess.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Let’s drown some people.” You beamed up at him, earning you a stern look from Joseph.

He waded into the water up to his waist as you helped guide the first person into the lake with him.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” You mumbled as the cold water enveloped you. The woman you were guiding looked over at you.

“Sorry. I don’t like the cold.” You tried to apologize but she rolled her eyes.

The rest of the morning was a challenge for you, between the rude glances or comments and the cold ass water, at least the sun was starting to warm the lake and it was almost over with. Joseph had finished the last baptism and motioned for you to join him. You made your way into the lake until you were face to face with him.

“We have time for another baptism if you’d like?”

“I don’t know, the last one didn’t go so well.”

Joseph leaned closer to you, “It would mean a great deal to me and it would help them as well.” He glanced to the shore where the followers were all watching intensely.

“Alright, but you owe me.” You leaned up and kissed the corner of his mouth.

“My children, we have one more baptism.” Joseph announced in his preacher voice. You rolled your eyes, ready to just get this over with already.

Joseph placed one hand behind your head and the other on your chest as he slowly leaned you back into the water. Your vision of him was soon blurred as the water washed over you. He held you there for a few seconds before bringing you back up to the surface.

“You’re now forgiven of all your sins, your soul is clean.” He placed a kiss on your forehead as you gasped for air.

The followers on the shore clapped before they slowly started to file out. You stood next to Joseph for a moment, waiting until you were completely alone before launching your wet body at him. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him into a passionate kiss. Your tongue sweeping across his lips as his hands steadied you by holding your hips. Your hands moved down his body as you groped at the growing bulge in his pants.

“Wait, wait. Let’s go home.” He tried to pull away from you but you didn’t relent.

“No. Here.” You panted against his mouth as you started to remove his belt.

“If someone sees us-“

“Fuck me quickly then.” You smiled slyly as you nipped at his bottom lip.

“You realize how depraved this is, I literally just baptized you here and now you want to have sex?” He tried to reason with you but your hand was already in his pants, stroking his cock.

“Fuck it.” He growled as he lifted you up, wrapping your legs around his waist.

He walked back until you were both deeper in the water, up to your chests. His teeth grazed across your throat sending shivers down your body, stopping right between your legs. He moved your panties to the side before slowly pushing himself into you, causing you both to gasp. He started to move within you quickly, you moaned loudly. Joseph placed his hand over your mouth to muffle you.

“Quiet.” He whispered.

His hips snapped against you, pushing his cock deeper, hitting that perfect spot that always left you weak. Your nails dug into his back, sure to leave marks even through his shirt. Your moans were muffled against his hand as he fucked you in the lake. You both hoped no one would see or hear you. You were getting close to your release already, as was he. The water around you splashed and sloshed as he moved, your orgasm nearing the edge. Joseph felt you clenching around him, he couldn’t hold back any longer. A few more thrusts into you and he groaned against your neck as he came. You whimpered and panted against his hand as you let go. His movements slowed before he pulled out of you. You unwrapped your legs as you continued to wade in the water. Joseph stuffed himself back into his pants.

“That was-“ You breathed heavily.

“I see the baptisms have changed.”  You heard Jacob’s voice calling from the shore, the Judge obediently sitting beside him.

You both turned to see him standing with his arms crossed, a smug look spread across his face. You both made your way out of the lake towards him. You wondered how long he had been standing there, watching.

“Enjoy the show?” You smiled as you trudged out of the water, Joseph close behind.

“I did actually, though I missed hearing those sweet whines of yours just before you cum.”

“Maybe I could do an encore for you later?” You threaded your fingers through his beard. You felt Joseph’s hands on your hips and his mouth on your shoulder.

“I don’t think we’ll ever get rid of your lust, my child.” His teeth nipped at your skin.

“Do you really want to?” You smirked as you glanced back at him.

“That’s one sin I think I’ll let you keep.” You felt him smile against your skin as his beard rubbed you roughly.

Jacob grabbed the top of your dress and pulled you against him, you gasped when you felt his already hardening cock against your stomach.

“I don’t think I can wait until later for that encore.” He leaned down and captured your lips with his, kissing you roughly, enough to leave the bruises you loved.

“Come on.” You grabbed both of their hands and led them back towards the compound.

Once Joseph realized where you were headed he pulled back on your hand.

“No. We can’t.” He shook his head.

“It’s the only place around with any kind of privacy, unless you want to do it in the lake again and I think trying to explain all three of us in there would be a little difficult.”

“Not only is it morally wrong, but there are followers everywhere.”

“Tell them we’re having an emergency prayer meeting for my filthy soul.” You moved closer to him and placed a soft kiss on his chest, where the buttons stopped, before dragging your tongue up his throat to his chin.

“I don’t care if we fuck on the front steps, let’s go.” Jacob grabbed your arm and pulled you with him towards the church. Joseph rolled his eyes but followed you quickly.

“Father.” A man greeted them as you approached.

“We will be in the church. Do not let anyone bother us as we will be meeting to discuss our plans for expanding.”

“Yes, Father.” The man nodded at him. Jacob commanded the Judge with his hand to wait outside the church, of course he did as instructed and sat on the steps.

Once you were in the church Joseph closed the doors behind you, Jacob wasted no time, his hands roamed your wet body as his lips possessed yours hungrily. His hands gripped your hips as he pulled you closer, pulling you with him as he walked to the front pew.

He sat down and quickly pulled his cock free, stroking it a few times. You squeezed your thighs together instinctively at the sight of him.

“You want this?” He stared as he stroked himself. You had no words, so you nodded your head eagerly. You felt Joseph approach you from behind, his hand slipping down behind you and between your legs.

“Poor lamb is absolutely soaked.” Joseph purred against your neck as his fingers slid along your folds. You pushed back against him as his fingers worked into you, your soft gasps and moans filling the air. Jacob stifled a groan as he watched you, growing harder by the second each time you whimpered.

You noticed him getting impatient, you stepped away from Joseph’s torture, though you would have rather let him finish. You slipped your panties off and turned around to sit in Jacob’s lap. He positioned his cock at your entrance as you slowly sank down onto him, letting him fill and stretch you. You braced yourself with your hands on his knees as you slowly started to move, his hands gripping your hips.

Jacob held you down in his lap as he thrust up into you, hitting that perfect spot as your moans echoed through the church.

“What the fuck are they doing in there?” You heard John’s angered voice from outside.

Before any of you could react, he barged in, luckily he was smart enough to close the doors behind him. You tried to get up, but Jacob held you down, never relenting. John stalked towards the front of the church.

“You know she can be heard from outside, right?”

Jacob shrugged as he gave you one hard thrust making you gasp, and your eyes flutter shut.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” You moaned as he fucked you faster.

John moved around to stand in front of you, his hand caressing your flushed cheeks.

“Look at you, so needy, so loud. Let’s do something about that, shall we?” His hand dropped from your face as he began undoing his belt.

Jacob’s thrusts became more animalistic, his fingertips digging into your soft skin. John pulled his already hardening cock free and stroked it close to your face. With one swift motion he placed his hand on the back of your head and pulled you closer, pushing his cock into your open mouth as you gasped and moaned. John let out a stuttered groan as he pushed to the back of your throat. Joseph stood to the side of you, watching as his brothers filled you and fucked you so well in the most holiest of places. He felt himself growing hard again and palmed at the bulge in his pants.

John held a handful of your hair as he thrust in and out of your mouth slowly at first. Jacob growled and grunted as he wrapped his arms around you and fucked into you harder. Joseph couldn’t stand it any longer, he needed to feel your touch again, he grabbed your hand and slipped it into his already unbuttoned pants. You contorted your arm until you felt his length hardening in your grasp. You slowly pumped your hand up and down him. Joseph closed his eyes and groaned breathlessly at your soft touch.

“Such a good fucking girl.” John growled through gritted teeth as his hips thrust sharply into your mouth, causing you to choke and tense around Jacob, to which he responded to by landing a hard smack on your outer thigh.

You tensed again, sliding John’s cock further into your mouth, your walls clenched around Jacob and your hand tightened over Joseph. They all soon became aware of your reaction, Jacob laughed as he spanked you again and again, you moaned around John and squeezed Joseph’s cock. Your senses were overloaded, and you were ready to combust, so close to your own release. Jacob was the first to let go, he came with a groan as he spilled inside you, holding onto you. You and John came almost simultaneously, he held your hair as he fucked your mouth until his entire body tensed and he came wordlessly down your throat. Your muscles clenched around Jacob as pleasure washed over your body, you moaned loudly but it was muffled by John’s cock still in your mouth. Your hand continued to move over Joseph until you finally pulled his release from him. Joseph growled and as his eyes closed, spilling into your hand.

All of you were breathless and completely exhausted, you most of all. John and Joseph straightened themselves up and buttoned their pants before helping you stand up. Jacob tucked himself into his pants and slid your panties up your legs, noticing his cum dripping down your legs, he smirked.

“I have to say, that’s a first for me.” John huffed, brushing his hair back into place with one hand.

“I think that was a first for all of us.” You smiled.

Joseph rolled his eyes at the two of you before placing a kiss on the top of your head.

“You should get home, get some rest.”

“What about you?”

“After what we just did, I have a lot to repent and ask forgiveness for, my lamb.” He brushed your hair behind your ear and smiled slightly.

You leaned up and kissed his cheek before looping your arm with John’s and the other with Jacob’s as they escorted you out of the church. As you exited the doors you were greeted by a follower.

“How did the discussion about expanding go?” He beamed up at the three of you.

“Oh, um…” You stammered.

“We’re drawing up the plans and working on the land acquisition forms now. Please let the others know we will need volunteers to help with the construction.” John rattled off without a hitch. You were always amazed at the ease in which he spouted bullshit.

The man nodded and walked away. You stared up at John as you continued towards the truck.

“How do you do that?” You looked at him in awe. The Judge that waited patiently outside followed close to your heel.

“Do what, my dear?” He arched an eyebrow at you

“Just come up with that shit out of nowhere.”

“Years and years of practice.” He smirked as he opened the door for you to climb in.

Joseph stood in the church as he thought about what had just transpired, thoughts began to flood his mind, thoughts of you, of your presence. You seduced him on more than one occasion, each time he gave into you quicker and quicker. The first time you kissed him, the first time you had sex in the field where he meditated, you had come into his life and tempted him, each time he gave in making it more difficult to refuse you. He fucked you after your baptism, and now he let his brothers take you in the church, but he wasn’t an innocent bystander in that either. The followers called you a temptress and his beliefs about you were starting to falter.


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Something is coming, you can feel it can't you?"

The next few weeks were weird to say the least. Joseph came to visit less and less, his excuse being the church needed him now more than ever. You couldn’t help but wonder if it had something to do with you, about your baptism and the events that transpired at the church. You decided to suck it up and go to a service, a show of good faith. You dressed in your least provocative dress, a pale pink sundress. You decided to forgo the Judge today and go on your own, it wasn’t like you’d need him at the church.

As you approached the compound you saw John and Jacob’s vehicles, hopefully they could keep their hands to themselves during the service. When you walked into the church you laid your eyes on Joseph, he looked different, like he hadn’t been sleeping. You rolled your eyes, making a point to help him relax and rest soon.

“Good morning, Father.” You said sweetly as you approached.

“Wh-What are you doing here?” He almost looked panicked.

“I’m here for the service. I figured it was probably time for me to be more active in the church.”

“That’s not necessary, why don’t you head home and I’ll come check on you later.”

You furrowed your brow, he seemed to be more than eager to get you out of the church. He also seemed to be inching away from you, something was definitely up.

“I’m already here, I think I’ll stay.” You smiled slightly and took a seat between John and Jacob.

“Didn’t think I’d see you here this morning, and fully clothed at that.” Jacob leaned close, his words sending memories flashing through your mind and a heat between your thighs.

“Stop, I’m trying to be good. Something’s up with Joseph.” You playfully nudged him away.

“Yeah, he’s been isolating himself more. I tried to invite him for dinner but he refused.” John turned to you.

“He hasn’t come by the cabin in a few days and the last time he did he acted like my touch was repulsive. Has he said anything to either of you? About being upset with me?”

They both shook their heads, neither of them knew what was wrong with Joseph but they were starting to get worried.

“Morning, my children.” Joseph addressed the congregation, his hands shaking more than normal.

“I wanted to speak today about the evils that lurk within us, winding their way into our souls and poisoning our minds. I’m not only speaking about sins, but also people. Destructive people will enter our lives, they will feed on our generosity, our forgiving natures and will use us until we are left empty and broken.” Joseph glanced towards you but quickly averted his gaze.

“They care not for you, they only care about themselves and satiating their needs and wants. We must protect ourselves from these people. How do we do that?”

“We gotta kill ‘em.” A man shouted, enciting a few others to shout in agreeance.

“That is one way of ridding their evil from our lives, but there is another way. We can break them down to their most basic state, almost primal, back to what they were before they became corrupted. By doing this we can… re-educate them, teach them a way of life that doesn’t include such selfish tendencies.”

You chewed on your lip nervously, something wasn’t right, you felt an uneasy feeling building in your stomach. You started to tap your fingers on your thigh anxiously.

“What’s wrong?” Jacob leaned over and spoke close to your ear.

“I-I need to get out of here.” Before he had a chance to respond you stood up abruptly, your eyes locking with Joseph’s for a second before you turned and headed out of the church.

Once you were outside you breathed heavily, it felt like your throat was closing in. Something was definitely wrong with Joseph and you couldn’t stay there and wait to see if he turned his entire congregation on you. You headed back home in a hurry, needing to put some distance between you for a while.

You paced the living room, chewing on your fingernails as you tried to figure out what could have gone wrong, what you could have done to make Joseph so upset with you. But he never said anything to you or his brothers, maybe you were just being paranoid. You jumped when you heard a knock at your door. You were hesitant to answer but another knock came, harder this time. Your hand hovered over the doorknob for a moment before turning it and opening the door.

“Fuck, it’s just you.” You felt yourself relax a bit at the sight of John.

“Were you expecting someone else?” He walked in and closed the door behind him.

“No… Yes… I don’t know. Did Joseph say anything to you after the service?”

“I didn’t stick around, I was worried about you. You kind of ran out of there suddenly. What’s got you so wound up?” He placed his hands on your shoulders.

“I don’t know, maybe I’m just crazy. I got an uneasy feeling about Joseph, about his sermon. I can’t explain it, I just-“

“Hey, come here. Joseph would never do anything to hurt you, he loves you.” John pulled you into an embrace, wrapping his arms around you.

You relaxed in his arms as he held you, he was right, Joseph loved you. He almost tore himself apart after everything he put you through with Luke.

“You’re right, it’s just been a weird day.” You smiled up at John and pressed your lips to his softly.

John moved his hands lower to rest on your hips and pulled you against him. You were about to take him into the bedroom when a knock at the door broke your focus. You assumed it was probably Jacob coming to check on you too. You opened the door and stepped back.

“Who is it?” John asked as he walked over to you.

“John, I didn’t know you were here.” Joseph said as he glared at you, never breaking his eyes from yours.

“What’s going on?” John said once he saw Joseph at the door with three armed followers behind him.

“Leave us, John.” Joseph commanded; his gaze still held on you.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” You reached for his hand and squeezed it. Fear settled in your chest at Joseph’s gaze. You didn’t know what was going on, but it wasn’t anything good. The Judge sat next to your feet when he sensed your unease.

“Fine. Take her.” Joseph glanced back at his men who rushed past him and grabbed your arms, tearing you away from John.

The Judge growled and snarled at the men as they grabbed you. You didn’t want them to hurt him if he tried to defend you.

“Down, boy.” You said as calmly as you could even though you were fully panicking inside.

“Joseph, what is this? What are you doing?!” John grabbed for you, trying to stop them.

“She is a weed in the garden, John. You do not see it now, but in time you will.”

“Let me go! Joseph, you can’t do this! Please!” You shouted as you kicked and struggled.

You looked back at John desperately as they dragged you from the house, he stood in the doorway next to Joseph watching.

“John, please! Don’t let him do this! Fucking do something!” You screamed, begging for him to do something.

John took a step towards you, but Joseph placed his hand on his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks. They threw you in the back of the van, your screams were muffled when they closed the doors.

“Joseph…” John turned to his brother.

“We must do what has to be done, John. Find Jacob, both of you meet me at your bunker. We have a lot to discuss.” Joseph patted John’s shoulder and headed towards the van without another word.

John glanced back at the Judge who was now whining for you.

“Let’s get you back to Jacob.” John motioned for him to follow.

Once John was back at the ranch with the Judge close on his heel, he called Jacob over the radio.

 _“Jake, pick up.”_ John pressed the button and waited for a response.

 _“What’s wrong?”_ He knew by the sound of John’s voice that something wasn’t right.

_“Joseph wants us to meet him at my bunker. Something’s going on, he wouldn’t tell me.”_

_“I’ll be there in 30.”_

_“There’s more, he took her. He had armed men with him, and he said something about her being a weed in the garden.”_ John’s voice wavered, he felt guilty for not stopping him, for not doing something.

 _“He may have taken her, but he won’t be keeping her.”_ Jacob responded and slammed the radio down.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to let you all know that this story will be coming to an end soon. I have really enjoyed writing it and interacting with you all! I am working on some other chaptered fics that I will upload once this one is finished. Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!

You could have struggled more, you could have fought, but what was the point? Joseph was going to do what he wanted regardless. If you escaped, he’d find you. You sat in the back of the van and accepted your fate. You’d been fighting for so long you couldn’t even remember what you even started fighting for. At first you fought for the Resistance, then you fought for yourself, for your freedom, but now you had nothing to keep fighting for. It would always be this way, you’d fight, you’d lose. You’d surrender, you’d be forced to fight again. An endless cycle, so what was the point?

The van came to a halt and you knew where you were, you’d been on this ride many times before. The doors swung open and the bright sun beamed into your face. You were pulled from the back and walked into the bunker. You remained silent, no longer shouting, not longer planning an escape, you were done, this was it for you. You couldn’t see him, but you knew Joseph was close behind you, you could hear his footsteps, his weight as it shifted from leg to leg. They guided you down into the bunker, through the halls, you didn’t bother trying to remember your way out this time.

They pushed you into a poorly lit room and bound you to a small metal chair in the middle of it. You complied, lifting your wrists for them, holding still while they worked in securing you. Joseph stood in the doorway, his gaze never breaking from you for a second. You wondered how he was going to justify this to Jacob and John, but then again, they always did as their brother asked, always so loyal.

“Leave us.” Joseph commanded the men as he stepped into the room.

He paced, his hands shook, his steps uneasy, he was conflicted. He clenched his jaw as he considered his words carefully.

“Do you know why you’re here?” He finally spoke.

“Does it fucking matter?” You answered with a sigh.

“It does actually, it matters quite a bit. You- You’ve been a distraction, a slow-moving poison to me and the Project. You’ve worked your way into my family, you’ve pitted us against each other, you’ve dug yourself under our skin. Everything I’ve worked for, sacrificed, you’ve tried to take that from me.”

“I haven’t tried to take shit, Joseph. Do you even hear yourself?”

“No, I don’t and that’s the beauty of it. The Voice is my guide now, I’m no longer plagued by my own misgivings and desires. No more am I distracted; my focus is now fully on the Project. For so long I’ve been focused on you and your wretchedness. I can finally see what is most important.”

“Yeah… that doesn’t sound crazy at all.”

The smack across your face stunned you momentarily, not like you could’ve avoided it, but you could have at least braced yourself.

“You still try to diminish my calling, The Voice, by saying I’m ‘crazy’. As you can see, I am no longer affected by you and your foul tongue.”

“Oh, I remember a time when my ‘foul tongue’ was one of your favorite qualities.” You smirked. If you were going to die then you were going to die being yourself.

“You remember that time you were writing a sermon on fornication and I sucked your cock the entire time? I swear I can still taste your-“

Another smack landing across your other cheek, stinging a little more than the last one did. Your tongue lapped at the blood the spilled from your split lip.

“Your mouth-“

“And then there was that time you were reading the Word of Joseph to me and I rode your thigh until I came. Your voice always makes me so wet, wanna see?” You shifted in your chair, opening your knees as far as you could with your feet tied.

You could see the rage and disgust rising in Joseph’s eyes, without a word he lunged at you, his hands wrapping around your throat, squeezing. You choked and struggled for air, but he didn’t relent, not for a second. His eyes burned with something dark as you felt your body pleading for air.

“Joseph! Fuck! Let her go!” You heard John’s voice echo as your vision blurred.

You couldn’t focus on what he was saying but you heard Jacob shouting, their voices muffled as you felt your consciousness waning. You inhaled deeply as you felt his hands release your throat, choking for air, desperately filling your lungs. You saw Jacob pulling Joseph away from you and John stepping towards you worriedly.

“Are you alright?” He asked as he checked the bruises forming on your neck already.

“Get away from her!” Joseph yelled as he fought to get out of Jacob’s grasp.

“What the fuck is going on with you?” Jacob finally released him but stepped between the two of you.

“She’s poisoned your minds! We fight each other, we put all of our time and effort into her and for what? We have lost sight of our purpose, of the Project and she is to blame.”

“Joseph, listen to yourself, listen to what you’re saying. She has sacrificed her life, time and again for us, for each of us.” John argued.

“Only because of situations she has created. You never would have been taken by Luke had she not slept with him. Jacob never would have gotten attacked by that wolf had she not begged for something to do. You can’t ignore all of the people who have been hurt or died at her hand all in the name of ‘saving’ us.”

“Fuck you! I killed because of you. You pulled me into this fucking circus and asked me to be a part of your delusional family!” You shouted as you pulled on your restraints.

“See? Even now, when you’re trying to help her, she mocks us, she has no compassion for others, nothing but selfishness.”

You felt your anger surging through your body, you wanted nothing more than to get the fuck out of this town and never look back, for this all to end. You loved John and Jacob, and a small part of you still loved Joseph, but you were tired.

“You know what, if you’re going to kill me just go ahead and get it over with.”

“I never planned on killing you, my child. I plan on saving you.”

John glanced over to Jacob, neither of them knew what to do. They’d never seen Joseph like this before, he turned on you so quickly and ruthlessly.

“What does that mean, Joseph?” John asked.

“Come with me.” He glanced at you before he left the room. Jacob and John moved to follow him.

“Wait, you’re not leaving me, are you?”

“We’ll be back. Promise.” Jacob nodded towards you. John gave you a nod in agreeance as they headed through the door.

They caught up to Joseph as he waited down the hall. Their fears only growing as they watched him pace nervously.

“When was the last time you slept, Joseph?” Jacob asked, knowing the signs of insomnia well.

“I-I don’t remember exactly, but this has nothing to do with that. I’m seeing things perfectly clear now. All of our suffering has been at her hand.” He continued to pace, his hands shaking still.

“What’s your plan here?” Jacob sighed.

“She must be cleansed, her sins are too deeply rooted for atonement or confessions to work, we’ve seen that. The only way to do that is to break her down to her most vulnerable state.”

“That sounds a bit extreme, Joseph. Why don’t we go home and get some rest, and we can discuss things tomorrow?” John placed his hand on Joseph’s shoulder.

Joseph remained silent as he looked at his brothers, their faces contorting before his eyes, his heart sank in his chest as he realized you’d already gotten to them. He knew what he had to do now, in order to save his brothers, he had to deal with you first.

“Okay, but I need to show you something first.” He motioned for them to follow him. Jacob was hesitant but followed anyways.

You saw them pass by the door, John glancing back at you for a moment. You sat there confused, wondering where they were going and if they had convinced Joseph to release you yet. He led them to the main door and stood aside, motioning for them to exit. Once outside they were accosted by several followers with guns.

John looked back to Joseph confused as Jacob reached for his pistol, readying for a fight.

“I’ll release her once she’s better. You’ll both see this is what’s best.” Joseph spoke before closing the bunker door behind him. The followers stood guard at the door, unwavering even as Jacob stared them down.

“What the fuck do we do now? He’s probably going to kill her. Knowing her she won’t keep her mouth shut for a second and he’ll choke her again and we won’t be there to stop him.”

“Not here.” Jacob said as he glanced over to the men at the door. John followed him to his truck as they drove back to the Ranch.

You heard footsteps nearing, but only one set, you couldn’t see him, but you knew it had to be Joseph. John and Jacob would have never been able to agree on who came down to save you. He strode into the room and closed the door behind him. He pulled a chair up and sat in front of you, his gaze fixed on yours.

You waited for what seemed like hours for him to speak, but he said nothing. You remained silent, trying to get a read on what he was doing, but you came up empty.

“Are you going to say something?” You finally spoke.

He still said nothing. You shifted in your seat at his gaze, you wondered how long he was going to do this.

“I wish you’d speak, you’re kind of freaking me out.”

Suddenly he jumped up, making you jerk, he knelt in the floor before you, his hands resting on your knees as he inched his face closer to yours.

“I can tell you’re frightened, don’t worry. I’m going to save you.” His hand caressed your cheek as you flinched away from him.

He’d obviously lost it, but you wanted to see where this was going. You’d endured the torture John and Jacob gave you, beatings, having your sins carved into you, you’d been shot several times, stabbed, had a miscarriage, been drugged, hell you even went crazy yourself for a brief period of time when you were having those dreams. You decided to indulge him.

“Save me then.” You spoke softly.

An unnerving grin spread across his lips as he stood and backed away from you. He rubbed his rosary between his fingers as he mumbled a prayer. Your heart raced as you knew this was the end.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might possibly be breaking my own heart with this chapter. I'm sorry. Also, a reminder that this series will end at chapter 50.

The ride back to the ranch was silent, each brother contemplating a plan, trying to think of a way to save you without crossing Joseph. Once they reached their destination they were met with a desperate and frantic looking Faith.

“What’re you doing here?” Jacob said as he made his way towards her.

“It’s Joseph, something-“

“I’m gonna stop you right there. We know something’s wrong with him already. I’m assuming you’re here about his latest prisoner?”

“Prisoner? No, I’m here because he’s having the followers-“ She stopped as if she were afraid to speak anymore against The Father.

“Out with it, we have more pressing issues.” John added as he stood next to Jacob.

“I love The Father, dearly, but- but he isn’t okay. He’s armed all the followers, even one’s who shouldn’t be armed. But the worst part is that he’s having them prepare for something, not the end, but something else, something terrible.” John looked down at her hands, she was trembling, no longer the giddy, carefree Faith he knew.

“He-He told them he’s going to sacrifice a sinner, that the voice told him the impurity of this one soul will set all others free if he takes their life before the end comes.”

John and Jacob looked at each other in terror, they knew who the sinner would be, they knew who he was going to sacrifice. Now more than ever they needed to come up with a plan, and quick.

Joseph spent the next few hours praying at your feet. At first you welcomed the peace, glad he wasn’t torturing you, but now you were annoyed.

“Aren’t you supposed to be saving me or some shit?” You looked down at him, hoping to provoke a response.

He remained sitting, his legs crossed, whispering something into the rosary he clasped tightly. Beads of sweat formed on his brow as he rocked, you stared at the dark circles underneath his eyes, wondering how long it had been since he’d slept. You watched as you realized this wasn’t the man you loved, something was different about him now.

“Joseph? Joseph, look at me?” You dropped all pretenses of sarcasm, all assumptions, you were genuinely concerned now.

“Please, Joseph? This isn’t you.”

Suddenly he went silent, his lips no longer moving, he slowly lowered the rosary from his lips and looked up at you with a bone chilling smile creeping across his face. He tilted his head like a dog listening for a far-off sound.

“Isn’t me? I’ve never been more myself, my child.” His eyes burned into yours and you quickly averted your gaze.

“No! Look at me!” He shouted as he lunged at you, grabbing your face tightly in one hand.

He moved closer, his face almost touching yours, his grip tightening around your face. He stayed silent, just staring into your eyes, as if he were searching for something.

“You’ve spoken your last word.” He released you and stood up quickly, approaching a table behind him and returning with duct tape.

“Joseph, you don’t have to do this. Please, just let-“ He placed the tape over your mouth before you could finish.

Your heart pounded in your chest, panic settling in as you came to the realization that he wasn’t going to let you go no matter how much you begged. You wondered where in the hell John and Jacob were, worrying that he’d convinced them this was needed.

The next hour was spent with Joseph circling you like prey, the only contact you had was when his rosary brushed against your shoulders, sending a shiver through your body. He stopped behind you abruptly, you tried to look but you couldn’t see what he was doing. It wasn’t until you felt the cool blade against your skin did you realize he had a knife. His slid it down your collarbone and beneath the straps of your dress, slicing each one carefully.

“You won’t need this.” He said as he cut the fabric from you.

He walked around in front of you and used the knife to cut the dress off you the rest of the way, leaving you in only your underwear. Your entire body shook, not because of the cold, but because of the fear he instilled in you. You mumbled, trying to ask him to stop, but the tape kept any words from escaping.

“For my brothers’ sake, I’ve kept a few details of your cleansing to myself, but I feel like you need to understand what your purpose is now. When I had visions of you beside us at Eden’s Gate, I was mistaken in thinking you lived until the end.”

You panicked as you looked at him, he fidgeted with the knife he held in his hands.

“You were with us, but only because of the great sacrifice you make before the end. I was blinded before, but now I see- I see everything clearly now.”

You squirmed in the chair, pulling on the restraints, trying your hardest to break free, do anything to get the fuck out of here. You screamed beneath the tape, but nothing above a mumble could be heard.

“Shhhh, shhhhh- don’t worry, my child, you’re doing this for the Project, for me- for my brothers.”

“I know through all the lies and deception that there’s still a small part of you that loves us.”

Your tears flowed as he placed the knife against the ‘Wrath’ scar John had given you so long ago. The blade bit into your skin slowly, he added pressure, cutting deeper. You screamed and jerked as pain radiated through your body.

“Shhhh, almost done.” He tried to calm you, his hand splayed across your stomach while he worked the knife over the last letters.

“There. Perfect.” He dropped the bloodied knife to the floor.

Your breathing was shallow as you tried desperately to keep from moving anymore. Your shook and continued to cry, it wasn’t like you hadn’t been through this before, or worse for that matter, but this time you knew there was no one running to your rescue.

“Well we have to do something.” John ran his hand through his hair as he paced the living room.

“Don’t you think I know that? What the fuck would you have me do? Mow down the followers at the door and take out Joseph?” Jacob watched John.

“Well, yes. Look, I don’t give two fucks about the followers, they’re replaceable. As for Joseph, it’s only a matter of time before he turns on one of us. I’m not saying kill him, but he has to be stopped.”

“I-I may be able to help.” Faith spoke up meekly from the corner.

As the hours passed you were fully convinced John and Jacob had abandoned you. Which, you couldn’t really blame them. They couldn’t exactly go against Joseph. You wondered how John was doing, he always took your absence the hardest. You knew Jacob would miss you, but he’d never show it, John just didn’t know how to cope with loss. You laughed to yourself that even in this moment, bleeding, naked, probably close to death, you were still thinking about those damn Seed men.

You watched as Joseph sat across the room from you, looking exhausted. A small part of you still felt for him. You wondered what had happened to make him snap, to make him turn on you so quickly. He slumped over in the chair, fidgeting with the rosary in his hands. You mumbled something, trying to talk to him, he glanced up at you before standing and making his way over.

“I know you want to speak to me, but I can’t allow that. You only spew lies and I mustn’t let myself fall prey to your deception again.”

You mumbled again, desperate for him to hear you, to let you say something. The first hit was a surprise. The second and third were expected. A ringing echoed through your ear, your face stinging from his hand. You furrowed your brow at him, determined to fight your way out of this world. You yelled and jerked in the chair, fighting everything he gave you. Another hard slap, but you continued.

“Stop!” He shouted, his eyes pleading with you to end this.

The next hit landed hard against the side of your head, consciousness fading for a brief moment, stilling your movements. Once you came back to you returned to screaming, your voice wavered. You watched as the anger surged through him, his gaze no longer exhausted, but filled with rage. One silencing blow to end the whole ordeal was into your stomach. His fist hit the wound he had just reopened, knocking the wind from your lungs.

“You brought this upon yourself!” He yelled close to your face.

You clenched your jaw at his closeness, you wanted nothing more than to end his life. The first step was complete, you had to rid yourself of all compassion for Joseph, for he held none for you.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the brief intermission, I've had to take a hiatus for a minute until things calmed down and I could focus on writing again.

Days, weeks, months, you weren’t sure how long you had been in that damned bunker with Joseph. His sanity waning and yours starting to crack. He screamed through the night about sins and your atrocities. When he did mange to rest it was only briefly. You were tied to the chair or chained to the wall, no freedom, no chances. Your time there seemed like a fevered dream, seconds ticking by like hours, no contact other than Joseph. You had to admit he was starting to make sense with his ramblings, all the incessant drabble about the end and your hand in bringing the new world to fruition.

One moment he talked as if you were a key, then next as if you were worthless. Every now and then you would catch a glimpse of the old Joseph, the one who loved you, but that seemed so long ago.

His hand trembled as he held the bottle to your lips, tipping it slightly and letting the cool liquid slide down your throat. You kept your eyes on his as you drank. You had long given up the notion that he had any plans of poisoning you. His hand gently caressed the side of your cheek, tucking your hair behind your ear as he lowered the bottle from your mouth.

“Thanks.” You murmured quietly.

“You were once my lamb, my calm in the storm.” A ghost of a smile traced his lips.

“And now? What am I am to you?” You asked.

“My turmoil.” He said as he stood and backed away from you.

“I-I don’t understand, maybe you can elaborate a little bit. You loved me once, recently if I might add. And now you despise me, you act like I’ve committed some great crime against you and your brothers. All I ever did was fucking love you Joseph.” You felt the anger rising within you again.

“How many have died at your hand? How much blood do you have soaking into your core now? How many times have you used me and my family to get what you want?”

“Your hands aren’t exactly clean, Joseph.” You scooted closer to him, the chain dragging against the concrete floor.

“No, they’re not. But the blood on my hands is that of sinners, those who disobeyed God’s commands.” He said as he paced.

“And you really believe all that bullshit? That you talk with God?”

“You cannot believe what you do not understand.”

“You know, I’ve met people who say they hear the voice of God too, although they were strapped and locked in a padded cell, not running a religious militia in fucking Montana.”

“Perhaps they were wrongly accused, just as you wrongly accuse me now.”  

“You’re fucking crazy! Let me go!” You screamed and pulled on the chains, trying to free it from the bolt in the wall. Joseph watched you struggle for a moment.

He grabbed the knife from before, your dried blood covering it still. He slowly made his way towards you and dropped to his knees in front of you. Joseph held the knife up to his throat and stared back at you.

“Is this what you want? Would you like to see me dead before you?” He pressed the knife into his skin.

A part of you wanted him to do it, to free you from this torture. But there was still a small part inside you that didn’t want to see him hurt, the part that you had been trying to bury since he brought you here.

“You won’t do it. You wouldn’t give me that kind of satisfaction.”

“Won’t I?” He pressed the knife harder, a slow trickle of blood dripping from the blade.

“Stop.” Your voice was small.

“I could end all of your suffering with the slip of my hand. You could be free to destroy my brothers just as you have destroyed me.”

You felt the tears start to swell in your eyes, your breath was caught in your throat and in this moment you were scared for Joseph.

“Just one small motion and we could have peace.” He tilted his head back and closed his eyes.

“Okay! I get it! Just stop, please!” You sobbed and fought to get closer to him, the chain clinking against the floor.

He opened his eyes and removed the knife from his throat, slowly returning his gaze to you. You knew he wasn’t in his right mind, if you’d let him do this you never would have forgiven yourself. You exhaled sharply and dropped your gaze to the floor, tears pooling on the concrete beneath you.

“You see now what you do? What you drive others to do?”

“Yes, Joseph.” You sobbed as the tears flowed.

Jacob and John worked tirelessly with Faith, trying to figure out how to save you from Joseph. John wanted to go in without a plan and just take out anyone who got in the way. But Faith reminded him that the door was locked from the inside and they’d never open it for them.

“Who knows if she’s even alive still, he could have already sacrificed her.” John said as he paced.

“He wouldn’t, not without his followers. He wants to make a show of it, to prove that he has not been swayed by her.” Faith said.

“Do you know when he’s planning on doing this show?” Jacob looked up at her from the table.

“No, but I can try to find out.”

“If we can just get Joseph out of the bunker, we can save her.” John looked over at the two of them.

“And how do you propose we do that?”

“I don’t fucking know. Maybe if you helped instead of shooting down every fucking thing I say, we would have her with us by now.” John slammed his hands on the counter.

“You’re right, go ahead and attack the bunker, shoot every last one of those men out there and then find your own goddamn way inside. Be the fucking hero you obviously want to be so fucking badly.” Jacob spouted back.

“I don’t have to listen to this. If you figure something out, let me know.” John turned and headed up to his office, leaving Jacob and Faith to come up with a plan.

You leaned back against the cold wall, your tears had stopped, and a calmness had washed over you.

“I have to know, what pushed you over the edge, Joseph? Was it the baptism? The church?” You looked up at him from across the room.

“It was a culmination of things. I was blinded by lust and unable to see the light of everything you had done.” He spoke softly, his voice wavering.

“Was it only lust? Was there ever love for me in your heart?”

“There is still love for you in my heart, but love cannot wash away your sins this time.”


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end is nigh.

An ache formed in the pit of your stomach, not hunger, not pain, but sorrow. You thought back to everything that had led you here, if only you had just left Hope County when you had the chance. You could have run away and never looked back, but you didn’t. Something pulled you back in every time you got to the edge of town, each time you drove your car to the border you stopped and eventually turned around. For all the pain and trouble this place had given you, something about it still felt like home. Maybe it was knowing the Seed’s had suffered just as you had in your life and they understood you, maybe it was the way they loved you completely from day one.

Although you were basically naked, your body had acclimated to the cold ass temperature down there. You no longer shivered, the hunger pangs had stopped, and there were no more tears left to cry. You watched Joseph pace the line of sanity, his preaching becoming less and less precise, no longer exact in his words and struggling to convince himself that this was the right path. He felt himself slipping and knew he needed rest.

For two days he left you alone, you never thought you’d miss his voice, but the silence was beginning to drive you to question your own sanity. Suddenly the door opened, you had given up all hope for John or Jacob to waltz through the door. The last person you expected to see was Faith. She tiptoed towards you with a bucket of water in one hand.

“Why are you here?” You glanced up at her.

“Joseph sent me, it’s time.” Her voice couldn’t be any smaller.

“Time for what?”

“I’m not supposed to say. I’m only here to prepare you.” She placed the bucket down and grabbed a rag from inside, wringing it out over the water.

“Get on with it then.” You sighed and sat back in your chair. Any other time and you would have fought, screamed, but Faith looked about as broken as you were and there was nothing she could do.

She started at your feet and washed the dirt away, rinsing the rag and wringing it out again. She remained silent but peered up at you as if she had something to say, something dancing desperately on the tip of her tongue. You wanted to ask what the fuck she was staring at, but you refrained.

“He’s not evil, just lost.” She whispered with her head ducked down as she washed your shoulders.

“He’s lost and I’m not two inches from death.” You looked up at her with the dark circles around your eyes, letting her know you held little to no pity for the man anymore.

She finished her job without another word, knowing she had been where you are too, that she hated Joseph at one time herself. She placed the rag back in the bucket and bent to lift it. As she did, she turned to you.

“When the time comes, run.”  She whispered before she left.

You tugged on your restraints, testing to see if she had loosened them, she hadn’t. You wondered what she was talking about and how you would know when the right time was. It wasn’t long after she left two Peggies entered the room, both toting guns, both with the cross tattooed on their foreheads.

They circled you and undid your restraints from the chair but left them around your hands. They helped you stand but your legs were weak, they grabbed your arms and held you up as they guided you towards the door. As you reached the doorway a woman stood there with a simple, white cotton dress.

“Untie her hands for a moment.”  She commanded the men. They quickly untied your hands, you looked down at the indentions around your wrists and touched them slightly.

“Up.” She motioned for you to raise your arms as she slipped the dress over your head.

She straightened the dress out and nodded for them to tie your hands again. You had no time to protest or argue, and you knew if you did they would either hit you or shoot you and you’d already been through enough. Once you were restrained once more they continued to walk you down the corridor to the exit of the bunker. You couldn’t help but feel uneasy, something about this wasn’t right.

“Where are you taking me?”

“It’s time for you to lead us to the new world.” One of the men spoke without looking at you.

The sun all but blinded you, your eyes squinted at the brightness, it had been so long since you’d seen daylight. Once your eyes adjusted you could see what lay before you. A trail of flowers at your feet, leading down a dirt path into the woods, several followers dressed in their nicest cult clothes, all staring at you. You started down the path with the followers close behind you, urging you on. Surely Joseph wouldn’t force you to marry him after breaking you down so violently, right? You started to rehearse how you’d refuse his offer. A simple ‘fuck you’ wouldn’t be good enough. Maybe ‘never in a million years’ or ‘I’d rather marry my first cousin’.

You came to a clearing in the woods, Joseph standing there, as shirtless as ever. He looked like he still hadn’t slept, you wondered why he had been gone for so long. Your thoughts were ripped apart when you saw what he was standing next to. A large wooden table with metal restraints built in, but that wasn’t nearly as alarming as the blood that already covered it, or Jacob’s hunting knife Joseph was holding onto. You stopped in your tracks and stepped back, you turned to run but were caught by the two men behind you. You screamed and kicked, trying to get away from them, trying to run like Faith had said, but you got nowhere. The tears you thought were gone soon started flowing again as they dragged you towards the table.

They effortlessly lifted you up and slammed you down, untying your wrists momentarily before securing them at your sides in the restraints.

“Joseph, please, you can’t do this!” You struggled and cried.

“My lamb, this was always how it was going to end. With one of us dead and you know that.” He brushed your hair aside, his touch sending a shiver through your body, so cold, heartless, no longer gentle.

“Please!” You screamed again, Joseph quickly snapped his hand over your mouth, silencing you.

“My children, the time has come for us to walk hand in hand into the new world.” He addressed his followers. You looked around as much as you could but saw no sign of John or Jacob. Of course, they would stay as far away as they could from this bullshit.

“The sacrifice of her physical body will set all of our souls free and usher in the paradise we have been promised.” He removed his hand and paced.

The woman who had brought you the dress stood on the other side of the table, her hand placed over top of yours. You watched Joseph but soon turned to her when you felt her hand moving over the restraint around your wrist. She held her gaze on joseph as she loosened the strap, never looking down to you.

Suddenly Joseph turned around to face you, bringing the knife up for you to see. The woman stepped back from you slowly.

“I thought it might bring you some comfort if I used something familiar.” He spoke with a dark grin playing along his lips.

“I’m sure Jacob was only too happy to lend it to you for this. Though I’m surprised he isn’t here to watch.” You snapped at him.

“It seems as though my brothers were led too far from the path to return; I can only pray for their souls now.” He stepped back and lifted the knife over your body.

Your heart thudded against your chest, one hand was loose, but you’d never get out of here alive if you tried to run. Joseph closed his eyes and tilted his head back, taking one final deep breath. Your eyes went wide as you watched him bringing the knife down, before he struck you something stopped him. A loud shot rang out, sending the followers screaming. Joseph dropped the knife to the ground and stumbled back from you, blood starting to stream from a wound in his stomach. Joseph looked down at the hole in shock before he fell to the ground without a word. You reached over and began loosening the other restraint from your wrist, but another sound stopped you. This time it was louder and more surrounding, you glanced over your shoulder to see a plume of smoke rising through the trees with a flash of light blinding you.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” You stuttered as you hurriedly fumbled with the other restraint. The bastard was right, the fucking apocalypse was coming.

His followers had all but disappeared into the woods, screaming and running. You finally loosened it and pulled your hand free, sliding off the table and staring down at Joseph as he bled out at your feet. The smell of fire and smoke was filling the air, you stepped over his body and headed towards the bunker, but something stopped you. The same thing that always stopped you from leaving Hope County.

“Why is this on me? Why the fuck is it always me?” You stared up at the sky before turning back to him.

“You don’t deserve to live, but I can’t leave you here.” You grabbed Joseph’s arm and helped him to his feet. He clung to you for support as you slowly made your way to his bunker. As you approached you saw no one, not a soul. All of the followers were gone, all of the vehicles were gone, they must have tried to outrun the explosion. You reached the door but before you could open it, it swung open.

“You’re fucking kidding me?” You said as you stared up at Jacob.

“Where the fuck have you been?” You stood there in disbelief, still holding Joseph up.

“Get inside, you can yell at us in a minute.” He effortlessly grabbed Joseph and carried him inside as you closed the door behind you.

You walked down the steps and followed him, he said ‘us’, John’s weasely ass must be here too. A million questions and profanities raced through your mind as you walked behind him, images of you hitting the shit out of both of them flashed through your head. He entered one of the rooms and placed Joseph on the bed. Without a word he set to work in removing the bullet from Joseph’s stomach.

“Hey- Hey!” You shouted as you stormed up to him.

“Give me a minute, I gotta get this out of-“

“No, fuck him. He just tried to fucking sacrifice me!” You grabbed his shoulder and turned him to you.

“I know, okay? I know what he did, but he wasn’t in his right mind, He would never-“

“Yeah, he would never do anything like that, well the thing is, he did fucking do it.”

“Let him get the bullet out first, then you can decide whether you want him dead or not.” You turned around to see John standing in the doorway.

“You asshole! You let him take me!” You started towards him as Jacob returned to his task.

John held his hands up in submission as you got closer, he hoped you would stop but you didn’t. Your fist hit hard against his cheek, sending him back against the concrete wall.

“Fuck you all.” You stormed past him into the hallway and headed for the nearest empty room.

Anger surged through you as you walked, but so did the pain and emotions you had been holding in. You wanted to hurt John and Jacob like they’d hurt you by abandoning you, by letting this happen. But you also wanted to hug them, to feel safe in their arms again. You finally found a room and sat down on an empty bed, letting your emotions wash over you as you sobbed. Not only for yourself, but for the end that had come too soon.


	45. Chapter 45

As you contemplated everything that had just happened, you noticed John standing in the doorway.

“Did you need something or-“

“I know it wasn’t easy, what you did. Thank you for saving him.”

“I honestly couldn’t tell you why I did it, call it a moment of weakness I guess.”

“I’m surprised Faith didn’t carry him herself. Where is she by the way?” He glanced into the hallway before turning back to you.

“What do you mean? She wasn’t with me. Last I saw her she was down here.”

“She didn’t come with you?” He looked as though he was starting to panic.

“No, was she supposed to?” You stared at him as he ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

“She said- After she fired the shot she was supposed to- Shit.” He stuttered before jolting out of the room. You sat for a moment before realizing what he had said.

Faith took the shot, she shot Joseph. You jumped up and chased after him, hearing John and Jacob talking down the hall.

“We have to go get her.”

“We can’t, John, it’s not safe out there.”

“She was supposed to come back here, wasn’t she?” You asked from the doorway.

“That was the plan, before-“ Jacob trailed off, the reality of what happened to Faith hitting him.

It was in that moment you realized they didn’t hate Faith, they cared for her, deeply, like brothers would their little sister. A thick silence fell over the room as Jacob continued to work on Joseph’s wound. You wondered why Faith was the one to shoot him, why not Jacob? He was much better with a sniper rifle, maybe he wouldn’t have been able to take the shot on his brother. You leaned against the doorframe and watched as he worked, John pacing across the room, his perfectly placed hair now in a disheveled state. You had so many questions, many of which began with why the fuck they left you down there for so long, but even you knew there were inappropriate moments, and this was one of them.

It seemed like hours had passed, more than when you were shot. You fingers pressed into the scars beneath your shirt where your wounds were, remembering how they each cared for you while you healed.

“There. Now we wait to see if he makes it through the night.” Jacob removed his gloves and placed them on the table beside the bed.

The thought running through your head wasn’t a pleasant one as you stared at Joseph’s pale body. Though you saved him, you wanted him dead. When you saw his lifeless, blood stained body on the ground you forgot about all the pain he had caused you briefly. You felt like you needed to save him from the gruesome, burning death that awaited him if you left him there. You stared at him in disgust and hatred now, waiting for his last breath to fill his lungs.

“Come on, we need to talk.” Jacob noticed your stare and grabbed your arm, pulling you from the room.

“Sit.” Jacob commanded as he guided you into the next room over, pointing to a chair against the wall.

“No, I think I’ll fucking stand. If you weren’t aware, I’ve been sitting in this fucking bunker for God knows how long. Maybe you two forgot.” You leaned back against one of the concrete walls and crossed your arms.

“We didn’t forget, tr-“ John said as he approached you.

“You didn’t forget? Well, fuck me, sure seems like you fucking forgot. You left me here to deal with crazy fucking Joseph to be tortured and starved! Did you even try to come save me? Did you even want to?”

“Of course we fucking wanted to! Do you think we just sat around and hoped everything would work out?” John’s voice echoed off the walls as he shouted.

“Then why didn’t you come? Why did you leave me to suffer down here while he prepped me for a goddamn sacrifice?” You fought back the tears that were rising in your eyes, you couldn’t break down, not now.

“We wanted to come, but we couldn’t just storm the bunker. He had guards inside to keep the doors locked. If we would have run up here guns blazing, we would have been locked out for good.” Jacob added.

“All I know is that I waited-“ You felt the lump rising in your throat as you tried to stop the tears.

“I waited for you two, for someone to burst through that door and take me away from him.” You pointed to the shared wall between the rooms.

“And you never came, you never-“ You covered your face with your hands as you felt the dam behind your eyes break, tears flowed and everything came rushing out at once. You slumped back against the wall again as your sobs filled the room.

You felt Jacob’s hands on your shoulders as he pulled you against his chest and John’s arms wrapping around your waist as he rested his head on yours.

“We’re sorry we didn’t save you. If there was another way-“John’s voice was small, he hated seeing you like this.

You remained like this for a while, Jacob holding you against his chest as John’s arms tightened around your waist, all of you standing in silence. You were still livid and angry with them, but honestly you missed this, missed them.

Your tears slowed and then stopped altogether, their grips on your loosening. Jacob placed his hand under your chin and brought your gaze up to his.

“I swear, I’ll never let anything bad happen to you again.” He kissed your forehead gently before releasing you.

“Come with me.” John grabbed your hand and led you out of the room. You wanted to yell at them some more, but you were too tired to fight.

John led you down the hallway to a bathroom, he left you at the doorway as he turned the shower on for you.

“let’s get you cleaned up.” He held out his hand to you, needing you to give him a sign tat you were okay, that you were going to forgive him.

You refused his hand though, the anger had subsided briefly as the tears were flowing, now it had returned. You slipped the strap of the dress of your shoulders and let it pool in the floor at your feet. John’s eyes grew wide as he stared at the scar across your stomach, the one Joseph had reopened. You stared at him as his eyes were fixed on your scars, his fingers ghosting across it making you shudder.

“It wasn’t just mindless talking, John.”

“I-I didn’t know. I know that’s not an excuse, but I really ha no fucking clue. I’m so sorry.” He finally looked up at you, his eyes searching your for any sign of the love you used to hold for him.

“I know.” You said as you walked past him and stepped into the shower.

The warm water poured over your body, rinsing the dirt away, stinging the wounds on your body. You closed your eyes as the water brought a brief calmness over you. You placed your hands against the shower wall as you let the water run over you. You heard the shower door slide open and before you could protest you felt John’s hands on your hips, pulling you back against him. He placed a soft kiss on your shoulder and rested his cheek against your skin.

“John-“ You would have preferred a little solace.

“I don’t want anything from you, I just need to be close to you.” His voice was hushed, almost too low to hear over the sound of the water.

You wanted to push him away, to tell him to fuck off, but you’d both been through a lot and you kind of needed the intimacy. He would pepper kisses across your shoulder and wrap his arms around your waist, holding you tight.

“For the record, I wanted to come in guns blazing.”

“Honestly, I wish you would have.” You felt the pain building in your chest again at the memory of what happened.

John grabbed your hips and turned you to face him, his hands resting on your shoulders.

“I can never express to you how sorry I am for what happened between you and Joseph. I should have never let him take you that day, I should have-“ John choked back a sob as he averted his eyes from yours, his gaze falling to the scars on your stomach.

“I did this to you.” His fingers lightly traced the scabs that had already formed over the wound.

As he traced the last letter you grabbed his hand and brought it up to your face, placing it against your cheek. You turned your face and kissed the palm of his hand gently.

“I should have let you go, I should have never tried to keep you here.”

You cupped his face between your hands and lifted his gaze to meet yours, his blue eyes now full of sorrow and regret. You were at a loss for words, unsure if you’d ever seen John this broken, this low. You did the only thing you knew to do, you pulled him closer and pressed your lips to his softly, letting the water wash down both of you while you kissed. His hands slid down to your hips as he pushed you back against the shower wall, not rough or hard, but gently. His kiss became more demanding and passionate, his lips moving with yours as if he were desperate for you to love him again.

You were still confused about everything, about all of the fucked-up shit you’d been through, but in this moment, you wanted John more than anything. You wanted to hear him groaning your name, his hands squeezing your skin, and his lips shamelessly attached to yours. You placed your hands around his neck and wrapped your legs around his waist. He pulled away from the kiss briefly, pressing his forehead to yours.

“Are you sure?” His voice was already breathless.

“Please?” Without hesitation he returned to you, his kiss hungrier now as his tongue swirled with your own.

His hand moved between you as he stroked himself, rubbing his tip against your slick folds. You moaned at the action and tightened your legs around him, pulling him closer to you. He didn’t want to keep you waiting or to tease you any longer, he pressed the tips of his cock to your center and as you began to stretch around him. You gasped as he filled you slowly, his hands squeezing your thighs as he restrained himself.

You soon found yourself unravelling beneath him, his breath hot against your ear as he spoke your name, his cock dragging against your walls oh so slowly, pulling every soft moan he could from your lips. You never thought John would be capable of sex that didn’t involve biting or fighting for dominance in some way, but you were both broken and needed this, you needed each other. You fell into that old, familiar rhythm again, your moans still audible over the water rushing down.

“John…” You panted.

You looked into his eyes as he thrust in and out of you slowly, he was just as lost as you. You threaded your fingers through his beard and ran your thumb across his parted lips.

“I love you.” He pressed a kiss to the pad of your thumb.

“I love you too.” You spoke softly before kissing his lips again.

Your eyes fluttered closed as you felt your orgasm roll through your body, intense and unwavering, the first time in a long time you felt pleasure. John wasn’t far behind you and soon came within you, stilling his movements, you panted as he breathed heavily against your neck.

The water was now ice cold, but you didn’t care. You remained like this for a while, your limbs clinging to John and his to you. He trailed kisses along your neck and jaw, murmuring small apologies against your skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite Kait calling me a bitch in Discord, I still decided to add the smut. (you're on thin ice, Kait, one more slip up and there will be no smut for anyone lol)


	46. Chapter 46

If you thought life in Hope County was boring as fuck, then bunker life was at least 100 times worse. You and three men in a small concrete enclosure, one of whom you hated. You avoided Joseph, you couldn’t stand to look at him and honestly you were waiting for John to tell you he had died, but that news didn’t come.

You had resorted to sparring with Jacob for entertainment. It wasn’t terrible and at least it was something to do. You invited John to join you but he declined pretty quickly, he knew you’d end up with him in a head lock making him hit himself. Which to be fair, was probably right.

“You’re not paying attention.” Jacob called out to you before he punched you in the stomach, sending you to the ground.

“Fucker.” You groaned as you stood back up.

“You should be paying attention.” He retorted as he waited for you to scramble to your feet.

You stood up but doubled over again in pain, making Jacob come to your aide immediately.

“You okay?” He bent over to check on you.

Just as he was preoccupied, you brought your knee up into his chest and pushed him to the floor.

“Oh, should have been paying attention.” You paced around him confidently. He grabbed your ankle and pulled your leg out from under you, bringing you to the floor with him.

He rolled over on top of you and pinned your arms above your head, his weight pushing down on you.

“Didn’t know cheating was allowed.” He settled against you.

“With you cheating is always on the table. You’re a big fucking wall.” You squirmed beneath him.

He grinned before leaning in to kiss you, his lips hovering over yours. You moved to close the distance, but he pulled back, just out of your reach.

“Fucker.” You strained to reach him.

He finally gave in and pressed his lips to yours, pushing his tongue between your lips and settling between your legs. You moved your hips up against him, feeling his cock harden between you.

“Does this mean I win?” He spoke against your lips.

“No, it means you cheat. Now fuck me.” You wiggled beneath him, thrust your hips against his.

Jacob let out a low laugh at your actions, before using his other hand to slip under the waistband of your sweatpants and tease you through your panties. His fingers rubbed against you over your underwear until they were soaked. He kissed and nipped at your neck as his other hand held your wrists above your head firmly.

“Come on, Jake…” You begged breathlessly.

“I want to hear you beg me to fuck you, beg me to devour your sweet little body.” He growled against your skin before sinking his teeth into you.

You held your tongue; you didn’t want to give him that kind of satisfaction. He smiled against you when he noticed your sudden silence. He pressed his fingers against your clit, making you buck your hips into his hand, but you still held back.

He released your hands and removed his hand from your panties in one swift motion. He grabbed your waist and turned you over on your stomach. He grabbed the waistband of your pants and panties and yanked them down to your ankles, leaving you bare to him. You heard the telltale sounds of him undoing his belt and tried to look back, but he placed his hand on the back of your head and pushed your face to the ground. He straddled his legs on either side of your thighs before lining his cock up with your center from behind.

“If you won’t beg then you don’t get to cum.” He slid the tip of his cock between your slick folds before pressing the tip into your center.

You stretched around him as he entered you slowly, filling you completely. His hand was still heavy on your head, pressing your face to the floor and keeping you from looking back. You tried to move and squirm out of his grasp but you were helpless. Once fully seated inside you he pulled out slowly before slamming into you hard.

One word slipped from your lips, “fuck…”

“God you feel amazing, so perfect, so wet for me.” He commented as he fucked you against the floor.

“Jake…” You moaned and pleaded.

“Yes?” He pulled out slowly and thrust into you hard again.

“Faster.”

“You’re in no position to be making demands.” He slowed his pace and dragged his cock against your walls as he pulled out again, then slowly pushing back into you.

After a few minutes you were clawing at the floor, needing your release, but each time you neared it he would stop, pulling you back from the edge. Over and over, fucking you relentlessly, then slowing down again.

“Jake…” You whined.

“Yes, sweetheart?” He waited for those words he knew you’d say.

“Please… Jake… Please fuck me!” You shouted.

He smirked before grabbing your hips and slamming into you over and over, fucking you against the cold hard floor, giving you what you wanted. He felt you clenching around him already and picked up his pace.

You came around him loudly moaning his name, your body shaking beneath him, bringing him to his own release within you. He pumped in and out of you a few more times before pulling out completely and looking down at the mess he had made between your legs.

“If I had known this was the workout I wouldn’t have declined.” John spoke from the doorway.

“You have to win to get this.” Jacob pushed his cum back inside you as it dripped out.

“No, you have to cheat.” You looked back at him and grinned.

At least you could say the sex was still amazing with John and Jacob, they took turns fucking you on every surface in the bunker. If you were being honest, you always made a point to be a little louder, hoping Joseph would hear you getting pounded by his brothers. It was a small victory for you, but you’d take it.


	47. Chapter 47

_“Kill me. Do it.” Joseph begged you with the knife thrust against his chest, your hand trembling._

_“I-I can’t.” You choked out as tears spilled down your cheeks._

_“Pathetic.”_

You woke up with sweat pouring from your body, your heart racing. You sat up and rubbed the sleep from your eyes, wondering how many nights these dreams would plague you. The floor was cold on your feet as you made your way to the door, unsure of what time it was. You walked quietly down the hall, as had become your nightly ritual. You stopped just outside his door before opening it slowly and peering inside.

He lay in the bed, pale, weak. You tiptoed into the room and stood next to his bed, his stillness gave you hope, hope that he had died in the night. You knew you’d never get that lucky, especially when he coughed and asked for water with a crack in his voice.

His eyes opened barely and looked at you, focusing on your frame. He reached out to you and asked for water again, this time more desperate.

“Joseph, you’re awake?” John broke your stare as he entered the room and ran to his brother’s side.

You remained silent as John tended to Joseph, you knew what the dreams meant, you knew what you wanted to do, but would you ever really be able to do it? You left the room without a word, running into Jacob in the hallway.

“He conscious again?” He nodded towards the room.

“Yeah, better get in there before he goes out again.” You answered monotoned.

“I’ll let John sit with him this time. Come on.” He walked past you.

You followed without hesitation, not like you had anywhere else to go.

He entered one of the common area rooms, empty besides a few crates. You stopped behind him and waited for whatever he was going to show you.

“Why haven’t you done it yet?” He asked as he turned to you.

“Done what?”

“Don’t play with me. I’ve had the same dreams you have; I know the look. I know the voices whispering in your ear, I know the pain behind your eyes. How many nights have you woken up in a sweat, unable to go back to sleep?”

Your heart raced, there was no way he knew about the dreams or any of it. You hadn’t told him or John.

“Keep pretending like you don’t know what I’m talking about. You know eventually you’re going to break. Don’t forget I fought a similar war within myself.” He moved to leave the room.

“Will they stop?” Your voice was small.

“Do you want them to?” He stared down at you.

Tears swelled in your eyes as you thought about the freedom, the release you’d have if you just did it, if you killed Joseph. Then you thought about Jacob and John, what would they do to you? How would they react?

“You don’t have to decide right now, but soon, or the dreams will get worse.” He placed his hands on your shoulders as you brought your gaze up to meet his.

He pulled you into his embrace and held you for a moment while you cried, you could be free of this pain but would it be replaced with regret? You wanted to go back, back to the happier times, before all of this bullshit.

“You should talk to him.” Jacob finally spoke, breaking the silence.

“You’re fucking joking, right?” You looked up at him.

“Not at all.”

“You want me to go talk to him? To the man who kidnapped me, torture me, and tried to fucking sacrifice me?” You pulled away from him, surely, he had to be insane.

“Can’t leave you any worse off than you are now. Besides, maybe it’ll help you make that decision.”

You stood there seething for a moment before you realized he was right. You had questions and you needed answers.

“Goddamn it.” You stormed out of the room and headed for Joseph.

You stood in the doorway to see John sitting next to his bed, letting him sip water from a plastic cup. Joseph looked so powerless, frail.

“I need to talk to him.” You finally spoke, catching both of their attention.

“He needs to rest some more. Maybe-“

“No, now.” You demanded, taking another step into the room.

John turned to Joseph who remained silent but nodded his head. John placed the cup down and strode past you, giving you a worried look.

You moved closer to Joseph, your eyes roaming over his body as he lay there. You grabbed the back of the chair John was sitting in and pulled it away from the bed before sitting down. You had thousands of questions to ask him, but none of them were coming to mind in this moment, only one thing was on your mind.

“How are you feeling?” The question turned sour in your mouth as you asked, you fought with yourself about caring for him and hating him.

“In pain, but not any more than you are.” He said weakly as he looked up at you.

“I think I’m going to kill you.” You fidgeted with your hands without looking up at him.

“O-okay.” His voice was still hoarse.

“I’m not sure if I can though.”

Joseph looked up at you, as your eyes met his you could feel the hatred building again, but something else was there as well, a small ache in your heart at the sight before you. Joseph reached out and placed his weak hand on your knee.

“Do it.” His eyes begged you.

“No, you don’t get to take this away from me. You don’t get to turn this into a mercy killing.” You jumped up out of the chair and moved out of his reach.

“You fucked with my head, you made me love you. Then you took it all away so quickly, I was happy, I finally had a small bit of happiness in my miserable life and you took it all away!” You shouted, tears streaming down your face for the second time today.

“I-I’m sor-“

“No! Don’t you fucking say it, do not apologize to me. It’s too late for that bullshit.” Your head swam with confusion and conflict. You wanted to end his life so badly, but you also wanted to spare him. You sank down to the floor and began to cry, all of it was too much, too much to handle.

Just then, Jacob entered the room and saw you in the floor. He bent down to pick you up, cradling you against his chest as he left the room. Could you do it? Would you actually be strong enough to end his life and live with yourself afterwards?


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With two more chapters left, I have to say I am sad to see this come to an end. I really have enjoyed writing this story and I am so thankful for everyone who has read it and found some kind of happiness from it. Thank you guys, I wouldn't have continued this long if it wasn't for your support and appreciation.

“Does John know?” You asked Jacob as you sat perched on his bed.

“He’s so wrapped up in everyone being okay and surviving that he hasn’t noticed yet. You gonna tell him?” He glanced at you and then back to the knife he was sharpening.

“Should I?” You hadn’t even made a decision either way yet, but you didn’t want to keep this from him.

“That’s your call. But it’s better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.”

You sat in silence for a bit before heading back to your room. You wondered why Jacob was being so easy going about this whole thing, about you killing his brother. You remembered a time where he wouldn’t have thought twice about slitting your throat in your sleep for a half of a sandwich, but now he’s openly talking with you about killing Joseph without blinking an eye.

“Hey, can you do me a favor?” John broke your concentration.

“Uh, sure, what is it?” You welcomed the distraction from your thoughts.

“Could you sit with Joseph? We need to keep him conscious for as long as we can and I need to make him something to eat.” His request made you want to run back to Jacob for protection, he knew how you felt and would hopefully be able to get you out of it.

“I uh-“

“Please? Just for a minute?” John looked exhausted; he had taken on the majority of the responsibilities with Joseph. He never would have asked you to help if he didn’t sincerely need it.

“How long?” You wanted to spend as little time with him as possible.

“Just a few minutes, I’ll be quick.”

You followed him down the hall and stood in the doorway, determined not to get any closer than that. Your last encounter with Joseph didn’t go really well.

“You don’t have to stay.” His voice was still hoarse.

“I promised John I would.” You felt yourself being pulled into the room, you still had questions that needed answering.

“He’s trying his best to fix this, he always does. Even as a child he would try to fix our parents. But that only earned him a hard backhand and no dinner.” He coughed slightly and winced at the pain.

You knew a little about their childhood, but not much. You understood why they didn’t talk about it, much like the reason you never talked about yours.

“Did he not learn after a few times that he couldn’t fix everything?” You moved further into the room.

“His heart was bigger than his brain then, he was still hopeful.”

“And now?”

“I guess we never fully rid ourselves of our childhood tendencies.”

Silence fell over the room as you sat down in the chair next to the bed. Joseph was never really this forthcoming about their past, you wondered if the haze of his insanity had lifted when he was shot.

“Do you still think I’m the devil?”

Joseph scoffed, “I never thought you were the devil. I thought you were the downfall of my family, my vision.”

“What do you think about me now?”

“I think I was the downfall of my family. I got in my own way and destroyed the things I loved.”

“You were right though, everything you said would happen, did.”

Joseph shifted his body to where he could see you better, “I was right, but I was also wrong. I thought this needed to happen to bond my family, to connect us to one another in the new world. In the process of trying to save everyone, I lost everyone.” You could see the anguish on his face, the disappointment he felt for being right.

“What happened at the end? With trying to- the sacrifice?”

“I was… confused. After that day at the lake, with the Baptisms and the church, I started to dwell on things. I mistook our love for you as obsession, as lust, and I let doubt fill my mind. It festered into paranoia and on from there. That’s the best explanation I have.”

You started to ask him another question when he began coughing uncontrollably. You rushed to get him some water and placed the cup up to his lips. You helped him sit up and drink, you were surprised by how quickly you fell into old habits again. Once he had calmed and was able to lie back, you stepped away from him. You were more confused now than ever.

“He okay?” John startled you.

“Yeah, fine.” You left quickly without another word.

Your room seemed colder now, emptier, lonelier even though nothing had changed. You paced and chewed on your nails as you thought about what he had said. Was he fucking with you or was it real? He seemed apologetic, but then again he also convinced hundreds of people he heard the voice of God. How could you believe a word he said when he’s been manipulating everyone for so long? There was one question that continued in your mind more than the others, could you love him again?

You tried to sleep, but your mind raced. You decided to walk around the bunker to tire yourself out. You approached Joseph’s room and decided to avoid it altogether. You turned down the corridor to the left and ran into John.

“Shit, you scared the fuck out of me.” You held your hand over your heart as you tried to breathe normally.

“Sorry. Can’t sleep?”

“Nope. You?” You could see the dark circles beneath his eyes, you knew he was tired.

“Not really.” He looked away from you as if something was on his mind, like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t.

“You’re welcome to pace with me, I could use the company.” You smiled slightly at him, wondering what he was holding in.

You started to walk together, at first further apart, then closer, and finally next to each other, your hands touching. His fingers laced with yours and you felt him relax in your touch.

“What has you so wound up?” You finally asked, you were tired of dancing around the questions you had.

He stopped and turned to you, “how do I fix this?” his eyes searched yours for an answer.

“It’s not that simple, John. He tried to-“

“I know what he did, and I know you’ll probably never forgive him, but you’re distant. You’ve pulled away from me, you don’t stay in my bed, you don’t say more than two words to me, but you talk with Jacob constantly.” You could see the tears threatening his tired eyes.

“John, it’s not that, it’s just-“

“When you look at me all I see is sadness and unspoken words.”

You cupped his face and stared up at him, his vulnerability was killing you. You wanted to tell him, but he wouldn’t understand.

“I’m sorry.” Was all you could manage before pressing your lips to his, repeating the words over and over again as you kissed him.

He pushed you against the wall and held you in his arms, deepening the kiss. You missed this softness with him, for a man so arrogant and cut off, he always seemed to pour his emotions into each and every kiss.

“We should go to your room.” He spoke between kisses.

“No, yours.” You clung to him, wrapping your legs around his waist.

Fuck Joseph, fuck the dreams, you were tired of running yourself ragged thinking about the whole situation. You wanted John, you wanted to enjoy the time you had with him and damn everything else going on. He held you as he walked, letting you continue your assault on his body, kissing your way across his jaw.

He groaned when you sunk your teeth into his earlobe, speeding up a bit so he could get you undressed and writhing beneath him. He walked into his room and slammed the door behind him, tossing you down on the bed. You let out a small giggle and watched as he relaxed even more, everything had been so heavy and gloomy, he missed having light moments with you.

He crawled over your body and removed your clothes with ease, standing back up and looking down at you, his gaze making you squirm.

“You gonna fuck me or just stare at me?” You grinned up at him.

“Just taking it all in, my dear.” He pulled his shirt off and unzipped his pants.

He pounced on you and lavished your body with soft, wet kisses, his beard scratching against your skin as he went. He pushed your legs open with his knee and settled between your thighs. He paused for a moment, staring down at you, looking into your eyes.

“I still want to know what you’re sorry for, but it can wait until you’re ready to tell me.”

Before you could answer he grabbed your thighs and eased into you, filling you completely. You moaned loudly, you needed this more than you realized. John relaxed on top of you, his face mere inches from yours as he kissed you gently, brushing his lips against your flushed cheeks as he slowly started to move. Each time you moaned into his ear he fought back the urge to go fast. He wanted this to last because he feared he was losing you.

You wrapped your arms around him as he moved, digging your fingers into his shoulders. He placed one of your legs over his shoulder so he could reach deeper within you. The slow, rhythmic movements of his hips drove you crazy, you wanted him to speed up but continue this pace at the same time.

“John I-“ You panted and squirmed beneath him.

“Just let go.” He spoke softly against your lips.

A slow wave of pleasure rolled through your body as he continued, he didn’t stop or change his pace, he fucked you through it and held you as your body trembled. He kissed your lips and your neck, listening to each soft pant and breathy moan you let out.

You grabbed his face and brought it back up to yours, capturing his lips and kissing him passionately. You realized he had no plans on stopping anytime soon, he was going to live in this moment as long as he could and you were perfectly content with that.


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter after this. I am so so sad to see this end but it must. Thank you all so much for reading and interacting with me on the chapters and characters you loved and hated.

Waking up wrapped in a very naked John wasn’t the worst thing about the end of the world. Honestly, you half wished it was always like this, but you knew it couldn’t be. You shifted beside him, trying to wake him or at least urge him to release you. He groaned and mumbled something incoherent about coffee, which made you smile and roll your eyes at the same time. He had pretty much exhausted himself last night and probably wouldn’t be waking up without some kind of assistance. You slid out of the bed and quickly got dressed, heading to the kitchen to find some coffee.

For a brief moment you were able to remember what it was like before, to be happy without worry. Those moments didn’t last long out there in the world, but maybe they could down here. You waltzed into the kitchen happily and started rummaging through the cabinets.

“You’re in a good mood.” Jacob’s voice startled you from the table and caused you to barely catch the mugs before they fell from the shelf.

“Shit, don’t you ever let someone know you’re there without scaring the fuck out of them?”

“You should be more aware of your surroundings.”

“You shouldn’t sit silently in kitchens waiting on unsuspecting victims.” You shot back.

He pushed his chair back and stood up, making his way to you. You were aware of his footsteps but you remained turned around, working on making the coffee for John and yourself. You knew his intentions immediately when his hands rested on your hips from behind and he nuzzled his face against the side of your neck.

“I’m trying to make coffee for your brother.”

He grumbled against your neck, “seems like he’s getting all the attention.”

“Didn’t peg you for the jealous type, Jake.” You teased him, pushing your ass back against his groin.

His fingers dug into your hips as he pressed you against the counter, “I can be very jealous if I want to.”

He started to kiss your neck as his hands roamed up your sides to your breasts. He toyed with your nipples through your shirt until they were hard enough for him to pinch and roll between his fingers.

“I can be quite possessive too.” His teeth grazed down the side of your neck before he sunk them into the soft flesh.

He tugged at your sweatpants, pulling them down just past your ass and leaving you bare to him. His hands squeezed your ass as he pressed himself against you. You decided John’s coffee would have to wait for now. You reached back behind you and palmed over the bulge in his pants, making him growl against your neck. In one swift move he pushed your hands away and unzipped his pants. He placed his hand on your back and pushed you down onto the counter, kicking your feet apart at the same time. He entered you without warning and grabbed your hips once more.

He drove into you hard and rough, letting all of his frustrations pour into you. You could feel how much he needed you in this moment. Your chest was pressed against the counter as he continued, never slowing down or going easy.

“Jacob, Jesus- fuck” You mumbled a string of words, barely able to form a decent sentence as he fucked you.

He no longer felt the need to be soft with you, he knew you were getting back to your old self and that’s what he loved. He could fuck you senseless and you’d still wrap your arms around him and kiss him softly. You felt yourself getting close as you moaned and held onto the counter.

“Fuck-“ He growled as he came deep within you. He continued to drive into you until you found your release as well.

His grip on your hips loosened as he pulled out of you, letting his cum drip down your legs.

“Couldn’t you have brought my coffee first?” A very annoyed and irritated John stood in the doorway.

“Sorry, Jake can be pretty persuasive when he wants to be.” You smiled back at him as you pushed yourself off the counter.

“Can you take Joseph some breakfast?” He shuffled past you and grabbed a mug.

“I, uh-“ You glanced up at Jacob who offered no help.

“Just some juice and a piece of toast?” John asked again, sensing your unease.

“Sure.” You agreed even though you would rather not start your day full of his brother’s cum and serving him food.

You headed down the hallway towards his room and took a deep breath before entering.

“I have some breakfast for you.”

When he didn’t speak you assumed he was still asleep, when you glanced over to him and didn’t see him breathing, you started to panic. You dropped the tray of food and rushed over to him. You placed two fingers on the side of his neck to check his pulse, it was weak.

“Joseph?” You held his face and listened for him to speak. You didn’t know why, but you still cared, he couldn’t die like this.

“Joseph, please-“ You struggled with yourself, with your feelings.

You wanted him to die, to suffer for everything he’s put you through, but there was still something in you that wanted to love him again. You hated yourself for that small piece of hope, of love, but you couldn’t deny it. You felt your heart sinking the longer he remained unresponsive to you.

“What’s wrong?” John entered the room and rushed towards you when he saw you hovering over Joseph.

“He isn’t waking up, his pulse-“ You stepped back, looking over to Jacob who stood in the doorway.

He half wanted to ask if you’d finally made a choice, but he decided against it in front of John.

“Joseph, wake up.” John tapped him and felt his forehead, clammy but burning to the touch. Jacob made his way towards the bed next to John.

You stepped back as you watched the two brothers tending to Joseph, their love for him never wavering. You leaned back against the wall and wondered if you would have felt like this had you not spoken with him before. Everything seemed more complex and conflicting than ever and at this point you weren’t sure what the fuck to do. Maybe God was making your choice for you?


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started writing this story I had no clear end in mind, I honestly wanted it to last forever. I've enjoyed writing the ups and downs, the smut, the angst, and all of the heartbreak. I've really appreciated all of the support and comments from everyone who has stuck by and watched this story unfold. Thank you to all of you, I'm grateful for you all.

Your room felt a little colder than usual, a little emptier, and a little lonelier. You paced, trying to keep your mind occupied on something, anything else than the possibility of losing him. A knock at your door pulled you back to the present. Jacob held his gaze to the floor as he walked in.

“How is he?” You chewed on your fingernail waiting for his response.

He finally looked up at you, “he doesn’t understand. Give him some space, he’ll come around.”

“I didn’t mean- maybe I should talk to him.” You started towards the door but Jacob stopped you, grabbing you by your shoulders.

“I have to tell him, I have to explain-“

He shook his head, “give him time.”

Your heart sank in your chest, you never meant to hurt John like this. If you’d just explained everything before he wouldn’t be hating you right now, he wouldn’t be blaming you for Joseph’s death. Jacob wrapped his arms around you and held you for a while, both of you remained silent in that moment, thinking about everything that had transpired in the last 24 hours.

“Well?” You looked up hopeful as Jacob and John exited Joseph’s room.

“He has a pretty bad infection, I can’t be certain, but I think it’s spread to his blood.” Jacob glanced at John, worried about how he was going to handle this.

“Can we do something? There has to be something.” You asked.

“I, uh, we have to let his body fight it off. We can give him fluids and make him comfortable, but-“ Jacob watched as John took off down the hall without a word.

“He isn’t doing well with this.” Jacob kept his voice low.

“I’ll talk to him.” You reassured him and headed towards John.

You approached his room and knocked on the open door, waiting for a response but never getting one.

“Are you alright?” You stepped in to see John sitting on the edge of his bed.

“Did I ever tell you about our father?”

“Um, no, I don’t think so.” You walked over and sat next to him, content with talking about whatever he wanted to.

“He wasn’t a kind man, not even a man really. When I was a kid, I used to think God was testing us, seeing what we could endure and if we’d stay true.” He hung his head and refused to look at you.

“He loved his liquor, but he loved his belt more. None of us were safe from his wrath.”

You started to get a clearer picture of them and how they grew up, the things that influenced them.

“But Joseph, he would protect us, even Jake. He would take the beatings we were supposed to get. He threw himself at his feet every time he came at us. He never cried or screamed, he took every lash without a word, no matter how much he bled.” John’s voice trembled and a silence fell over him.

You placed your hand on his back, hoping to soothe him somewhat. You had never seen him this broken, not even over you when you left or when you got hurt. He suddenly turned and wrapped his arms around you, clinging to you.

“I want to take this away, take his pain like he took mine.” He sobbed against you.

You felt your heart breaking for him, he truly loved his brothers, they were all he had left and if he lost Joseph then it would only crush him more. You held him in your arms and beat yourself up for ever trying to sway his view of Joseph. They had all been through so much, it was no wonder they were so fucked up. But they were close, closer than most siblings.

The night wore on, John withdrew into himself and remained silent after his confession. You tried to get him to eat, but he refused.

“He eat?” Jacob asked as you walked back into the kitchen.

“No, he wouldn’t even speak. He’s taking this really hard. How are you holding up?”

Jacob sighed and leaned against the counter, “You know, bottling it up until I can take it out on someone else later.” He tried to give you a half smirk.

You grabbed his face and pulled him down closer to you, “I’m here to talk or spar, whatever you need.”

He wrapped his arms around you and hugged you to his body, squeezing a little tighter than normal, his way of letting you know he was having a hard time. Jacob was never as open or verbal about his feelings as John, it was usually communicating through grunts or arguments.

You wondered what they would be like without Joseph, how things would change between the three of you. You decided to check on Joseph and possibly gain some insight. Jacob went back to the empty room where you sparred, punching the sand filled bags into the night. You stepped lightly as you entered Joseph’s room, you could hear the fluid building up in his lungs by the way he wheezed slightly when he breathed.

“Joseph?” You kept your voice low as you neared his bed.

“Didn’t think you’d come back.” His voice was hoarse.

“I wanted to see how you were doing.” You sat in the chair next to him.

“Death is more painful than we’re led to believe.”

You watched as he struggled with each breath, his skin was pale and his body weak. He was no longer the man who broke you, the man who pulled you into the darkness with him and his brothers.

“John, how-“ He coughed.

“He doesn’t know how to handle it. You prepared them for the new world, but forgot to show them how to live in it without you.”

He sighed, “They’ll be fine without me. They have you.”

“I’m not you, Joseph. They need you, more than you realize.” You dropped your gaze from him and fidgeted with your fingers.

“Would we have been happy?” You peered up at him.

“Happy?”

“It’s been bothering me a lot recently, I guess with everything that’s happened. If I would have had the child, do you think things would be different? Happier?”

He shifted in the bed, trying to sit up a little better, “You would have made a wonderful mother, but-“ He paused for a moment, deciding whether he should continue.

“We would not have made good fathers.”

You felt a sadness wash over you at the confession, Joseph knew he and his brothers weren’t fit to be parents, he thought their past had robbed them of that. During your time with them you had learned a lot, but the most important thing was that they were rarely vulnerable in front of you and so far you’d had all three of them showing their insecurities in one day. You reached for Joseph and placed your hand on his, he was dying, there was no way around it, the least you could do is show a dying man some affection.

“I wish things had been different.” He looked over at you.

“Me too.” You smiled weakly, feeling the conflict within you start to melt away at the sight of his feeble form.

You sat for a while, Joseph drifting in and out of consciousness, his temperature still high from what you could feel in the heat radiating off of him. No one came in, no one bothered you, honestly you preferred it this way. Suddenly, Joseph coughed and jolted awake, his hands reaching for his throat as he struggled to breathe.

“Here, sip this.” You clambered for a cup of water, helping him sit up.

You held it up to his lips and let him sip it slowly, still coughing and trying to fill his lungs with air. He collapsed back on the bed breathless and wheezing.

“Is there something I can do?” You leaned over him.

He grabbed your wrist and pulled you closer, “end this, please?”

His eyes watered as he stared up at you, begging for a release from the pain he was in.

“What? Joseph, I can’t-“ You tried to pull away but he held firm.

“Please, I can’t do this, I can’t die slowly.” His voice trembled, the fear in his eyes told you he was serious.

You looked down at him, could you really take his life? It wasn’t like you hadn’t thought about it before, for so long you’d wanted to end his life, but now-

“I’m sorry, joseph, but I don’t-“

He pulled you down closer, his strength wavering, you could have easily pulled free but you didn’t want to hurt him in doing so.

“I’ve done terrible things, not only to you, but so many people. I’m giving you the chance for revenge, please?” Tears rolled down his cheeks.

He reached over to the table beside the bed and grabbed Jacob’s hunting knife, placing it in your hand and guiding your hand over his chest. The knife felt heavy in your hands, the weight of what he wanted was pushing down on you.

You tried to move your hand away but he clasped both hands around it, “I’m not worthy of this kindness, I know that. But I’m asking you to end this and spare yourself anymore suffering at my hand.”

Memories flashed through your mind, your first kiss with Joseph in John’s basement, when he took you to the field he meditated in, how he cared for you and watched out for you. Then the way he responded to your love for John, sending you away, driving the wedge between you and John. When he promised to love you after you got shot and show you how sorry he was, slow dancing in the Veteran’s Center, and the day he came for you, ripping you from John’s arms and throwing you in the bunker. The torture, the manipulation, the pain. You felt the tightness in your chest and moved to straddle him on the bed. Your tears fell in puddles on his bare chest as you hovered over him, your decision made.

You considered letting this moment pass in silence, but he deserved to know the truth, what you had learned and kept to yourself.

You held the knife against his skin and leaned close to him, “the baby was yours” you whispered as you forced the knife down into his heart.

His eyes went wide as he looked up at you, his hand reaching for your face before falling to the bed.

“What did you do?!” The panicked shout from John pulled your attention to the door.

You turned around, your tears now flowing full force, Joseph’s blood pooling and covering your hands.

“John, I-“

The next few moments were a blur, John rushed towards you and pulled you off Joseph, throwing you to the floor and trying to stop the bleeding. You scrambled away from the bed, murmuring ‘sorry’ as you cried. You felt Jacob’s arms wrap around you and lift you from the floor as he carried you out into the hallway, leaving you while he went back in the room. You could hear John shouting and sobbing for Joseph, fighting to save his brother’s life, the life you’d taken so easily.

Jacob’s embrace was comforting, keeping the pain at bay for the moment. You could still hear the echoes of John’s cries in your head.

8 years later

 “It’s not like I did it on purpose, he’s just weak.”

Jacob sighed, “accident or not, you need to apologize to him.”

“Fine, but if he starts crying again, I’m leaving.”

Jacob rolled his eyes and shook his head, he knew his influence was the cause of this. He walked down the hall to make sure the apology was at least decent.

“I’m sorry.”

You glanced up to see Jacob in the doorway and looked back to her, “and what exactly are you sorry for?”

She sighed and crossed her arms, “I’m sorry he’s weak and can’t take a punch.”

“That’s not an apology, try again.” Jacob urged her.

“I’m sorry, Elliot. I shouldn’t have sucker punched you when we were wrestling.” She glanced back to Jacob, seeking approval for her apology.

You nodded at him when he looked back at you, he stepped towards her, “I forgive you.”

He grabbed her and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tight. She sighed again and rolled her eyes at the sudden affection, patting his back lightly and trying to pull away. She was too much like Jacob, bright red hair and just as stubborn.

“That was very nice of you, Sam.” You glanced up at Jacob, knowing he was the one behind it.

“Come on, I’ll show you how to block a punch.” Sam grabbed Elliot’s hand and led him out of the room before you could stop them.

You stood shakily as Jacob came to help you up. The extra weight from the baby was throwing your balance off.

“Not much longer now.” His hand rested on your extended stomach.

“This one better be different from the other two, I’m not ready for another 10+ hours of labor.” You placed your hand over his.

“Me either, Elliot really didn’t want to come out.” John spoke from the doorway.

You glared at him, “I don’t see any babies ripping out of your dick hole.”

He strode towards you and caressed your cheek, “for a mother of two, you’re very vulgar.”

You threaded your fingers through his beard and pulled him close, “I earned the right to be vulgar when I agreed to give birth to your spawns.”

You kissed him swiftly and tugged on his beard, making a low groan from his throat escape his lips.

“Actions like that are why you keep giving birth to our spawns.” He grinned against your lips before deepening the kiss, his tongue slipping between your parted lips.

“Think we have time for a quick one?” You glanced at John and then Jacob.

Jacob stepped towards the door and closed it, “be quick and stay quiet.”

“You really know how to get me going.” You smirked and pulled him down, crashing your lips against his.

You felt John brushing your hair aside and kissing his way up your neck, his hands gently caressing your breasts through your dress. You moaned into Jacob’s mouth and leaned back against John as his hand slipped between your thighs, pushing your underwear down. His fingers circled your clit as you bucked against his palm. Jacob slid the strap of your dress down your shoulder as he trailed his lips down your neck and chest.

A knock at the door stopped you all in your tracks, “mommy?”

You were already breathless and panting when John pulled his hand away, “don’t stop, maybe they’ll go away.”

You paused for a moment, hoping they’d give up, but being Seed’s they were even more persistent with getting your attention and they knocked again.

“Maybe later, when they’re asleep.” John kissed your cheek as Jacob helped pull the strap of your dress back over your shoulder.

“I’m holding you both to that.” You warned and opened the door.

That little red headed girl and brown-haired boy stood at the door, big blue eyes staring up at you. As they grew you saw Jacob and John in them both, but also Joseph. You always wondered if his death cleared the negative cloud that hovered over you, finally giving you and his brothers the peace you needed to be happy. You missed him and you knew John and Jacob did as well. When they spoke of him it was a little less sad, their love for him never faltered. Joseph was not always a good man, but he loved his family like no other.


End file.
